bushbaby

I know I don't post a lot and I guess this is not the place but I am so angry and sad about what happened and I found out today. I went to the Dr. For my first Infertility consultation. We have been trying for 3 years to no avail. I head up to the front of the line and the woman is coaching a new emplyee about the procedures ect. Well when I come up I give her my medical card and she says very loudly. "Oh she is here for infertlilty!" I am a little taken aback...but never the less I begin to give her my $10 co pay. So she says Loudly again, "Oh you don't pay up front for Infertility! Your district (I am a school teacher) covers 50% which is great for INFERTILIY" Now mind you I am not a shy person but when 3 people turned and looked at me with that head tilt and ahhhh look... I could have killed her. So I say quietly to show her how discretion is done, "Oh okay when I get out then." She then hands me this paper with all of the treatments and their costs (my co pay) and says louder, "See, she will just bring that back after she see the INFERTILITY DR!" It was like she was on a mission to make me cry. I walked away and while that was awful... It gets worse because then the rest of the nurses were normal and I got in rather quickly to see the Dr. so I started to relax. Big Mistake. Have you ever had to get bad news from a Dr.... Well I have. I know the look. It's something about the eyes. They dont' quite look at you. Well we were looking up my husbands sperm count... It was very bad. Not only was it a low count but most of them were not moving. So basically he is almost sterile. The Dr. ordered a new sperm count and told me some extraordinary things we could go through...but I just want to cry. I hold it in because while my husband's news is bad mine is just a little better... I have a late ovulation and that means the egg can't implant. Easily fixed though. So I am in a better spot. So after I come out I find out that my co -pay for my horrible news cost me $110. I payed money to find out my life is sucking right now. Later after crying for awhile my husband comes home... and now I must tell him. This is the worst part. He is such a beautiful man. He supported me through canser/obesity/depression... and he feels like a failure. I hate seeing the look on his face. He says the only good luck he has ever had was marring me. I want him to feel better...but I don't know what to say. I have always imagined having a son that looked like him. He has this beautiful smile and I love his eyes... Don't get me wrong after three years we knew this was possible... and we have always wanted to adopt...but this is perminent... I am just really upset right now

Nancy, You are right my hubbie is a fix it kind of guy... SO I know he will do everything in his power to make me happy. I just wish it were me. I would do a doner egg in a hot second. But I realize that I would still feel conected through the pregnancy... I am still hopeful that he will change his mind. ...Oh and as far as adoption... We will begin our home study as soon as I can get through the beging of the news.

Wow for that long... I am so sorry for you. I am glas now that you have a son... that may be the answer for us also...maybe embryo adotion so that I can still experience pregnancy... I have been looking into it.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement... I feel a little better today and I will keep trying to have an opened mind. BYW what is an AI is that artificial insem?

has anyone heard of erosion using the SGAB (swedish) I have heard that this band erodes more but the evidence is pointing to the inamed... I think a bad batch sound reasonable... they would def give you the run around if that was the case.

Thanks I wrote a letter to the facility last night...emailed it to the director... I don't think it matters. I just didnt need that along with this news... All of you are so awesome, I can't tell you how much this helps to be able to talk about it. I want to talk to my dh but he is at work... not the place to bother him anyway... I am sure looking at kids all day is killing him. (he teaches 6th grade) Thank God I don't have to go back to work until Monday.

I am glad you are through the worst of it... Keep your head strong....

Thanks... for that. I too believe that it could be a much more reasonable thing than the 10s of thousands of dollars the other way... but It would be my biological baby... I think that if we used a man that looked simular to him then it should be fine...he would not even discuss it with me. I know that last night he would have said no to anything... he was so incredible hurt by the news... I hope that a magic/prayers/miricles happen because he deserves to be a daddy.

Hi julie The Dr. Wants him to have the count done again then go to the urologist. He said however it does not look good because he had volume... jut they were not moving... thanks for the websit I will def go there. Somehow It fees better to know that I am not alone

Thanks to all of you... I am still crying but I know that I will be okay. I told DH about the sperm bank and he flat out said he could never bear to see a baby come from me that was mine and not his... Although he did say that he would be able to think about embryo adoption... This is soo flippin difficult. I don't know how everyone does it. I never thought that this would happen to us. I feel so empty.

thanks kathy...that was enough

Thanks ... that will be helpful to know

Rachel what about morning sickness... did you want to throw up and did it hurt?

you will do it...at least you did not gain...keep your head up

lets chat now!

hey I have opened up the chat room come and join me!

yOu are amazing...with everything I can still imagin the smile on your face...I am so bummed that I was busy with hubby when the reunion was at your house because you would have been a great person to meet...hopefully next time... Be well....

I don't get the birth control thing...isn't there a no sex before marriage thing too? I would cus out the corrdinator just for saying I should give more money to some chick I don't know... How the hell does she know your bills and what you have planned ... so hell yeah ask for... no demand you money honey! Just my 2cents

yes I think is a crackhead too, also a moron. I say this because this is a life changing process. It is not a race to be sprinted towards but a marithon to be jogged and sometimes walked. If you sit and rest it will be okay. Change your habits and it will change your life. 800 calories....lol what the hell is he smokin

Small or large you are beautiful....

Hey I love sleep overs I just bought new PJs. My home your home what ever... I am an awsome cook... anyone for veggie lasagna or enchilltas?

De Larla ...little offended at the comparison to Nig*** Don't think you meant anything by it...just struck a bad note so I thought I would tell ya.

Penni how are you feeling. I am down for a get together...even willing to have it at me casa!

very interesting...I am trying to be very careful because I don't have a regular follow up physician... I see my own Dr. about once every 3 to 6 months... I have also only had two fills, which is un ussual...but I too find my self choosing foods that will go a little easier on the tummy... my favorite is Starbucks chi tea... fills me up in the morning instead of a "real" breakfast...I know its bad but we all do it.

Hey all I know I have not posted much lately. I have been so dang busy. I need a off/on line buddy. someone I can call and talk to. Someone who wants to venture to MX with me and get another fill. Hey I'll even drive. I just don't know the Dr.s there since I went to Monterrey. I have done incredibly well but I have that last bit and I need some help. I don't get it at home because my husband thinks I eat too little, and I look great, so he does not see the need. But I came into this so that I could not just get my life back ...which I did, but also, so that for once in my life I would not be obease. I am still in the 200's and I want to reach my goal... but between my skinny ass friends and chubby chasing husband, I have no one to relate too. So if you need a Phone friend/ in person friend...and I mean friend, I am great at listining and caring and being there. I have a hectic schedule but I keep my phone with me at all times... let me know. Drop me a pm with your number or ask for mine and let's chatt!