Well, it is my Band Anniversary and things have changed.
#1 I left my husband, a cruel and abusive man. I grew a spine and walked out the door with nothing. He told me I had changed. He was angry that I lost weight. He lost his control over me. It is now a very bitter divorce, but I am free.
#2 I am dating again. It has been a year and I love my freedom. I have grown so much. I love myself for the first time in my life. I have excess skin, you don't like it, tough!!! My tummy hangs, you don't like it tough!!! My arms are big, TOUGH!!!
#3 I live with my Daughter. I am 57 years old and I live with my Daughter. I have nothing. But I am no longer isolated and alone. I would rather be broke than abused.
My life has changed, but I am enjoying life for the first time in a very long time. I love this stage. YES there are men out there who enjoy a more mature figure. Yes there are men out there that will take advantage of you. You just have to be cautious and never go back to the type of man in #1
My weight is stable. I am not thin, but I am happy. So, did I change, DAMN RIGHT I DID. Did I leave a cruel and abusive marriage, damn right I did. I started living for me. I don't care if I never have a possession again. I have my dignity. No one should live their life in fear as a door mat. Take a stand, protect yourself.
Wow! Has it really been that long since I blogged, March 2013! Yes it has been a while.
For those of you who do not know me, my name is "Love" and yes I still love my lap band 3 years post op. I am at goal weight and a normal BMI and have successfully maintained that weight for 1 year now.
The questions i still get asked are:
1. How much is in you band? ( I have no idea, I have not had a fill since January 2012)
2. How much can you eat? I eat about a cup to a cup to a half of food, Most meals consist of protein and veggies. I am one of those low carb eaters by choice because i still have issues with carbs. One I love them, two they get stuck, and three I lost weight better by eating on the low side.
3. What can you eat? Anything, yes I can eat most foods. The issues for me are, if I chose to eat a slice of pizza it will fill me up much quicker and I will be hunger much sooner. I do eat pizza and small burgers or sandwiches occasionally but it has to be the perfect storm. My band has to be cooperative and I have to be relaxed and take my time. Not the type of foods I eat out in a restaurant. When I eat out I usually eat off the appetizer menu or share with my hubby or friends. I am a cheap date!
4. If you had to do it all over again would you do the surgery again? That would be a big YES, lap band has given me back control over my life and my health. It is true you are what you eat, I eat healthy now and I feel great.
5. Don't you think you are too thin? NO, I am a normal BMI. You are suppose to see my collar bone and I am suppose to be able to feel and see my hip bones. Geez world it is really healthy to be thin.
6. Do you drink protein shakes or eat protein bars? Yes, I still supplement with protein bars and shakes. I do not drink or eat them daily but I always keep a good supply of them around. It took me lots pf trial and error to find protein supplements I like and that taste has changed over the past 3 years. I found the most difficulty finding a protein shake I could stomach the smell and taste of. I personally hated and still do the premixed drinks, too sweet for my taste. I ordered off a bariatric web site in the early days and used a lot of unflavored protein powders. Today, I like Pure Protein, Frosty Chocolate and Vanilla. They are my base and I add flavorings, fruit, peanut butter and ice. I never use milk to mix with unless I am supplementing them as a meal and need the calories. How did I learn to like the powders, it was necessary, I needed to eat between 90-100 gms of protein a day when I was weight training and this was the only way I could get in the necessary protein to build muscle and loss weight. You see I had plateaued for a very long time and still had 30-40 lbs to lose to reach goal. If you eat too little you will not lose weight and your body will stop losing.
7. How long did it take you to lose your weight and how much did you lose? It took me 2 years to reach goal and I lost 132 lbs. I like many of you thought I would have my weight off in a year, boy was I shocked and disappointed when that did not happen. I stalled really bad and stayed the same weight for about 6-7 months right before my 1 year date.
8. Do you exercise? Yes, exercise is key to losing and maintaining weight. These days I am not as aggressive and obsessive as i was when trying to melt off that 132 lbs but I still exercise.You have to really work to find out how your body burns calories and how many you need to maintain. Figuring all this out took me months to figure out. I used a fit bit, my fitness pal and a trainer to help me learn to use my body as a fat burning machine. Fat and muscle weigh the same, a pound is a pound and a pound of muscle does not weigh more than a pound of fat. Use this as your vision, a pound of jello is your fat and a pound of chicken is your muscle. The mass of the jello is greater than the chicken but still weighs the same. That is why when you are exercising and toning you look smaller and the scales my stall. I know silly but so true. Also when you are exercising to build muscle and tone you need to be in your target heart rate to maximize your burn of calories. Losing weight is really a delicate balance of everything and is so much more than just cutting back the calories.
9. Since it took you 2 years to lose the weight why could you not lose it on your own? Well I guess the answer to that is yes, I could have lost the weight on my own without my band but I never, never could have maintained it for a year without my band. I view my band as my safety net, my inner voice, my conscious so to speak. It keeps me focused and honest with my self. I was a closet eater, if no one saw me eat it, it did not count. Sound familiar to anyone?
10. Do you have a lot of excess skin? No, I am fortunate and do not have a lot of excess skin. Do I have a nice tight, firm body. No, I have the body of a 58 year old women who lost 132 lbs and I am very happy with how I look in and out of my cloths. And believe me it has taken me a while to get comfortable with those words. Would I like to have some nips and tucks, yes it would be nice but my WLS does not recommend, At my last visit in June we discussed cosmetic surgery and he informed me that the benefits did not out way the risks for me. My surgery would be completely cosmetic, I have no skin break down or health issues from excess skin. So I am happy with me and my Victoria Secret Boobs! lol
11. Do you consider you are on a diet and do you get tired of watching what you eat? No, I have adopted a healthy life style. Have you ever noticed what skinny people eat, they do enjoy desserts and they do enjoy high calorie foods but they enjoy them in moderation. Moderation and balance is the key to maintaining your weight, learning that your body uses food for fuel and if your intake is lower than your needed use you will gain. So keep moving if you feel the urge to eat.
12; Do you drink while eating? Sometimes but only sips. Fluids fill me up and if I drink while eating I get stuck and PB or slime and neither is pleasant. I do not drink high carbonated beverages, I do have a soda stream and I do drink low carbonated beverages that I make using half a pump of gas I drink these only occasionally when I want to treat myself.
13. Do you drink alcoholic beverages? Yes I do drink Alcohol. I have had several bad experiences with alcohol during this journey and had to learn the hard way that alcohol and weight loss do not mix for me. I always loved martinis but have had to learn that one is not enough and two is too many. So I drink my wine and have an occasional martini on special occasions and savior the entire glass. Remember alcohol is empty calories and has absolutely no nutritious value at all and no a fruity drink is not a substitute for one of your fruits. I do not drink beer, I have tried and for me it is too fizzy and makes my stomach hurt and causes a lot of bloating.
14. Final question, what do you do if you get hungry between meals? Silly question, but here it is. I eat! I try hard not to eat in between meals and to not give into boredom eating or head hungry. I believe in planned snacks. Boredom eating is one of issues that we all have and feel and the sooner you learn to accept and deal with them the better off you will be. We all need to Analyze why we eat and when we eat. i eat when bored and like to snack late at night. So I plan snacks and makes sure they are low in calories or if high in calories they are packed with protein. I do not keep sugary treats around, I keep dark chocolate, protein bars, nuts, peanut butter and bananas, apples and pop corn for snacks. I have to seriously watch the nuts and popcorn and not have them to readily accessible.
So this is my life on maintenance, is weight loss easy, NO! Is is worth the effort, YES! Do I love my Band, YES! Would I do it again, YES!
Everyone's experience with lap band is different, there are basic rules yes but the key for me was finding out how lap band was going to help me. I honestly do not think about my band these days, it is part of me and how I eat. Small plates and small portions are just how I eat these days. Funny, most of my family now eats off a salad plate these days, I have quilted them into my feelings on why America is fat. Portions... Portion Control and learning to put the fork DOWN and give it 20 minutes before you go back for seconds.
I wish all my lap band friends and family success and never compare yourself to others or allow others to make you feel bad about your journey.
I have 5 days until my surgery!!!!! Im so anxious to have it done already...it feels as though this process has been sooo long!! I have finally realized something...I am on my liquid diet btw..yesterday I was talking to my fiancé and I asked him if I could cheat just a little on the diet...and he told me something that I now hear in my head every time I want to cheat.."You have cheated your whole life, its time to buckle down cause things are changing!!" Im blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life who supports my every move. I heard him and I thought to myself...he's so right, I have ate pizza at late hours with extra cheese, extra pepperoni, I have eaten out for days eating junk and greasy food, I drank pop whenever I wanted to and never thought about the consciences...but now is my chance to move forward to grow out of that to help myself in becoming the better ME I can be for my Fiancé and most of all for my DAUGHTER!! I don't want her to have to see me as a diabetic or with high blood pressure and have to worry about me taking pills or having to be on insulin..i want her to know me as active and healthy I want to chase her around and take her for walks and not feel out of breath because I jogged a little..These next 5 days cant come any faster!! I am so ready to start my Journey with the lapband
