Magyk

I started this adventure on October 4. My beginning weight was 310lbs. I am now just shy of being 259 lbs. generally I have not had problems with the band...my brain that is a whole other story. When I am not mindful of eating I eat too quickly for the first two bites, and then my band bites back. I do not eat any special foods. I pay attention to eating protien first...a lot if time that is all I can eat, 3 oz protien, some veggies. My night time snack has been one slice of bread, peanut butter and a bit of jam....and an ice tea...this is the only time I eat and sip a drink....again that is my brain wanting...not my band. The past couple of weeks I have discovered really good fruitcake is no problem. My brain, or as I call them, my monkeys in my head continue to lie and try to convince Me that I do not look any different then I did October 4. Such crazy making chatter. I tend not to heed those chattering monkeys. I have thrown out a lot of clothes. I feel good in my body. I can breathe, without huffing and puffing. I know I must now give attention to working out.....ok I thought about it....I will think about it more, maybe possibly tomorrow So here I am, It is Christmas Day 2013. The season has reminded me that light does come. 2014 is already yawning awake. I will reach my goal weight. Rather then a number on a scale I have to trust my body to tell me when I have arrived....ok I need the scale to make sure I am awake and not listening to monkey chatter. The hardest adaptation is the loss of the ability to binge. I have had some mini binges. Where I could go all night on a binge I can now only binge....very slowly....and limited quantities. I understand now that binging for me was bulimic behavior...only I was a bad bulimic...I didn't throw up. I am also aware now that in my disorder Bullimia's cousin comes around, Anorexia. sometimes, just sometimes after having gotten stuck....I think restrict food....danger danger. When I fail I forgive myself and I begin again. The band allows me to come back to the start really fast. Frustrations yes....regrets no

I was banded yesterday and had a medium hernia repaired (a 2 for 1 special ) Yesterday flew by. I was in surgery for 8AM and in my bed at home by 11Am Sipping Water at the clinic post surgery I felt so sick. Water tricking down gas bubbling up. The nurse immediately withdrew 10cc from the band and I relaxed. The drugs keep the pain away and wear off an hour too soon. Yesterday I felt positive and confident. Today i am flooded with emotions ( the monkeys chattering in my head) Shame; I failed at keeping weight off and resorted to surgery. Fear; What if I fail again. Sadness; oh and grief; I can't binge anymore .....especially when I am feeling Shame, Fear, Sadness. My body hurts. Just writing lifts my spirit.....or wait maybe that's the drugs kicking in I will make it through today, for now I am here feeling like I am on a roller coaster

Thanks all. Had a great night's sleep thanks to medication. I laughed early in the night and said to my partner, " Both these are good drugs. I can hear A Mariachi band " turned out not to be the drugs. It was Nuit Blanche night here in Toronto and there was a Mariachi band going up and around the street during the night. Today already is a better day

Thanks all. Had a great night's sleep thanks to medication. I laughed early in the night and said to my partner, " Both these are good drugs. I can hear A Mariachi band " turned out not to be the drugs. It was Nuit Blanche night here in Toronto and there was a Mariachi band going up and around the street during the night. Today already is a better day

I am being banded October 4. I am half way through day two of the pre op detox. Yesterday I came down with a wicked chest code. I am hoping/expecting that once I get down in weight the chest colds/pneumonia will be less. I am aware that I have to make sure I do consume enough calories now Oy! I am fortunate that here in Toronto my doctor has me on a low fat low carb diet. Oh and low taste I did a protien shake yesterday. It took me a whole day to finish it I thought it wasn't going to stay down. Like others I carry that monkey on my who keeps chattering "you are going to fail" And then more monkeys chatter all my doubts, fears and shame So I put on Florence and listen to "Shake it out" "It is hard to danc with the devil on your back. So shake it out"

I am scheduled for Oct 4th