TBone55

These last couple of weeks have been a few of the most stressful that I have had since surgery in May.
 
Stress never seems to ebb in my life as much as it flows. You would think that over time this girl would be used to it, but there is no such thing as getting used to stress.
 
You can roll with it and that's what I do, so that I can deal with the issue at hand and so it doesn't drive me insane. However it does drive me to some things that hinder my journey and even have the potential to harm me.
 
I liked to think of it as comfort, but I know my thinking is warped. I want, no rather I need to find comfort in things other than food when life gets tough and curve balls are thrown at my head.
 
The hug of a loved one is good, the escape of a good book, TV show or movie is great, but nothing brings me the comfort of being in my bedroom with the door to the outside world closed, eating a box of skinny cow, or munching on a vat of peanut butter pretzels.
 
I want to run away and hide where no one can find me, but instead I try to heal the wounds so I can keep on going, and the bandages I use to cover up those wounds are food. It's bad..yes BAD because I am hurting myself by doing that. There are times that I will even pull my husband into it with me. I don't let too many people into my sanctuary, he is a willing accomplice that is until we realize that I am hurting him by sharing this unhealthy habit, and that makes me feel twice as bad.
 
Since I have had surgery and before the latest disaster struck, I was working on NOT eating in bed. NOT eating in my bedroom. Keeping meals and snacks in the kitchen and at the table where they belong.
 
It becomes difficult and feels impossible when I feel the need to hide. I want some peace a moment of relaxation, so I run to my bedroom and barricade myself away from the un-relenting caterwauls that come from outside.
 
If it's not one of the 5 kids, (all over the age of 18-actually 4 over the age of 20!) it's one of our parents, or siblings that claw and vie for attention. Usually something life threating, just so you know it's not just the usual hey what's for dinner or I can't find my key kind of stress, those things just compound daily and sometimes cause the force of the stress to be 10 times worse then it actually is.
 
There are days when I feel as though I have PTSD and just the ring of the phone, the whisper in the hallway or the knock on the door is enough to get my heart palpitating, my head pounding and my brow sweaty with anxiety.
 
I know I should lace up my sneakers and go for a walk, or hang a punching bag and beat the ever loving sh*t out of it. Tape the person of the day to it, and punch away. However, when I am emotionally spent and physically exhausted the only thing I fixate on is the drive to the store to buy that box or container of comfort food. When I get home all I want to do is close and lock my door, curl up under the covers and dig in.
 
This week, as I feel myself calming down a bit from the last two weeks of high anxiety and stress I am re-committing to working on these goals. I am hopeful that enough practice even if it is in between crisis I will be able to overcome my need for comfort foods, if not my need for escape, and learn to soothe my stress in more productive ways.
 
After 42 years, I am learning the power of NO and the definition of boundaries. I am practicing using the word NO more often, putting and keeping those boundaries firmly in place.
 
I am also thinking of investing in that punching bag. It could be a fun way to blow off steam! I wonder if they have one I could put on my desk….

I just got back from vacation at Yellowstone and like many banders I was tighter while at the higher altitude, and discovered that I felt better. So since I had a LB fill appointment this morning, I had them tweak my band with a .25 cc fill. But back to liquids for today and soft for tomorrow.

Seven Days Post Surgery: Burping: Such a simple body function or so it used to be. Now I find that it is one of the hardest things I have to do. Hiccups are even worse. Laughing now brings me a combination of joy and pain. It is amazing how many actions involve using your stomach muscles. Even putting lotion on my feet makes my side sore. This is all part of the process I am told. Well, I say to that: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!. However, my healing body seems not to care what I think about it. I remember watching videos of hernia repairs and lap band placements. Whenever I wonder why my stomach is sore, I am reminded of how the herniated part of my stomach was not only pulled back through that opening in my diaphragm but a band was wrapped around it as well. How the overstretched opening in my diaphragm was stitched to close the gap around my esophagus. How more stitches were placed in my abdominal wall to secure the port of the band. Yes, My poor belly has been through much and I expect it to heal over night. How dare I? LOL. So I endure the burps when they come, try to avoid hiccups as much as possible (the hiccups don't happen often), and as far as laughing goes...well some things can't be help. I have laughed and smiled my whole life. When others are asked to describe me: one of the first things mentioned is that I smile ALL THE TIME. The surgeon even mentioned this to my family after surgery: she was smiling in her sleep (happens often with pain meds). Now, that is probably something worth investigating!

I started the week at 243 .... yesterday the scale said 247 - what the HECK?!?!?!?!
 
This past weekend I was on liquids because of my recent fill, now Im back on solids and that 4 lbs just jumped on???? SIGH
 
AT least I'm getting my protein in.
 
And I went to the gym twice already this week and I'm going again today for more cardio.
 
Maybe I'll try to do a liquid breakfast and a liquid dinner for the next couple of days and see if that makes a difference. (I can't eat liquid lunch on weekdays every day, I would be too jealous of my work friends eating real food).
 
Wish me luck!

I had my surgery on May 23rd and today is my 4th day post-op. I was extremely calm before the surgery. I wasn't feeling any anxiety or fear at all but ooh boy, then it hit. After I was sitting home trying to gulp down my disgusting protein shake, I just started to sob. What have I done? I love food and now I can't touch it. Will it ever get better? Logically I know that it will but when I get like this I feel so helpless. Then of course my mind starts to wonder - I'm 30 years old, single, no love prospects. I broke it off with my boyfriend on my 30th birthday because I was tired of the drama yet here I am, wondering if I dial him with my caller ID off will he know it's me? So ridiculous! It's amazing how the beginning of this journey is bringing so many emotions that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with. I just want to say that reading the forums has been a tremendous help. You guys are some of the most positive people I have ever come across and you're truly an inspiration. I know you don't know me from Adam but you've been a tremendous help. And for that, I thank you.

Hi, folks!!
 
So I returned to work on the Monday after my port replacement. Only phones on Triage (I'm a nurse) because I didn't want to overdue it. I actually felt really good. I saw my doctor 5/7 (it was the Bariatric Fellow who has been following me along with my doc because my doc had an emergency.) Everything looked good, no additional fills, appointment for next fill in 5 weeks. Liquids for one week (yuk!) So that was a Tuesday, and all was good. Then I returned to the floor on Wednesday, and we were soooooo busy, that I think I overdid it with bending, etc. I was in pain Wednesday night and noticed a bright red ring all around my incision area, and it was swollen and tender. Took pics of it, because it didn't look right. I had off Thursday & the area looked a little better but I figured I better call the doc just in case. He is such a doll that he let me e-mail him my photos. Said it looks like a possible seroma but to be on the safe side, he put me on an antibiotic for a week. The redness, swelling and irritation went away. But now I notice that if if overdue it a little (or actually whenever. . . there's really no rhyme or reason. . . the area under my incision will actually hurt, especially if I kind of hunch over like when sitting and then straighten out. It's really weird & didn't happen with the first surgery. I think I'll just keep an eye on it for now.
 
As far as losing weight goes, I've lost about 25-27 pounds so far, depending on the scale, lol! I will tell you though, I thought it would be a lot easier, and that the weight would kind of just fly right off. I really have to "diet" (oh, how I hate that word!) and watch what I eat. I had 3 family members who have had gastric bypass, and their weight just flew off. My brother-in-law told me that he would weigh himself before bed & in the morning he would have lost 3 pounds! I understand that it was because they didn't absorb the calories or nutrients, blah, blah, blah, but I was hoping not too have to put this much thought into losing weight. I'm pretty sure I haven't hit the green zone yet, because I don't feel that restricted. Maybe 3 ccs isn't enough for me. Also, I can eat, and then be really hungry again 2 hours later. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. I know losing 25-27 pounds is great since March 1st, but I guess I was looking for an easier way out. Anyone have a food plan can follow for lap band?? The only downside about my doctor, is I'm not too crazy about his dietician/nutritionist!!!
 
Later, gators!!

I was banded a little over a year ago, I've lost over 80 pounds and I am at my goal weight. I also drink wine every evening. I don’t hide this from anyone. I have posted such information several times and when I get PM’d about it I answer honestly.
 
I knew when I decided to get the band that I would have to change my life and I was more than willing to do just that. But, I was not willing to give up my wine. I enjoy wine, I like the taste. My husband & I often go wine tasting at some of the Texas wineries. So, I decided that wine was going to be a part of my lifestyle.
 
From day one (& before) I have enjoyed my evening wine. Yes, the evening of my surgery I had a glass.
 
I count the empty calories (110 calories for 5oz of wine, approximately) and I am careful. I know that wine relaxes the band right along with you. So if you drink too much and the munchies set in…..everything will go down & then some.
 
I am responsible with my wine. I don’t drink for the effect of the alcohol. I drink wine because of the taste.
 
You wonder, does my doctor know? Of course he does, I tell my doctor everything. Hiding information from your doctor only hurts you.
 
My thoughts are this, if you have something you love and you can manage it then you should enjoy it. Make it a part of your plan. I have a friend that has a treat once a week of their favorite fast food meal, and another who has a single serving bag of Cheetos every day. Depriving yourself will not work. If you are anything like me, you will get resentful and end up splurging and hating yourself after.
 
Enjoy your love, just manage it and you will succeed.

Where do I start.....I want to be...no I AM going to be a great success story.
 
My story...I was banded March 18, 2013. Starting weight...gasp...326...weight right now...291....YES!!! 35 flipping pounds. Havent lost that much on a diet since FEN-Phen..in 1995. And I am still going. My family is very supportive. The husband couldnt be happier. I am making this work. ME!!!
 
I think this is the best thing I have ever done! I cannot lie and say part of me didnt take my relationship into account. I did not do this solely for myself. I did it also for a healthier, happier, sexier, and deeper relationship. But, in the end, it was ME that did it, I did it for ME to be happier. And oh baby am I ever...ALREADY!! Its only been 2 months into this process, I cannot fathom a year from now.
 
So, I have a long-term goal. I want to be 190 pounds. More will be fine...even though the other half doesnt want me "too skinny"...whatever that is...lol. I just want under 200. Not seen that number since high school. I would say I want to be a size 12...but Im not sure what poundage goes with sizes...so I just go with pounds.
 
I have set a mini-goal for my self. My youngest step-daughter graduates high school June 7. I want to loose a total of 50 pounds by then...which means I only have 15 left to go...in 2 months. Which is sooo totally do-able. I will have to increase that weight loss shortly!!! HAHA!!
 
So this is me. The beginning of my story. Watch and see where I go....

Today I did my week three weigh in and I'm down to 283.4! I was so excited to see those numbers! Its the end of the semester so I've been swamped with all my big school projects and haven't been able to squeeze in workout time, so I genuinely didn't think I'd come down more than a pound or two. This brings my total weight loss to 32 lbs! SO AWESOME! My first goal weight is 270- that's what I weighed two summers ago, and more or less is the last consistent weight I was before I started gaining rapidly.240 will be after that- that's what I weighed all through high school. I'm so exited because I just feel like for the first time that these are TOTALLY attainable goals.
 
This week I get my tax refund back and the first thing I'm doing is renewing my gym membership. I actually love working out, and once I'm in a groove, I'll do a couple hours in the gym no problem, but lord know that first three weeks blowwwwws. Its so weird to be able to remember being roughly this size last year and working out 7 days a week and it being easy breezy, but right now I don't think i could do more than an hour and be dying afterwards. Conditioning is a b***h.
 
I've been adding in more 'real food' and it seems to be going pretty well.. Just trouble with portioning still because of the weird link in my head between 'this is the amount you need to eat to feel full' and 'eat this cup and be done'. I'll get there haha.
 
Its only two weeks until my first fill!! I'm so, so ready to kick this thing into high gear! Any advice for the first one? Will I be able to go to work afterwards or should I plan on being sick to my stomach? I'm not really sure what to expect!

the sweet spot that is known as the green zone. Some are lucky and never have to worry about it and some of us have to figure out if we are really in it or not or if it even exists. Since my last fill on Jan 29th I can certainly say it exists. I can easily go 5 hours with need to eat and I never have the cravings or desires to snack. Jan 29th I weighed 346 and this morning I was 313. Today I also had my one year follow up visit and the Center was happy with everything they seen and heard and they feel I am in a very good place right now. They decided that they only need to see me every 6 months but if I have any problems at all with anything or think I need adjustment then call sooner and get in.
 
I still have a long way to go in my journey but sometimes it is good to take a step back and look at the big picture. My Doc took all my measurements this morning and then gave me this print out for a little perspective.
 
 
 

 
I am 93lbs from my personal goal but I am more motivated then ever.
 
My advice to all the new folks considering this option. Patience...this trip requires a lot patience but if you're true to yourself and follow your Docs advice and guidelines you can be successful. With anything there are ups and downs but you have to grind through the low points. Lapband surgery one day and weight loss the next does not happen. It can take some time for the ball to really start rolling.

Since I work about 12+ hours a day, I am always grateful for assistance with the housework. I was quite thrilled the other day to come home to find out that my mother completed two loads of wash for me. However, it quickly turned to dread when I discovered that my black dress pants that I wear to work were put into the dryer. Now, let me fill you in a little bit about my dress pants. We usually have a battle in the morning with zipping them up. I lay on the bed, wiggle around, and feel the pain throb on my finger as I try to get that zipper up. I would NEVER put them in the dryer as the heat from the dryer is not my friend! So I had to break down and wiggle my butt into Spanx and thought I had won the battle with my pants. Well...sort of... It was still a challenge. This is what I usually deal with and what I have been dealing with for quite some time.
 
I was banded on March 4, took 2 weeks off from work, and during the first week back at work, I avoided my black pants since I was still sore in my stomach area. So here it is...Friday, March 30, and I have run out of options for clothing. There in my closet, looking ever so quiet (and a bit afraid of the battle that may ensue) are my black pants. Ugh! I am going to hate this
beginning to a Friday morning I thought to myself. Well, here it goes. I decided not to go with the Spanx as sometimes it is not all that comfortable for sitting too long and I knew I had a meeting to attend that day. Obviously, I had been weighing myself since March 4 and thought, hmmmm... let's
see if 20 pounds has made a difference in my world. (I have 130 more to lose...not real sure if 20 really made difference yet.)
 
I put both legs in those pants, pulled them up, and got ready for the wrestling match on the bed. Much to my surprise, they zipped. I don't mean just zipped up....I mean they zipped without a 10 minute worm dance on my bed! I was thrilled! Beyond thrilled! These pants haven't seen a dryer for quite sometime so I just know it was thrilled too! No one at work has noticed the weight loss and I really don't expect anyone to notice until I buy new clothes and lose around 40 lbs. But my pants and I knew better that particular day. We were winning together!
 
As I shut off the light in my bedroom, I thought I heard a small voice say, "I'm next" from the pair of pants (Size 16) that I wore several years ago when I lost 70 lbs. Yes...my friend...you are next! Just stay in that drawer a little bit longer. I am working on getting you out and about as soon as I can...and I promise we won't have a battle!

I saw this on youtube and decided to make my own frozen yogurt. I must say it was the most delish dessert I have had in a while without the added sugar and fat. It will satisfy your sweet tooth and give you protein.
 
2 cups of plain Greek Yogurt
2 cups of frozen fruit of your desire. I used blueberries.
(you can add a half cup of sugar for tart fruits)
or Honey
In a food processor blend the fruit until it is of a creamy consistancy
add Greek yogurt and mix well with a wooden spoon
Place in a plastic container in the freezer. Halfway through freezing, remove and stir the container to get out the ice crystals until smooth.
Replace container back into the freezer until frozen. Enjoy.