pokerkat

My name Is Kat. I am 42 (although I rarely admit it) and My weight loss journey began 30 years ago really. I dieted for the first time at age 12 and have been yoyo-ing ever since. At my largest (330) and facing a divorce and custody battle, dropping 114 lbs seemed almost too easy. Dont get me wrong. It was hard and it took will power and major lifestyle changes, which I was all about at that time. And the exercise was therapeutic. After a two year divorce and winning custody while losing my house and all other financial assets in the settlement, I felt accomplished. I had my girls and my sanity (which transformed more than once in those two yrs) and I was a new person at 216 lbs. I was happy. I maintained my weight there for about another 3 yrs, met a wonderful man, remarried, and very gradually over the last 3 or 4 years, I've gained back every single pound.

FAIL.

I blame it on him really. Lol. At least I joke that I do. Because he loves me no matter my size and he likes to eat which returned me to my love of food. We vowed to eat healthier together and start a fitness program together. But we enjoy certain foods and choose to give in to certain cravings once in a while. So here I was yoyo-ing again. I chose the band because I felt that I needed something adjustable that I can control. I don't want to be 140 lbs at 5'7" with no chest and no butt. I like my curves. And I know a few people looking into breast implants now that they are as thin as they want to be but now have a chest that shrunk from a DD to a wrinkly B. lol. I'm not looking for more surgery. What I really want out of this is to chase my grand baby around without getting winded, to climb one single set of stairs without taking a break halfway up, to be able to chill on the floor with the dog without pain in my joints when trying to get back up, and to dress well for work without feeling uncomfortable all the time. I want to wear heels again. I have a closet full of heels and not enough balance left to make it out the front door in anything but sneakers. One major thing I want is to fit comfortably in an airplane seat without being handed a seatbelt extender. I'm extremely disappointed that those skinny b****es can tell with out even asking me that the standard seatbelt wont fit me. :( And i want to look in the mirror and see my lovely curves, unhidden by all the excess fat obliterating my waist and hips. Those are my measurable results and they have little to do with what my bathroom scale says on any given morning. I want to look and feel better without sacrificing the characteristics I love about myself. My boobs are DDD and I know at 216, they are a small DD. My goal is no less than a mid D with a little shape left to my butt... Whatever weight that ends up being. I remember at 216, I still wanted my stomach to be slightly flatter and my arms to tighten up, so If i have to apply a number, i guess my current goal is 200 with lots of weight training. Lol. I will re-evaluate from there. Everyone seems surprised by that since most want to get down to their medically recommended "ideal" weight. But i havent ever seen the medically recommended "ideal" for me so I figure if that weight means I won't recognize ME anymore, what would be the point? The very best physical parts of me would be gone and I'd be like every other chunky girl trying to be someone else. I cant define that as ideal. So I choose to keep some of my imperfecton so as not to lose the physical features I actually love about myself. I hear many people around me suggest that it's time for them to make a change because they have reached 200 lbs at about the same height as me. They are amazed when I tell them that's actually my goal weight. But what's right for one isn't the same for someone else. They may know their ideal look is below 200. I don't. I know what I don't want to lose in this process and I know what I want to gain in my daily life. When I get there, whatever the scale says at that time will be MY ideal weight. Til then, my goal is just to lose weight and see what takes shape.

So my journey continues... With a little help from my band this time. :)