I♡BypassedMyPhatAss♡

Well for the past couple of weeks my hair as been coming out more and more. And I was in denial until this past weekend when I remembered cleaning out my brush Wednesday and was full of hair again Saturday. So I got some biotin, got more multivitamins, some protein shots, biotin pills, biotin shampoo&conditioner. Then I decided that my hair was falling out largely due to the fact that I was tugging on all my tangles. So I decided to get my hair cut. So today I have
12 inches less of hair.
freaked out a bit but I am OK with it. Lol See the before and afters
 
 

I began researching WLS about 5 years ago. At that time I weighed about 250 lbs. My insurance at the time would not cover the procedure. My doctor actually told me if I gained 50 more lbs I would be more likely to be approved. At the time I was like WTF. Who says that?! But guess what? Over the next 5 years I gained 50 lbs. I ,had several Dr apppointmens for different health issues, bulging discs, sciatica, Hipertension, Carpal Tunnel, Insomnia, I just seemed to hurt everywhere. It made me feel depressed and have anxiety. I didn't want to go out and do things like I used to b/c I had gained so much wieght. I was always the happy person who loved to go out and do stuff. But...
 
In April, I took my regular medicine before bed and went to sleep. I had been given a higher pain medication that I hadn't been on for awhile because my sciatica was really bad. I could hardly walk. Well, guess what. I had an allergic reaction and suddenly became allergic to ambien which I had been taking for over 5 years. My son found me unresponsive. Needless to say, I spent 3 weeks in the hospital most in ICU b/c I went into kidney failure. I had to be on dialysis for about 7 weeks and it made me deathly ill. I couldn't eat, but I had so much fluid on me b/c I wasn't able to get rid of the fluids on my own. It was the most horrible thing that has happened to me. My family was told several times that they didn't think I was going to make it. I was on a respirator and had pneumonia.
 
SOOOO, after I recovered I didn't mess around anymore I got on all the information that I needed in order to have my surgery approved and did it. I WANT, I NEED to change my life. I'm still young and have so much more to do. I dont want to give up. I want to live life to its fullest and I need to get this weight off so I can PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR. Just kidding, well kinda. I am looking forward to having my daughters and son happy and with families of their own one day.
 
I'm banded and on my way to letting myself be the person whose been hiding inside me, begging to come back out! Watch out World!!

Okay, here are a few things I want to do once I reach my weight goal.

wear a bikini.
walk in high heels comfortably.
do a marathon run/walk for a charity.
to be able to run around and play with my little sister without being out of breath or lack of energy.
be more confident.
to stop hiding behind my laptop and enjoy life.
to look and the mirror and be happy with what I see.
to go to my high school reunion as the new me.
to go back to school and be able to fit in those awful desk.
to do a cycling class
to be healthy

I've got a long way to go before I reach any of those goals but for right now I have smaller goals that are achievable for right now. Refer to my blog before this blog. I think a list of goals can be helpful especially if you are serious about reaching them.

I saw a video of an interview with Dustin Hoffman today and it really rang true for me. I think I am so lucky because I was a big girl most of my life and lost the weight, and in the process I went from being invisible to being visible to society.
 
The thing is, I didn't even know I was invisible when I was heavy. How would I when I'd been heavy all my adult life? But when I lost the weight, and the level of attentiveness, regard and interaction people wanted with me increased out of sight, I realised how little people reached out to me before. That SO many people who think I'm amazing and wonderful now, wouldn't have given me the time of day 5 years ago.
 
An old friend and I were talking today, and he said he was so shy when he first met me coz I was thin already and he was 'still the fat guy', and he didn't understand why I reached out to him. I told him of anyone he'd meet, I'd be the one who would never see his weight, because unlike most people, I know better. I know that a person's weight doesn't define them. Because my weight should never have defined me.
 
Anyhow, it makes me wonder how many people have missed out on meeting the most amazing people because they stereotype them in their heads. Which is why Dustin Hoffman's interview struck such a cord. I hope it's ok to post it, because it really moved me, and I hope it moves you.
 
http://www.upworthy.com/dustin-hoffman-breaks-down-crying-explaining-something-that-every-woman-sadly-already-experienced-3