joatsaint

Is it just me or am I the only one that gets into bed and then realizes I gotta pee! And then wonders if it's worth it just to pee the bed rather than get up. :-P

I was working to quit my all my bad habits, but then I realized... no one likes a quitter!

Just finished cleaning up after the Halloween party - we gave out 2000 pieces of candy

I think I hired the wrong fitness trainer - He gave me a book on exercise and he bookmarked the pages with hamburger wrappers! :-P

You just know that at some point in the Vagisil commercial the director had to have said "Ok... now act like your vagina smells horrible"

Want to make your razor blades last longer?

Anyone else feel cool doing shopping cart drifting around the corners of isles at Wal-Mart? :-P

How to lose yourself in a workout... imagine yourself as the world's evil overlord, chocolate causes weight loss, and everything is always in a 95% off sale.

I'm so outta shape that when my gym gave me my pre-workout evaluation. The first machine they recommended I start on was the respirator.

I not really a fan of Apple products. Mostly because I'm a bigger fan of not being broke.

Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second rule has now been extended to 10 seconds. 15 if the surface is dry and the food surface is irregular, like popcorn - unless you already licked it.

My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.

I took an aerobics class today. I shook my booty, twisted, gyrated, and jumped up and down for 30 minutes… then, I stood triumphantly in a pool of sweat. Finally! I got the zipper closed on my shorts! :-P

A bee is willing to end it's own life just to cause you a tiny amount of pain. I can relate to that level of pettiness.

I am a Realistic Optimist - That means I believe the glass is half full, but I also want to know what happened to the rest of the water! :;-P

Found an old pre-op video I made just before surgery. Here I am saying goodbye to 130lbs.

Found an old pre-op video I made just before surgery. Here I am saying goodbye to 130lbs.

Most obstacles are imaginary; the rest are only temporary

Dear 7-11, instead of selling condoms and novelty items in your restrooms, how about toilet paper that doesn't make your ass bleed? Just a thought.

I was just wondering how skinny I’d be if I had to pedal to keep the computer on?

You aren’t going to get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have.

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them - unfortunately, the police call it indecent exposure.

Another 5 Minute Review Russell Stover Sugar Free Pecan Delights http://t.co/ZGyjtScdZg

Does running late count as exercise?

Don't be afraid to make mistakes