chasingadream

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

I've discovered since having my lap band surgery on Sept. 19th that a whole new world is really out there waiting for me...and I am quite excited by this!
 
In 7 weeks and 5 days I have learned so much more about myself than I ever would have thought possible. First and foremost....I can eat to live and not live to eat anymore. This is a big one....as a constant food grazer for the past 30 or so years...who knew you could really just eat to nourish your body and mind and move on with your day....with your life.
 
My band and I are forging a whole new relationship together and we are getting along fabulously....I'm learning to stop at satisfied, chew, chew, chew, and to eat slowly. When I do this I don't feel that pressure in my chest I experienced a few times when first back on solids. I eat when I'm hungry...this is a new one for me. I actually wait when my stomach begins to growl and really get rowdy. Why one might ask. Because I havent felt TRUE hunger in so many years its actually a nice feeling. It reminds me that this is the signal that tells me....Yup....time to put some nourishment in me....and that's it!
 
Food is not all consuming to me anymore. I dont have any cravings. I dont know if its the band or the plication but I am loving it! I realized a week ago that I can eat something like a fun-size bag of peanut M+M's and the food demon of my past will not be unleashed. I thought for sure once I had that taste of chocolate...the taste of salty and sweet...the taste of goodness and comfort and joy that those M+M's used to elicit would cause me to slip back into old eating habits and patterns. You know what....IT DIDNT. Mind you, panic over this little "snack" did cause fear in my heart and soul as I ran around the house for the rest of the night telling my hubby that I surely released "the demon". Well, guess what?...the next day was like any other banded day for me. Eating breakfast, lunch, my little snack to get me to dinner and then to my last meal of the day- dinner.
 
Now when I see that bowl of leftover Halloween candy, I glance at it and say ....aaahhh...and walk away and onto the next thing I was going to do. Moments like that I now say WOW to.
 
At work, no one (well actually only one person---the wonderful school nurse who helped me when I fell outside of work right before my lap band surgery and i basically broke down because of the stress of everything---knows). One girl has said I've lost weight.....many others comment on how great my hair looks and they all love the shirts I'm wearing. I find it funny....not sure if they dont know what to say or this is how they are noticing it. I've always been a loose fitting shirt girl, always trying to cover up all my baggage and now my clothes are beginning to hang even more. I know I've got to get new stuff but the thought of not hiding stuff is all new to me. I will come around...for I must...but this part is the hard part right now.
 
I feel good...I feel light....I feel faster...I feel more energetic. I love that my wedding/engagement ring are constantly twisting on my finger. I love that my watch needs a link taken out. I love that I can eat at home or go out to eat with my family and I CAN eat. Whatever I want....sometimes better choices than others but I can always eat everything. I DO NOT feel deprived of anything. I don't miss the constant grazing, the donuts by the dozen, the pints of Ben & Jerry's, the 2 or 3 helpings at dinner.
 
I DO LOVE that my hubby is able to reach around me better when he gives me a hug....I can keep up with my kids better....i feel better about myself....i am happier than i've been in some time.....I'm healthier.....i've lost 46 pounds and this is just the beginning.
 
I look out my window and see that whole new world that being thinner offers and at times it is scary and seems so unknown but I wont know how truly great it all is unless I continue to travel down that road and reach that weight loss goal that has eluded me for sooooo many, many years.
 
So, watch out....'cause here I come!

I've discovered since having my lap band surgery on Sept. 19th that a whole new world is really out there waiting for me...and I am quite excited by this!
 
In 7 weeks and 5 days I have learned so much more about myself than I ever would have thought possible. First and foremost....I can eat to live and not live to eat anymore. This is a big one....as a constant food grazer for the past 30 or so years...who knew you could really just eat to nourish your body and mind and move on with your day....with your life.
 
My band and I are forging a whole new relationship together and we are getting along fabulously....I'm learning to stop at satisfied, chew, chew, chew, and to eat slowly. When I do this I don't feel that pressure in my chest I experienced a few times when first back on solids. I eat when I'm hungry...this is a new one for me. I actually wait when my stomach begins to growl and really get rowdy. Why one might ask. Because I havent felt TRUE hunger in so many years its actually a nice feeling. It reminds me that this is the signal that tells me....Yup....time to put some nourishment in me....and that's it!
 
Food is not all consuming to me anymore. I dont have any cravings. I dont know if its the band or the plication but I am loving it! I realized a week ago that I can eat something like a fun-size bag of peanut M+M's and the food demon of my past will not be unleashed. I thought for sure once I had that taste of chocolate...the taste of salty and sweet...the taste of goodness and comfort and joy that those M+M's used to elicit would cause me to slip back into old eating habits and patterns. You know what....IT DIDNT. Mind you, panic over this little "snack" did cause fear in my heart and soul as I ran around the house for the rest of the night telling my hubby that I surely released "the demon". Well, guess what?...the next day was like any other banded day for me. Eating breakfast, lunch, my little snack to get me to dinner and then to my last meal of the day- dinner.
 
Now when I see that bowl of leftover Halloween candy, I glance at it and say ....aaahhh...and walk away and onto the next thing I was going to do. Moments like that I now say WOW to.
 
At work, no one (well actually only one person---the wonderful school nurse who helped me when I fell outside of work right before my lap band surgery and i basically broke down because of the stress of everything---knows). One girl has said I've lost weight.....many others comment on how great my hair looks and they all love the shirts I'm wearing. I find it funny....not sure if they dont know what to say or this is how they are noticing it. I've always been a loose fitting shirt girl, always trying to cover up all my baggage and now my clothes are beginning to hang even more. I know I've got to get new stuff but the thought of not hiding stuff is all new to me. I will come around...for I must...but this part is the hard part right now.
 
I feel good...I feel light....I feel faster...I feel more energetic. I love that my wedding/engagement ring are constantly twisting on my finger. I love that my watch needs a link taken out. I love that I can eat at home or go out to eat with my family and I CAN eat. Whatever I want....sometimes better choices than others but I can always eat everything. I DO NOT feel deprived of anything. I don't miss the constant grazing, the donuts by the dozen, the pints of Ben & Jerry's, the 2 or 3 helpings at dinner.
 
I DO LOVE that my hubby is able to reach around me better when he gives me a hug....I can keep up with my kids better....i feel better about myself....i am happier than i've been in some time.....I'm healthier.....i've lost 46 pounds and this is just the beginning.
 
I look out my window and see that whole new world that being thinner offers and at times it is scary and seems so unknown but I wont know how truly great it all is unless I continue to travel down that road and reach that weight loss goal that has eluded me for sooooo many, many years.
 
So, watch out....'cause here I come!

Good afternoon.
I am watching the Doctor's on tv right now. They just had on a couple that had by pass surgery together. In a little over one year she lost 95 pounds and he lost about 190. The wife said it is a tool. She is right. I hope they keep up the good work. The Doctor's gave them a year's membership to a fancy health club/gym near them. That helps.
One of the doctor's said that WLS is not for everyone. He is right. We know that because of the mean bashers. Maybe bashers need to look in the mirror and blame themselves for messing up. (see I can use nice language).
Enjoy your day.
Arlene

Well, it's post op day 4 and I'm trying to figure out this new me! Happily I am feeling really good! The surgery went well and I'm glad I was able to stay overnight in the hospital...I do feel it made quite a difference in my confidence coming home. I did not experience the gas some complain of and was able to sleep in my own bed laying on my side the very first night. Only needed some liquids Tylenol for pain too.
 
I have tons of info to read and re-read but when it comes down to the nitty gritty your pretty much on your own to figure out your new "innards".
 
I need to drink lots of fluids as not to dehydrate but that's tough one sip at a time...I'm getting in as much as I can! Not nearly what I should. Will keep working on that!
 
Eating...wow...that's a whole new world...again get in your protein shakes first...very important, but only can take in 3-4ozs at a time...trying to throw in some soup to add some variety but not a lot of protein there! I'm very much looking forward to mushies (actually looking forward to some tuna fish)-don't know why but I am! Then there's the whole- are you full??...it sounds easy to know pre-banding but not so much after! Afraid of taking that one more sip that may push you over the top....I'm getting it-slowly but surely! Still some very old habits to break there (going slower, actually thinking about what your doing when you eat, and the whole clean your plate club)--all of which are very embedded after years and years of use.
 
Then there's the vitamins...need to get them in but their chewable and big and I'm on liquids-so I chew and chew and dissolve them all the way! They taste pretty yummy...lol.
 
It's a lot of pressure to follow all the rules. That parts a no-brainier for me-it took me a long time to finally decide on WLS and I won't jeopardize anything by cutting corners...but it's hard...not a bad hard just a new hard.
 
Many said the band is a lot of work and they weren't kidding! I know I'm fresh out of the starting gate and things will continue to progress, heal, and I will become more accustumed to and knowledgeable about my new me!
 
I'm blessed to have the most supportive hubby and two little ones who are being gentle on my belly but still sharing lots of hugs and kisses with their mama. I'm blessed to have been given this new chance to make a change for the better concerning my health and to finally feel better about myself and who I
am.
 
So this is a whole new chapter in my book of life!
 
And these weren't complaints or gripes about the band but more of an acknowledgement that I have much to continue to learn about me and my new little friend...
 
They say you learn something new everyday...ain't that the truth....and a good truth it is!
 
So to all those who have helped me get this far, and you know who you are...I say a great big THANK YOU-because as scary and as daunting and as exciting of an adventure as this whole banded world is -it's nice to have people who know what you're taking about and care to help!

Well, it's post op day 4 and I'm trying to figure out this new me! Happily I am feeling really good! The surgery went well and I'm glad I was able to stay overnight in the hospital...I do feel it made quite a difference in my confidence coming home. I did not experience the gas some complain of and was able to sleep in my own bed laying on my side the very first night. Only needed some liquids Tylenol for pain too.
 
I have tons of info to read and re-read but when it comes down to the nitty gritty your pretty much on your own to figure out your new "innards".
 
I need to drink lots of fluids as not to dehydrate but that's tough one sip at a time...I'm getting in as much as I can! Not nearly what I should. Will keep working on that!
 
Eating...wow...that's a whole new world...again get in your protein shakes first...very important, but only can take in 3-4ozs at a time...trying to throw in some soup to add some variety but not a lot of protein there! I'm very much looking forward to mushies (actually looking forward to some tuna fish)-don't know why but I am! Then there's the whole- are you full??...it sounds easy to know pre-banding but not so much after! Afraid of taking that one more sip that may push you over the top....I'm getting it-slowly but surely! Still some very old habits to break there (going slower, actually thinking about what your doing when you eat, and the whole clean your plate club)--all of which are very embedded after years and years of use.
 
Then there's the vitamins...need to get them in but their chewable and big and I'm on liquids-so I chew and chew and dissolve them all the way! They taste pretty yummy...lol.
 
It's a lot of pressure to follow all the rules. That parts a no-brainier for me-it took me a long time to finally decide on WLS and I won't jeopardize anything by cutting corners...but it's hard...not a bad hard just a new hard.
 
Many said the band is a lot of work and they weren't kidding! I know I'm fresh out of the starting gate and things will continue to progress, heal, and I will become more accustumed to and knowledgeable about my new me!
 
I'm blessed to have the most supportive hubby and two little ones who are being gentle on my belly but still sharing lots of hugs and kisses with their mama. I'm blessed to have been given this new chance to make a change for the better concerning my health and to finally feel better about myself and who I
am.
 
So this is a whole new chapter in my book of life!
 
And these weren't complaints or gripes about the band but more of an acknowledgement that I have much to continue to learn about me and my new little friend...
 
They say you learn something new everyday...ain't that the truth....and a good truth it is!
 
So to all those who have helped me get this far, and you know who you are...I say a great big THANK YOU-because as scary and as daunting and as exciting of an adventure as this whole banded world is -it's nice to have people who know what you're taking about and care to help!

Well, it's post op day 4 and I'm trying to figure out this new me! Happily I am feeling really good! The surgery went well and I'm glad I was able to stay overnight in the hospital...I do feel it made quite a difference in my confidence coming home. I did not experience the gas some complain of and was able to sleep in my own bed laying on my side the very first night. Only needed some liquids Tylenol for pain too.
 
I have tons of info to read and re-read but when it comes down to the nitty gritty your pretty much on your own to figure out your new "innards".
 
I need to drink lots of fluids as not to dehydrate but that's tough one sip at a time...I'm getting in as much as I can! Not nearly what I should. Will keep working on that!
 
Eating...wow...that's a whole new world...again get in your protein shakes first...very important, but only can take in 3-4ozs at a time...trying to throw in some soup to add some variety but not a lot of protein there! I'm very much looking forward to mushies (actually looking forward to some tuna fish)-don't know why but I am! Then there's the whole- are you full??...it sounds easy to know pre-banding but not so much after! Afraid of taking that one more sip that may push you over the top....I'm getting it-slowly but surely! Still some very old habits to break there (going slower, actually thinking about what your doing when you eat, and the whole clean your plate club)--all of which are very embedded after years and years of use.
 
Then there's the vitamins...need to get them in but their chewable and big and I'm on liquids-so I chew and chew and dissolve them all the way! They taste pretty yummy...lol.
 
It's a lot of pressure to follow all the rules. That parts a no-brainier for me-it took me a long time to finally decide on WLS and I won't jeopardize anything by cutting corners...but it's hard...not a bad hard just a new hard.
 
Many said the band is a lot of work and they weren't kidding! I know I'm fresh out of the starting gate and things will continue to progress, heal, and I will become more accustumed to and knowledgeable about my new me!
 
I'm blessed to have the most supportive hubby and two little ones who are being gentle on my belly but still sharing lots of hugs and kisses with their mama. I'm blessed to have been given this new chance to make a change for the better concerning my health and to finally feel better about myself and who I
am.
 
So this is a whole new chapter in my book of life!
 
And these weren't complaints or gripes about the band but more of an acknowledgement that I have much to continue to learn about me and my new little friend...
 
They say you learn something new everyday...ain't that the truth....and a good truth it is!
 
So to all those who have helped me get this far, and you know who you are...I say a great big THANK YOU-because as scary and as daunting and as exciting of an adventure as this whole banded world is -it's nice to have people who know what you're taking about and care to help!

Well, it's post op day 4 and I'm trying to figure out this new me! Happily I am feeling really good! The surgery went well and I'm glad I was able to stay overnight in the hospital...I do feel it made quite a difference in my confidence coming home. I did not experience the gas some complain of and was able to sleep in my own bed laying on my side the very first night. Only needed some liquids Tylenol for pain too.
 
I have tons of info to read and re-read but when it comes down to the nitty gritty your pretty much on your own to figure out your new "innards".
 
I need to drink lots of fluids as not to dehydrate but that's tough one sip at a time...I'm getting in as much as I can! Not nearly what I should. Will keep working on that!
 
Eating...wow...that's a whole new world...again get in your protein shakes first...very important, but only can take in 3-4ozs at a time...trying to throw in some soup to add some variety but not a lot of protein there! I'm very much looking forward to mushies (actually looking forward to some tuna fish)-don't know why but I am! Then there's the whole- are you full??...it sounds easy to know pre-banding but not so much after! Afraid of taking that one more sip that may push you over the top....I'm getting it-slowly but surely! Still some very old habits to break there (going slower, actually thinking about what your doing when you eat, and the whole clean your plate club)--all of which are very embedded after years and years of use.
 
Then there's the vitamins...need to get them in but their chewable and big and I'm on liquids-so I chew and chew and dissolve them all the way! They taste pretty yummy...lol.
 
It's a lot of pressure to follow all the rules. That parts a no-brainier for me-it took me a long time to finally decide on WLS and I won't jeopardize anything by cutting corners...but it's hard...not a bad hard just a new hard.
 
Many said the band is a lot of work and they weren't kidding! I know I'm fresh out of the starting gate and things will continue to progress, heal, and I will become more accustumed to and knowledgeable about my new me!
 
I'm blessed to have the most supportive hubby and two little ones who are being gentle on my belly but still sharing lots of hugs and kisses with their mama. I'm blessed to have been given this new chance to make a change for the better concerning my health and to finally feel better about myself and who I
am.
 
So this is a whole new chapter in my book of life!
 
And these weren't complaints or gripes about the band but more of an acknowledgement that I have much to continue to learn about me and my new little friend...
 
They say you learn something new everyday...ain't that the truth....and a good truth it is!
 
So to all those who have helped me get this far, and you know who you are...I say a great big THANK YOU-because as scary and as daunting and as exciting of an adventure as this whole banded world is -it's nice to have people who know what you're taking about and care to help!

Ok none of us is totally perfect. You come on this site and tell us that you were extremely bad and don't want people to comment. If you robbed a bank, killed someone etc. would you still be pissed people commented? Same thing in my eyes. Do something wrong and write about it, people will say something. This is the USA, freedom of speech.
 
That's all folks for tonight.
Arlene

At the moment, I'm pretty happy that I followed my doctor guided diet really well. I miss food, but I'm kind of use to the food restrictions already, which is amazing! I'm not struggling near as much as I thought I would, and now, by day three, I really enjoy the protein shakes. The only hard thing is smelling the food all my family is eating, that kinda gets me down a bit, you know? Today I found out that I can have sugar free jello and sugar free popsicles though, so that will be amazing! I'm so excited!! I've finally transitioned into making his a positive experience as much as possible, and finding this website has proved very helpful, I just hope I can find some talkative friends, you know?
 
Well, not everything is about the LAP-Band for me, I can't just focus on that, I need to focus on more social aspects of this journey, like the opportunity to network and meet people who are more than just mentors, but also friends. That's what I'm looking for most in this experience, especially with this website!
 
I'm going to use this as a chance to enjoy my LAP-Band by finding people who I never would've found without it. That way the darker parts don't see so dark, you know?
 
Currently, I'm listening to some uplifiting Beatles' music, because everyone loves and relates to the Beatles! I'm also counting down the days until the first "Gleetlemania" episode! My dad made me a Beatles' fan at a very young age, and I've carried that throughout my life and I just love watching the Beatles be reinvented by other artists and being interpreted in new ways! I might watch "Across the Universe" in preparation too! <3
 
I'm reflecting on the Beatles piece I did for my dad a couple of years ago. He's been my biggest support throughout the LAP-Band process and I'm really glad that we share things like music and entertainment together. This took me 18 months, but it was totally worth it. It's a mixed media piece.
 

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!
 
Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life.
I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless.
It has been an eye opening journey so far.
 
My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!
 
I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.
 
I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.
 
I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.
 
Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me!
I want this...I want it bad.
I'm willing to work and following what I must.
I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!
 
Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!

I have had my morning shake at 6:30, and no I'm not hungry, but I would really like to eat right now. Why? A bit of boredom, a bit of panic when I realize that I won't eat again until 11:30 (3 hours), missing pleasure that comes from the act of eating.
 
Of all the things in my life, I think that overcoming the baggage that food has will be the hardest. Not impossible by any means, but hard.

Once upon a time many years ago. 7 to exact. I lost 40 pounds. It was a rough time in my life, I was getting a divorce, starting a new job, sick and broken. (No really I had a tumor on my ovary and a broken foot!)
 
So many things were happening in my life at one time, that food and eating it didn’t seem to matter much to me. Having a broken foot I was hopping around on crutches everywhere I went. I got my cast on and started that new job that Monday morning. I had no choice, I was getting a divorce after nearly 20 years of marriage and I had 3 kids to care for. There was no time for self-pity!!! (Truth be told there is always a time, and you find it locked in your bathroom or your bedroom and you cry it out and steel yourself again to get through the next day.)
 
Wonder Woman didn’t cry, she battled and battle I did. Then a few months into it, I met the most amazing guy. He seemed to understand me on a level that no one ever had, and as time went on we grew closer and closer. We have been through so much in our lives, and so much more in the last 7 years that we have gone through together. Finally this last year on 10/11/12 we said our vows and married each other.
 
So happy, in love and satisfied with my life my love of food and all things SWEET returned with a vengeance. My Sweetheart shared that love with me and together we gained weight. I gained back the 40 pounds I had lost and then some!
 
At the time I was married last year I was at my heaviest weight ever. I did not let that stop me from buying a wedding gown, or two OK so I had 3! (We had 2 weddings and one celebration brunch when we returned)
I never felt out of place in my skin, though I did feel bloated and uncomfortable, even a little sick and lethargic at times. I was happy, we were happy.
 
Today, as my 1 year anniversary approaches and I am 30 pounds lighter, I looked in the mirror as I got ready for work this morning. I put on the diamond necklace my husband bought me as an anniversary gift. It came on this short 16” chain and when he bought it for me I thought that will never fit my fat neck! I’ll have to get another chain when he’s not looking. I put the box away until I could get that chain, but today I slipped it on and it fit great! It sits right at my collar bone and it looks amazing.
 
I looked in the mirror, and I felt “thin”. Don’t get me wrong I still need to lose another 100+ pounds, but for the first time…truly the first time even though I had lost weight before, this time I felt I might really be thin again.
 
I have truly lost the weight! Well and truly lost it! Those extra 30 pounds of me are gone and gone forever. I feel as though a layer has peeled away. I feel lighter, in body and in mind. I am looking forward to shedding more and more of myself in the months ahead. I am ready and committed to losing it. I’m ready to break free of all that has weighed me down all these years.
 
I still love my sweets, as does my hubby. Only now we take the time to make better choices and substitutions for those sweets, and make the space to enjoy a little indulgence on occasion. The sweetest indulgence for me today is the diamond necklace I wrapped around my neck that sits so perfectly and winks at me from the mirror with the knowing that it’s only going to get sweeter and sweeter!
 

I am still seeing post about what you should be eating, how much you should be eating, why am I not losing weight, why does this hurt and why does that hurt. One thing that should be clear when you leave your doctors office either pre op or post op, you should have a list of foods you may eat. You should have been told exactly what to expect after your surgery and during the pre op phase. If you are not sure of these things then you need to schedule an appointment to see your doctor. I can not believe so many would have this kind of surgery and still be asking what you should be eating and what you should not be eating. In the pre op stage if your doctor or nutritionist has not gone over these things with you then you should ask or find another doctor. When I left my meeting right before my surgery in my hand (which was also gone over with us by the dietician) was a list of foods to eat and at what stage. A prescription for pain medications and nausea medication. I had times when I could start exercising and how much I was to eat in a day. The only way that they lap band is going to work for you is to have every piece of information from your doctor available at your finger tips. Every doctor is different in what they want you to eat so asking us if you can eat something is like asking can you remove your sutures. If you are afraid to ask your doctor questions then why have your insurance pay him or if you are self pay why hand over 16,000 dollars or more. He is getting paid to give you what you need to be successful in this journey. Not everyone loses weight the same and if you want or expect to drop 100 pounds in a few months that is unrealistic. Yes others have lost more then you but it does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means your body is not going to lose it fast. If someone weighs 400lbs and you weigh 250 they will lose faster then you. If you are having any kind of pain call your doctor it could be something serious. I think if you are unsure of what you are doing then your doctor should be the one guiding you .

Today I look at my life and I am thankful. I am thankful for my loving family. I am thankful for a good job and a steady income. I am thankful for my Lapband and for getting my life back.
 
I look at who I was 18 months ago, 250 pounds of misery. I didn’t care about myself or how I looked. I would wear potato sack clothes, I never wore make-up or jewelry, I looked like a tired old lady and I didn’t care. I couldn’t exercise, just walking up the 4 steps into my house would put me out of breath. I really hated myself!
 
Thankfully I did something about it. I got the Lapband and lost 80 pounds. I went from size 22 to size 10 and have never felt better. I take pride in the clothes I wear (no more potato sacks for me ~ I hate baggy clothes now, lol), I love to wear jewelry and make-up. I want to look good, my smile is from ear to ear. Life is so enjoyable now.
 
So many things have opened up to me since my band. My husband and I have doubled the amount of land we use for gardening because I can physically help manage it. We increased our flock of chickens to 30 birds because I can physically help manage them. I find myself always on the go, moving doing this & that because I can physically do it. I even got my concealed handgun license (Never shot a gun before 6 months ago).
 
All this because I decided to change. Yes, I changed everything….. No more fast food, soda, junk food, midnight bowls of cereal, or gallons of ice cream and no more sitting on my ass watching TV all day. Do I miss these things? Sometimes. But if I have cravings I have a small portion of whatever I’m craving. Day to day I don’t miss a thing.
 
Life is too precious to waste it away on pizza and greasy burgers or cake and candy. I am thankful for my rebirth on February 6, 2012 and I promise to live a health happy life. I deserve nothing less.

So my last entry I was on my pre-op diet and now as of today I've had my band for 4 weeks! My first week post-op I did have some moments of 'what did I do to myself', but luckliy that passed. It has definitely been a learning experience and will continue to be one I'm sure. It's hard work but it's rewarding to see the pounds falling off. I'm up to walking about 2 1/2 miles 3-5 time per week. I'm eating 800 calories a day. I will say that I am looking forward to a fill. My appetite was non-existent at first but it has come back with a vengence. At this point I am having to use will power but that's ok because I know it's part of the process. I love the fact that I can eat a small portion and feel satisfied. I can finish my meal feeling good about myself instead of feeling guilty that I ate to much. It is an adjustment because I still get the 'head hunger'. For example, I made tacos the other night and that is one food I would stuff myself on. Instead of having a taco in a flour tortilla I made a small salad with shredded lettuce and had some refried beans on the side. Although I was satisfied my head was wanting to stuff myself silly on tacos. This is where I would fail at losing weight before the surgery. Before the surgery I would have gave in and stuffed myself on tacos. Now I know I can't unless I want to be sick or risk hurting my band. Oh yeah on a side note lettuce does not agree with me at all!! I will try it again sometime but it will be awhile.
 
Ok back to the head hunger. I think the more I live this new healthy lifestyle the cravings and longings to pig out on my favorite foods will deminish. I think it will be like when I quit smoking almost 6 months ago. I remember even 2 months after I quit I would get these strong cravings for a cigarette. This has gotten better over time and will continue to get better.
 
Now to the most frustrating part of this entire process (for me anyway)... the dreaded SCALE. I am just not getting along with my scale. I weighed 350 the morning of my surgery and 2 weeks out I weighed 329. Now it's been 2 weeks later and I'm still at 329, but in the last two weeks my clothes have continued to get loosier and I can tell I'm losing weight. The scale just isn't saying so. This is really frustrating. I tell myself I'm not going to weigh but I do it anyway. I think I might need to remove the scale from the bathroom and hide it for awhile. Yep, sounds like a good plan! I think as long as I'm counting my calories (thank you My Fitness Pal!), getting exercise in and can tell I'm losing then I don't need a stupid scale. It just brings me down to see the numbers staying the same.
 
Ok one last thing. I haven't had anything sweet in at least 6 weeks but tonight I'm going to make some Chocolate Chip Cannoli Cups from a website I found called emilybites.com. She has some fabulous looking recipes that aren't loaded with fat, calories and carbs. Oh yeah, did I mention it is 63 calories per cannoli cup? Yummmm.. chocolate here I come!!
 
 
 
Believe

These last couple of weeks have been a few of the most stressful that I have had since surgery in May.
 
Stress never seems to ebb in my life as much as it flows. You would think that over time this girl would be used to it, but there is no such thing as getting used to stress.
 
You can roll with it and that's what I do, so that I can deal with the issue at hand and so it doesn't drive me insane. However it does drive me to some things that hinder my journey and even have the potential to harm me.
 
I liked to think of it as comfort, but I know my thinking is warped. I want, no rather I need to find comfort in things other than food when life gets tough and curve balls are thrown at my head.
 
The hug of a loved one is good, the escape of a good book, TV show or movie is great, but nothing brings me the comfort of being in my bedroom with the door to the outside world closed, eating a box of skinny cow, or munching on a vat of peanut butter pretzels.
 
I want to run away and hide where no one can find me, but instead I try to heal the wounds so I can keep on going, and the bandages I use to cover up those wounds are food. It's bad..yes BAD because I am hurting myself by doing that. There are times that I will even pull my husband into it with me. I don't let too many people into my sanctuary, he is a willing accomplice that is until we realize that I am hurting him by sharing this unhealthy habit, and that makes me feel twice as bad.
 
Since I have had surgery and before the latest disaster struck, I was working on NOT eating in bed. NOT eating in my bedroom. Keeping meals and snacks in the kitchen and at the table where they belong.
 
It becomes difficult and feels impossible when I feel the need to hide. I want some peace a moment of relaxation, so I run to my bedroom and barricade myself away from the un-relenting caterwauls that come from outside.
 
If it's not one of the 5 kids, (all over the age of 18-actually 4 over the age of 20!) it's one of our parents, or siblings that claw and vie for attention. Usually something life threating, just so you know it's not just the usual hey what's for dinner or I can't find my key kind of stress, those things just compound daily and sometimes cause the force of the stress to be 10 times worse then it actually is.
 
There are days when I feel as though I have PTSD and just the ring of the phone, the whisper in the hallway or the knock on the door is enough to get my heart palpitating, my head pounding and my brow sweaty with anxiety.
 
I know I should lace up my sneakers and go for a walk, or hang a punching bag and beat the ever loving sh*t out of it. Tape the person of the day to it, and punch away. However, when I am emotionally spent and physically exhausted the only thing I fixate on is the drive to the store to buy that box or container of comfort food. When I get home all I want to do is close and lock my door, curl up under the covers and dig in.
 
This week, as I feel myself calming down a bit from the last two weeks of high anxiety and stress I am re-committing to working on these goals. I am hopeful that enough practice even if it is in between crisis I will be able to overcome my need for comfort foods, if not my need for escape, and learn to soothe my stress in more productive ways.
 
After 42 years, I am learning the power of NO and the definition of boundaries. I am practicing using the word NO more often, putting and keeping those boundaries firmly in place.
 
I am also thinking of investing in that punching bag. It could be a fun way to blow off steam! I wonder if they have one I could put on my desk….

I know my past couple of post I have been so sad but I promise this will be my last one for this month. Yesterday was another sad day for me. First let me say my co worker is fine and he moved into his apartment today. I was on my way to my support group and I stop by the day care to say Hi to the kids. When my sister pulled me to the side and told me one of our kids mother died will giving birth. This news hurt my heart so bad. All I could think about was those poor babies. I was upset I came home and put on my workout clothes and ran 3 miles. It was a great run but I didn't make it to group. It sucked tho because we were having a potluck called "Taste of Success!" Everyone was supposed to make bariatric friendly food then walk it off after the meeting. I hate that I missed it but I didn't want to be such a downer at our event.
 
Moving forward
I will spend this last 8 days doing things that makes me happy... So what makes me happy? Taking care of others. I am thinking about taking the day care kids out for ice cream next Friday (since that is pay day). And I am going to bake my co workers something because they supported me during my incident last week. Don't worry guys I won't over do it with the sweets and if I do I will run 3 more miles!
 
Anyway God is good and the Devil is a liar!
 
Thanks for Reading

I'm so glad I found this group. I'm excited and scared as hell about my upcoming surgery date (11SEP13). I've found comfort here...as well as uncomfortable truths.
 
I am not very open with the people that know me. I have issues...I have a counselor who is helping me with those issues. Progress is being made So, you all have been my peeps...I've come to you (whether you know it or not) for answers, encouragement, and truth. I've posted a few times. I've shared some of my story. I want to share more. And I want you to respond...with truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
 
So, here is my promise. I promise not to be offended when you tell me the uncomfortable truth about my ramblings. I won't get all moody and start calling names. I will value your opinions and your experiences. I may pout in front of my computer screen...but not on here where you can see it.
 
I also promise to share...the comfy and the uncomfy parts. I know it's not going to be a bed of roses, or an instant fix. It's going to be hard work and require a full committment on my part. There is no miracle weight loss. I know people have complications. I want to learn from them. I promise to take responsibility for my actions on here. If I screw up...I'm going to own it. And I ask you to remind me of that I know there are consequences for when I make mistakes. And I accept that you are going to let me know about them!
 
I write this because I've seen a few posts lately where the initial poster gets offended when the comments aren't all "warm and fuzzy." Well...as some of you have pointed out...truth isn't always warm and fuzzy.
 
So, thank you for letting me learn from you.
 
Thank you for being that shoulder I may need to lean on.
 
And thank you for keeping me in check.

Today I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it:
 

 
I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?'
 
So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'.
 
Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway???
 
I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying!
 
Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?

These long dreary days are not doing much for my get up and go. I find myself bored to tears. Yawning my head off to the point that my eyes are watering. I'd love to be able to have the time to take off and just recuperate from the level of stress my life always seems to be under.
 
The problem I encounter is when I have a down moment, and things are not moving at the speed of light and sound I don't know what to do with myself! I am so used to the high impact crash that usually happens when my battery stalls from all the overwhelming stress. The ones that take me down to the ground, and keep me there only until all the wounds scab over.
 
I'm not used to pulling over and letting things pass me and avoiding those high speed crashes, but I am learning and I have been making different life choices these days and it's not just about food.
 
Last year was a very rough year. It started at its usual break neck speed of things, and the intensity only increased throughout the year. I could write down all the grisly details, but sometimes sharing it all makes me tired and a bit sad. The events were extreme and it's a story that leaves most people staring at us with their mouths hanging open in disbelief. From January to April of last year our lives were zooming along on a roller coaster ride out of control.
 
New Year's Eve this year we looked at each other, and vowed that this would be the year we worry about us. The year we focus on our health and wellbeing.
 
A few weeks into the new year, my husband found out he would need a total hip replacement. The pain in his leg and his hip was getting worse by the second so we contacted the Hospital for Special surgery and met with the doctor, and the doctor didn't sugar coat it he told him flat out you need the surgery and that he would not touch him at his weight. He told him point blank go for some kind of weight loss surgery because you can't undergo this operation without it.
 
He was devastated as I was to hear that. NO one wants to hear they are fat or that they are going to continue to suffer because of it if they don't do something about it, but I had a plan and I had the perfect place for us to go! I called the surgeon I had met 2 years prior that very same day and he accommodated us, so we drove there that very same day and started our Lapband journey!
 
We jumped over the hurdles and through the testing hoops. We swam in the sea of the liquid diet, and we had our surgery, and in me…something was changing.
 
I was learning so much more about myself. Not only about the foods I was eating, but why I was eating, and when and how and as I started to look at those things…I had to look at myself.
I mean REALLY look at myself deep down inside in those dark and scary corners that no one wants to venture not even me! Yes my body had changed I had all these new little lines all around my tummy. I had lost some weight and I could see that in the mirror. My clothes were fitting better, but more importantly my attitude was changing.
 
For me the stress never stops coming, not everything is as exceptional as the last year and Thank God for that! Something's are positive stressors like my youngest son's High School Graduation, College registrations 70th Birthday parties and 50 year anniversaries, but being part of the sandwich generation can really take its toll. My husband and I are caught between our sick and ailing parents who end up in the hospital every other week with life and death issues, from life support to blood clots to life saving surgeries decisions to be made on a dime, and our Peter Pan children who are pushing into their late 20's that seem to not want to grow up and take on the mantel of adulthood responsibility.
 
We are always under one stress or another, working full time long hours far from home is sometimes a good thing, but most days it just adds to the level of stress.
 
As I am learning what powers my body, and what it needs and doesn't need what it can and will tolerate or not, I am also learning about myself.
The undue stress I endure when I run and jump and speed race for others, when I take on too many projects and take on other peoples responsibilities it adds to my already heavy burden. I have learned that just because I am capable, and can carry it doesn't mean that I have to.
 
I am learning to pick and choose the things I engage in, as much as I pick and choose how, what and when I eat.
I love to be able to help people it makes me feel good to share the knowledge and understanding I have, or to give physical aid where it's needed, but it can no longer be at the expense of my health.
 
It hasn't been so easy for me to understand that I have to come first. I have to put my health and my wellbeing above the rest.
 
I'm learning to take deep breaths and to try and keep the stress at bay. It's not always possible and it's never easy but I'm learning to cope to work with and around things that I should not be stressing over.
 
In three almost four months the band has really helped me to make some major changes in my life and my lifestyle in positive ways. I don't think any weight loss would have been possible for me to keep off if I did not make some of these alterations, and I hope that I am able to continue to learn and implement new coping skills and see even more weight loss as I move forward toward my goals.
 
Taking the time to think about and write all this today, as boring and dreary a day as it is here, has been an awesome non scale victory for me!

My husband sent me a text today that said " Anyone can like you for your looks, but it's your personality that makes someone fall in love with you". I stop and think about that now because I was so obsessed with this band and what I needed to do. Who I needed to be but in his eyes I am who I need to be at 300lbs or 0lbs. Yes it gave me my life back to enjoy many more years with him but it's time to move on now and not be so over concerned with a pound here or there. It's time to enjoy my life with my wonderful husband and stop letting that weight demon control my every thought. I enjoyed ice cream today without feeling guilty because in all reality we owe ourselves to enjoy life. Will I get more tomorrow? No. But it doesn't matter if I did or not that is not what life is about anymore for me. We spend every week wishing for Friday and for what to only be a week older and life getting shorter. At 50 I have learned that I missed out on so much being over weight but now I am missing out on so much being obsessed with everything I put in my mouth. I don't want to live in the weight prison anymore. I don't want the scale to rule my life. I am blessed and healthy and this band in my stomach does not define the person I am it only makes me look in the mirror to think "you look good now" Well to my husband I looked good then. I just did not like the way I looked and I have learned loving myself is the freedom I really needed not a band to make me who I am. I wont resort to food anymore for sadness but I am living like a normal person should and enjoying every minute of it. I never cheated on my weight loss trip but it did not make me any better then those that do. It just got me where I wanted to be faster. I guess what I am trying to say is be happy and love yourself and let the band be second nature not your first thought every day. Do what you need to do to get where you need to be but don't let it consume your every hour. There are too many things out there to enjoy a little bit at a time. We all have to do it our own way but you also have to love yourself to do it at all. The band is the house and you have to do the interior decorating. Love to my friends.