mumof2boys

We are in counseling together and he is in individual counseling. I just feel that there is so much that he is still hiding. I also feel like I don't know the full story...when I ask questions, he simply says, "I don't know". WTF? How can you carry on an affair for almost two years and you don't know why? How can you not tell me what SHE had that I don't have? How can you not tell me what me her so special that you treated me like crap and your kids. I just get very frustrated. I get to the point where I don't want to talk to him at all because looking at him just sparks up anger in me even more. I'm a weirdo, I know. I get so angry. I yell at him, call him aweful names, tell him that I'm done with him. You name it. I don't know what will happen right now. However, it is good to hear that this sounds normal (as horrible as it is). Well, my friends...keep those hugs coming...they are starting to make me feel a "little" better.

Good luck with the walk. I did the 3-Day walk in Washington DC on October 3-5. It was a total of 60 miles and it was the best feeling in the world to have participated in it. I can't wait to do it again next year. I wish that I could join you this weekend but I'll be having a much needed weekend away. Best of luck to you and your team.

Hi everyone. I'm back and need some hugs. I'm having a really bad week and I'm not quite sure why. Tuesday marked six months since I found out about his affair. I'm in a bad slump and unfortunately it seems to really be taking a toll on me. I have been eating everything in sight and in fact I gained 13 pounds in two weeks. Reality hit and I lost six of them but I can't stand that this is getting the best of me. I used to feel strong and now I am feeling so weak. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I can do it myself or if I even want to. If I don't continue with my husband and find someone else later in life, who says that he won't do the same thing to me? I'm scared that I'll make the wrong decision and I'm shutting down. I didn't speak to my husband at all yesterday and didn't answer any of his calls. We emailed all day and I was a complete bitch to him. He didn't do anything to deserve it yesterday, it was just one of those days for me. I'm going away this weekend for a mother/daughter weekend at the beach and some shopping at the outlets (even though I have NO money). I think that the time away will do me good but I was just away two weeks ago for the walk and here I sit in a terrible mood. For those of you who have been through this...when am I going to start feeling better? Am I ever going to feel like the same person again? Will I come out of this a better person? Did you go through the same roller coaster that I'm on? I just wish that I could close my eyes and have all of this go away. I hate dealing with this. I want to crawl into a hole and not come out. I sound so pathetic. Well...thanks for listening guys. I'm hoping that I can come out of this funk rather quickly. I'm not letting my children see me in a funk. I'm in a good mood when I'm around them but when I'm at work I just want to shut my office door and stare at the wall. Damn...this sucks. Take care, everyone.

Thanks guys!!! I can't tell you how great it felt to go across that finish line. I was sobbing!!! I posted some pictures in an album in my profile. You can check them out if you like. You guys are the best...you keep me going when I am down and I can't thank you enough. I'm so ready to do the walk again next year. Anyone want to join me?:eek:

I DID IT!!!! Hey everyone...I did it. I walked all 60 miles in the 3-Day Breast Cancer walk. It was very rewarding and wonderful. I am planning on doing it again next year. I never thought that I would be able to do it but I did. I'm so proud of myself. I did hurt my leg...my tendons in my right leg are inflamed. I'll be alright...the bad thing...I walk 60 miles and I gain 6 pounds. What's up with that? I could only imagine how the scales would be if I walked 100 miles... Anyway...thanks for all of your support.

It's so horrible to hear of others that have gone through this. I also know that there are many more who will feel this pain after us. I cannot believe the statistics that I found. I believe it was 1 in every 3 marriages will be faced with infidelity at some point in their marriage. What is that all about? Don't people take vows seriously? If you want to mess around with others, why bother getting married...stay single and sleep with whoever you want but don't be doing that while married to me and risk my health. OK...enough venting for today, it just makes me mad that so many people have to deal with this pain. It's downright terrible. So...we had a pretty good weekend. We had a date Saturday night. We hired a babysitter and we went out to dinner and then hung out at a bar and played pool. We had a great time. Then, of course yesterday it was all about watching the Redskins whip up on the Cowboys. (GO SKINS!!!) So, we're getting there but I find myself holding my sadness in because I can tell that he is deeply depressed. I cry when I'm in the shower or when I'm in a room by myself. I can't help it sometimes. I'm concerned at how I will be starting Friday with doing the 3-Day Walk. I am going to be wondering what he's doing all the time. Plus...I can't use my cell phone while walking (it's one of the rules). Luckily, my sister-in-law is waking with me so I'll have someone to talk to. For now, I don't know how to convince him to get to a doctor for his depression. It is getting really bad. I'm not trying to be selfish but I need some help getting through this too and I can't turn to him when he's in this state. I can't even ask questions because I don't know how he will react. It's driving me crazy. What do I do? Thanks to everyone once again for your friendship, donations to my walk, words of wisdom and for listening to my venting. You all are so great!

Anne, I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through the same thing. It sure is painful, isn't it? However, it's very good to hear that you and your husband are doing well and happier than ever. I have to ask...do you still have triggers? I fear that they will never go away and sometimes they are very bad and send me into huge panic attacks. They are aweful and there are quite a few things that trigger me. I know that it's still fairly new for me and that it's going to take a very long time to move forward but I was just curious...how long did it take you to get over the triggers, if you ever did. Thanks!