MissersK

Hi y'all! I'm currently 26 years old, on the verge of 27, and am looking into weight loss surgery options. Currently, I am stuck between the Gastric Sleeve and the Lap Band. Now here's more about me:

Throughout my entire life, my weight has been an issue. I struggle with memories of my childhood. Instead of clinging to the happier memories, I've managed to hold onto the way my weight made me feel and the perception it gave others. I remember aunts telling me, "You have such a pretty face! If you'd lose weight you'd be prettier!", "Wonder why you are heavier than your sister? She's always skinny", and classmates referring to me as a "pig". Now growing up I wasn't ENORMOUS by any account. I was always 20-30lbs heavier than others. I was active, extremely, on every diet my mother could put me on and still was over weight. I had already developed a love for food that would continue to imprison me into adult hood.


During middle school, high school, and college, I allowed myself to continue spiraling out of control. I'd eat whatever, drink whatever, and had stopped exercising. I was gaining approx 5-10lbs a year. I wasn't having the typical young 20 year old fun that my friends were experiencing. I discontinued college due to feeling like the largest person in the room and having that "all eyes on me" mentality. After stopping school, I flung myself into my job as a police/fire dispatcher. I worked literally ALL THE TIME. Whatever shift needed covered, you could depend on me to cover it. It gave me a sense of self worth and even allowed me to find love in 2005, but at the same token had my eating and sleeping habits out of control.

In 2007, I found my body to be undergoing significant changes. My stomach was expanding, I was growing an excessive amount of facial and stomach hair, my cycles had become almost non-existent. I went to a local gynecologist and was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was 19 years old and weighing 200lbs. I had recently become engaged and now had to worry with fertility. I was embarrassed and depressed. How did I allow myself to become the monster in the mirror?

Over the next few years, my weight continued to climb. I tried every diet program known to man. I even tried rigorous exercise programs to only become disappointed that my body couldn't withstand that activity at my weight. In 2012, weighing in at 225lbs, I landed in the hospital on the verge of death. I had been working even crazier shifts than before(I honestly believe it was to cope. I had found something that gave me acceptance from others) and had literally come off of 64hrs in a 3 day period over Christmas. With this extreme amount of fatigue and my size, I ended up with a Pulmonary Embolism that was moving toward my heart. I was freshly 25 years old and could have easily have died that day. Thankfully, I God spared my life. I got out of the hospital and started to "ease" into a workout and watching what I ate regimen. It didn't last long.

Now here I sit in 2013 at a staggering 244lbs. I have been looking into weight loss surgeries for a while, but more so actively the last 6 months. I'm having a hard time settling on either the Lap Band or the Sleeve. I have my consultation, September 20,2013 and hope to finally be able to take charge! I'm tired of being absolutely disgusted with myself. I'm tired of always judging myself the way I "believe" others are going to judge me. I'm tired of allowing my weight to hold me back from my dreams and goal. I have dreamt of becoming pregnant, becoming FIT for the first time in my life, becoming a police officer, and to FINALLY LOVE MYSELF :) I look forward to any and all advice that can be given!