beforestarlight

I was crying so hard I had to pull over to the side of the road. I had just been to Sonic and wolfed down loaded tots, chicken fingers, a slush, and a blast. I felt so hopeless and alone. I was not truly enjoying life and I was ashamed of my addiction. I called my mom (who also has weight problems) and told her I couldn't do it anymore. I told her I was out of control and wanted surgery. I know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem but I had been admitting I had a problem for four years. It took those four years of constant yo-yoing to finally do something about it. Thankfully my parents helped pay for the surgery and I chose a doctor in Hattiesburg, MS, that one of my friends had used for lap band surgery. I didn't contemplate any other surgery or weight loss plan. Lap Band is what I wanted and I made an appointment to see the doctor the next week. When I met Dr.Girod, I pretty much immediately knew he was going to be my surgeon. He was professional but seemed to have a good sense of humor. He also seemed to handle my rapid fire questions rather well. I also related well to his bariatic coordinator and after about an hour of questions and answers they set me up for surgery 13 days later. I did not have a difficult time sticking to the diet. I used Isopure shakes and drank chicken broth every night and ate about half a box of sugar free popscicles every night. I was also smoking about a pack of cigarettes a day (which the coordinator said wasn't a problem) and I developed bronchitis when I tried to quit around day 8 of the diet. On day 13, they refused to operate as they were concerned about me aspirating. I was devestated and immediately went to my favorite Chinese restaurant and ordered Coconut Shrimp, Combination lo Mein, and egg rolls. I had no idea how impossibly difficult the next few months would be trying to resume the liquid diet. I think I rescheduled surgery a total of 6 times... all because I could not stay on the diet for 14 days. I was obsessed with food. I felt like each meal was my last. I'm shocked I only gained about 18 pounds because I ate like I had never tasted food before, I decided to start the diet one last time on July 19. Around midnight, I frantically drove to Taco Bell and ordered about $15 worth of food, which is a lot of food for Taco Bell. I did the same thing the next night. By the grace of God ( as well as forcing myself to look in every window, mirror, and reflective surface I passed), I managed to stay on the diet after that. July 3rd was my surgery and I am so excited about what the next year holds for me! I'm also scared as I've been hiding behind my body and eating my emotions on and off my entire life. I dont' know what my life will be when I'm half my size. But I can guarantee that it will be half the pain and twice the rewards.

Thank you for all of your comments. I tend to come from "there is wisdom in the counsel of many" camp and I plan to read posts ya'll have made. In reference to the counseling suggestions,I meet with an LCSW every week who's also had Lap Band surgery and has successfully met her weight loss goals. She's my "thinspiration" and I'm not sure I would have had the courage to go through with the surgery without having watched her go through the entire process. I have so many people in my life who doubt that this will work. I know there will be tears and feelings of doubt and setbacks but I have full faith in my ability to have victory over my food addiction with this tool!!