joatsaint

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Ok here we go!! My sugery is two weeks from today and I am starting my own version of the Pre-Op diet!! If anyone has read my previous entries you will know that I decided to start cutting stuff back and out since the day my surgery was booked (April 1, 2013).
 
For the last two weeks I have been carb free and in dietary ketosis… so this week I have decided to go clear liquids only throughout the day, and one sensible low carb low fat protein rich meal for dinner – it will be chicken or fish with a low carb vegetable. Day 1, 12:24… I am FREAKING HUNGRY!! However, I am going to withstand this physical discomfort because I know that on the flip side, it will be gone.
 
Why am I torturing myself you may ask? Because I feel that the challenge I will face following my surgery will be as much mental and emotional as it is physical. I want to learn now, over the next 14 days how much protein my body needs, and when, along with the various other nutrient requirements (Multi Vit, Calcium,D, B12).
 
My resolve is not to feel unwell or weak the first couple of weeks following my surgery, but moreover; to not panic and start climbing the walls because there is nothing solid going into my body.
 
I hope it works. So far, the gradual decrease has been working for me. I feel physically stable, and mentally empowered. I have lost 18 lbs this year, and 39 since my top weight.
 
Neither refined sugar nor caffeine call the shots anymore so now I tackle ghrelin – I hope it knows the strong stubborn b***h its up against.
 
In other news, my sister will now be coming with me to Juarez and I am super excited. She is as silly as me and I think we will have a ball.
 
My bf/ ex bf?? whatever he is now... has not been home since Monday. We have talked and “made up” so to speak. I don’t believe there was any affair or any of the sort going on... because I know exactly where he stayed (and with whom). However, to get in a snit and not come home or check in for a couple of days after a fight, is extremely childish and disrespectful - especially for a man in his 40s!!!.
 
My feeling at this point is that he is waiting for me to ask him to come home. That’s not happening. I love the man, but I am far to old for this crap, and I have a wonderful son to think about.
 
And really, if I can get over Chocolate, I can get over Justin! :Þ

OMG, That stuff is nasty.
 
When I was in the hospital, my CPAP machine ran out of water. I asked for some tap water, and the nurse offered me some sterile water instead. At the time, I couldn't smell or taste anything, so it wasn't a problem.
 
It was after I got back home and tried on my mask. The stench had infiltrated every part of the mask, tubing and reservoir. It took a few rinsing, but I finally got the stench out.
 
Sterilized means that all the bacteria and viruses have been removed or killed, such as by UV irradiation or boiling.
 
Distilled means the water has been boiled, the steam collected, and condensed back into pure water.

Well, it's official. My surgery is on the 27th.
 
The good news is that my pre-op diet is only for 5 days and it won't be too much of an alteration of my current eating habits. From my research, I already had a good idea of what the pre-op diet was going to be like, just didn't know how long I would be expected to be on it. I had prepared myself mentally for a 2 week liquid diet. So it was really a surprise to hear that it is only 5 days and I can drink as much of the high protein/low carb shakes as I want and eat soups (like chicken noodle) as long as they don't contain high carb vegies like potatoes.
 
I've already figured out a combination of dutch chocolate EAS carb control shakes with 1 scoop of Total Soy (chocolate) that tastes great and has a combined 30 grams of protein and 11 grams of carbs per 20 oz shake. I highly recommend getting a shaker bottle with the little ball spring inside. It really breaks up the Total Soy powder making a smooth creamy shake. I bought a 2 pack at Sam's club for $12, and I saw them at Wal-Mart for $7 each. But with the 2 pack I can keep one at work and one at home.
 
I figure I'm having the same thoughts and feelings as others in the pre-op stage. So I wanted to share a moment I had last week that makes me laugh at myself now. I had a small panic attack until I realized how stupid it was. I actually got worried that post op, I wouldn't be able to eat as much I as I could in the past. Stupid, right?
 
But I guess it plays on my basic fear of change. How am I going to handle being thinner and how people will react and treat me at work and socially. As it is, I have 40 years of knowing how people treat the fat me. Now, I have to worry about how people will treat me as a thin person.

One of the scariest or infuriating things I encounter is when I've made a new low on the scale and then gain back 3 or 5 pounds in the next few days. And then it takes a week to get back where I was. I know it's just my body getting adjusted to my new lifestyle, but it is infuriating to see it happen.
 
After reading so many success stories about losing 20 plus pounds per month in the 1st 6 months, I WANT IT TOO! Not 10, not 15, I want my 20+ pound loss, just like clockwork - gimme, gimme, gimme! But that isn't the way my body wants to do it. So I'll just have to get used to the way it works.
 
In fact, the gains are my fault. I allow myself a "cheat" meal on Saturday nights and one more on Sundays when I visit my parents (twice a month). It's not that I eat more food, it's just less healthy.
 
For example:
 
Friday morning weight in: 296.8
 
Saturday night was Golden Corral buffet night. Over the hour I was there, I had about 4oz of meatloaf, 1 fried chicken strip, 1 big cauliflower floret w/cheese, about 2 tablespoons of Shepard's pie and about 1/2 of some kind of pecan gooey thing. I didn't stuff myself, just ate until I was full, waited while my friend hit the buffet again, and I ate a little here and there as my stomach emptied.
 
The following Sunday happened to be one of the 2 days a month I visit my parents. At lunch we had Churches fried chicken. I had 1 fried breast, 1 single serving of mashed potatoes, and 1 biscuit. This is not the normal fare, usually mom cooks meat and vegetables.
 
I wasn't able to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I broke it into 2 meals, one at 11am, the 2nd at 2pm.
 
The rest of my meals for the weekend were my normal fare: turkey hamburger w/cheese and spaghetti sauce or turkey hamburger w/gravy and chopped cauliflower. In a 4oz bowl.
 
Monday morning weigh in: 302.4 - almost a 6 pound gain!
 
I can only assume that all the salt and sodium caused quite a bit of water retention. I don't believe I really over did it too much on the calories.
 
Now it's Thursday - 4 days later - and I'm back down to 298.4 - 4 pounds. Not surprising really, it's happened more than once. That doesn't mean I have to like it!
 
I think it might be a good thing to switch up foods this way, my body won't get accustomed to a certain calorie count/protein/carb/fat intake. I just won't go overboard on the bad stuff and eat it more than 6 meals a month. Now if only I can get over my fear of seeing the scale move up instead of down!
 
And I'll watch and see how my body reacts long term. If turns out that it's causing stalls or long term weight gain, I'll have to go back to the basic diet and cut out the bad stuff.
 
NSV! Now, where's my light saber? I have to punch a new hole in my belt.

One of the scariest or infuriating things I encounter is when I've made a new low on the scale and then gain back 3 or 5 pounds in the next few days. And then it takes a week to get back where I was. I know it's just my body getting adjusted to my new lifestyle, but it is infuriating to see it happen.
 
After reading so many success stories about losing 20 plus pounds per month in the 1st 6 months, I WANT IT TOO! Not 10, not 15, I want my 20+ pound loss, just like clockwork - gimme, gimme, gimme! But that isn't the way my body wants to do it. So I'll just have to get used to the way it works.
 
In fact, the gains are my fault. I allow myself a "cheat" meal on Saturday nights and one more on Sundays when I visit my parents (twice a month). It's not that I eat more food, it's just less healthy.
 
For example:
 
Friday morning weight in: 296.8
 
Saturday night was Golden Corral buffet night. Over the hour I was there, I had about 4oz of meatloaf, 1 fried chicken strip, 1 big cauliflower floret w/cheese, about 2 tablespoons of Shepard's pie and about 1/2 of some kind of pecan gooey thing. I didn't stuff myself, just ate until I was full, waited while my friend hit the buffet again, and I ate a little here and there as my stomach emptied.
 
The following Sunday happened to be one of the 2 days a month I visit my parents. At lunch we had Churches fried chicken. I had 1 fried breast, 1 single serving of mashed potatoes, and 1 biscuit. This is not the normal fare, usually mom cooks meat and vegetables.
 
I wasn't able to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I broke it into 2 meals, one at 11am, the 2nd at 2pm.
 
The rest of my meals for the weekend were my normal fare: turkey hamburger w/cheese and spaghetti sauce or turkey hamburger w/gravy and chopped cauliflower. In a 4oz bowl.
 
Monday morning weigh in: 302.4 - almost a 6 pound gain!
 
I can only assume that all the salt and sodium caused quite a bit of water retention. I don't believe I really over did it too much on the calories.
 
Now it's Thursday - 4 days later - and I'm back down to 298.4 - 4 pounds. Not surprising really, it's happened more than once. That doesn't mean I have to like it!
 
I think it might be a good thing to switch up foods this way, my body won't get accustomed to a certain calorie count/protein/carb/fat intake. I just won't go overboard on the bad stuff and eat it more than 6 meals a month. Now if only I can get over my fear of seeing the scale move up instead of down!
 
And I'll watch and see how my body reacts long term. If turns out that it's causing stalls or long term weight gain, I'll have to go back to the basic diet and cut out the bad stuff.
 
NSV! Now, where's my light saber? I have to punch a new hole in my belt.

The title is from an old nursery rhyme by Andrew Dice Clay.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl b-i-t-c-h?"
 
I see quite a few questions regarding whey protein and I'd like to share a few things I learned pre-surgery in preparation for my pre-op and post-op diet.
 
Whey is one of the fastest digesting proteins and the quickest way :-) to get protein shuttled to your muscles. Whey comes from milk protein and contains the full spectrum of amino acids needed to build muscle.
 
Whey comes in several forms - hydrolyzed, isolate, and concentrate, isolate being digested faster and more completely than protein concentrate.
 
The Differences
 
Protein Concentrate: 70-80% pure protein and up to 5% lactose
 
Protein Isolate: Almost pure protein (90-94%) and near zero lactose and carbs, many people that are lactose intolerant have no problems digesting protein isolate.
 
Hydrolyzed Protein: Protein isolate that is broken down even more and is more easily absorbed by the muscles.
 
All three are good sources of protein and taking one over the other will not make a difference in how much muscle mass your body builds. It is only a matter of purity and the speed your body digests and transports the protein to the muscles.
 
Whey concentrate has less pure protein than hydrolyzed or isolate, meaning you'll have to take more whey concentrate to get the same protein in grams vs. isolate.
 
And speed of digestion and transport. Again, whey concentrate is the slowest, it is not broken down in the manufacturing process as much as hydrolyzed and isolate. Hydrolyzed=fastest, isolate=fast, concentrate=slowest. Is speed any great issue? I wouldn't think so. It's like the kids playing basketball, buying a pair of Jordans to improve their game. The difference a pair of Jordans makes for a nonprofessional athlete is so insignificant it's almost zero.

One of the scariest or infuriating things I encounter is when I've made a new low on the scale and then gain back 3 or 5 pounds in the next few days. And then it takes a week to get back where I was. I know it's just my body getting adjusted to my new lifestyle, but it is infuriating to see it happen.
 
After reading so many success stories about losing 20 plus pounds per month in the 1st 6 months, I WANT IT TOO! Not 10, not 15, I want my 20+ pound loss, just like clockwork - gimme, gimme, gimme! But that isn't the way my body wants to do it. So I'll just have to get used to the way it works.
 
In fact, the gains are my fault. I allow myself a "cheat" meal on Saturday nights and one more on Sundays when I visit my parents (twice a month). It's not that I eat more food, it's just less healthy.
 
For example:
 
Friday morning weight in: 296.8
 
Saturday night was Golden Corral buffet night. Over the hour I was there, I had about 4oz of meatloaf, 1 fried chicken strip, 1 big cauliflower floret w/cheese, about 2 tablespoons of Shepard's pie and about 1/2 of some kind of pecan gooey thing. I didn't stuff myself, just ate until I was full, waited while my friend hit the buffet again, and I ate a little here and there as my stomach emptied.
 
The following Sunday happened to be one of the 2 days a month I visit my parents. At lunch we had Churches fried chicken. I had 1 fried breast, 1 single serving of mashed potatoes, and 1 biscuit. This is not the normal fare, usually mom cooks meat and vegetables.
 
I wasn't able to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I broke it into 2 meals, one at 11am, the 2nd at 2pm.
 
The rest of my meals for the weekend were my normal fare: turkey hamburger w/cheese and spaghetti sauce or turkey hamburger w/gravy and chopped cauliflower. In a 4oz bowl.
 
Monday morning weigh in: 302.4 - almost a 6 pound gain!
 
I can only assume that all the salt and sodium caused quite a bit of water retention. I don't believe I really over did it too much on the calories.
 
Now it's Thursday - 4 days later - and I'm back down to 298.4 - 4 pounds. Not surprising really, it's happened more than once. That doesn't mean I have to like it!
 
I think it might be a good thing to switch up foods this way, my body won't get accustomed to a certain calorie count/protein/carb/fat intake. I just won't go overboard on the bad stuff and eat it more than 6 meals a month. Now if only I can get over my fear of seeing the scale move up instead of down!
 
And I'll watch and see how my body reacts long term. If turns out that it's causing stalls or long term weight gain, I'll have to go back to the basic diet and cut out the bad stuff.
 
NSV! Now, where's my light saber? I have to punch a new hole in my belt.

The title is from an old nursery rhyme by Andrew Dice Clay.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl b-i-t-c-h?"
 
I see quite a few questions regarding whey protein and I'd like to share a few things I learned pre-surgery in preparation for my pre-op and post-op diet.
 
Whey is one of the fastest digesting proteins and the quickest way :-) to get protein shuttled to your muscles. Whey comes from milk protein and contains the full spectrum of amino acids needed to build muscle.
 
Whey comes in several forms - hydrolyzed, isolate, and concentrate, isolate being digested faster and more completely than protein concentrate.
 
The Differences
 
Protein Concentrate: 70-80% pure protein and up to 5% lactose
 
Protein Isolate: Almost pure protein (90-94%) and near zero lactose and carbs, many people that are lactose intolerant have no problems digesting protein isolate.
 
Hydrolyzed Protein: Protein isolate that is broken down even more and is more easily absorbed by the muscles.
 
All three are good sources of protein and taking one over the other will not make a difference in how much muscle mass your body builds. It is only a matter of purity and the speed your body digests and transports the protein to the muscles.
 
Whey concentrate has less pure protein than hydrolyzed or isolate, meaning you'll have to take more whey concentrate to get the same protein in grams vs. isolate.
 
And speed of digestion and transport. Again, whey concentrate is the slowest, it is not broken down in the manufacturing process as much as hydrolyzed and isolate. Hydrolyzed=fastest, isolate=fast, concentrate=slowest. Is speed any great issue? I wouldn't think so. It's like the kids playing basketball, buying a pair of Jordans to improve their game. The difference a pair of Jordans makes for a nonprofessional athlete is so insignificant it's almost zero.

The title is from an old nursery rhyme by Andrew Dice Clay.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl b-i-t-c-h?"
 
I see quite a few questions regarding whey protein and I'd like to share a few things I learned pre-surgery in preparation for my pre-op and post-op diet.
 
Whey is one of the fastest digesting proteins and the quickest way :-) to get protein shuttled to your muscles. Whey comes from milk protein and contains the full spectrum of amino acids needed to build muscle.
 
Whey comes in several forms - hydrolyzed, isolate, and concentrate, isolate being digested faster and more completely than protein concentrate.
 
The Differences
 
Protein Concentrate: 70-80% pure protein and up to 5% lactose
 
Protein Isolate: Almost pure protein (90-94%) and near zero lactose and carbs, many people that are lactose intolerant have no problems digesting protein isolate.
 
Hydrolyzed Protein: Protein isolate that is broken down even more and is more easily absorbed by the muscles.
 
All three are good sources of protein and taking one over the other will not make a difference in how much muscle mass your body builds. It is only a matter of purity and the speed your body digests and transports the protein to the muscles.
 
Whey concentrate has less pure protein than hydrolyzed or isolate, meaning you'll have to take more whey concentrate to get the same protein in grams vs. isolate.
 
And speed of digestion and transport. Again, whey concentrate is the slowest, it is not broken down in the manufacturing process as much as hydrolyzed and isolate. Hydrolyzed=fastest, isolate=fast, concentrate=slowest. Is speed any great issue? I wouldn't think so. It's like the kids playing basketball, buying a pair of Jordans to improve their game. The difference a pair of Jordans makes for a nonprofessional athlete is so insignificant it's almost zero.

The title is from an old nursery rhyme by Andrew Dice Clay.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl b-i-t-c-h?"
 
I see quite a few questions regarding whey protein and I'd like to share a few things I learned pre-surgery in preparation for my pre-op and post-op diet.
 
Whey is one of the fastest digesting proteins and the quickest way :-) to get protein shuttled to your muscles. Whey comes from milk protein and contains the full spectrum of amino acids needed to build muscle.
 
Whey comes in several forms - hydrolyzed, isolate, and concentrate, isolate being digested faster and more completely than protein concentrate.
 
The Differences
 
Protein Concentrate: 70-80% pure protein and up to 5% lactose
 
Protein Isolate: Almost pure protein (90-94%) and near zero lactose and carbs, many people that are lactose intolerant have no problems digesting protein isolate.
 
Hydrolyzed Protein: Protein isolate that is broken down even more and is more easily absorbed by the muscles.
 
All three are good sources of protein and taking one over the other will not make a difference in how much muscle mass your body builds. It is only a matter of purity and the speed your body digests and transports the protein to the muscles.
 
Whey concentrate has less pure protein than hydrolyzed or isolate, meaning you'll have to take more whey concentrate to get the same protein in grams vs. isolate.
 
And speed of digestion and transport. Again, whey concentrate is the slowest, it is not broken down in the manufacturing process as much as hydrolyzed and isolate. Hydrolyzed=fastest, isolate=fast, concentrate=slowest. Is speed any great issue? I wouldn't think so. It's like the kids playing basketball, buying a pair of Jordans to improve their game. The difference a pair of Jordans makes for a nonprofessional athlete is so insignificant it's almost zero.

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with 1 step. What they don't tell you is that the journey is a b*tch if you're on step 1!
 
1/14/2015
Well it's been a few months since I last walked. November to be exact. With the cold weather and injuries and sinus drainage, I was pretty much out of commission. We were at it hard during September and October, hitting new highs on speed, sometimes going as fast as 3.9 mph for 3 miles.
 
But November, my partner hurt his ankle and was out for 3 weeks, then I got terrible sinus headaches from breathing the smoke from neighbors burning piles of leaves and then the cold rain set in. So here it is, the middle of January and we haven't walked a mile per day. Fortunately, I've actually lost weight in that time and kept it off. My new job keeps me moving quite a bit.
 
8/26/2014
Wish there was more the report, but it's still HOT in Texas. Most days the temp is around 91 with a heat index of 101 when I walk. I've had to start wearing a water soaked towel around my neck and a hat while I walk to complete 3 miles. I've come close to heat exhaustion a few times and had to head over to the water faucet and soak my head till the dizziness clears. I thought I'd have built up a tolerance to the heat by now, but doesn't seem like that is going to happen. Good news is, the worst of the heat is over, once we hit September temps will slooooooowly creep down to the low 90's every evening. And by October, we'll be back in the 80's. I can't wait to see how fast I can do 4 miles when the temps are down in the 80's. Hopefully, I'll break the 15 minute mile. :-)
 
7/30/2014
I know I keep saying this, but OMG!!! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS! The good news is that today was a cloudy day and I managed 4.25 miles @ 3.6 mph. I should be up and above 4 mph by the time cool weather rolls in during October.
 
The heat is still in the 94 - 95 degree range with a heat index of 101 - 104. And as Madge said on the Palmolive dish-washing detergent, "You're soaking in it." :-P I'm still walking 5 days a week and hugging every inch of shade I can find! But I had to cut back to 3 miles, down from 4. I was just getting too dizzy and sick - even with using a water soaked towel to keep cool and carrying a water bottle. Monday, I had to stop at 2.5 miles and go soak my head under a water faucet. I hit a point and knew I had better get cooled off or something bad was about to happen.
 


 
7/24/2014
OMG!!! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS!
For the past week it's been between 91 and 94 degrees with a heat index of 101 - 104... during the evenings... when I'm walking! I've had to begin carrying a wet towel and carry a water bottle to prevent dehydration and heat exhaustion. But aside from that, I've managed to walk between 3 and 4 miles in about an hour, averaging 3.5 - 3.7 mph. And haven't missed a day this week. But you gotta believe it when I say I was looking for ANY excuse to skip walking after work. But alas, the weather has been clear during the evenings and all the rain has managed to miss my exercise hour. I wonder how much it would cost me to have a crop duster fly up and seed some clouds just around the time I supposed to start walking????
 
7/04/2014
Another 3 miles (including 1 mile in total of jogging in short stretches) in the record book. It still amazes me when I think back to just 18 months ago when I would go to bed wondering how much it would hurt to walk from the car to my desk at work.
 
The Texas heat is a monster and I was really dreading walking (I mean baking) in 94 degree heat with a heat index of 101. That was yesterday! But I got rained out at the last minute. :-) ****Does happy dance**** I know, I know, I should be like those workout gurus and tell you how much I missed not going out there and sweating my ass off. But I gotta be honest and say I will take any "HONEST" excuse to duck out on walking in this heat. When I say "HONEST EXCUSE" I mean just that.... a real, "believable", reason (rain, when my car had a flat 2 weeks ago, or I feel like I've been pushing myself to the point of injury or sickness). Skipping a walk just because I don't feel like it is not enough.
 
So this morning the I had planned to walk with a friend at Claiborne Park just north of Vidor, TX. We normally do 3.25 miles and I've been increasing the distance I've been jogging. But the radar shows rain headed right for us in the next hour or so. So we cancelled it.
 
Instead I ran around my neighborhood. One lap around my block is approx. 1/2 mile. 2 long sides and 2 short sides. In 70 degree weather, I managed to run 12 of the short sides for a total of 1 miles....And the amazing part was I could have done more! So we'll see how much more tomorrow when I'm back out at Claiborne.

 
 
6/29/2014
Can't believe how well my attempts to jog are working out. Averaged 3.5 mph for 3.25 miles today. I walk a figure 8 style track and managed to jog the 4 straightaways all three laps. My next goal is to jog 1 mile non-stop. Shooting to reach that goal by the end of July. If the heat gets to be too much for me, my fall back plan is to go back to wearing the 30 lb weight vest and speed walk the trails.
 
6/19/2014
Another 3.25 miles down. Speed is still slow at 3.1 mph. Temp 91 degrees. Managed to make the whole circuit on 13 swallows of water. It's a pain to have to carry a water bottle on the trail, but it beats getting heat stroke!
 
It's been tough getting used to the Texas heat. The heat's really been kicked up a notch since the end of May. I thought it was bad when the temps were in the high 80's. Oh how I long for those days. My walking partner calls me the shade hunter. He's much more tolerant of the heat. He can walk in full sun for the whole 3.25 miles, while I zigzag on the trail - going from one patch of shade to the next. I think I may actually be walking farther than him, but he carries the GPS, so I have to go by his distance and time. Doesn't matter to me though, just completing the whole trail every day is a win.
 
06/18/2014
Man is it hot! The Texas Summer heat is just getting its stride and things are baking in the park. I'm up to 3.25 miles each day/ 3.1 mph while wearing a 30 lb vest. Fastest speed without the vest was 3.6 mph for 3.25 miles. Thinking it might be time to try the couch to 5k plan. Not really sure all this effort is worth the results. It's a vicious cycle - the more I get in shape the farther/faster I have to walk to burn the same amount of calories.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10/02/2013
Hit a new personal best time at the park. 3.2 miles an hour, did 3 point something miles in about 53 minutes or something close to that, I've forgotten the exact time. :-) But at least I'm getting better, both in distance and being able to recover enough to walk at the same intensity day after day. It seems like only yesterday (actually it was Jan 2nd) that I started my walking program by taking the long way around the office to the bathroom. :-P Just goes to show that taking small steps can add up to bigger things later on.
 
7/11/2013
Well, I lost Gilligan, my pedometer. I named him Gilligan cause he was my "little buddy". Not sure where he ran off to. I left the house with him on my hip and at the end of the day, he was gone.

 
So now I have Gilligan the 2nd or Gilligan the Next Generation, depending on your point of view. Gilligan II is a little smarter, so hopefully he won't get lost. He keeps track not only of my steps and mileage, but takes into account my weight, lists calories burned, total steps, aerobic steps (meaning any walking continuously for 10 minutes or more) and tells me how long I've been aerobically walking . And he remembers everything from the past 6 days.

 
The good news is that I've graduated to a 2 mile trail in a local park. It has lots of ups and downs - and the occasional rabbit/armadillo/snake/Pimp butterfly on the trail to keep things entertaining. And I'm able to make the walk 6 to 7 days a week.
 
My 1st goal was to be able to complete the 2 miles every day 6 to 7 days a week. I have reached that goal as of July.
 
The next goal is to start increasing my speed. See if I can break the 45 minute mark for completing the trail. Current best speed is 46 minutes.
 
 
5/17/2013
Finally! Made over 10k steps a day for 6 days in a row. My original goal was to do it for 5 days in a row. Plus as an added NSV, I have graduated from walking on flat, level surfaces to walking in a parking garage. I do the 1st 5k steps in the morning on level ground, but at lunch, I step it up (no pun intended) by going out to a 3 story parking garage. Having to walk up those inclines between floors add a whole new level to the phrase "pain in the butt!" :-P
 
I was walking next to a coworker yesterday and she said, "I smell smoke." I said, "That's me. I'm not just hot, I'm SMOKIN!"
 
For those out there that have feet and knee pain like me, it pays to move, no matter how little. That's how I started out 5 months ago.
 
I could barely walk from the parking lot to the store without limping and being in a lot of pain. But I always parked at the far end of the lot and minced my way into the store. And I set a goal to walk the inside perimeter of my office every time I went to the bathroom or had to leave my desk. That was 4 to 10 laps a day.
 
When we move to a bigger office in Feb. I set a goal to make 4 laps a day around the office (approximately 1200 steps plus the 500 steps from the parking lot to my desk got me up to about 1700 steps a day).
 
When I got to the point where I could tolerate the 4 laps with no lasting pain, I added 4 laps at lunch. Then 5 in the morning and 5 at lunch till I could do 10 each time. That took several months to accomplish and I usually only could do that at most 3 days a week and be in pain for the other 2 days.
 
Now 10 laps twice a day is too easy, so I changed to going into the parking garage at lunch. The inclined ramps are easy on my ankles and ups my aerobic activity. Plus it gets me out in the sun - gotta have my Vitamin D!
 
That's how I did it. Little changes add up. Now I've got 2 ladies a work who SAY they want to start walking with me - but so far it's only been talk. :-)
 

This is from today, 5/17/2013. It's gonna break my heart to reset it in the morning!
 
 
2/19/2013
Just checked my pedometer when I got home and finally crossed the 10k steps goal or 4.5 miles in 1 day.
 
I usually on get in around 2.5 to 3 miles a day, but today I had a lot of extra walking at work and for the 2nd day this week I've been able to walk additional laps around the building at lunch.
 
Hopefully my feet and hips will allow me to maintain or surpass 10k a day from now on.
 
Update:3/28/2013
Still managing to get closer to my goal of 5 miles/day, 7 days a week. I'm averaging 4.5 miles/day 4 days a week. My hips no longer hurt, just some muscle soreness. And my feet are usually only a little painful after walking but the pain is almost gone the next day.
 
The people at work are starting to take notice of my walking before work and at lunch time. Commenting on my weight loss, that may sound encouraging, but I'd rather stay unnoticed and unremarked on. Noticing my weight loss and exercising will only lead to questions - ones I'd rather not answer.
 
I've had one or two people comment on how much they need to start walking with me, almost daily, but they never seem to find the time to do even one lap around the floor with me. I never made those type of comments when I'd see people working out, cause I knew that I wasn't going to make the effort. So why try to fool them and me? If I did, it would feel like I was apologizing for being fat and feeling guilty for not exercising.
 
I didn't feel like any kind of exercise plan was going to do me any good. I was too far gone. As Ralphie May said, "This is way past a diet coke fix."
 
 
3/4/2013
I'm still walking 3 - 4 miles per day, 5 days a week, but getting past 10k steps a day is tough. My feet and hips are pretty sore the day after doing that many steps and it limits me reaching 10k more than 2 or 3 times a week. But I keep working at it. As long as I'm walking every day, I'm getting closer to my goal.

Well, it's official. My surgery is on the 27th.
 
The good news is that my pre-op diet is only for 5 days and it won't be too much of an alteration of my current eating habits. From my research, I already had a good idea of what the pre-op diet was going to be like, just didn't know how long I would be expected to be on it. I had prepared myself mentally for a 2 week liquid diet. So it was really a surprise to hear that it is only 5 days and I can drink as much of the high protein/low carb shakes as I want and eat soups (like chicken noodle) as long as they don't contain high carb vegies like potatoes.
 
I've already figured out a combination of dutch chocolate EAS carb control shakes with 1 scoop of Total Soy (chocolate) that tastes great and has a combined 30 grams of protein and 11 grams of carbs per 20 oz shake. I highly recommend getting a shaker bottle with the little ball spring inside. It really breaks up the Total Soy powder making a smooth creamy shake. I bought a 2 pack at Sam's club for $12, and I saw them at Wal-Mart for $7 each. But with the 2 pack I can keep one at work and one at home.
 
I figure I'm having the same thoughts and feelings as others in the pre-op stage. So I wanted to share a moment I had last week that makes me laugh at myself now. I had a small panic attack until I realized how stupid it was. I actually got worried that post op, I wouldn't be able to eat as much I as I could in the past. Stupid, right?
 
But I guess it plays on my basic fear of change. How am I going to handle being thinner and how people will react and treat me at work and socially. As it is, I have 40 years of knowing how people treat the fat me. Now, I have to worry about how people will treat me as a thin person.

Update 4/5/2013
 
I tried making lasagna out of the noodles tonight. It tasted very good. I layered a small glass dish with the noodles, covered it with spaghetti sauce, put on a layer of sliced black olives, and a layer of mozzarella cheese. Baked for 30 minutes at 350 and let it sit in the oven for an additional 15 minutes.
 

 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I tried making my spaghetti noodles from the recipe below. It turned out really well. I couldn't leave the basic recipe alone and had to add some garlic and onion to the pureed chicken.
 
Also my store does not carry powdered eggs, so I bought a box of liquid egg whites and used that instead.
 
I picked up a squeeze bottle in the housewares section of Walmart for 97 cents.
 
And a jar of Alfredo sauce. It tasted pretty good with Alfredo, but I prefer spaghetti sauce on the noodles.
 
The toughest part was getting the right combination of water to chicken ratio. I wanted it thick enough hold together as it came out of the squeeze bottle, yet thin enough to pour into the squeeze bottle.
 
Never did get it right. It was thicker than I wanted and I wound up using the handle of spoon to poke it down the throat of a funnel and into the bottle.
 
So I got the water to a rolling boil and had my squeeze bottle loaded for bear. Gave it a big squeeze and started goin round and round like I was making a funnel cake. About the 5th round, the bottle gave out a big "SPLAT" - did you know that even the smallest droplets of boiling water hurt when they hit your forearms? So take a tip - turn the bottle upside down and tap it on the counter to pack down the liquid chicken as much as possible before squeezing over the boiling water!
 
It was a big chicken breast, probably 10oz.. It was enough to load the bottle 2 1/2 times.
 
Tips:
Freeze the raw chicken until it's stiff and sounds kinda crunchy when you bend it. This will make it easier to cut into cubes and puree. I found out the hard way that floppy chicken tends to wrap itself around the blender blades. The warmer the chicken, the stretchier it gets.
 
Cut the chicken into 1 inch or smaller pieces - this will also help prevent the chicken from wrapping around the blades and extend the life of your blender motor.
 
Liquid egg whites work well in this recipe if you can't find the powdered egg whites. I used about 1/4 - 1/2 cup per chicken breast.
 





 
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The recipe was off Rachael Ray's site.
 
Watch the video, use this link:
http://www.rachaelra...ta-al-pomodoro/
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Rocco DiSpirito's Pasta al Pomodoro
 
 
 

 
Aired on: April 1, 2013
 
6 grams of fat
133 calories
 
Ingredients
3/4 cup cold water
2 tablespoons egg white powder
6 ounces cold chicken breast, cut into 1 inch chunks
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
7 cloves garlic, sliced thin
1 pinch red chili flakes (pepperoncino)
2 cups whole fresh ready to burst ripe tomatoes, cut into large dice
Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
1 ounce Parmigiano-Reggiano, freshly grated
16 leaves of fresh basil, torn by hand into small pieces

Yields: 4
Preparation
 
 
Boil 4 quarts of water in a large pot. Once the water is boiling add 2 tablespoons of salt. Preheat broiler. Place the water and the egg white powder in the beaker of a blender, and blend on low speed until all the powder has dissolved, then add the chicken breast and blend on high speed until smooth and glossy. Place the contents of the blender into a squeeze bottle and set in the refrigerator.
 
Pour the olive oil into a large nonstick sauté pan and then lay out the garlic slices in one even layer over the top of the pan. Place the pan over medium to high heat and cook the garlic until it begins to brown, then move the pan to the middle rack of the oven under the broiler to continue to brown the top of the garlic, about 1 minute. Place the pan back on the stove and add red chili flakes and half the basil leaves, cook for 15 seconds and then add the tomatoes. Cook the tomatoes over medium heat until the sauce comes to a simmer and let cook until the sauce has slightly thickened but still loose, about 2 minutes. Add half of the cheese and stir it completely into the sauce and turn off the stove and season lightly with salt and fresh ground black pepper.
 
Turn the boiling water down to low heat and squeeze the chicken mixture out of the squeeze bottle in a steady stream into the boiling water into strands the same length as spaghetti, about 10 inches until there is no more room on the surface of the water. Let the noodles cook for 30 seconds then remove them with a strainer or spider, set them aside in a bowl and repeat until all of the chicken mixture is used.
 
Add the noodles to the pan and turn the heat to medium high heat. Toss the pasta to coat evenly with a heat resistant rubber spatula and cook until the sauce begins to cling to the noodles. Add the remaining basil and check seasoning. Plate the pasta on four separate plates and sprinkle with remaining cheese.
 
Tip: Use a store-bought, fat free, no added sugar marinara sauce and you can make this meal in less then 10 minutes.
 
Per Serving:
133 calories, 6.17g fat (2g sat, 3g mono, 1g poly), 6.25mg cholesterol, 114.75mg sodium, 4.575g carbohydrates, 1.1g fiber, 13.05g protein

I understand we have to eat alot of protein. But I am wondering does anyone eat fresh salad or fruit after surgery?? Or vegetables?? Please dont get me wrong I am a junk eater but love salads to go along with my junk lol. Does anyone eat anything besides protein??

Hey guys
 
I just had to post a little entry about all of my little (or not so little) NSV of the week! (Sorry in advance for all the colors..lol Made me think of being in middle school again. hahaha)
 
So the first thing I noticed this last week was that my rings are getting loose. I have this one ring my sister got for me, and I just love it. It used to fit on my ring finger but I have had to move it to my pointer finger because it was about to fall off the other day... (It used to be tight)
 
Second... I went down a full pant Size!!! Ya know how jeans can vary in size? Well I was in a size 22 when I started and about a week ago I was able to fit into my big 20's... But today I got into my small 20's Oh ya.. And they fit and look good So excited! That is one step closer to being back in the teen digest
 
Third... I can tie my shoes so much easier! I used to have to sit down try to reach for my feet across my huge tummy. Now its no problem
 
Forth... I have noticed that my libido has just launched to a whole new level..lol It seems like every other thought is about sex... ha ha ha...
 
AND!!! to top it off... I have lost 19 inches over my whole body !!!!
 
Yay for me
 
I hope all of you out there are having as much success as I am. I hope your finding the little things that encourage you and push you through each day. Keep your eyes out for the little details that make you smile. Cloths that fit different, The fact that moving is easier, You feel different, You sleep better, your off some meds... etc...
 
 

What are your none scale victories



of the week?



Please share!!!!

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????