I must be nuts. My boyfriend keeps reminding me how miserable I was in the week after my band replacement 4 weeks ago. But honestly I don't care. Or I don't remember!
I came into a little bit of money and I want to get lipo done. Even at my lowest weight (BMI of 21) I had pockets of fat that wouldn't go away - my inner thighs, my love handles (above my body lift scar) and upper back fat (near my bra line). I remember trying to lose more and more trying to get rid of those spots and while I did manage to reduce them, they were never really 'gone' and the rest of me was looking VERY thin, as in "you could see my ribs clearly in the valley of my cleavage" thin.
So I've made some decisions - I like the weight I'm at now, a BMI of 24. I look voluptuous, womanly and healthy. I want to stay looking like that. But I want to get those stubborn pockets of fat out. Contour this body so it doesn't look lumpy, like it always did until I got way too thin.
I have tossed this up over and over the last few days. I know it's about vanity. I know I look good for my age (43) and am fit and healthy, and to spend that sort of money on me again seems, I don't know, a bit indulgent.
But then I think - why not? The money came from my hard work. Some of it is going to paying some money off our mortgage off and doing stuff around the house, boring stuff like that. Why can't I spend some of it on me? Plus, as I've always said when people ask me how I justified the WLS and the body lift and the breast augmentation, that most people spend more than I have on a luxury car they drive for a couple of hours a day. I drive this body 24/7, so why shouldn't I spend that money on it?
The boyfriend is worried about me going under the knife again quite so soon, so while I have a consult with a PS on Tuesday, I'm thinking of waiting for a couple of months before I go ahead. But I won't lie, if he says it's no problem to do it now, I'd probably go ahead! Lol!
No pain, no gain. With weight loss and everything else.
"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.
Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.
It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
So last Thursday, May 16th I had my long awaited surgery . It has now been a week of recovery, and shakes and learning and whining . Yes, whining, I am going to be totally blunt and honest here. On the 15th I freaked out b/c I was expected to have morning surgery on the 16th, well I found out I would have to wait till 3:30 p.m.
I freaked, all plans thrown to the wind, the babysitter, hubby's work sched. My mum & dad helping out, and on top of the needless endless pain of hunger, b/c clear liquids the night before, and are you serious, make me wait another whole day w/o even jelllo or water?? I was freaking out, I felt these ppl were crazy, sadistic and cruel, hadn't I jumped through enough hoops for a whole year?? Needless to say, after some soothing talk from my hubby, (let's face it, after 39 hours of no real food, you can be a irrational crazy hideous cranky hating ppl monster ) that it will be fine, we came this far and we will get this done and never look back. So we did, the nurses were fantastic, I got wisked in, changed in to a baer warmer johnnie, quite pleasant and kept me warm, and soon enough, urine test, vitals, hooked up to my iv and meds given, paid copay etc... boom. It flew, I put on my lovely head cover and was brought into the er, I scooted my butt onto the other operation table and slid over and a nurse put a mask on my face and asked me to breathe. Whallah, that was it, out like a light.
I woke up in a grog but not a fog. My nurse Debbie was fantastic, she talked to me, and checked on me, and I was surprised that I was not nauseaus at all, which made me sooo relieved. I have had 3 prev surguries, 2 c-sections, and one gallbladder and the nausea was horrible from the anesthesia. She was amazed that I was smiling, I said, I have waited for this a long time. After what was about 45 minutes I was brought into another room and saw my hubby. My tummy I did check out as soon as I got a sec alone, and it didn't feel so bad, but I was on some good drugs I guess, lol. After another hour of observations and care, I was cleared to go home. My hubby already had gotten my prescriptions filled, pain relief pills and something to help me move my bowels b/c of the pain meds block you up.
Now let me say the first day I was oblivious so I just rested. I didn't feel hunger so it was a relief, though I sipped from my little med cup, at prompting from my hubby and Mum. I did sit up, but kept falling asleep, so as soon as 6 pm came I went to bed. Now let me say, I highly recommend a pillow shopping spree. Get yourself a body pillow and two or three new pillows, heck grab some funky pillowcases too, this helps with comfort and for those dang gas pains from surgery. I HATED those pains, as soon as I lay down they hit. I learned to sleep with them tucked under each side b/c side sleeping was not a option. Hubs was helpful to stack a backrest pillow (sit up pillow w/ armrests?) with two more pillows so I could sit up and watch tv w/ the kids in bed or just sit up but have my feet up. It was comfy and everytime I had to get up I just hugged my pillow and it helped with the pain. About this time I started to be aware of the state of my body. I had a huge bruise on my right arm I assume from the shots given, and on my same arm, I had long red lines from the blood pressure cuffs. I still had not seen my staples as of yet, but I assumed from my prev surgury from gallbladder they would probably be the same. I started to feel the tenderness of the top of my mouth and throat, and some pain inside my lower right lip, probably from being intebated? I was amazed that I didn't feel this till now. By Saturday I started to feel hunger, my gas pains were fading, and when I ate, I filled up quickly and I was getting the hang of my shakes and sugar free pops and Fruit2o water. Though I do not like the taste of the chewable vitamins (yuck!) or calcium citrate, I break it up, one with each breakfast, lunch, dinner so I don't forget. I look forward to my fat free greek plain yogurt, I mix some sugar free hawaiin punch drink mix in it (grape) and it is yummy. As for the cottage cheese, I tried, I can't do it , I didn't like it before or now. I like the protien shake mix, and I like boost and atkins and pure protein shakes. At lunch my favorite thing is mixing a strawberry atkins shake w/ crushed ice and a red sugar free popsicle, I do add some whey to it too. It smells and tastes amazing. The soups help me feel normal like I am eating something, as for jello, I do have it but I am on burnout mode for that. Though I did try to ambrosia it w/ some of my greek yogurt mix, and it wasn't bad, but not great either!!
Now my incisions are healing well, but Sunday was my wall. I was having incredible pain, it burned and felt like a tearing pain . I called first thing monday, and they checked me out and said this was normal to take my pain meds and relax. The belly button area is tender but below my biggest incision is the burning pain, it is awful, I take one pill, b/c two makes me totally sleep and out. I am moving about easier and walking is a cinch, stairs easy too. But having 2 kids, it is hard. I tell myself to knock it off, and my hubby is wonderful about helping but I feel bad when my 3 yr old wants to sit on my lap and I can't. But it won't be for long and I know it.
I will tell you, I feel like a old fuddy duddy and why??? B/c I get happy when I have a bm, yes a bm . I had my first little poo on Sunday and I was so happy, and later that night I passed gas and let me tell you, the feeling was relief, it felt amazzzing . Passing gas is wonderful, b/c your body feels so much better afterwards . I say this b/c it is what it is. Now the hiccups I get are weird, but I can't explain why but they just are, I noticed these Tuesday, I'd rather not hiccup. So this is it so far. Now I have to get some Mederma to be ready to slap this stuff on when I get these itchy staples off, the scar is going to be much bigger than I thought, I am quite shocked and wish I had been shown some pictures of the scars before the surgery b/c it did make me sad, it is little to complain about but I just didn't know how big me scar would be on my left side, I mean wowsa.
