whippledaddy

Maybe it's a guy thing. But I think making a decision is sometimes more important than what decision we make. Not always true, but sometimes it is more beneficial to choose one path or the other than to stand at the fork in the road and wonder until we perish, alone in the wilderness. It sounds as if you make this decision often. I don't know the circumstances, but I know what my wife would do if I behaved that way. She might not divorce me. She would consider that as giving me an "easy out". She and I conferred and she let me buy my motorcycle. It wasn't a Harley. She nor I could justify the expense. I had owned just about every brand of bike, American, European, Japanese, and even a Mexican motorcycle! So it was less of a blow when I discovered I had to compromise. If'n I have a picture of my bike on my harddrive, I'll post it. I know that you should never give up your dream home. Never. Patty and I were almost at the point where we could buy ours. We have both dreamed of living on Water, and we were nearly there. Now we must wait a little longer. I do not give up. Not on Patty, not on this home. You shouldn't give up on anything you want, either. Anything. One thing I will say. This irresponsible purchase he made is something that includes you, too. Patty wouldn't ride on the bike until I actually got it. Then she decided to take one small ride. It was love at first rev. He bought something that can bring you closer together. There is absolutely no justification for a Harley's expense, except they hold their value. The fifteen thousand dollar bike I bought is only worth about five thousand right now. And it is beautiful, like new. But it is a rice burner, and they lose value. Quickly. Yours will maintain value over time. You'll make the right decision for you. You may find there is no wrong decision, only the easy and difficult path. There are no perfect spouses. There are no men who aren't boys. Sometimes mischievous ones, sometimes scared little fellas who need comfort. But I've got a secret. There are no women who do not carry that little girl around inside of her. Sometimes she wants to play, sometimes she wants to cuddle. Sometimes she wants to just hide and wait for it all to go away. Male or female, we are all adults who carry our childselves within. Be kind to yours. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks for all the well wishes. The doc ordered my endoscope, and psychological eval today. I'm on the way!

Well, here I go to the family doc. Today I tell him which surgery I've chosen (lap band, of course) and why. And he needs to write a statement for me for the surgeon and for insurance to get me approved. Not really worried about approval, though, he's a great doc, and my State o' Michigan insurance is top notch. I'm pretty fortunate, really. Just want y'all to wish me luck to get me over each hurdle (as is the case in my life, I will prove to be my own worst enemy) as they come up. Sorry I haven't posted more, but I've been working overtime, gotta lotta doctor bills associated with my wife's illness. but all goes well there too. I'm just thankful there has been overtime available. Soooooooooo, here I go!

Well, well, well. I would love to give you some pointers here, but I have never, ever made Patty mad, so I have never, ever, experienced make up sex. That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

My banding will be done in alma, Michigan. By Dr. Cudjoe. Pronounced just like the dog in the Stephen King novel. Not spelled the same, thankfully. How positive that sounds. I don't have a surgery date yet, but I'll be doing what I can to get this done before the end of the year. I've already met my deductible, you see. Thanks for the kind words about the writing. You all are inspiring me to write more stuff, and to do the band. Until now, I haven't dared to hope that I could be normal in size. I've always been obese, that is the only me that I have ever known. I like me, I really do, I only hope I will like the new me. But, judging by how wonderful everyone here is, I have nothing to worry about. Whip.

I don't see any reason not to put his number here, but the moderators might. So I'll e-mail you through your profile.

Hello All. I am new here, and new to this idea of lab banding. My wife recieved the roux en y procedure two years ago and has had good luck. She says that this is the way she would have went if she had the lap band option back then. Me? I'm researching, just starting the process to get surgery. I'll get either the roux en y or the lap banc, just gotta choose between the two. I'm hoping to learn enough about the lapband on this forum to help me make an informed decision. Thanks, and good luck to all.

Yes, they lost the first surgeon. This new guy seems very good, and he's done a lot of surgeries. I'm gonna trust him with my chubby little self. They've gotten a coordinator from outstate who is a whiz at working with insurance companies, especially tough ones. She speaks at their seminars, which are free, and I found her quite impressive.

My biggest pet peeve is when someone says something like "You aren't fat, look at that guy, now HE'S fat!" If I'm not fat, why did you feel it was so important to point that out to me and not to any other unfat people? And does that mean there is a certain point where you're fat? Like when you get like the poor person pointed out? Ya know what? I wonder how many times someone has used ME as the example of what fat really is to someone else. Ever heard any one say "You're not anorexic, look at her, now she's really anorexic". By the way, my insurance company says that obesity isn't an eating disorder. It's a lifestyle disorder. Anorexia is an eating disorder. Sooooooo......... if you can't stop eating, that's a lifestyle disorder. But if you can't eat, that's an eating disorder. Does this confuse anyone else?

First let me say this: DeLarla: Anal odor? Ewwwww. My wife had the GBP two years ago, and.........................I haven't, ummmm.......noticed anything out of the ordinary. Ahem. Suz, do you know where alma is? The hospital there has started a program for WLS. There is a doctor's office there with Dr. Cudjoe as a specialist in roux en y and lap banding. They have a very good program to help you get through your insurance woes, and they've been doing it a while. That's where my wife went. It's a bit closer for you if that is a consideration. I have done all my soul searching and decided on the band, and my wife has had good luck with her "rny" but I have always taken a minimalist approach to medical help and the band still leaves me and my body in charge of my nutritional needs, and my weight loss. My wife's weight loss was fast, inevitable, and completely out of her control. Good luck!

Here the Doctor that does the Lap Band and other WLS surgeries requires a questionnaire be filled out before starting the process to get surgery. I filled mine out, but when I came to the last page I was stumped for a minute. It merely says "Why You Want To Lose Weight" at the top. I thought that was a pretty stupid question. Then I realized, he's skinny. He can try to understand, and I know he does try, but he can't really understand. So. Here is my answer to that stupid question: I want to tie my shoes without planning how. I want to buy clothes on sale. I want to hug the love of my life, without wishing for longer arms. I want to stop smiling politely at "those" jokes. I want to see my manhood again. Just a glimpse, or my feet even. I don't want to live in fear of stairs, or chairs, any longer. I want to live to see my dreams come true. I want that beautiful creature I married to see me grow old. I want a healthy life sustaining relationship with food. I'm tired of food being my only friend, an insidious one at that, bent on killing me slowly. I want to huff and puff only when I'm imitating the "Big Bad Wolf". I want to have the energy to live my life, love my wife, and count each day on this earth a blessing.

You don't need a copyright, yet. When you get ready just put a mark on your manuscript "C" in a circle. You've got one year to copyright it, but it's better to leave all that up to a publisher. It's a long hard, lonely, road. But when you see your first book, in print, when you hold it in your hands, well it's gotta be a lot like a woman feels when she has a child. I know I was awed. I'm still pinching myself two years later and deep in the throes of the sequel. Of course I've been thinking of a book on what it's like to be a fat person in today's society. My working title is "Letters From the Fridge". I have small pieces here and there. Bits. I have to be careful that they don't turn into rants. I'll surely give it more thought, though I'm writing a sequel to "Havenwood" right now, and it makes me a little crazy. You guys are all right. Thanks for the inspiration. But I feel a little guilty as this thread has drifted, it's certainly beyond the intro stage now! I'm posting something in General, and maybe it'll pick up there.

Thank you all for inspiring me. I have had only two surgeries in my life, and those were a long time ago. One when I was nine and one when I was thirty two. Listening to you guys comforts me. When I finally get my surgery date and then go to get the band, I'll rest easier for reading the posts on this forum. Ummmmm. You should read my profile. I do have one novel published. It's not the kind that would lend itself to this forum though. It's a horror novel. And no, it's not a true story! I've got an agent, but she's new, and well........ I'm always sorry when we lose a chef to a sensible life. Alexandra tell your hubby he's doing the right thing. I'm still looking for someone who has met a chef at a party, or gathering. They aren't there because they're cooking. We are an invisible lot. Some make it big on TV, but when they do that they aren't chefs anylonger. Just people in white coats. I don't know if I could write a book about this stuff. It's hard, you know. What it's like to be fat. The stares, the jokes, kids pointing, the health issues. I often think that if other diseases could be so readily identified then everyone would have a different story to tell. I mean you can spot a fat person in any crowd. They're the jolly ones, right? But what if alchoholics were a bright lime green. I mean ground effects colors, and you could spot it a mile away. What if sex addicts were a day glo pink color that stood out on the gloomiest day. At the beach you would know to stay away from them! What if drug addicts really did get high? Like about three feet off the ground all the time. Then it'd be different. But that isn't the case, is it? Nope. Fat people can be spotted just as easily as people of other races, or people with physical challenges. I mean, you can tell somebody's in a wheelchair. They can't hide it. And, this is the real gasser, it's not okay to be prejudiced against the drug addict, the sexual offender, the alchoholic, the physically impaired, or the other races. But it is perfectly acceptable to be prejudiced against fat people. Caring loving individuals who would never tell a racist joke, or a joke about mental retardation, or a joke making fun of a crippled person will not even flinch at a fat joke. "Hey, my Mother In Law was visiting a farm, she tripped and left a crop circle." I know all these things, but I don't know if I can get as down and personal I would need to. A book must be the truth. Even fiction must be the truth in some fashion. I would have to dig into some pretty dark and scary places inside of me, and I don't know if I have that courage. I mean, I was thin until that summer when......................my babysitter and her sadistic brother started,,,well, can you guess? I would have to face that time, and I don't know if I want to. But I will say this. If such a thing should ever happen, you all would be the first to know. Six or eight of you would get a rough copy to read and mark up and send back. And I'd find a way to have it benefit all who suffer beneath the adipose tissue. Because I have a feeling that, even after losing the weight, that person inside remembers, and the suffering eases, but never wholly stops. But, in the meantime, I'll take pleasure in being here, among all you beautiful souls with hearts full of caring, and souls full of sharing. I'll take heart from the weight loss stories, and I'll keep reading how you've lost and are still losing. And, because of you all, I shall find and keep that treasure that has driven every facet of mankind since the dawn of time. I'll recieve, from you and this lap band system, that special thing that makes it possible to go on. Of course I speak of magic, great magic, and the most magical thing of all........HOPE. I hope I will get approved. I hope I still have time to reverse the damage I have done to my body. I hope I shall be as courageous as all of you bandsters and really go through with it, and not wussy out at the last second. I hope. And because I hope. I thank you all.

DeLarla, your story about the crisis line is so true, and, unfortunately it is that way in other places. My wife became suicidal over her seemingly endless battle with pain. It took a while for us to find someone who really cared. It was worth the look, and the wait, but why does a person ready to kill themselves have to wait? You know you're in trouble when the suicide prevention line answers the phone with the message: Listen carefully as our automated phone options have changed: I wear a white shirt, black pants, and black hat. I am a supervisor in food service in a prison. After thirty six years of being a chef, souschef, and executive chef, I needed a job that let me have some time to take care of my wife. This job does that, and the benefits help take care of her too. It was a humongous cut in pay, but what's my time worth? Not everyone can find the keys to eloquence. But everyone is eloquent in their own way. Your husband loves you. He tells you a thousand different ways. He just doesn't use words. He can't. You'll have to look for the signs, make it a game. La Madam. My name is: Ryan Webster. Yep, just like the dictionary. I agree that your portion size does not seem detrimental. I would have eaten three PANS of brownies, and three CARTONS of ice cream. Then I would have looked around for a little something to fill up the corners. It is possible that when the Doc goes in to do my lap he'll find the entrance to a black hole, bent on swallowing the universe and the darkness after. The Dura Gesic Fentanyl patch makes life easier on the patient, but it can wreak havoc on the family. Does it make your mate cranky? My wife gets a deplorable case of patch mouth, especially when she's at a high dose (like right now 150). Thank you both for the kind words about my writing. I have always been a frustrated writer who was too chicken to try to do it professionally. So, if I should write well, it's because of a lifetime of practice, practice, practice. I'd get the band now if for no other reason than it would put me in the company of wonderful people like you two. Tonight's movie is "About Schmidt". Good movie. The first couple of times. I can now recite it by rote. When I'm not on the computer I keep a book handy. Others that we've watched nearly one hundred times, all for the first time each time, are: Fried Green Tomatoes. Steel Magnolias Pretty Woman Fire Down Below An Officer and A Gentleman 28 Days Two Weeks Notice Stand By Me The Green Mile and many more. Take care, both of you, and all you other Bandsters who read this. Be kind to yourselves. Don't hold yourselves up to too strict a ruler. Don't expect yourselves to be perfect. Where's the fun in that? Instead tell yourself some good things about yourself. How you keep it together against unbelieveable odds. How you run families riddled with grief and sorrow. How you face the tears, trials and terrors of each day with a smile and a flip of the hair. How you do the little things that must be done. How you exhibit courage in just functioning each day. No one ever said that being courageous meant the same thing as being fearless. If you are unafraid, you need no courage. Don't punish yourselves for being human, if you need a hug and no one's there, hug yourself. Why not? Better yet come on line and get a cyber hug, though I hate those parenthetic thingies called hugs. DeLarla, I hope you don't distress too much over your feeding frenzy. You can do this. You can win. Same for you, La Madam, be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else. Give your hubby a kiss and a hug. I'll do the same for my girl. It will be Okay in the end. If it's not okay. It's not the end.

Hey, Kid, you alright? Sounds like you're having a tough nite of it. I'm just sitting here on the comp. Reading up on this stuff. Patty's in a Fentanyl induced stupor in the other room, watching the same movie for the seventeenth time claiming she's never seen it before. Sounds like you're working through it. I know one thing you're right about. This eating thing is so seldom about being hungry, or feeding the body. It's like food is the only thing that shuts off the FEELING for awhile. Like being with a good friend who really listens. Only this friend is secretly trying to kill us, and even though we know it, we keep coming back. Finances? Yep, that sucks. Mine suck too. I work lots of overtime, which makes me behind on all the housework, which brings over the friends and family who help clean, but then nothing can be found, and all my white work shirts (uniforms) are now a subdued pink. And the answer is to eat. Ice cream, or Cookies, or whatever. I've been cooking all my life, so I can whip up anything quickly, but all I seem to make is comfort food. Why is unhealthy so comforting? I'll be up a while. Worked a midnite last night, slept to long today, won't be able to go to sleep on time, I'll be here to read any type of rant you want to post. In the meantime, think I'll go pop some popcorn. Better yet, I've got a yummy jar of pesto in the fridge. A little Pasta (maybe a lot) and some garlic bread, yeah that might do it. And I'll have drugged myself with food, again. I think your sense of humor, and your amazing ability to be frank with yourself and others will stand you in good stead tonite. Post. Send your frustration and your outrage into the darkness, whip it down this invisible chord called the info superhighway. All the others will read it too. They will understand. It sounds like we've all walked more than a mile in each others moccasins. Send those feelings out. Send them to eyes yours have never met, but to hearts you've managed to touch. Send them out, fly them in the grinning faces of the Gods of Temptation. And maybe, just maybe, in this sharing, you'll defeat those Gods, just a little. You'll make it through tonite. And just a footnote. Everyone I've met on here is incredibly beautiful. You are no exception.

Wow! This is one pretty great group of people here. Just think, we're scattered all over and we connect via this tenuous ribbon of light called the Internet. So many wandering paths that conjoin here, in this electronic place that is everywhere, yet.....nowhere! Miracles still happen. Leatha, La Madam. Delarla, Neicy, New Hope, Nightingale. It's obvious why you are all so caring and sharing, why you see beyond the physical, why you can understand pain and despair in all its forms. You've been there. You've done that. Now, you are here, helping others to cope with the act of living. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe that the reasons may be too convoluted, too deeply entwined in each other to make ready sense. Everyone here has had demons to fight, crosses to bear. Each are triumphant. I'm proud and blessed to have found you all, (and I feel really special about being the only male).

If the pain doctor is any good he or she has been looking for RSD. In my wife's case some of them think the epidurals may have triggered it. I'm floored by the enormity of what you have been through. Surely any weight you've gained has been due to stress and the hormone it produces. I'm very happy that you have this tool to help you drop the pounds. If anyone ever deserved to be healthy and take care of themselves you do. Your husband and son are fortunate indeed to have such a strong caregiver. You exhibit strength of mind body and spirit. What an inspiration! Thank you for teaching me how to be strong. Now, I have a small idea what your life is like. Find a way to do something nice for yourself. Because you deserve it. Because others in your life have their own crosses to bear and they may not notice that you aren't being nice to yourself. Give yourself a present. Get your nails done, give yourself a day at the park with a book. All I know is that as a caregiver you have put your own life, your own self on hold. You are special people, as all caregivers are, but you owe it to yourself to give you a treat. It will help everyone in the end. Only by taking care of you can you do the best job of taking care of them. Thanks for the kind words again, and God bless you.

Gee, thanks guys, your kind words make me feel good. To answer some of your questions: Yes my wife has had acupuncture, it worked very well, and I just found out last week that our new insurance covers it. I started working for the State a year ago and am still getting used to the fact that the benefits are AWESOME! There is more acupuncture in her future! Patty too, will not just go willy nilly to have another neck or back fusion done. They are like a domino effect, get one done and another crops up. She too, is on the fentanyl patch. Her injury, though partially healed, has created another disease, contracted by about five percent of the people injured in the shoulder or neck. This disease is called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. It has many symptoms but the main one is pain. If you know someone who has recieved an injury in the head, neck, shoulder area, and are experiencing symptoms of cold hands, painful sensations in the skin (for example: a breeze blowing on their hand feels like it's immersed in fire) discolored fingers or toes, swelling in the legs or arms, get them to ask their doctor about RSD, also called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It must be treated as soon as possible for a good outcome. Sorry I'm taken. But it sure made me feel good to be asked! We too have furry babies. Besides MR. Whipple there is Abby the Pug, and Abby the Poodle. It's a little tricky havine two dogs with the same name, but it works. We'd never figure out how to split them up! And, finally, yes, one of the most appealing things about the patch is that I would be down for the shortest amount of time. I can't take a lot of time off as the breadwinner, and I can't take much time off as the caregiver. Then there is the house work, Patty does what she can, and I do the rest. So the Lap Band sounds like the best way to keep me healthy and energetic while interrupting our lives as little as possible. Thanks again for all your kind words, and I'll visit here often.

Well, your question is a good one. My view of the situation may be different because of the circumstances surrounding my wife's decision to have the roux en y. The story is a little long, but, to understand how I was affected by it you need to know the background. Patty, my wife, was injured on the job in September of 2000. She ruptured four discs in her neck and severly damaged the soft tissue of her shoulder, torn rotator cuff, slap lesions, detatched ligaments of the biceps, clavicle and more. She recieved two fusions of her spine at the neck, but her weight, over 460lbs, made imaging difficult, and shoulder repair impossible. She underwent the gastric bypass to lose weight and reduce the effects of gravity on her neck and shoulder. She is short, and very busty, so this seemed like a good plan at the time. In any case the shoulder cannot be repaired successfully at that much excess weight. I went into it with my eyes open. I knew there was a strong emotional element to weight loss. I was treated to all the horror stories about how a spouse loses weight and leaves the chubby one in the dust to create a new life. Well I had to look deep within myself. One way to know if you love someone is to decide if you would give them up if it were the best thing for them. I am happy to say that if it meant her well being or happiness, I'd step back in a minute. If she left me, I would be sad, but I cannot stand by and see her in terrible pain just so I can keep her. I decided to be just as supportive as I knew how. Mostly this was one simple decision: It was her body, and her life, so I would stand behind any decision she would make, and put my own fears and feelings aside. I would never say "Oh you're losing too much" or "one little piece of pecan pie couldn't hurt, have some ice cream with it!" Well, so far she's lost 260 with another forty to go before they do the surgery. She's a hottie, but then she always was, now she's a thin hottie. I'm a lucky man. Yes I am. She's still here, and so am I. It was a joy to see the pounds melt off, to see her go from big clothes to normal ones. I treasure each day and try to help her understand she is a shadow of her former self. You see, she still feels fat, and, maybe fat is really a state of mind as much as anything else. I cook us balanced meals. She eats a bit of protien, a bit of veggies, and some of the starch. I eat everything else. She gets nerve blocks for the spine and shoulder pain every six weeks, she gets trigger point injections every week. She gets pain meds administered by injection at home three times a week. She sees a pain therapist, a pain doctor three hundred miles away, and gets therapy regularly. When the forty pounds are off she will have shoulder surgery. She may need the breast reduction and the tummy tuck, the batwing removal, and the thigh job before the forty pounds will be lost. There may be almost forty pounds of skin there to cut off. I will be there through it all unless she decides she would be better off without me. She can fire me, but I won't give up. Hope this answers your question. It sure took me long enough, wordy, ain't I?

Thanks so much for all the helpful replies. This is a big decision and your replies have gone a long way to help me decide. In answer to one question "Whippledaddy" is my name because of my fifteen year old dog, Mr. Whipple, I am so proud to be his daddy that I chose that name. He embodies so many qualities I wish I had: He's overjoyed to see a friend, he can't contain his excitement. He loves me and my wife unconditionally (even when we aren't so pleasant to be around). He takes enormous pleasure in a ray of sunlight, or a gentle day. A backscratch or a tummy rub makes his whole day. I should view life through his happy eyes. One reply in particular is swaying me toward getting the band. That there is no "Window of Opportunity", the band can be adjusted and used forever. I know of three people who have gained the weight back after r en Y. One thing that I need to research is the possibility of my own body fluids leaching into the band, tube and port, creating an environment for harmful bacteria to thrive. I know it happens with breast implants which are, after all, silicone filled with saline. Just a point I need to resolve, either way, I am moving forward. Thanks again, I'll visit often, post when I can, and I know I am fortunate to have found this place and this warm caring set of people.