stept04

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
 
~~~Stephanie

After 2 bites, I decided it just wasn't going to work. I started dinner prep way too hungry, testing this, tasting that, drinking something else. By the time the steak came off of the grill I had already eaten my cup, and Mistress Band told me there wasn't a steak on the planet worth what she would put me through if I ate any more.
 
Sigh...6 months is not enough time to undo 50 years of bad eating habits.

That awesome moment when your ex is getting fatter and you are getting hotter!!
 
Love this. I don't have an ex but I have many ex friends and saw one the other day and she couldn't believe how great my hub and I look.

Today my husband had an appointment in downtown Boston. We never go there even though I live about 10-15 miles from there. If you know Boston there is a real tourist trap for non-stop eating, QUINCY MARKET. Very famous place since the beginning of our wonderful country. My idea to go walk around and have lunch. After walking up and down and looking at pizza, ice cream, candy, Italian pastries, clam chowda, lobster and other goodies, I had a very boring salad. I was good. Hub had a chicken & cheese Philly sub with fries. After we went walking around and my idea, again, we stopped at the Boston Chip Yard. Fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies. They are small and I did eat 4 of them over an hour. I was bad. About 32 years ago we had a push cart at Quincy Market in front of the Chip Yard and Carmel Corn popcorn. I ate both every day and at closing the Carmel Corn people would give us the left overs for free. I didn't see them today, happy about that.
If you ever visit Boston this is wonderful place to visit, they have street entertainment, tours, Old Ironsides isn't too far away and the wonderful Aquarium is near there too.
That is today's tour of Boston and eating.
Enjoy your weekend.
Arlene

Just so you all will know.... The devil had multiple homes... Not only does he live on my bathroom floor.... But he lives here also.... Stay away
 
He make a hypnotic concoction.. of Red velvet, cake batter ice cream and chunks of cream cheese icing.... and he calls it Red velvet cake ice cream..... You all have been warned...lol
 
i have to pass in front twice a day.... sometimes... I say... NO Devil... i don't want your amazing ice cream... but, my car... well she is not as strong willed as me... and she gives in... and before i know it... i'm parking and turning off the engine.. and saying... my car wants a quart to go please...

15 years ago today, I proposed to my best friend and she said yes. 2 dozen roses just got delivered, now I need to think something really special for next month and the marriage anniversary.

"You cant be afraid of what people will feel at the expense of what you feel." - Steve Harvey
 
I was half asleep with the TV on when I heard Steve Harvey say this. The topic on his show today is being able to tell other people no.
It got me thinking, "Do I say NO enough?"
Kids wanna borrow money, if I have it I give it to them.
When my friends want to borrow something, I usually say yes.
When it comes to compromise it seems that I was always the one bending over backwards to accommodate everyone but myself.
Then I decided 6 months ago that I was going to do something for me.
 
I might revisit this topic above at another time.. but for right now I think I will just talk about how I am feeling.
Today makes day 6. How do I feel? gurgly hahahaha
My stomach is gurgling and talking bubbles. Which is a good thing, my incision sites are not sore anymore and I slept partly on my side last night. (I did cheat though and took some of my lovely liquid codeine to help me sleep)
Before I completely woke up this morning I got Bret (who was already up, thanks DD2) to bring me my medication so I could take it the correct way, no chewing up the pills and before I got up and started moving around. I have discovered I am going to take the blood pressure meds a little later in the day, and the thyroid soon as I get up with an empty stomach..haha but as it is now its an empty stomach all darn day!!
I got me 2 popsicles, some chicken broth, a lime jello and a small cup of Gatorade....and that was breakfast.
This liquid diet is murder, but I can say I do not have any diarrhea. So if that's what it takes then ok. But right now I would fight a wild pack of dogs for just one scrambled egg and a slice of toast.
 
I guess I can tie in the whole no thing after all.
For my health, for my healing I have to say NO. To myself, to my kids, to people who want something from me right now. It's not gonna happen. I have to put myself first right now and heal, then I can go back to being the pushover that I once was..lol

Weds, June 12
 
Hello again loyal Bloggins, Johnny fans and fellow Bandsters! It's been about a week since we chatted so I thought I'd let you know how it's going on The World According to Johnny. I gotta say ... pretty damn good!
 
It's been 4 weeks today since the capable Dr. X installed the anti-eating apparatus in my oh so blubbery mid-section. As advertised by the Doc and his staff, I feel completely healed and am suffering no side effects what-so-ever. Other than this strange hankerin' for a trash bag full of Fritos I can't seem to shake, life has settled in to my new normal. Yes, NEW normal.
 
I have totally embraced my band and what it stands for. That is commitment. It is just so crystal clear to me that inserting a medical device inside your body is the last, desperate measure a fat person can take. And why take this drastic step if you are not going to change your life? Well, so far, I have changed my life. Dramatically. I have not yet had my band filled which means it's wide open. I think I could pretty much get anything down the ol' yapper that I wanted and not have a stuck episode. But just knowing "Bandy" is in there, keeps me on the straight and narrow. Yep. I've changed. Hopefully for ever.
 
Although not required, I still start my day with the protein shake blended with a little ice. It's just like a milk shake and I like it! I have recently started adding a tablespoon of low sugar peanut butter to the chocolate flavored shakes and it's delish! So no more big breakfasts or even breakfasts that I thought were healthy for me. I'm sticking with these shakes whenever possible. Lunch has turned into a 240 calorie tuna snack lunch or a low fat soup. No more fast food, deli or 3 martini lunches for this fat ass!Dinner has consisted of ground up beef or turkey with a bit of flavoring, cooked veggies and some watermelon. And I'm good with it! It does help that wife wife L is a fine chef and makes even a mundane dish rival a nice dinner out. Add in my snacks of yogurt, sugar free puddin' and a night cap Fudgie bar, I'm feeling real satisfied. I am actually blown away that this is working.
 
Am I losing weight? You betcha! 30 unsightly pounds of extra mass have evaporated from my roly poly body. That's 2 bowling balls of F-A-T! Let that sink in.
 
Am I on target? You betcha! I was told to expect to lose 1.5 pounds a week after surgery. I'm exactly at that figure. If I can keep that pace up, I'll hit my 8th grade weight by October. Hey, there's another goal!
 
Do I have any pain? Nope.
 
Most importantly, can I play golf? Yep. 3 rounds last week alone.
 
So all in all, I am right where I should be. On the path to success!
 
As rosy as it all appears, there are a few bummers. I'm a party guy. As explained in detail in previous posts, I excel at eating, drinking and merrymaking. My history is legendary. And I if I could remember it, it would make quite a book. This No Fun Johnny is, well, no fun. I am making healthy decisions daily when comes to food and booze. That includes avoiding almost all situations that include the Devils temptresses. So far I have declined offers to at least 2 BBQs, 2 parties and a wedding. Yep. No fun at all. But this is the new normal. Am I embracing the No Fun Johnny? Nope.
 
Check back soon!
First band fill on Monday. Then we have to talk about the dreaded "W" word.
 
Floow along on my blog:
 
Thedeconstructionofjohnny.blogspot.com

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
 
~~~Stephanie

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
 
~~~Stephanie

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
 
~~~Stephanie

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
 
~~~Stephanie

Today is day 3 of being banded.
I am eating jello, popsicles, broth, water, and I have some sugar free apple juice. Oh and ice, LOTS of ice.
 
I am so gassy its miserable, I bought the gas-x strips extra strength and they are doing no good. I dont know if its gas, or if its the band that is hurting but its a sharp stabbing pain right in the center of my back where my bra strap would sit. My incisions are itchy and sore but IDK what they look like, they are still bandaged up.
If I lay down to take a nap and actually get some sleep when I wake up I feel awesome, then I move and that sharp pain comes right back. It's not there continuously it comes and goes.
Hubby says its all the gas they filled me with. Ugh I cant stand it.
I stayed over night in the hospital after my surgery, there was no way in hell I could have gotten in a car and drove home. NO WAY. I was in some serious pain!!
But it seems to get a little better each day. I go outside and walk my back yard in laps. My back yard is about 1/10 of a mile all the way around. And I walk it at least 3 times. Someone else can do the math, I am not in the mood.. but I know its enough to make me have a small sweat (no, couldnt be the 100% humidity) and I come back in and I feel better.
My daughter and I took my measurements today, and I need to take my ''fat'' picture.
I'm not a religious person, and I am known to ramble but here is my prayer;
 
Lord, please help this gas pass out of my body, let this band be the tool that I need to get my life back, please help me when I am falling and help me find the strength to overcome this and get through to the other side. - Amen.

I am in the green now. I know it because i telly do not get gummy hungery. I do get physical hunger when i do not feell well and my body is telling me look you used your fuel now you need to fuel me so we can keep going. This happens alot in the gym i try and make sure i have something every 3 hours if it even just a protine shake with water. I always keep 2 or 3 packs of necter protein in my puurs then all i need is my blender cup i always keep one in my puruse and water and i am good to go.
 
but just because i do not get growl hunger dose not mean i do not have head hunger. So how do i deal with it and how do i tell the diference. Well am i hungery enough to eat a plate of steamed veggies. For me thats not something to i would never eat but it not something that would be a first choice . If the answer is yes then it okay for me to eat again If now I then go though my cheek list
 
Laura mental cheek list for head hunger
 
1. cheek make sure it head hunger
 
2. Once we made sure it head huger ask why do i want to eat what is the trigger.
 
- am i sad -- how can i make my self happy with out food
 
- am i bord - what can i do to make my self less bord
 
`` am i upset - how else can i blow off steam that dose not enovlove
 
3. It a relly bad bad craving i must have it
 
I use the tick on a scale of 1 to 10 were is it. If it under a seven i go back to my cheek list and try to find the trigger and the non food answer. Some time i have to do this 3 or 4 times till i get my aswer this is enough time to drink water so i have 30 min to figger it out
 
 
The craving is over 7 well then I say okay You know what it okay it not an every day Evey moment thing. what do i rely want. I take my faviort sin cup cake. Do i relly want a whole cup cake or do i just want part ie frosting or cake. Can i get the same thing for smaller amounts If i eat a minnie cupcake vris a large cupcake. I want a sunday okay that fine how can i get my Sunday for less can i use suger free ice cream 1//2 fuirt fat free cool wip 2 table spon of sugar free syrup. I still have my Sunday i still have my tast
 
I also write down the question and aswer make sure to goo back and look at them when your not craving so you can at the moment help your self know what to do.
 
It took me a long time to get these tool so i thought i share

Ok, I just went in for my 1 year post-op. June 22 will be my one year, but due to scheduling I went early.
 
Good news- I have lost 60 lbs since pre-op. I was down 7 lbs from my last fill in Feb (even though it doesn't feel like it). Every thing looks great- had floro fill done.
 
I would like to share a few things my doc stressed to me while I was there that painted a good picture of how life should be now....
 
1- I MUST see him at least once a year for a floro check of my band, to make sure I am not having any problems.
 
2- Eat 5 meals a day. This will keep my metabolism going and give me enough calories.
 
3- Eat only a cup at a time. His picture was: you use to have a 4 lane highway, now you have a one lane pig path- no more tractor trailers.
 
4- Small bites. A bite is the size of a peanut M&M and only 3 per min.
 
5- Sips of water. A sip is half a cough syrup cup - again only 3 per min.
 
6- Protein first then fiber.
 
Going in today I kinda felt like I did at the start of the journey, excited and waiting to get going. Not sure why I lost that fire before, but glad I found it again.

I have thought about writing this blog all day long. Part of me says don’t write it, you are a success and you don’t want people thinking you slip up and fail. The other part of me says write this, maybe this will tell others that this journey is not easy and even after reaching goal & being declared a success you still struggle…
 
‘The other part’ won, so here goes….
 
I have always been called strong, never showing my weakness or emotions. It is a skill I learned early in life, build a protective barrier around you so no one can know how you feel or hurt you. The way I coped with this barrier was with food, it got me to 250 pounds….
When I started my weight loss journey I recognized this habit. That being said doesn’t mean that the habit went away or that it doesn’t get the best of me still.
Over the last couple of weeks I have experienced events in my life that caused me to retreat to my protected barrier and to comfort myself with junk food (ice cream, etc…).
 
Now, those closest to me know me well enough to see through the barrier and last night my husband did just that. He asked what was going on and I caved, I told him everything that was causing my stress, my work, my friends, and the whole lot. I had a good cry and we talked about how I could try and cope with things. I also confessed the eating that I had done and do you know what he did? He said, “Well trash is picked up tomorrow morning” and went into the kitchen, threw away all the trigger foods that I had mentioned. When he came back in he said to me, “You are worth so much more than any of that junk food. From now on there will be no junk in this house.” God, I love this man. I am so lucky to have such great family support.
 
Then, this morning one of my most dear friends asked me what was up. And again I caved and told her everything. Know what she said? “Done now….back on track” and then she said, “It is what it is; pull up those panties, put on those heels and work it!” Thanks princess, I needed to hear that. I am so lucky to have such great friends supporting me.
 
I know I can do this and I will do this for the rest of my life. I will have days and times where I stumble and fall. But, I will get myself up, brush myself off and keep going. Because I WANT this!
 
I guess what I am trying to say is that even the success stories (the veterans) make mistakes, have bad days, and go backwards. The important thing is to identify the problem and find a solution. Then get your ass back on track.
 
Thant is exactly what I am doing.

I spent a while last night researching little things I can do to increase my weight loss with out feeling like I am giving up anything and here are some of the things I found:
 
- Say no to empty calories (drinks with calories are useless- they do nothing to fill you up and only add to your waist line. If you need flavor in your drinks there are a great deal of water flavor packets you can buy with 0 calories)
 
- 3 meals a day isn't always the best (I use to think if I stuck to breakfast, lunch, dinner I would be ok- not so much. If you eat a big meal 3 times a day, your metabolims looks like a roller coaster. If you eat small meals- like our 1 cup meals- and add in protein/fiber rich snacks your metabolism keeps trucking along, which helps you burn more calories)
 
- If you are going to eat a carb, make it complex. (Fruit has carbs, go ahead check behind me, but they also have water, nutrients and fiber. So mix a little fruit in with your protein- like grapes and cheese, blueberries or strawberries in yougurt or oatmeal)
 
- Moving burns calories. (Any movement will burn calories. Shake your legs while sitting at your desk, walk to a co-workers office rather than calling, park further away from the store, walk to the mail box rather than driving (yep I know people who do this), Shake your grove thing while cooking (the hubs love when I do this), laugh, clean your house, wash your dishes instead of putting them in the dish washer. The point is MOVE.)
 
-Develop a meal plan for the week. ( This will keep you on track and will help the budget, because you won't buy things that you don't need. Put your plan on the frige- this really does make things easier, when you have a busy life).
 
-Take Vitamins (Nearly all American Adults have low Vitamin D levels. When mine was just tested it was 19, it should be 50. Your body must have Vit. D to break down fat, I didn't know this, but have found out, this can cause weight loss slow downs. Make sure you are getting your levels check at least yearly and you are supplimenting where needed).
 
-Spice it up (By adding a little heat from pepper to your meals you can boost your metabolism. This may not be a huge boost, but if you are like me I'll take what I can get. Sprinkle a little chili powder on different foods- spice up chicken.)
 
-Eat fruits and veggies. (Yes, protein is very important, but a person can not live by protein alone- well they can, but you get my point. It's summer, hit the local farmers market and try veggies. There are thousands of healthy ways to prepare veggies- hit up google. Try new and diffrent fruits and veggies. For a indulgent desert- grill a halfed peach and put on spoon of greek yogurt on top (it is so good!!). Fruits and veggies give you nutrients, help your digestive system, satisfy a sweet tooth, gives you water- so add a fruit of veggie to each meal.) I planted a small garden out back of my house which I go out and weed and water nightly -moving- and I get fresh organic veggies- so double the good for me.
 
Little things may seem little, but together they add up. I have found over the last year, sometimes it is the little things that can make a big difference.

Don't you just love the douter?? the one who say "it a cheet you would have lost anyways" Gosh pepole to the researcher it not a cheat it hard work.
 
Okay so i was selected form 1000 to the 25 to the Zumba informal I mean after all no one love Zumba more then me. So here i was being interviewed and she tell me to turn of the carama. And said Do you really think it was zumba and not the band that changed you. You would have loosed just sitting on the couch after all you have a band. I wish it were that easy,
 
So here my reprocess se " do you research 80 % of all people who have weight loss surgery gain it back. I can eat around my band if i want to my it might recerct me in some ways but in other it gives me a lot of freedom. The band is a tool you get out of it what you put into it. I put every thing i have into it and right when i done i think i have nothing more to give I give it a little more. I did not and will throw in the towel I just use it to wipe up the sweet and keep going. Right when i think I can't give any more to this I always find just a little bit more some were. This is Hard work Hard Hard work .I need to be strong not only physically but mental too. To do what have done changed my life from sitting on a couch to teaching Zumba, Spin, body pump, cross fit The gym i work at I have a waiting list of people who want me to be there trainer so i can do what i did to my self to them. Some day I wish I did not have to work so hard and could sitt on a in an office some were an a coshie chair must be nice huh ? So the answer is it a not a cheat it is detraction demonstration and given it all i got and Just a little more .
 
 
So i found my self a good zumba class and let it getaway from me becuse something about the music alway makes me feel better

With so many things to think about on this lap band journey, I feel like I've forgotten some of the rules that could be leading me to more weight loss. One commenter on my last post brought it to my attention that I need to make sure I get my daily protein amount in ... a rule I forgot about.
 
And it makes me wonder, what other rules am I neglecting?
1. eat only 1 cup of food
2. eat all of your protein first, then veggies, then carbs
3. don't drink with your meals
4. get in your required XX grams of protein per day
5. take your multi vitamin supplments
6. dont eat within 2 hours of laying down
 
All of these rules Ive totally disregarded at one point or another, on multiple occasions and with some frequency.
 
Well for the past 3 days I've met my protein requirement. I got a fill on Thursday and I'm down 3 lbs ... I guess they really do tell us all of this stuff for a reason.

I had the lapband just a little over 11 months ago and have lost 58 lbs. Most within the 1st 6 months. I am glad I did it, it has change how I look at food and what I put in my mouth. I do feel healthier, just wish my weight loss was more.
 
I have made no secret about my anxiety disorder on this site. While I don't really like telling people around me about my disorder, I want this place to be my safe zone where I can discuss it.
 
I am currently taking Paxel, which has changed my life, in the fact that I hardly have any symptoms of my disorder now- which is AWESOME!!
 
I also, have discussed my difficulty in having a child. Prior to getting banded I had 3 miscarriages. The doctors never figured out the cause.
 
Now, I have been given the green light from my surgeon to try for a child, I have to stop my Paxel. This worries me, the last thing I needs is my anxiety returning during pregnancy. My OB/GYN has is trying to transition me for Paxil to a different SSRI that is ok during pregnancy. Once I have been ok on that for a month or two I can go ahead and try.
 
This being said, the hubs and I have decided to try one more time. With all the med stuff, we can't try until July or Aug, but we are going to try.
 
I am not sure if it will take this time around or not. Honestly, I some what fear getting pregnant, in that I know I will gain weight and I don't want to gain weight, but I must for a healthy baby. So to that end I must be very careful and take good care of myself to make sure I don't gain any more weight than I need to.
 
None the less I am excited about trying again and I know that with support and help whatever weight I do gain I can get back off once the little one is here.
 
So please send a prayer up for me!!

I wonder when the mind games end, boy I hope they do end.
 
I know that we all have a problem when figuring out portion sizes, which is why measuring and weighing is so helpful.
 
But, what about our body.
 
My weight has bounced for months now. Up 2 lbs, down three, up 2, down 1, up 2, down 4- you get the picture. I slowly dropped from 199 in Dec. to the lowest I have seen 188 in May. I am currently doing the bounce thing still.
 
I haven't had a fill since Feb and have an appointment for one next week. My meals are no longer holding me 4 hours.
 
Any way with all the up down of the scale, what does that say for how I look? I look in the mirror and I see that my face is smaller, as is my body, but I still feel HUGE! I slide on one pair of 14 shorts and they fit perfect, then slide on another pair and they are loose.
 
Last night I went out for a Walk/Run with the hubs and 2 dogs. As I slipped on my 12/14 gym shorts that fit perfectly (last year they were like a 2nd skin), my sports bra and my old outer banks t-shirt. I realized that my boobs stick out further than my tummy now. I clearly see my feet.
 
All this is great, but I still feel like a walking Shamoo Show.
 
I am just getting so frustrated with all of it. It is like this process has become all consuming. Everything is about my band and my weight loss.
 
The doc said last time I have been successful, but I am still so big. I mean 188 is a lot less than 244, but still it's a long ways from the 125 the charts say I should be.
 
I by no means believe I will ever hit 125, but I would like to see the upper 130's- and low 140's. But, that is still 40+ pounds away.
 
I begin to wonder will I ever make it.
 
I am still very fatigued, which my OB/GYN attributes to my extremely low Vit D level, my mildly down B levels and my mildly low iron levels. I am currently work toward getting these up with insane regiment of pills.
 
Maybe, once my level get back in the homeostatic range with weight loss will continue.
 
Any one else feel like this sometimes?

I like to think that If someone is in pain I feel Empathy for that person and will do all I can to help. Since being Banded in 09 I've researched allot online and gone to numerous sites that promote forums for the Band. But the Thing that occurs consistently is the Lack of compassion for others If your going through a tough time, or went through it, SHARE your experience, research, or humor ( it goes along way to heal) about that experience. The people needing help don't always know the right thing to do, or questions to ask. Maybe their Doctor wasn't "the Best", and who's to judge? Do any of us really know all their is about our Health care professionals, or about the band? No, I think Not.
 
NO ONE PERSON has ALL the answers to LIFE or surgery
 
Negativity only breeds MORE Negativity. If someone said, you may only post FACTS, your experience is then irrelevant, and Thus, there is No need for forums like this, because we would only be able to view "The Facts" as presented by the manufactures, doctors, scientists, and researchers and then must take that as Fact. I personally believe Life experiences are more fact based at times than anything else but that is just my opinion ( and Yes I know we all have one )
 
Unfortunately, it's not only online that compassion has been lost, society as a whole seems lacking as well.. I guess I'll continue to listen to the little voice inside that keeps saying "If you can't say anything nice Don't say anything at all" Because I don't know everything, ( I've yet to meet someone that does) and I surely don't know what the Other person is going through right now..so I wish them, and You Well......

I am so sick of playing by the band rules; I just want to break one or two of them. Eat a big huge meal, take big bites, or wolf food down in ten minutes flat.
 
Wish I could have a break and not think about my food choices, my portion size, how I eat, my water intake, and exercise, ugh….
 
Calgon take me away!
 
Do you feel that way some days? I’m sure we all do. So how do we get past this?
 
There are some who have reached their goal and have been maintaining for years. They say they think like a thin person. They never think of food.
 
Will I ever be like that?
 
I reached my goal in December and have been maintaining since then.
 
Has it been easy? NO.
 
It has been the most difficult part of my journey so far. But, I won’t give up because I look in the mirror and I really like the person that looks back at me.
 
So, I will continue to play the game. I will make health food choices, take small bites (hubby calls them band-bites), drink water and exercise. I will do this for the rest of my life because I am worth it!

Well, here I sit, nervous, anxious, and excited. I have all kinds of things running around in my head. I trust my surgeon but people do make mistakes, I'm so ready for this but at the same time worried something might go wrong. I've been trying to keep my self occupied but it has not seemed to help. I've got 2 days till my surgery, I'm on the liquid diet. Which means I can't use any food at all to cope, and I guess that will be true for the future as well. I've learned so many great things here,and also learned about the bad things. But I wanted to be well informed, and I think that was accomplished. I'm just trying to pass time till I move over to the other side, (I don't know if I like the way that sounds,being that I'm going into surgery and all ). So I'll say til I wake up from surgery with my band and no complications(please,please). I'm glad to have this place to come back to after surgery to help me with the rest of my journey. Plus it's helping keep me busy so the days go by faster. I do have a book I read that helps I switch back and forth between the two. I wounder if other people were like this before their surgery. The closer it gets the slower it goes. I have been watching movies too. I think I need to watch another one. I know I am just rambling but I don't have anyone else to talk to right now. So that's when I blog. I think I'm done for now. I'm going to go eat some "soup" and watch a movie.
 
~~~Stephanie

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.
 
Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.
 
It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free