lisacaron

I have had a rough couple of weeks. I won't go into all the details mostly because they only serve to upset me. Suffice to say that I had some major issues with my middle son who is 22 and my stress levels have been through the roof. The holidays are here, and it's the perfect time to indulge in all those bad habits if I let myself fall back into the trap. The trap is decorated in all my favorite kind of shiny sparkly things, so it's a very attractive trap. The holiday sweetness abounds as candy canes, and chocolate are given out as gifts attached to cards and left on the desk. There is no judgement in popping it into your mouth that's what it's there for scream the givers. I have resisted, and given away the chocolate attached to the card, and the candy canes and passed them on to others more deserving and needing of the calories then I to those people the candy was a welcome treat and I felt good for sharing it. Not everyone knows of my surgery, I don't broadcast it though I am not shy of telling anyone should they ask me. My closest co-workers, friends and family all know. So I have to say the most touching support came today from one of the young ladies I work with. In a twist of fate we ended up seated next to each other though we both do very different work and are at very different levels in our work and our age we have become good friends. Today as a gift for the holiday's she baked rainbow Cookies for the people in her department as a holiday gift. I heard them all saying thank you and how good they were and she said to me: "Lisa I didn't bake you any cookies, I know you would appreciate them but would not want to eat them. So I have a special gift for you." I opened the gift and it was a beautiful shell decorated sparkly starfish ornament. My friend said "It made me think of you and of Hawaii where I know you want to live someday!" This gift has touched my heart very deeply. As this young girl thought not only of me in this holiday season, but also thought about a gift that would be supportive of my journey and my choices. I hope you all have a close friend or family member who is supportive of you as well, and if you don't please come and share my starfish and know that I support you!!

Hi Bandista, You are so right about stress being cumulative! There always seems to be something that is earth shattering and gut wrenching going on. I realize that the only way I am going to combat it is to change the way I am reacting to and dealing with it. IF that means that sometimes I have to hide in the back of my closet so no one knows where I am then so be it! I don't think I will really have to hide in the back of my closet, but I do know that I need to be a little less accessible to certain people in my life that seem to only want to suck the life right out of me even if they are my own kids and family! To be 100% honest I took this whole weekend and got some things in my own life together for myself and that always helps to ease my stress. I am one of those type A uber organized people that don't function well in chaos. Or rather become too highly functional in chaos cause we are always the ones cleaning it up and bringing order back. So today...I am feeling GREAT! Got my space back in working order, cleared the debris, got up early and had a 20 min. work out. Blasted some tunes...(didn't care if woke the gremlins. If I'm up they should be doing something productive too! though I'm sure they rolled over and went back to bed!) Showered dressed and was to work on time! Happy Monday! It is...cause it's a short week and almost a New Year!

Hazel this is so true...however now that I am taking up less space, I am suddenly clumsy. I bump into things as I try to make myself "fit" when I already fit and have room to spare. It's odd, and I have lots of bruises these days as I'm getting used to the changes in my body and where it fits, and where it doesn't and I'm still changing every day. Thank goodness for me it's a slow moving process because I'm afraid I would end up in the hospital after tripping or falling off of something. My dimensions have changed and it's all taking some getting used to, in a good way though black and blue is not really a good color on me

I can so relate to your story. As a young girl I was never overweight. I was too skinny. I used to dance and practice 3-4 hours a day and had classes almost every day of the week. If I wasn’t doing that I was cheerleading! In all reality I looked in the mirror back then and saw a fat girl! I looked at myself and thought I was overweight and that I wasn’t as good of a dancer as the flat chested stick figures that were 3 years younger than me. My eating habits were terrible, and as I hit puberty my dance instructor always used to pick on me and tell me to watch out for thunder thighs and to strap down those boobs. (she was jealous, I was bigger than she was and I was only 12! I know that NOW…but then I just thought I was fat) My eating habits though never changed as I grew up and eventually stopped moving at the break neck speed I was and 120 pounds 3 kids and 5 pregnancy’s later I still looked in the mirror and thought I saw that 16 year old 90 pound kid. My clothing size and the number on the scale grew up but I didn’t want that to be me! I didn’t see how overweight I was. I always took photos to cover up the belly and the thighs and I always wore loose flowing clothing. Even when my mother in law would call me Gordita, I didn’t like it but I never took it seriously to mean that I was fat or ugly. I just kept doing my thing and didn’t change any eating habits. I chased my kids around but I never did any kind of formal exercise again. When the kids were young, It was always a struggle to get ahead and to keep my head above Water I never thought about myself or my size. I was young and I was healthy and I was able to keep up even if I was overweight so what was my thinking it’s not hurting me. After my divorce, I took a long look at myself and I thought…no man is going to find my fat ass attractive but that was NOT true. I had more boyfriends after divorce as a middle aged fat woman then I did when I was kid. Then I met my love, and when we got married I was at the heaviest weight I have ever been in my entire life!! It took my husband needing hip replacement surgery and being told they would not touch him because of his weight to finally get me and him to the bariatric surgeon and we have not looked back! Today I see me for who I am, I am a middle aged fat woman who is working her ass off literally!! I’m finally putting myself up front. Looking in the mirror today I see me, and I’m owning my body and my life and my choices. Here’s to being honest with ourselves and putting ourselves and our health up front and center!

You look amazing lady!

But congratulations for sticking it out through that!!! Don't let this surgeon's office staff stop you now! Start taking names, and call your insurance company yourself and find out if you need anything else to get that date set.

Hi Betty, Don't let the Dr. or his office staff run you off the phone. You are a patient there, you are going through pre-op even if you are not on the diet yet. If you are going to schedule surgery with this Dr. you need to get your relationship with that office staff going! I'm sorry to say that sometimes it takes more then a bit of tenacity on your part to get it going and established on the terms that you are willing to accept. If you want to see the Dr. he should see you even if it's to answer any additional questions you might about the surgery. I'm sure the office has a medical coordinator that sets up the surgical appointments and knows what data is required prior to setting that appointment. Ask to speak to that person, and if you can get to know a few of the people in the office on a first name basis you will be ahead of the game in your future dealings in that office. Best of luck to you and I hope it all works out!

Hi Tony, It sounds like you are too tight. Give your Dr. a call and see if he can take out even a tiny bit of Fluid for you. Right now all you are doing is making yourself miserable and irritating your stoma by getting stuck in effect making it more swollen and tighter. This could cause some severe issues down the line. I would stick to liquids for now, Protein shakes and the like to rest the stoma until you can get to the Dr. Sometimes even the tiniest bit of fluid in or out can make the biggest difference. Good luck and let us all know how your doing.

Hi Fred, Me and my husband are right there with you. I know my husband has been struggling over the last few days, eating some holiday Cookies and cakes and all that delicious stuff that seems to be everywhere! I need to get moving more and try to focus on implementing a program that I can stick to and at least get some kind of exercise in 3-4 days out of the week to start would make me very happy. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost either. Not sure what the hubby's status is I think he's shying away from the scale right now and plans to do a bit of a re-set today to get back on track with his eating choices.

Good going Leepers! My husband and I still have issues when we attend family events at his parents house. Many of them there are also overweight and they all focus on food. Talking about eating and what they are eating what they have cooked and what they plan to eat as soon as they finishing eating what they are currently eating! Never noticed how much the conversation fixated on food as I do now. Hubby and I are not even thinking about eating anything else then what we are currently chewing. We appreciate the deliciously prepared food so much more now, and if we skip dessert these days it's OK and we mark it as a Holiday victory

I notice that sometimes when I'm around food and it's boredom that makes me want to eat and not actual hunger, if I can distract myself with something else and keep busy that helps. I read or I post here, or research something work related or I'm interested in.... If I really need that sense of chewing a stick of gum often helps, and if that doesn't sometimes a nice cup of coffee or tea with a flavored sugar free creamer will take away that craving. I know when your at work and the boredom strikes it's hard to find something else to do, but see if you can. Maybe take a quick walk to the rest room, wash your hands or better yet brush your teeth. That always changes my need to want to eat fast.

Thanks Friend! The holiday was a nice! I could use another couple of days off though, but it's right back to work manning the ship as the boss is out sick. I made a promise to myself that I am going to work on reducing the stress in my life! Has to happen one way or another, and it would be so much healthier if it was by choice and not by default. I hope you had a great holiday and the kiddies had big smiles!

Hi B-52, This holiday and during all my stress the band is my LIFE SAVER!!! (No not the fruity sugary ones that decorate the cakes this time of year!) I have to tell you though that the band does not go around my head, or my heart and when stress levels rise it's easy to fall into those bad habits if you allow yourself to. Sometimes we do fall because we are human, but the band can be our life raft, our foot hold to get ourselves out of there and remember that this is where we came from not where we want to be. Having had the surgery being able to see my scars in the mirror (and I am grateful for the scars! I have had other surgeries that left invisible in my belly button scars and they do not teach the lesson as well let me tell you!) feeling that port and knowing that the band is there for me gives me the tremendous courage that it takes to get through all the things that have tried to break me and drag me backwards. So yes while we all have stress some extreme and life altering stress that has to be dealt with. When it comes to food, we have a life saver built in and when it seems that all is sugar plum fairies and candyland, we can find a way through it to onederland!

I know for me when I feel like I'm headed off track an appointment with my surgeon's office always helps get me back on track. They check my fill level and they always have good tips to help get me motivated and restart making better choices. Maybe give them a call and set up an appt. and in the mean time make a list of what things you think you might be eating, doing or not doing that have put you off track and then start correcting those one at a time. That always helps me get back on course again. Best of luck to you!

You are too kind CG

This is just my 2cents... I think that people simply stumble onto the site. They are new WLS patients who are struggling or they are curious about WLS. Some of them have been doing research on WLS some have consulted with doctors and some have gotten the surgery already. All of us are desperate to change our lives and lose weight and some are so desperate they don't do any of the above. They don't research, they contract and have surgery with doctors they don't understand or trust and then they second guess themselves and their doctors and then they get on the internet and look for help and stumble onto the site. So they ask questions and they admit to the unknown strangers that they are flawed and they have not listened to their doctors, they are eating pizza 3 days post op or they are vomiting non stop after eating because someone told them that's what lapband patients do. Some are indignant and think they know it all, and some are preachy and negative and I could go on and on....but the bottom line to it all is that we are all humans in our many different faces and personalities. Some click and some rub and others chafe but we are all here for the same reasons. That said, when I run into the poster that rubs, I try to have some tolerance. I try to step out of my comfort zone and ask myself why that person rubs me the wrong way. I may never know them in life other then words on a screen but something they wrote rubbed me wrong...and that has more to do with ME then it does with them. The same goes for the ones that chafe, but those area's are a little harder to probe when they are raw. I don't come here for the food, I come here for the support this site provides. The new site took a bit of adjusting, but so did my band and I can accept that and learn to live with it and even to love it. YOU all of YOU are this site. It's not the moderator, the newbie, the Veteran, the surgeon, the doctor, the nurse or the plumber that make the site what it is, it is YOU the one reading this. YOU. You make the site what it is, you have the power to make it supportive or to walk away from it. Gratefully there are some moderators and guardians at the gate that will not allow it to become a place of degradation and for that reason I feel comfortable enough to be able to share and participate with those of like mind and even those of adverse minds. Each of you have something to share, and something to teach and support is not real unless it comes from all sides. We need the balance to help keep us cradled in support as we grow stronger and leaner so that we may in turn cradle others in support be they new, old, soon to be or yet to be. They come here to see what YOU have to say, even if you have to say it more then once there is always someone who wants and needs to hear it/read it.

Wonderful post! Sometimes I get so busy I don't have the time to read or reply, and then I kick myself because I lose touch with myself also when that happens. The holiday season (when isn't it a holiday?) is not the easiest time for so many people and for those of us that are banded it's even harder I think. Everyone is walking around with sweets and delicious holiday fare offering to share, oh how nice they are. I have been able to be pretty good...when one of the bosses made her homemade butter toffee I couldn't say no. That would have been rude to do, I took a piece and my boss took a piece. He devoured his and mine is still sitting next to me. Not on the menu he asked? and I was honest. There is nothing that I can't eat I told him. I could eat the toffee no problem but I just finished my Breakfast Protein bar about half an hour before and I honestly am not hungry. It was true, I am not hungry. It is now lunch time around 1pm and I am hungry now. However, I still don't want that toffee. It's right here all buttery and crunchy and full of sugar and chocolate topping with walnuts. Looks amazing I'm sure it tastes even better but instead I am eating the minute steak leftovers I brought in for lunch today. I'm getting in my protein. I won't say that later this afternoon I might not eat that toffee. I might just have a bite or two or finish the piece, but unless I really want it. I won't eat it. I may take a bite to say that was very good Liz thank you for making that and sharing it with us, but that will be it. I am not good like that all the time. When I have a craving I eat what it is I want. Yesterday it was chocolate covered pretzels. I had a few of them, then a few more later that night. I didn't feel guilty I felt happy. I had what I wanted, and I didn't eat the whole bag. I didn't snack outside of that. Every morning as I get ready for work or wake up on the weekend I have to re-commit myself to my band and my journey to lose weight. I have to think about it and make a conscious decision for myself to try and stay on target. Sometimes I slip, and there are always people around with something to lead me astray...when I was first banded it was harder then it is today. Though there are days when I have been on point for so long a little slip feels OK but I know it's a slippery slope that I don't really want to be on!!! I'd like to be able to start committing time to moving more and getting a regular exercise program in that is a goal for me, but still a work in progress.....

An amazing and truly inspirational story! One I take personally to heart, living with my hubby who is in that hip pain today. He's half way having lost 50 pounds so far with the band and working on another 50 before his hip surgery. Thank you so much for posting!

Well said. It is sad that other people our own families and even our own children can have negative reactions to our wellness and our happiness. We have worked hard to be where we are, and if we are happy we deserve to be! We can't make others happy, it's their job to find their bliss, and if they are determined they will. PT you are doing the right thing and I applaud you and your compassion for your niece even in the face of her insults you remained elegant and did not kick her when she is obviously already down on herself.

Di I have done the same things! This year is so very different from years past. My focus is not on the food but the relationships and connections I have with people. Taking the time to honor them and nurture the ones I have and on making new ones. I hate to shop, I don't like the the crowds of rude people or the parking or the drama. This year, I am out shopping. Parking at the back of the lot and walking all the way to the store. Taking the time to walk around the malls and stores taking the time to check it out and then go back and make purchases not just fill the wagon so I can get out the door. Walking around more then once, and then making those purchases is a trisfector win for me! I get some exercise and steps on my fitbit, I am saving money, and the person I am buying for is getting something well thought out and extra special! I still don't like some of the rude people but I fight back and give them a smile some holiday cheer, that usually changes their tune and makes me smile even brighter! Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Donna, Thank you for sharing your story. You are an amazing brave and strong lady! Your story has touched me as I am sure it will touch many others. I hope every day is a new victory for you and that every day brings you peace and hope for each new day.