Gmachris

I was banded 9/11. I'm thrilled! My anxiety on the days leading into the surgery make me laugh now. The pain wasn't that bad, and the shakes didn't make me gag.
 
Here are a few things I've figured out about me in the last two weeks:
 
1. I have no regrets.
2. I have TONS of will power that is just pouring out of my soul. And I don't resent what I can't have right now.
3. My sense of humor is still fully in place.
4. I actually no longer care who knows that I've had surgery. This is the biggest surprise of all. I was telling no one. I was nervous about coming back to work and having to answer questions about why I was out. Now, if they ask...I just start spilling it. It's funny.
5. I have the BEST friends and family. I already knew this, but just thought I'd say it anyway
6. I WANT this so badly. I think that's why it's not been as hard as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong. I've had my moments. But, in all...I'm happy.
 
I'm sure more things will come to me as the days progress. More little revelations about me. More little secrets coming to the surface. But, it's a journey that I'm so happy to be on.
 
Have a great day!

Well, it is my Band Anniversary and things have changed.
 
#1 I left my husband, a cruel and abusive man. I grew a spine and walked out the door with nothing. He told me I had changed. He was angry that I lost weight. He lost his control over me. It is now a very bitter divorce, but I am free.
 
#2 I am dating again. It has been a year and I love my freedom. I have grown so much. I love myself for the first time in my life. I have excess skin, you don't like it, tough!!! My tummy hangs, you don't like it tough!!! My arms are big, TOUGH!!!
 
#3 I live with my Daughter. I am 57 years old and I live with my Daughter. I have nothing. But I am no longer isolated and alone. I would rather be broke than abused.
 
My life has changed, but I am enjoying life for the first time in a very long time. I love this stage. YES there are men out there who enjoy a more mature figure. Yes there are men out there that will take advantage of you. You just have to be cautious and never go back to the type of man in #1
 
My weight is stable. I am not thin, but I am happy. So, did I change, DAMN RIGHT I DID. Did I leave a cruel and abusive marriage, damn right I did. I started living for me. I don't care if I never have a possession again. I have my dignity. No one should live their life in fear as a door mat. Take a stand, protect yourself.
 
TELL SOMEONE, you are not alone

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.