marnimae

So I am 258 lbs, I am a mum of 2 boys and I need to shake my tailfeather and fast. I have always been chubby, I was never thin, but I wasn't obese. My family wasn't built thin anyway, at least the women on both sides. We have butt & boobs, so I'd say curvy women. I feel like I have hung on to a tightrope, after having the two kids, it got harder and harder, now I am obese, proof is in the puddin'. Dr. says so, my weariness says so, and my body screams it especially, and my hesistentcy to look in the mirror tells me so. I want to chase my boys, and not be out of breath and sweating. I want to be proud of myself and my boys to be proud of me also. I feel like I do not cut it, not as a role model right now re: weight, though with the current program to get the lap-band, I can say I am being a role model re: mindfullness, portions, and of course just basically healthier food over the past year has helped, I have lost and maintained but I have no gained, I HAVE NOT gained!!! That is a minor miraculous thing in itself.
I went to my first conference in March of last year 2012, I would have started then but that Dr. was 1 1/2 hours away, but, he gave me the knowledge I needed, and I met the 1st bander and he was fantastic. Then in April 2012 I believe I went to another conference, at the WMC in Worcester. It is was kind of a blend, so there was alot more people, more for the 3 surguries, lap-band, sleeve, and gastric. The Dr.'s were there, demo of what and things to come. And then, (which I loved most) ppl that actually had done it, and they were honest, blunt honest. All ages, both men & women, and different techniques. Free for all on the questions, (which some were shocking re: bodily functions lol). Anyhow, I signed up and got a call. Now this hasn't been easy, though I have only told few ppl and my husband. My mum has been my biggest cheerleader b/c she has gastric 4 years ago, and she is healthy & happier, her knee's do not hurt, her diabetes is gone (no more shots!) and she is half of what she used to be I think she lost 140+lbs. I saw what she went through, and I chose another path, b/c it was difficult, and now she has scar tissue, and has to have another surgury to fix pain she is in. But she does not regret it, but I am choosing my path, it's not the same but, it is my choice, and I believe it is right for me. I am finding it best to keep quiet on doing this b/c everyone has a opinion, and this is not easy, even with insurance, co-pays (I added my appointments up and after surgury till June, I will have had 39 appointments!!!!!!! Not counting the addl 8 appts to come! Plus the dedcuctable for the surgury so this is not cheap even w/ insurance. I invested in me for the first time since I can remember, and it feels good. This is not a easy choice, everyone has opinons, but they belong to them. My shoes I walk in, and I choose to be in sexy heels in a dress that I am not afraid to show my legs in. I want to wear my wedding band again, the beautiful gold band from Ireland, the simple symbol that says I love my husband, which I can't right now b/c my finger is too fat.
My surgery is scheduled for a little more than two weeks away. I am reading and re-reading my information, trying to decide which wheyprotein is best, and making a non-confusing list of things to pick up for post surgury. It is time consuming appointments, it takes away from my family, my hubby has to work it into his schedule at work, and my kids maybe a little confused as to why mummy isn't around or can't eat w/ them or get him ready for school or to the bus stop, but it is only for a couple of days after surgery but it will be worth it, b/c I do it for me, and for them too. I admit I am freaking a little, especially having something inside my stomach, I do wonder how long it will take for me to get used to feeling the port, the scars do not worry me, I had gallbladder surgery so I have them already, I do wonder about the fills, and I am surprised to find out I have to wait 6 weeks post op to get one, I did not know this till my last meeting. I am liking this site, I love the pics and the blogs. I am finding it encouraging and informational, it gives me a boost. Anyhow I hope to have the courage to soon post a pic, as most of you probably understand, I do not enjoy photo's being taken of me, at all. Now I hope soon to be the one in front of the camera instead of the one taking them. That's all for now. :D