sacredheart

Hi there. I'm 38 years old and had lap band surgery in 2000. Pretty much always been overweight and very unhappy with my body. I was placed on the elective surgery waiting list in Melbourne(VIC, Australia) over 8 years ago for arm lift, breast reduction and tummy tuck. I had my breast lift and arm lift done 12 months ago (Aug 2012). I am so very happy with my breasts, I love them now. However, I am really upset at the way my arms turned out as they are still very heavy and saggy. They were terrible before surgery (surgeon took 12cm off each arm). I borrowed $5600.00 to have liposuction on my arms before the arm lift as the surgeon said there was too much fat in them for a lift to be of any great benefit. I had the lipo done and the lipo dr thought that they would cut out the saggy part underneath so he did the upside of my arms. Before the surgery there were concerns that my arms had too much fat underneath still and that they may sag again. My surgeon reassured me that if that did occur, she would perform a revision to correct that. I went in to discuss that and now she's saying she doesn't want to do the revision. My lipo dr said he's happy to redo more lipo to correct his part of it but he wants to speak to the surgeon first to clarify exactly what they need done. Both him and the surgeon are of the opinion that I am being too "picky" and that my expectations are unrealisitc. I haven't stopped crying since they said they won't do the revision because I do not have the money to pay for the surgery so will be stuck with fat, saggy arms AND thick red scars because the weight in my arms has stretched them! I don't care about scars but to still have the large unsightly arms AND the scars is uinacceptable to me. The depression I feel about this has been overwhelming. I'm struggling immensely and am contacting a psychologist who specialises in body image therapy to try to help with that. I'm tired of feeling so ashamed of myself and no one understands how I feel. I have been single for most of my life as I am so self conscious about my body that I can't relax and just be myself. I've dated some lovely men, but due to my poor self image I haven't been able to feel comfortable enough to be myself, I feeze up emotionally and just can't get past the way I feel about myself! I've become obsessed with having surgery as I feel like I can't keep living with this misery and lonliness any longer. Last week I was booked in to have my abdominoplasty on October 7th, which has been a life saver. When the surgeon refused my revision, she also said she didn't want to do my tummy tuck because she feels that I've had enough of a go with the public system and that I have unrealistic expectations! She also said that I'm not even on the waiting list anymore. I broke down at the hospital when she told me this as I was devastated. They then booked me in to see a different surgeon who will do the procedure for me. I wrote a letter to the hospital explaining that I was told that I'd be given revision surgery for my arms and was then refused, and I'm waiting to hear back from them regarding that. I'm feeling really torn between feeling ungrateful and being unable to accept this result for my arms. I know that in another 12 months or so they'll be back to the way they were before because the sagging only gets worse - as many of us on here well know. In addition to the tummy tuck, I also need to have a lower body lift (at the back and a thigh lift so I still need to borrow at LEAST $10,000.00 for those. That will be another 12 months - at least IF I can even manage to do that. I'm hoping the tummy tuck makes me feel a lot better about myself because I'm really struggling at the moment. Does anyone else feel this bad about themselves? I've attached a pic of my arms and breasts which was taken half an hour ago (12 months post op) so you can see the results. Does anyone think I am overreacting about how bad my arms still look? I am absolutely devastated! I would really love to start up a foundation for people like us who need surgery after weight loss to provide both support for each other and funding for people who cannot afford it. I know that if I was unable to get on that waiting list 8 years ago I probably wouldn't be here now. It's been the only thing keeping me hopeful that I will feel good about myself........one day. I'm so lucky that I had this and I realise not everyone is so lucky. I'm so glad that I found this forum too and that there are others who understand the intensity of the emotional and physical pain and sufferring we endure every day. Thank you all so much for being so brave to share your stories, pictures, strength and support on here. It has given me the strength to do the same :-)

Thanks so much for your kind, encouraging messages and words beautiful ladies. It's been so helpful to be able to express my feelings and offload all that shame and negativity I've kept inside for so long! I've made some very positive progress since my last post. I have some really exciting things happenning (and some amazing things to share with you all) and will post all about them sometime during the next few days....... :-D xxx

I live in Victoria, Australia. We have a waiting list at public hospitals for elective surgery which is required (recommended by a specialist). I have been waiting over 8 years but I had no other choice as I have not been able to afford to fund it myself. Worth looking into :-)

Mine were covered due to the psychological affect it has on me. If you suffer from major depression and anxiety due to the extra skin a psychologist / psychiatrist can refer you to a surgeon and recommend surgery. This may enable you to be placed on a public list or at least your insurance will cover it then.

I put this comment on another persons post in response to someone who said that the surgery looks too painful to endure. This may help to understand why so many of go to the extreme of having surgery…….. Yes, this surgery is extremely painful but is a walk in the park compared to the emotional pain associated with having loose skin and flab. I actually had liposuction to my arms before the surgery (different doctor) and I couldn't afford the extra $1500.00 for an anaesthetic so I felt the rod get shoved into the cuts they made in my skin and I felt them move it up and down while they inserted the fluid. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced! I am going back to have the same procedure again in a different area of my arms and I know exactly what I'm in for. People really don't understand how debilitating it is to feel this bad nor do they have any idea of the emotional agony we endure - some more than others. Maybe the fact that we are willing to go though such physical agony in order to heal the emotional trauma can put some perspective on that. If I had to go through that pain every day off my life just to feel better about myself I wouldn't hesitate for a second! That may seem extreme to some people but personally I would trade physical pain for emotional pain anyday! Those who experience mental illness and depression will understand where I'm coming from. Wouldn't wish this upon anyone.

Thank you for you comments. Cheryl I do understand your way of thinking and that's why I have the inner struggle........am I being unrealistic and ungrateful or am I justified in feeling so disappointed and completely devastated? Hazelsbliss..........your comment made me cry! You are the first person who seems to "get it". It means so much to have someone say that they understand. Some people probably think I harp on about how miserable I am with my body for the attention or something. They really don't understand that I cannot accept myself as I am and that I don't even have a life due to feeling this way. I barely even leave the house because of the way I feel. I've tried so hard to love and accept myself even just enough so that I can allow and believe that someone else could love me the way I am and it's has ended up in heartache every single time - since the very first time I "fell in love" at 13 years old. I have sabotaged every good opportunity I’ve had to be with someone I l’ve loved because I could not handle the anxiety I felt about being intimate and the fear that they would leave me because of the way I look. So thats 25 years of lonliness and heartache I have endured and I just can't keep going on like this. I can't bare feeling so hurt, lonely and misunderstood anymore. I'm just not able to do it anymore. I feel damaged, broken, flawed, ugly, ashamed and unlovable. I realise that this may seem very extreme and irrational to some and I am having counselling to address the underlying issues which are contributing to these feelings. I know a big part of the reason that I am so obsessed with my body - to the point that I'd rather be dead than remain like this, is due to being teased and criticised as a child for being overweight. My nickname at primary school was steamroller.....lol I can laugh at that now but it I still remember the pain and humiliation I felt being called that in primary school. I had family members tell me "you're so pretty, if you lose weight someone will love you" (meaning a guy)! There's a movie called Stand By Me which has this really overweight guy in it and whenever he took a step everyone would chant "boom baba boom baba boom baba boom" as if he was causing the earth to shake when he walked. After we'd watched that my own mother, brother and sister would chant that when I walked and would laugh hilariously. My mum's cousin wrote her a poem when she had my baby sister (I was nine years old at the time). It was a lovely poem about how beautiful my sister would be however one verse went like this "I hope she doesn't eat much, like Deb does right now, By the time Deb get's to high school, she'll look more like a cow! That had everyone in fits of laughter!!! My family would constantly make comments about how big I was and would make jokes about my weight etc. My list of taunts, rejections, humiliating things that have been said and done to me goes on and on. I guess that's why I feel so ashamed and unlovable. Growing up with a low self esteem is one thing and makes life enough of a challenge without having physical abnormalities to contend with. I didn’t have the most supportive, loving and encouraging environment growing up and that is no doubt related to the way I feel about myself. I'm hoping that counselling will ease some of this inner torture as I have a way to go before I will be able to afford to have the body lift (and possibly may have to save to have arms redone now too). This is the very first time I’ve been able to actually explain how I feel to ANYONE and it actually feels really good to get it out in the open. I’ve been hiding how badly this has been affecting my life because I didn’t think anyone would ever understand. I realise there are people out there who are missing limbs, have terrible disabilities or illnesses and I have thought of those things over and over. I have tried to focus on the wonderful, positive things about me and about how lucky I am to be a healthy able bodied person but I still feel the way I do every day. I think the saying “if you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else is” incorrect. I believe that if you don’t love yourself you are unable to accept or believe that someone else can love you. It is so very lonely and painful feeling unlovable and wanting to be free of this fat and skin which is making me feel that way. I can’t wait until the day I can wake up and not have to think about trying to find something to wear that will hide all of this and feeling like a fake because I’m not really as “beautiful” as people try to tell me I am. If only they could see underneath my clothes……they would know why I I don’t feel beautiful at all. Thanks for reading and for all of your support. It feels like a weight has been lifted just from being able to be open and honest about how I feel xxx

Yes I do. No amount of workout will reduce the sagging skin for me unfortunately. I will be asking if I can go on the revision waiting list which may take 12months. I will take up private health insurance as that will cover the cost of surgery so they may be more happy to agree with that. It also gives me 12 months to build up as much muscle as I can so that there is very little risk of sagging again in the future. I'll never have a fantastic body or perfect arms however I definitely want to improve as much as I can.

According to doctors, 85% of those who remove the band gain all their weight back plus extra. No way I would risk that personally. You may feel that you have control of your weight now however events in the future can cause you to spin out of control emotionally and if you have a tendency to turn to food for comfort you may end up one of those stats. It's a very personal choice. Make it for yourself, not your boyfriend or anyone else. I burp too and food gets stuck but I'd rather that than an extra 45kgs. Good luck whatever you decide :-)

I had arm and breast lift done together and was fine. Wouldnt never do tummy with arms because you need your arms to support you while tummy heals. Good luck xx