Ms Wisdom

You know I had a weight problem most of my life. I was always bigger than the other kids. Back then it wasn't a problem I had plenty of friends and a good childhood (despite some skeletons).
As I got older I had a son at 15, a daughter at 19 and moved into my own place that same year. My weight as over 200 maybe 225 by then but I was so popular in town that it didn't matter. I must admit the kids father was verbally abusive and let me know how big I was at every arguement. If it wasn't for the support of family & friends my self esteem might have been gone.
But for me there was also a probem with having esteem. My uattitude was "I was beautiful no matter what!" and I held on to that a long time-The problem with that is that I was holding my head so high for so long I never looked down to see how big I was really getting. Before you knew it I was pushing 250 then 260 then 270 telling myself that I wasn't going to get any bigger and eating out after I found out that I did. Of course I tried all types of diets and diet products through all of this. It took some years before I hit 300 but once I did it wasn't that long before those last 42 settle on my hips.At that point I had enough I refuse to see 350 and I meant it. I love to dance but I could barely get through a song. My lab coat would only button 3 of the 5 buttons and I started to feel sloppy in anything that I wore.
So I started walking-then "The grind" workout tapes since I love to dance a few months later I joined a gym and the weight started coming off. While doing this I read everything I could about eating (thinking that would find an easy way -I didn't) I started "The biggest loser" weight loss pool at work (I won second place) and after that I got sick. Blood pressure dropped to the point where I would pass out. This went on for 2 months and no one still could not figure out to this day why that happened. ( Oh! I forgot to add that I had high blood pressure at 30 and a Heart Attack at 31 in which 2 stents were placed in my heart. It was so mild I drove myself to the hospital. quit smoking 4 months later). I came back to work weighing 259lbs with my head in the clouds wanting to lose 17 more so I can hit the 100 mark but eating like I can have anything I want. Well needless to say I didn't get any lower and I started my climb back to my new high point of 323lbs. In october me & my girlfriend decided on a buddy system of calling each other for motivation the next my sister joined so we talk and tell each other what we been doing. I signed up for "sparkpeople" on Nov 26 2006 But didn't come back until January 1st 2007 only because I was working much that I never had time to explore.
So i'm going to forgive myself for hurting me. Ask God to do with me as he sees fit and walk right.

This is an entry I had on Sparkpeople.com It was easier to copy and paste the things about me then just add to it. Now with that being said my weight hit an all time high of 407lbs (it could be 410 but I won't allow myself to believe that lol). I'm in a job now that I walk alot and I find I just can't do it. I can't walk a flight of steps (I have step up one step at a time, didn't know that you can lose that ability until I lost it). I'm tired all of the time and I know with this heart condition i'm on the road to death if I don't change.
I didn't have insurance since 2010 when i'm last job closed and since I couldn't get medicaid I thought surgery was not an option for me. But luckily I got my hand on some, at the same time I found out I was a diabetic and my heart doctor is concerned about the my blood pressure medicine not working like it should. I asked would he be behind me with weight loss surgery and he said he would (actually he told me that years ago but my last insurance wanted to make me jump through too many hoops and I didn't go forward with it). Now with diabetes that is not an option. I want to do what I need to do to improve my health.
I found this site and I saw my shrink for the aproval process and i'm happy to be here. So look out world here I come!