carol1951

I did it, I went to water aerobics class this morning at the Y. It was really fun and I think I like it. I will try to go again tomorrow and do either the aerobics class or walk the river. I don't know if I'm fit enought for a full blown water aerobics class. The one I did was for I arthritis. I can't belive I did it. I put my swimsuit on and did it. I think I finally have some restriction. I'm eating only about half as much as I was a week ago. I will try to keep track of what I'm eating see what happens this week. I really want to lose wieght and right now I'm feeling pretty good about what I'm doing. Today will be a good day.

I did it, I went to water aerobics class this morning at the Y. It was really fun and I think I like it. I will try to go again tomorrow and do either the aerobics class or walk the river. I don't know if I'm fit enought for a full blown water aerobics class. The one I did was for I arthritis. I can't belive I did it. I put my swimsuit on and did it. I think I finally have some restriction. I'm eating only about half as much as I was a week ago. I will try to keep track of what I'm eating see what happens this week. I really want to lose wieght and right now I'm feeling pretty good about what I'm doing. Today will be a good day.

Just back from the doctors and I gained, gained, and gained. I was up 4 lbs. The nurse is so nice, she thinks I have an obsession with food. Do you think. I don't have the feeling of fullness that others have, which she said was bad for me. I can still eat 2 cups with no problem which is way to much. I have some restriction because I can't eat chicken, tuna salad and bread. But I don't have the restrictions some have where they feel as if the just can't eat one more bite or the will just up chuck everything. Why can't I have that feeling? I do get the hiccups when I'm to full so that is good. They said I need to excesise at least 30 minutes per day. They said maybe I should go back to clear liquids for a week. I don't know if I can do clear liquids but I may do just liquids for a couple of weeks. I know that will be hard on my husband, but he will just have to eat out or fix his own meals. I'm not going to cook anything for two weeks and see if I can jump start this weight loss again. I will try walking for half hour everyday. I'm still trying to get my nerve up to wear a bathing suit and start water aerobics. I have known for sometime that I was obsessed with food and they gave me the name of a person to go to for behavior modification. I think I really need this. I just love food, but there are times when I feel as if I have no control over eating. I have a very strong desire to eat anything that I can fine. It's so strong that I feel as if I can't stop, even when I know I shouldn't be doing it. They asked if I felt hunger and yes I do. Sometimes I have actual hunger pain and stomach growling. If I get to hungering I eat to fast which upset the band. I do thing I eat a lot of the wrong foods. I think I probably eat the wrong things that go down way to easy. I know that I'm getting to much fat and to many carbs. I really do try, but as usual I'm just doing everything wrong. I really feel like a failure. I could just cry, but I know that will not solve my problems. I have to get control of this. I really want to lose a few pounds before we go to Hawaii this fall. I have get control. I just have to, because I can't continue to be so depressed over all this. I know that being depressed doesn't help at all, it is sucking me dry. I have no energy and I feel worthless. I need to get this going now.

Just back from the doctors and I gained, gained, and gained. I was up 4 lbs. The nurse is so nice, she thinks I have an obsession with food. Do you think. I don't have the feeling of fullness that others have, which she said was bad for me. I can still eat 2 cups with no problem which is way to much. I have some restriction because I can't eat chicken, tuna salad and bread. But I don't have the restrictions some have where they feel as if the just can't eat one more bite or the will just up chuck everything. Why can't I have that feeling? I do get the hiccups when I'm to full so that is good. They said I need to excesise at least 30 minutes per day. They said maybe I should go back to clear liquids for a week. I don't know if I can do clear liquids but I may do just liquids for a couple of weeks. I know that will be hard on my husband, but he will just have to eat out or fix his own meals. I'm not going to cook anything for two weeks and see if I can jump start this weight loss again. I will try walking for half hour everyday. I'm still trying to get my nerve up to wear a bathing suit and start water aerobics. I have known for sometime that I was obsessed with food and they gave me the name of a person to go to for behavior modification. I think I really need this. I just love food, but there are times when I feel as if I have no control over eating. I have a very strong desire to eat anything that I can fine. It's so strong that I feel as if I can't stop, even when I know I shouldn't be doing it. They asked if I felt hunger and yes I do. Sometimes I have actual hunger pain and stomach growling. If I get to hungering I eat to fast which upset the band. I do thing I eat a lot of the wrong foods. I think I probably eat the wrong things that go down way to easy. I know that I'm getting to much fat and to many carbs. I really do try, but as usual I'm just doing everything wrong. I really feel like a failure. I could just cry, but I know that will not solve my problems. I have to get control of this. I really want to lose a few pounds before we go to Hawaii this fall. I have get control. I just have to, because I can't continue to be so depressed over all this. I know that being depressed doesn't help at all, it is sucking me dry. I have no energy and I feel worthless. I need to get this going now.

I'm having a ok week, not great,but better than the last couple of weeks. I hope I can keep this going, I really want to lose 30 lbs before we go to Hawaii this fall. I don't think this is an unreasonable goal. I just have to be on my toes and stick with it. I really have to excersise more. I wish I could be one of those people who only eat 600 cal a day. I just don't know how they do it. I have a hard time staying a 1200 cal a day. I feel good if I stay around 1500 cal a day. Oh well I know I can't give up on this, that I have to make it work some how. I have to learn how to resist all the tempatation that out there. I have learned that I can't have Pringles in the house or cookies or most sweets. I need to learn to let some things go and keep other things. I tend to worry to much about all things and I really do want to control all things. So you would think I could control my eating, but I don't. Its the one thing that I can count on to be good. Most of the time its is good, but there is other times I feel like its not a good as I thought it would be. Just wish I would learn to think of food as not as good as I think it is. I must repeat this thought to myself at all times. I can do this. Its not that Hard. Food is not that good. I want to feel better. I want to have a life outside of this house. I will not be embrassed at the sight of my own body. I will not feel as if my husband is embrassed at my size. I will not feel as if my family is embrassed at my size. I will do this. I'm smart enough to figure this out. I can do this. I can do this,

I'm having a ok week, not great,but better than the last couple of weeks. I hope I can keep this going, I really want to lose 30 lbs before we go to Hawaii this fall. I don't think this is an unreasonable goal. I just have to be on my toes and stick with it. I really have to excersise more. I wish I could be one of those people who only eat 600 cal a day. I just don't know how they do it. I have a hard time staying a 1200 cal a day. I feel good if I stay around 1500 cal a day. Oh well I know I can't give up on this, that I have to make it work some how. I have to learn how to resist all the tempatation that out there. I have learned that I can't have Pringles in the house or cookies or most sweets. I need to learn to let some things go and keep other things. I tend to worry to much about all things and I really do want to control all things. So you would think I could control my eating, but I don't. Its the one thing that I can count on to be good. Most of the time its is good, but there is other times I feel like its not a good as I thought it would be. Just wish I would learn to think of food as not as good as I think it is. I must repeat this thought to myself at all times. I can do this. Its not that Hard. Food is not that good. I want to feel better. I want to have a life outside of this house. I will not be embrassed at the sight of my own body. I will not feel as if my husband is embrassed at my size. I will not feel as if my family is embrassed at my size. I will do this. I'm smart enough to figure this out. I can do this. I can do this,

I have struggled for the last year. They have done swallow evals to see if my pouch is stretched, not, they measure my Fluid and it was not what they thought. They thought in March that I had about 4.5 cc in my 4 cc band, but when measured it was at 2 cc, so the added 1 cc. In April measured again and it was at 3 cc. It has stayed the same,so they don't think there is a leak, and they added .5cc. I have some restriction, but I think I have a head problem and I just not doing the band rules good enough. I have not gain I just mess with the same 5 lbs up and down. My Goal is to lose another 30 lbs before our trip to Hawaii this fall. So I keep on trying. I need to excerise more, but my knee are so sore most of the time that I just don't do what I should. I did join the Y this spring, still haven't got up the nerve to put on a swim suit to do the Water classes. I know I will it will just take time. I really glad everyone is doing so well. I know how hard it is to keep everything fresh, with summer here maybe that will help everyone.

How is everyone doing. This thread is dead. Is everyone doing so good that they don't have time for this anymore. I don't often have anything to say, but love to hear how everyone is doing. Don't let our thread dye.

I've not changed at all. I'm still trying to out smart the band and I still eating all the wrong things. I have not learned to give up all the thing that are bad for me. I still want it all and I know in my head that I can't do that. I start strong in the am, but by mid afternoon or evening I'm lost. I just can't stand the thought of not eating something good. I have trouble eating fruit, and I have to eat meat really slow. I have slowed down how fast I eat, but I let my self get to hungry before I eat. I tend to wait to long to eat and then eat to fast which causes the pb or pain in the chest. I have to try to fight the head hunger thing. I still need to excerise more. I fight excerise all the time. I joined the y in feb, but I have only been a few times. I'm really very self conscious about how I look, but I still continue to do the wrong things. I even went so far as to buy a swim suit for water aerobics, but to scared to put on at the y. I'm tire of what I'm doing. I need to change. I keep trying everyday,so maybe one of these day it will clink in my head. I pray about this daily and I know I will do this one of these days.

I've not changed at all. I'm still trying to out smart the band and I still eating all the wrong things. I have not learned to give up all the thing that are bad for me. I still want it all and I know in my head that I can't do that. I start strong in the am, but by mid afternoon or evening I'm lost. I just can't stand the thought of not eating something good. I have trouble eating fruit, and I have to eat meat really slow. I have slowed down how fast I eat, but I let my self get to hungry before I eat. I tend to wait to long to eat and then eat to fast which causes the pb or pain in the chest. I have to try to fight the head hunger thing. I still need to excerise more. I fight excerise all the time. I joined the y in feb, but I have only been a few times. I'm really very self conscious about how I look, but I still continue to do the wrong things. I even went so far as to buy a swim suit for water aerobics, but to scared to put on at the y. I'm tire of what I'm doing. I need to change. I keep trying everyday,so maybe one of these day it will clink in my head. I pray about this daily and I know I will do this one of these days.

Well I haven't lost a thing in a month, but I'm still holding my own. I guess I should be happy about that. I'm still wondering why I make the choices I do with food. I know that I'm addicted to food and I also just love food. I love to make it, eat it and share it with others. I'm doing better about what I keep in the house, I'm now avoiding the snacks in the house. I don't have any chips that I like in the house, no cookies either. I need now to focus on protien. They told me to eat more protien and fewer carbs. I love veggies, but I'm trying to cook less veggies and more just protien. I don't eat very much bread anymore, most of the time bread doesn't want to go down. Well today is going to be a great day. See I say all the right things but turn right around and do just want I want to do, which is usually something to eat, which is not on the diet. I can always over eat on anything that I want to. I really wish that they would take all food commericals off TV. They really make you want to eat all the wrong things. There is so much talk about food on the TV maybe I should learn to turn the TV off, but it is sometimes my only outlet to the outside world. Sometimes the TV makes me feel as if I will never have a normal weight, because I have so far to go and most people don't make. I want to be one of those people who make it. I want to feel good about myself. I want not to hurt all the time. I want to be out in the world and not feel like I'm a freak of nature.

Well I haven't lost a thing in a month, but I'm still holding my own. I guess I should be happy about that. I'm still wondering why I make the choices I do with food. I know that I'm addicted to food and I also just love food. I love to make it, eat it and share it with others. I'm doing better about what I keep in the house, I'm now avoiding the snacks in the house. I don't have any chips that I like in the house, no cookies either. I need now to focus on protien. They told me to eat more protien and fewer carbs. I love veggies, but I'm trying to cook less veggies and more just protien. I don't eat very much bread anymore, most of the time bread doesn't want to go down. Well today is going to be a great day. See I say all the right things but turn right around and do just want I want to do, which is usually something to eat, which is not on the diet. I can always over eat on anything that I want to. I really wish that they would take all food commericals off TV. They really make you want to eat all the wrong things. There is so much talk about food on the TV maybe I should learn to turn the TV off, but it is sometimes my only outlet to the outside world. Sometimes the TV makes me feel as if I will never have a normal weight, because I have so far to go and most people don't make. I want to be one of those people who make it. I want to feel good about myself. I want not to hurt all the time. I want to be out in the world and not feel like I'm a freak of nature.

I have had this love affair with food since I was little. I can remember eating to much or wanting to eat more since I was maybe 7 or 8 years old. I'm trying to figure out just why I love food so much. I learned to cook when I was only 7 or 8 and I think I just loved the praise that I got. I don't remember being told that I was loved or being good at anything. I think I praise I got from cooking and it took over my life. I have always done a good job of cooking. I love to bake and I love to cook for a crowd. I don't cook much anymore since its just my husband and me. I miss that alot. I have always ate to fill that hole that is never filled. I think I have used food all my life to get that feeling of of love. I don't think I have every really felt love by anyone. I know that my husband has stay with me, but down deep I always felt 2nd best. He is not very open with his feeling and never says I LOVE YOU. He always says I should know that he loves me. I have tried to explain to him that the words make me feel good. So if he ingores my feeling just how much does he really love me ? I know that I was told very young that my mother only had me because my dad wanted another baby. I always tried to buy things for my parents in hopes that the would love me best. I always knew that my mothers farovite was my sister and my dads was my brother. My oldest brother was deaf and was alway hard to deal with and I think my dad always felt like he was not good enough, or maybe he was ashamed of him so the was never the farovite of my parents. My mother always over did with him trying to make up for his disablity. He was away at school when I was little and I did know him very well, he was home in the summer only. I don't know if this will help, but I have to put some of these thoughts down so I can begin to understand why I eat so much. Most of the time I feel like a failure and again I'm failing at losing weight. I did go to the y this am and walked for 15 minutes. This is really good for me. I got a bathing suit and I'm going to try water arobics for people with arthritis. I hope tomorrow I will have enought nerve to actually put that suit on and get in the water. I don't think I can go for 1 hour, but will try to do it as long as I can. I have to start somewhere and my knees hurt so much. I read all the time how much better peoples knees feel after losing weight. I just have to do this, I want to do this.

I have had this love affair with food since I was little. I can remember eating to much or wanting to eat more since I was maybe 7 or 8 years old. I'm trying to figure out just why I love food so much. I learned to cook when I was only 7 or 8 and I think I just loved the praise that I got. I don't remember being told that I was loved or being good at anything. I think I praise I got from cooking and it took over my life. I have always done a good job of cooking. I love to bake and I love to cook for a crowd. I don't cook much anymore since its just my husband and me. I miss that alot. I have always ate to fill that hole that is never filled. I think I have used food all my life to get that feeling of of love. I don't think I have every really felt love by anyone. I know that my husband has stay with me, but down deep I always felt 2nd best. He is not very open with his feeling and never says I LOVE YOU. He always says I should know that he loves me. I have tried to explain to him that the words make me feel good. So if he ingores my feeling just how much does he really love me ? I know that I was told very young that my mother only had me because my dad wanted another baby. I always tried to buy things for my parents in hopes that the would love me best. I always knew that my mothers farovite was my sister and my dads was my brother. My oldest brother was deaf and was alway hard to deal with and I think my dad always felt like he was not good enough, or maybe he was ashamed of him so the was never the farovite of my parents. My mother always over did with him trying to make up for his disablity. He was away at school when I was little and I did know him very well, he was home in the summer only. I don't know if this will help, but I have to put some of these thoughts down so I can begin to understand why I eat so much. Most of the time I feel like a failure and again I'm failing at losing weight. I did go to the y this am and walked for 15 minutes. This is really good for me. I got a bathing suit and I'm going to try water arobics for people with arthritis. I hope tomorrow I will have enought nerve to actually put that suit on and get in the water. I don't think I can go for 1 hour, but will try to do it as long as I can. I have to start somewhere and my knees hurt so much. I read all the time how much better peoples knees feel after losing weight. I just have to do this, I want to do this.

It been six years ago tonight that my daddy died, I really missing him today. Its really been hard since my parents have been gone. Didn't really know how much I loved them. I wish I could just call them up and talk for awhile. Silly but I wish I could have some of their wise words to live by right now. I'm still at a stand still. I must be the craziest person alive. I don't think I have read where anyone else is not losing, just me. 13 months and just 30lbs and holding. I know I must do better. The doctor gave me a new prescription for pain meds, so maybe that will help with the pain in my knees. I really want to walk and move more, but when I go the the y I come home and can't move much for the next couple of days. Will see if the pills help me. I want to lose this ungodly fat so the knee and joints feel better. See what tomorrow brings.

It been six years ago tonight that my daddy died, I really missing him today. Its really been hard since my parents have been gone. Didn't really know how much I loved them. I wish I could just call them up and talk for awhile. Silly but I wish I could have some of their wise words to live by right now. I'm still at a stand still. I must be the craziest person alive. I don't think I have read where anyone else is not losing, just me. 13 months and just 30lbs and holding. I know I must do better. The doctor gave me a new prescription for pain meds, so maybe that will help with the pain in my knees. I really want to walk and move more, but when I go the the y I come home and can't move much for the next couple of days. Will see if the pills help me. I want to lose this ungodly fat so the knee and joints feel better. See what tomorrow brings.

Can't believe that its October already, seem like it was just July yesterday. I haven't lost anymore weight, but I have no one to blamel, but myself. I really need to get a move on. I don't eat as much, but still can:faint: eat the wrong things. The wrong things go down way to easy. I have had a couple of pb's this past week and it seem if I eat to fast that's when it happens. I hope I'm getting closer on my fills. I have 3.5 cc in my 4cc band, but I not anywhere close to just eat 1/2 cup at a time. I may have stretched my pouch out. I just don't know. I just have no will power. I just eat when I'm sad, happy, hungry, not hungry. I can eat anytime, anywhere. I just don't understand what is wrong with me. I know I want this,but I guess I just don't want it bad enought to give up everything. I don't buy cookies anymore, I havn't had a diet coke, or bread since 3-19-2007. I can still eat ice cream, chips, cant eat muffins, can eat cake, can't eat pizza crust, can eat the topping off of pizza. I'm trying to peddle everyday, but today my knee is really sore. I need to join the Y, but I limited on money right now. So guess I'm just having a pitty party today. I have felt really weepy all day and really don't know why. Hope tomorrow is a better day than today.:faint::faint:

I'm not doing so good. I'm not following the diet at all. I know what I should be doing, but I just can't seem to get with the program. My weight is up at this time. I need to slow down and rethink what I'm doing. I do want to lose. I do want to feel better. I know that this last week I've not felt very good. I know it is because I'm not doing what I should be doing. I will try to do better tomorrow. I just have to do this. This is the hardest part of the year with the holiday and all. I have to keep busy and not let thing get to me. I will do this.

I didn't weight this morning so have any idea how I'm doing. I know that I'm feeling fuller now, but I still make the wrong choices at times other times I do better. My knee is much better than last Monday, but still can't walk on it very long. I can't decide rather to go to the "Y" or not today. I know I can't walk very far, but any movement would be better than none. I'm thinking of joining weight watchers again. I have to get this under control. I go back to the doctor next week, I think and I haven't lost a single pound. We will see if there is still 3 cc in my band or if it has a leak. Not sure I really want to know, because I don't know if I want to go through surgery again. I need to know if there is anything we can do beside surgery. I keep wondering if I'm the only one in this world that is going through this. I surely not the only one that has trouble making good decisions. I have decided that as soon as my knee feels better I going to find myself a part time job. Maybe if I'm working part time I will not have so much time to feel sorry for myself. Will see if my knee gets better or not. I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I know what they will say, "You need to lose weight before we do anything." Of course I know they are right, but bad knees do run in this family. My grandmother had knee problems and my dad had both of his knees replaced, and my brother has had one done and is doing the other one this coming fall. My sister has problems with her knee since she was a kid. She was told she had water on her knee then and they still hurt her, but she refuses to go to the doctor for hers. Yes my brother and sister are not overweight as I'm, in fact my sister is very skinny sometimes I worry about her eating. Oh well enough for today, I will have a good day. I will stick to some kind of program today. I know its one day at a time.

I didn't weight this morning so have any idea how I'm doing. I know that I'm feeling fuller now, but I still make the wrong choices at times other times I do better. My knee is much better than last Monday, but still can't walk on it very long. I can't decide rather to go to the "Y" or not today. I know I can't walk very far, but any movement would be better than none. I'm thinking of joining weight watchers again. I have to get this under control. I go back to the doctor next week, I think and I haven't lost a single pound. We will see if there is still 3 cc in my band or if it has a leak. Not sure I really want to know, because I don't know if I want to go through surgery again. I need to know if there is anything we can do beside surgery. I keep wondering if I'm the only one in this world that is going through this. I surely not the only one that has trouble making good decisions. I have decided that as soon as my knee feels better I going to find myself a part time job. Maybe if I'm working part time I will not have so much time to feel sorry for myself. Will see if my knee gets better or not. I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I know what they will say, "You need to lose weight before we do anything." Of course I know they are right, but bad knees do run in this family. My grandmother had knee problems and my dad had both of his knees replaced, and my brother has had one done and is doing the other one this coming fall. My sister has problems with her knee since she was a kid. She was told she had water on her knee then and they still hurt her, but she refuses to go to the doctor for hers. Yes my brother and sister are not overweight as I'm, in fact my sister is very skinny sometimes I worry about her eating. Oh well enough for today, I will have a good day. I will stick to some kind of program today. I know its one day at a time.

I'm not losing and its all my fault. I just can't seem to leave food alone. I need to track what I'm eating. I really don't think I'm eating that much, but I don't eat the right things. Way to much easy stuff. To many chips and sweets, I do try to eat more the good stuff. My breakfast is either a protien shake or weight control oatmeal, but then I alway follow that with something not so good for me, like pudding, or cheese. I really love cheese and it doesn't love me. I have never been able to lose weight when I eat cheese. I may start going back to weight watchers. I have alway been able to lose with weight watchers. I still think I may need a shrink that deals with people that have eating disorders. I just don't know if I can afford a shrink. I hurt my knee again on Saturday. I was out in the yard picking up sticks and when I got back in the house I could hardly walk. It hurt soooo bad. Its a little better today. I should go to the doctor, but they will just tell me that they can't do anything till I lose weight. I have to lose this weight. I'm so tire of feel so bad. Why can't I do this, its been a year since I got the band and I really thought this would do the trick, but no not for me. I feel so stupid. Why can't I do this. What am I so afraid of that I can't let food go? Why am I punshing my self with food? Why do I love food so much? It doesn't love me, in fact it hates me, just like everyone else in my life. I really need some good support, but people just don't like me. What do I do that turns people off? I know I can't talk with people I never learned how to talk with people. I feel so helpless. I really need help, I need someone to talk with. I always feel like everyone is judging me. I just don't measure up.

I'm not losing and its all my fault. I just can't seem to leave food alone. I need to track what I'm eating. I really don't think I'm eating that much, but I don't eat the right things. Way to much easy stuff. To many chips and sweets, I do try to eat more the good stuff. My breakfast is either a protien shake or weight control oatmeal, but then I alway follow that with something not so good for me, like pudding, or cheese. I really love cheese and it doesn't love me. I have never been able to lose weight when I eat cheese. I may start going back to weight watchers. I have alway been able to lose with weight watchers. I still think I may need a shrink that deals with people that have eating disorders. I just don't know if I can afford a shrink. I hurt my knee again on Saturday. I was out in the yard picking up sticks and when I got back in the house I could hardly walk. It hurt soooo bad. Its a little better today. I should go to the doctor, but they will just tell me that they can't do anything till I lose weight. I have to lose this weight. I'm so tire of feel so bad. Why can't I do this, its been a year since I got the band and I really thought this would do the trick, but no not for me. I feel so stupid. Why can't I do this. What am I so afraid of that I can't let food go? Why am I punshing my self with food? Why do I love food so much? It doesn't love me, in fact it hates me, just like everyone else in my life. I really need some good support, but people just don't like me. What do I do that turns people off? I know I can't talk with people I never learned how to talk with people. I feel so helpless. I really need help, I need someone to talk with. I always feel like everyone is judging me. I just don't measure up.

Just back from the doctor. I did another barium swallow, everything fine. I really think the nurse thought I have stretch my pouch, but I hadn't. She then pull all the fluid from my band, low and behold I had just 2.2 cc of fluid. Not much for going and getting a fill every 4 weeks for the the last year. Up till today they put 4.3 cc in the band. That explains why I don't have much restriction. She put the fluid back and gave me another 1 cc. She want to see what I have in there next month, maybe a leak. I hope I don't have a leak, but it would make me fill better. I have been beating myself up for the last seven months or so. I thought I was just not working the band. Sometimes I though I was just crazy, I hope that this works this time. I really want to lose weight. Last week on Thursday as I was walking into the beauty shop my hip pop or did something funky and now it really hurts to walk. I know the doctors, ortho will not do anything till I lose weight. I joined the Y last week also, so now I just can't walk that good. I'm still thinking of going to the pool, its a warm water pool, but I'm so self conscious about being in a bathing suit. I was hoping the warm water would help with the discomfort. I hope I do better now. I really want to lose weight. We are to go to Hawaii this fall for our anniversary and I want so much to feel better. I really thought that I would be alot lighter by now. It's been a year on the 3/20/2008 and I've only lost around 30 lbs and I lost that in the first 3 months. I have gain some back but I'm still around 30 lbs. I worry that I made a wrong choice in getting the band, but if its got a leak then maybe I can go forward from here and make a go of it. Life is not alway fair.

Just back from the doctor. I did another barium swallow, everything fine. I really think the nurse thought I have stretch my pouch, but I hadn't. She then pull all the fluid from my band, low and behold I had just 2.2 cc of fluid. Not much for going and getting a fill every 4 weeks for the the last year. Up till today they put 4.3 cc in the band. That explains why I don't have much restriction. She put the fluid back and gave me another 1 cc. She want to see what I have in there next month, maybe a leak. I hope I don't have a leak, but it would make me fill better. I have been beating myself up for the last seven months or so. I thought I was just not working the band. Sometimes I though I was just crazy, I hope that this works this time. I really want to lose weight. Last week on Thursday as I was walking into the beauty shop my hip pop or did something funky and now it really hurts to walk. I know the doctors, ortho will not do anything till I lose weight. I joined the Y last week also, so now I just can't walk that good. I'm still thinking of going to the pool, its a warm water pool, but I'm so self conscious about being in a bathing suit. I was hoping the warm water would help with the discomfort. I hope I do better now. I really want to lose weight. We are to go to Hawaii this fall for our anniversary and I want so much to feel better. I really thought that I would be alot lighter by now. It's been a year on the 3/20/2008 and I've only lost around 30 lbs and I lost that in the first 3 months. I have gain some back but I'm still around 30 lbs. I worry that I made a wrong choice in getting the band, but if its got a leak then maybe I can go forward from here and make a go of it. Life is not alway fair.

So far I'm doing better this week, but I feel I'm doing it all by myself. I still don't feel alot restriction from the band. I can still eat 2 cups at least at a meal. I have tried to stick to 1 cup at a meal but I get really hungry in about 1 to 2 hours. My stomach makes really horrible noises also. Today after my protien shake for breakfast I went shopping and didn't feel very good. Thought I would just past out before I got home. I was so hungry. I'm keeping track of what I eat this week on thedinnerplate.com, I'm trying to stay with in their calorie count to lose 2lbs a week. Will see if this works. I still think the doctor need to see if there is a leak in my band. After all I'm suppose to have 4.2 cc in my band. I would think it would have some effect on what I eat and how I feel when I eat. I really what this weight gone, so I guess for now I will have to do it on my own. If I'm going to do it on my own I wonder why I need this band. Oh well I have lost some and I have kept it off for a year, its just not as much as I wanted. I see other losing over 100 lbs in the same time and its really discourging to know that I have lost only around 30lbs. I want to feel better. My knees are killing me and I have so much trouble walking. I'm so stiff when I get up,you would think I was eighty. I did join the YMCA yesterday. I have to wait for them to call me as soon as the get the ok from my doctor to start working out. I hope that walking on a track will do me some good, as soon as I lose some more I will start to add to my excerise routine. Oh well time to go to bed. My stomach kinda upset tonight, it does that sometimes when I take my night meds.