lunasa

Kity...You're a cutie!! Ok...I've been trawling throught the threads this morning, I usually just come here to read & post. I've found a lot of similiar concerns to mine about the place.. Guess what's haooening to me today..I wonder if anyone can help..what is this.. So we are selling our current house and yesterday we were told we had our first viewing for this morning.. So I had planned last night to get the house lookin like something out of a Martha Steward book for the prospective buyers!! LOL So I didn't get home until 7.30ish and I put my dinner (fish pie) on (the preamble is I suppose to explain & demonstrate my anti band actions..as I have over the past couple weeks "lost" my proper conscious behaviour mode) Anyway....Just then My SIL arrived, unexpectedly at the door...fine..but I was I suppose in frantic mode as I was eager to get stuck in to the housework. So she's there & we're chatting and all the while I'm eating my dinner...not paying any attention to volume, speed, nothing. Now I suppose fish pie would be classified as a soft food anyway so there wouldn't have been MUCH chewing involved anyway.. (p.S..SIL is very obese..and I also wonder if I was suffering anxiety in her company also...or had a fat friend evening..you know when two fatties hang out there's no "voice" in your head telling you not to consume your full potential when eating) So I wolf down the pie and yap yap yap I proceed to get up immediately do Laundry, clean & organise the kitchen all the while she's there.. I then come across some peaches that needed to be used so I interrupt myself to make a peach cobbler for her to take home... Martha Stewart mode again, I figured baking was more social than laundry at this point... So there I am with the cobbler on and I'm foostering around in this manic mode..anyway, we both have some freshly baked cobbler..It's now 10pm!! I'm a night owl anyway but here I am oblivious to the band rules.. She left about 11pm and then I launch into the housework and am finally finished at 1am..cup of tea & then to bed.. Wake up at 3am freezing and restless.. (DH not home yet, he works late on weekends) downstairs and what do I do? Ham & cheese sandwich..STILL oblivious to the rules... Bed again Little bit of oops..can feel bread etc sticking in the chest now as I lie on my pillow...I sleep eventually..about 4.30am Wake this morning at nine..vacate the house..get to office to check emails etc and have a coffee..then the burping starts...small continious burps... it's almost an hour now and I'm still burping..still feel slight tightness in my chest..at one point what I thought was another burp turned into a gag..a heave-ing sensation... So after my very long winding explanation of my bad behaviour I wonder have I done damage? Am I PB'ing? I know what I did was wrong but in a way it's actually slapped me in the face this morning that what I've done is BAD BAD BAD for the band..and that there are repercussions and this is my first hit home example of restriction... I may not feel it while I am eating...but it's there to make me uncomfortable if & when I over do it.. I know I won't be eating white or soft bread again..It's stuck.. I know it was at 3am but pre band this would have been a not too regular thing I would do but I would do it nontheless... So the moral of the story is that I had expected restriction to be like immediately post surgery when you just couldn't fit any more in..or had very much enough after a very small amount.. I now wonder if I was expecting the wrong sensation therefore not experiencing it..the restriction I now feel is more the digestive kind.. If I am restricted enough, wouldn't I feel fuller WHILE eating..am paranoid now that if I fill too tight next week I'll have problems..I fly to my clinic in UK and am not hanging around for long..in & out Does anyone think I've done damage? Like stretched the pouch or anything? Apologies for the EPIC:faint:

AND P.S... As some of you stated..there is no need to feel upset or ashamed about stalling or struggling..and thank you..I have been telling myself that since my "episode" because I was very upset and ashamed over it!! Like some others of you are facing..It's hard when others know what you've done and you're not the incredible shrinking woman..it is pressure, it's like you feel embarrassed that you've not started to become barbie yet...more like Shamu still...but hey...next year, barbie might be more fitting!!

Hi Girls...Thank you again for the uplift!! I called the clinic and have scheduled a fill for Sat 7th July... I also found a thread here for VG band's, which is what I'm almost sure I have..I have to check when I get home.. The VG band has a max capacity of 10cc (mls) Apparantely I have 5cc in right now and was shocked at that.. I said to her " does that mean something's wrong?" coz it sounded like a big fill Apparently this band is the bigger one and having a lower BMI means fills are hard to get right or something like that. Anyway, I found some great info on the VG thread and some of the posts I might as well have written myself, which was a relief. I could see my case is being echoed throughout the VG bandsters... Why oh why I was convinced the first fill would be the one I dunno!!! I feel drained after the last few weeks of worrying about that and feeling like I myself had failed without even contemplating that I have to reach desired restriction..I thought I'd be a one fill job!! So I'm booked for another in a week's time..That's Laura's wedding day I believe? I remember because it's also my FIL's 50th birthday.. I feel there's no need for the panic now..I HOPE next fill does me justice (remembering I have to fly to the clinic!!) I THINK I'll be getting another 2.5mls (cc) I think that's what she said and she reckons it would make a bigger difference.. I never realised I had the bigger band or so much In it already... I delibrately didn't ask because I wanted to see if I felt real restriction without knowing how many cc's I have and it and by not being swayed psychologically if I thought It wasn't aggressive enough or if I started comparing to others fill amounts and subsequent results... Thanks for caring girls...I have had a rough time..I prob would not have thought I deserved another or to book another fill only for you all..xx:ranger::ranger:

Unhappiness & Depression by Bruce Di Marsico, 1973 The Cause of Unhappiness The cause of unhappiness is a belief. What happens, no matter how undesirable or destructive to our life, health, desires or loves, does not cause unhappiness. The belief that we have to be unhappy is the only cause. To state it simply: "If a person did not believe they had to be unhappy, they would not and could not be." We merely believe we need to have things or avoid things in order to avoid unhappiness, which we would not have to fear if we did not believe we needed to be unhappy. What Causes Unhappiness The Understandings of All Unhappiness Unhappiness is believing that something is necessary, something has to be, should be, ought to be, or must be other than what it is. When a person is believing he/she has to be unhappy, what they are believing is that they have to be unhappy because they believe they are against themselves. The belief in unhappiness is the belief in being wrong for oneself. Unhappiness, in fact, means that I believe that I do, or want, or think, or feel a way that is bad for me. A person believes: Certain things I do not want to happen may happen or are now happening. I don't want them to. I feel bad (and am worried or afraid now) because I "shouldn't" be thinking negatively about my life now. Maybe I shouldn't be not wanting what is evidently happening anyway. I am (as-if) denying reality, and that is wrong. I will be unhappy about this in the future because when certain things I do not want or do not like happen I will feel a way that is bad for me. It is wrong to expect misfortune. That is "unhappy" of me. It doesn't matter that if the undesirable event happens to me from circumstances out of my control, or if I think I am the cause or part of the cause; unhappiness comes as me believing that I now have proof that I am bad for myself. "Bad for myself means I am not really wanting for me what I "should" be wanting for me, and something can prove it. The belief is that this event "proves" it. Basically, feeling bad means that I believe that what I do, or think, or want, or feel means I am against my own best interests. I believe these are a bad way of doing thinking, wanting or feeling. The way I am being is a bad (wrong, self-defeating) way of being. This could be called the same as believing that I will be a way I shouldn't be, or think a way I shouldn't or want or feel a way I shouldn't. If we didn't believe that we could be a way we "shouldn't" we couldn't feel unhappy no matter what else we felt. All unhappiness is the fear that we have a bad attitude for ourselves. We are afraid that something proves we are bad for ourselves in the sense that we are in some way against what we are for, and for what we are against. We are afraid that we have a self-defeating attitude. The fear that we have a bad, or self-defeating, attitude is the same as distrusting the very source or cause of our motivation. We are unhappy when we believe our very life, our heart, our self is against all that we live for; our personal happiness. Happiness is the freedom to be as we are, however we are; richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, gaining or losing, succeeding or failing, wanting or not wanting, approving or not approving, forever. Happy is what we are and what we'll be if we don't believe we are wrong to be as we are. by Bruce Di MarsicoMontclair, Saturday, July 3rd, 1993

(((((Hi Girls))))) Thank you all so much. It brings me close to tears to read what I wrote earlier and subject you all with such a nasty rant but I had to. I was bursting. I woke up this morning very anxious and by some miracle didn't take it out on DH..I actually lay in bed composing a rant in my head for LBT...somewhere to vent it out. Your repiles are so kind and true and I thank you.. I am worried too that I am depressed..I KNOW I was before discovering that I was eligable for the band and then getting myself booked in, organised and on my way for it and the 3 liquid weeks post surgery lifted me out of it. Maybe I jumped the gun thinking "it" (the monster) was behind me. I guess I had an "up" period. Strange thing is I'm not like a depressed person at times, like when s**t hits the fan I'm great at jumping to action, I'm great at listening to and motivating others, during these times I am not consumed with my self. But then I look in the mirror and I see a stranger looking back, I see a lost expression on a face that just looks so tired and sad and then I just feel so sad! It's like a pain in the heart and I look and I think "that's not me, where am I?" I have playful times with DH at home or wherever and I might get up to go to the loo and there's that mirror again and I look again and I see this ghost again! It's frightening me, because I feel I'm buried in there! I don't recognise this person looking back and sometimes I even experience surreal moments where I question the reality of the moment. I guess I should see my GP, I have spoken to him about this and he wrote me a Rx for Anti-d's but I said I would only fill them if I felt I had no choice and so I set out again trying to fix what was not right, without the need for masking it with drugs. It's not that I have no faith in meds, I have taken anti-d's on 2 occassions before but quit after 3 months each time...dunno why? Stigma I guess, and within myself, not coz anyone else knew. Then I go to counselling and come across as a balanced reasonable person and it's quite confusing sitting there chatting without a care inthe world to a doc who charges a fortune to have what just seems like an expensive chat! LOL KITY, you have a point about the excercising being able to help and start shaking off the blues..and funny as I read it I thought if someone I know in RL had have suggested same (as they do) I would want to punch, but not you because you are in my boat and I noticed the pep in your cyber step when you took to the sweat-arena..as most of you did..you all reported and vibe'd more cyber energy. I have noticed the theraputic value of walking and will do so and as I get used to strolling to ease & comfort my mind I will also eventually gear up to working a sweat. Right now I don't want to be gung ho with that because it raises too many issues with me. Pounding the pavement just re-inforces my hatred and resentment in the continuing WL battle... So thank you all for your support and advice and for consoling and lifting me...I think withdrawing from LBT also had a part in my getting so overwhelmed as I had alienated myself from here too (you'd swear I was away for a year! felt like it!) But logging back in and seeing that what I'm going through is not unique does help..I had imagined I would sign in and everyone would be trailblazing away and I'd be the one left behind of my own doing and I would get so disheartened and lonely in my efforts (or lack of!) I'm sorry to bring anyone down, but I am relieved with your response..thank you. I came across something very interesting about happiness. or unhappiness and I saved it in my puter files. I'm gonna go now and retrieve it and post it below...It's something to consider..for us all..xxx MUCH LOVE...GRA MOR..xx(that's much Love in Irish) :girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug::girl_hug:

Hi there... I've missed so much..I'm not gonna even try to catch up.. News with me...I have spent the month of june gaining and loosing the same 4.5lbs... I am now at the same weight when I reached just below my first goal..I haven't seen a smaller scale number since 7th June.. I am devastated, depressed and I am in despair about how the rest of my life is going to have to be..struggling in diet mode or obese for life. I only loose weight when I am on liquids. I am tortured ever since introducing food back into my life..it is causing me pain, not physical, emotional..I can't deal with it. I look back on my entries during my liquid stage and I was so full of hope & confidence I really thought I had turned a corner but now since food is back in my life I am in despair again... Once again I have retreated to the safety of my own home, I have cancelled on and avoided my friends..I am overwhelmed at work and I can't help thinking or wanting to sleep forever. I went to bed last night wishing I could have the strength to never eat food again...I hate it, it causes me pain and I feel my life will never be right as long as I have to deal with eating... I feel compelled to keep eating once I start and it's not because I can or want to it's because I can't bear the thoughts that I have to count & control and I feel the life being sucked out of me. Every event, even going to the cinema is a dread because I have this Fucking diet monkey on my back ONCE MORE and forever will... I have wasted my money on this band as I gave it more power that it deserves..It has not become the answer to my prayers as I thought it would and I was stupid to think it would.. I want food out of my life..I cannot cope with having to restrict EVERY little minute of my miserable existance anymore.. I have so much to be happy about and I can't move on out of this hole of misery bitterness and dread.. I can't stand looking at myself anymore and I can't stand being trapped inside a mind that does not see or believe things will ever be any different

Hi Ladies!! I'm back from the deep...:peace: Well George michael Cancelled the concert on us!!! :noidea: WHAT A MEANER!!!!:drama: Technical difficulties...my arse..what a let down!! Still, I went out, got pissed and then came home & fell down the stairs, so I blame him for the MASSIVE bruise I now have on my arse! I'm dying to know how the fill changes things. I'm going for my first tomorrow. I feel I've no restriction and I miss that SO SO much!! Last week I drank 3 nights of the week...(yes Alcohol) will I ever learn? So as always with my hangover came MAJOR cravings and I have to admit I succumbed. I turned to the dreaded Crisps (potato chips) and had a nasty enough week. I gained a pound for my sins!! LOL I have yet to get off my ass and excercise. I'm hesitating because I don't want to struggle with "walking" I'm afraid it'll make me feel so unfit and like I've a mountain to climb. I always get pissed off when I'm huffing & puffing and I'm afraid it'll remind me how much work I have to do. But in saying all that I guess I don't have to go out pounding the pavements, if I started off strolling at least I might enjoy myself (?) I have associated walking & excercise with negative feelings about my body & my mind tends to go into negative mode as soon as I put my runners on! I immediatly start fretting in my mind and dreading every step!! But in order to break through this "plateau" I've been bouncing on for the last MONTH I guess excercise is yer only man!! God somebody help me!!! I'm hoping the fill will bring down my portion size again and help me enforce the rules better, I'm being a bold girl now because I can (if I'm to be honest here) and because I expected more from this band. I understand it is unfilled at the moment and that is the only thing that's keeping me from cracking up & feeling like I've wasted my money on a useless piece of plastic! LOL I did not get this surgery done to be plunged back into DIET mode..that's what drove me mad enough to go under the knife in the first place!! My goodness, I'm finished my rant now... Thanks for keeping in touch & sharing so far girls.. Good luck to us all. I'll report on my fill ASAP..xx<!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- / message --><!-- sig --> __________________ P.s... I get the drift that Terri is having some difficulty... Hang in there girl...despite what you may berate yourself about, you look and are doing great. let me just tell you that in my brief & former life as a gym training and skinnier me I worked out HARD 5 days a week with a trainer, for 6 months solid. I only lost 6lbs on the scales but my inches lost were huge, my body fat went from 26% to 20% and I went down from a US size 10-12 to an 8..Remember the scales is not the best indicator when you're working out. It can be VERY deceiving. So I suggest to you that you get one of the trainers to take a body fat reading WITH A CALIPERS not on a scale...calipers is more accurate and you may find it more rewarding..xx Keep the chin up..xx <!-- google_ad_section_start(weight=ignore) -->:biggrin1:

Hi Ladies... Sounds like the meeting was great!! Must be great to put faces to the names. Allure, I'm dying to know how the fill changes things. I'm going for mine tomorrow. I feel I've no restriction and I miss that SO SO much!! Last week I drank 3 nights of the week...jaysus, will I ever learn? So as always with my hangover came MAJOR cravings and I have to admit I succumbed. I turned to the dreaded Crisps and had a nasty enough week. I gained a pound for my sins!! LOL I have yet to get off my ass and excercise. I'm hesitating because I don't want to struggle with "walking" I'm afraid it'll make me feel so unfit and like I've a mountain to climb. I always get pissed off when I'm huffing & puffing and I'm afraid it'll remind me how much work I have to do. But in saying all that I guess I don't have to go out pounding the pavements, if I started off strolling at least I might enjoy myself (?) I have associated walking & excercise with negative feelings about my body & my mind tends to go into negative mode as soon as I put my runners on! I immediatly start fretting in my mind and dreading every step!! But in order to break through this "plateau" I've been bouncing on for the last MONTH I guess excercise is yer only man!! God somebody help me!!! I'm hoping the fill will bring down my portion size again and help me enforce the rules better, I'm being a bold girl now because I can (if I'm to be honest here) and because I expected more from this band. I understand it is unfilled at the moment and that is the only thing that's keeping me from cracking up & feeling like I've wasted my money on a useless piece of plastic! LOL I did not get this surgery done to be plunged back into DIET mode..that's what drove me mad enough to go under the knife in the first place!! My goodness, I'm finished my rant now... Thanks for keeping in touch & sharing so far girls.. Good luck to us all. I'll report on my fill ASAP..xx

By the way Laura..I think the VEGAS wedding sounds GREAT!!! We have a saying here.. "Do what suits YOU and F**k the begrudgers!!"

Hi Everyone...thank you so much for your attention and cheerleading...I feel relieved having "come out" as a struggler!!! It means a lot to have your support.. KAT...you got that right..I am about as DEEP as it gets!! Sometimes it's great when I am able to cope & help others but when I fall myself it's VERY hard to get back up. That's why NLP helps so much for me...it really provides tools to move on instead of lingering wallowing & analysing (which I often do anyway..it's just natural!) But everyday doesn't happen...not for anyone I don't think..we all have our days & moments when all the tools in the world can't help... so I guess as Pam always says...surrender those and then we can move on.. So thank you all..xx I'm goin to go for a lovely walk later..it's BEAUTIFUL here today and the birds are singin up a storm!! Talk later..xx P.S. George Michael Concert tomorrow night!!!

Hello There...remember me? I am not great today.. I feel the depression demon nipping at my heels!! I have lost my feelings of fullness that I enjoyed so much and I had really started to turn a corner...feeling like a normal eater for the first time ever!! I know what's happening though.. it's the old diet mentality sneaking it's way back in..or at least trying to!! I have to remember that I've lost weight and clothes sizes...funny I found myself being surprised Sunday when I got dressed and the clothes were loose...my mind was playing tricks on me and It was like I had put all the weight back on..feeling horrible & expecting a battle with the clothes! When I dressed myself I was actually surprised that they were loose..is that weird? In my MIND I had "put the weight back on!!!" and was feeling quite low! I feel I am struggling mentally / emotionally right now...WHY?? I know I've been at a plateau since MAY 7th...maybe it's because my emotional state has dipped as there's a stall on the lbs? I didn't want to come on here and admit to this, because all along I've tried to be so positive and upbeat and I've tried to talk others out of their bad periods so far in the journey. But I feel I can't join in here and it's because I'm hiding my current feelings & experience. I guess these are the demons I have to be patient & strong enough to face on this journey...I know this. I feel I'm being dragged into feeling disappointed, when I really have nothing to be disappointed about. But my OLD SELF is in my ear saying..."this is just the same as it always has been, this time is no different, you are never gonna change" I'm behind in my office work, I am feeling scatterbrained & unorganised..I feel I've let everything build up on me and my mind is feeling cluttered. These are all factors in my waining confidence right now, and add to that loosing my "FULLNESS" has kinda knocked me off my feet a little. I really felt safe, content & confident when I was on my "small food intake" I was not hungry..I had three meals a day, small ones..about 15-18 WW points and totally satisfied with that. Right now I feel I'm bargaining pouints again and I hate that. I hate knowing I could easily fulfill my quota and I fear I could just as easily exceed it!! I'd say I did today...I went to cinema and eat popcorn AND nachos!! That's so OLD me...Only a week ago I was terrified to even TRY popcorn for fear of it getting stuck..I guess I'm completely open? Is the band totally open before filling? Does your stomach / appetite go back to pre band days? I am booked in for my first fill next TUES.. I have to fly to LONDON for this. They said doc would take this into account filling me ( I took this to mean I'd get a good shot!! LOL) I hate to come on here & moan but I am feeling quite anxious today in particular and felt I couldn't really "chat" with you all while I was hiding this. So..can anyone relate or console with this?:sick

Hi Girls... Allure..I can relate to your situation. I too feel like I've lost the restriction I had but I know it's just the swelling gone down. I am booked for my first fill next tuesday & I really hope it brings back some of that restriction. I find in the last week I am not getting the "full" feeling I was enjoying so much... I am having to fight against my old patterns of eating too much. Although I know I am not eating NEARLY as much as I once was, I do find I am fearful. It has to get better after we start fillinng our bands..it just HAS to!! otherwise what good is it? I certainly find having to wait 2 hours to drink fluids after eating is really helping me space out my day and plan better for meals. I am eating smaller portions still, definately but I have THE FEAR...and at times feel my old depression lingering over my head waiting to pounce. I have to remind myself that I have lost almost 2 stone & have gone down in clothes size considerably.. But these are my old demons & I just have to trust that I can conquer them...My looming dissappointment is not real..it is the old me waiting to drag me down, to convince me that I'm not doing good enough so that I can justify turning to tayto!!! At least I am aware of this, and this is what I most want to change. But I feel your pain allure!! And we are not alone...this is happening to a LOT of us who have yet to be filled

:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2: WOW JUDY!!!! 36lbs lost!!! And the inches..the miles...are you a band angel? LOL I think you may just be out front there...well done to you, you are an inspiration!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!! :clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2:

That's really beautiful Kat...I feel the same about my parents. They gave their all for us. I know when I have kids they will be as cherished as we always were.

Laura...on reflection I see it wise to have a contract in place...glad you got it sorted with her!! LOL..Congrats on the jeans..That's a MAJOR NSV for you..keep it up..xx Haydee...great to hear about the fill benefits!! I'm REALLY looking forward to reporting same!!

Hello everybody!! How ya all doin? It's such a different vibe in here since the surgery month!! Back to real life & the newness of fills!! I just booked my first fill for June12th in London. As I am travelling from Ireland to have mine I figured a half hour apt wasn't worth the journey so I'm treating us as well.. booked myself & DH into a hotel & tickets for Phantom of the Opera and we'll make a night of it... Now THAT's more exciting!! Am looking forward to having my fill. I feel mended on the inside, the swelling has gone down enough that I am feeling less restriction. I am controlling things very well foodwise but still a lazy Bum on the excercise! . I make a pact today to walk 30mins now every day between now & fill. I know Doc will ask have I been excercising & I would hate to admit I wasn't. Sure I could lie and say I was, but I'd feel terrible, I'm too honest anyway, I wouldn't & I'd just be so embarrassed admitting I'm not walking. So walking it is. Goodness...anyone got a bomb for under my ass??:bored Mdrai...congrats!!!!! KAT...did you get to hear the VOYAGE song? Laura...CONTRACT for wedding planner?????!!! OMG, that in itself sounds ominous. Did you check any others to see if contracts are the norm? P.s...my sister is pregnant!!!!! She only found out herself..Her DH is away so I was her first port of call. Nobody else knows but us...I'm SOOOOOO excited!!!! OMG..I'm so emotional :cry:cry:cry

Hello there.. I wouldn't be worried about MRSA in ACS really. If you are paranoid Just mention it a lot!!! Allure...I understand what you are going through. Remember though that this is not like before & you have to learn now how to LIVE with your band and how to incorporate life & your social arena into your journey. It is possible to drink, have cake, don't do the hermit thing and don't be the DD every time there's a night out! Start learning how to live an UNDIET life. You got this band to help you change yourself, dieting alone didn't work. The band is all about portion control and I have found that by being able to portion food correctly I have plenty of room for other things in life I can enjoy without the guilt or the attitude that I'm struggling or that I've spoiled it!! My sister is a regular size and maintains this while being addicted to chocolate, she is also at weddings ALL the time & drinking is a weekly occurance for her. She eats McDonalds on occasion, Indian food , Chinese..basically everything and I always felt she was free to eat whatever without a yoyo effect. BUT i knew that she had some key that I needed to figure out so I began to observe. What I DIDN't observe before was the way she managed this. I only saw her eating or drinking "forbidden" things. That was selective on my part coz I wanted to believe what I suffered (weight gain/yoyo) was unfair when I would eat like her. She sticks to a sensible diet ( WW points system) most of the week saving points etc for the times she would be out. Her portions are MUCH smaller, allowing for a good points saving. If she is going to the cinema, she will save herself for a large popcorn. She doesn't bother with her dinner becuase she'd rather have the popcorn. Now this isn't exactly ideal, but it is the way she NATURALLY has become. She is constantly making allowances for her indulgances. This is what I discovered and this is where I always went wrong. As a serial dieter, I would BAN everything. I would try getting the most food in for my points throughout the day and then when I'd go to the cinema I'd cave in and do the popcorn on top of that "BLOWING IT" hence starting the pattern of an "I've blown it, I can't do this attitude" Instead of anticipating my evening, what I WANT out of it and planning my day around ALLOWING for my wants. This doesn't mean I ALLOW myself everything I fancy, I just am very much aware of what hasn't worked in the past and am aware of my strengths & weaknesses & past mistakes and am now being conciously better prepared for the times when I know if I am too strict I will face a difficulty, a conflict and DIET mode will kick in, leaving room for feelings of deprivation, followed by negative rebellious behaviour. I have also given myself the gift of time & patience. I could and have been known to loose 7lbs in one week on a diet. That entails a week of starving, no bread, no drink, going to bed early & generally being a crank and it's always the longest week EVER. My sister could take up to 7 weeks to loose that same 7lbs, but she will not lock herself away to do it...but she has the same result for less pain & aggravation than I. Because she KNOWS it will come off if she works toward it. She does not have the panic & fear I have. Because I know that seven lbs is threatening my happiness and I will postpone said happiness until it comes off...and I will be miserable not only getting it off but also when it comes off because it was SUCH hard work... This is our problem, we are unrealistic, unyielding, perfectionists and deny ourselves happiness until we feel we are starving our weight off. Let's just try to have happiness now, live our lives and not become our former selves in search of the urgent need to loose weight. You can have your cake & eat it..as long as you count for it. Do not feel guilty anymore...it's OK. I am following WW points system as I go right now, because my holy grail is finding balance this time. It is not about loosing as much weight as I can in as short a time as possible...that didn't work before for me. Sure I dropped an enormous amount of weight & stunned everyone around me but I was miserable all the time, and as soon as I start living again there it was, following me, creeping back on and my heart was breaking a little bit more with every gain because I felt now that I had done the work in one massive effort I should never have to suffer the burden again....WRONG!!! Now I take care to eat, staying within my allowance and being VERY good on days where I have nothing on. If something comes up, like a wedding I know that I have to make room for those calories and I do. then when the wedding day arrives I am free to Celebrate like everyone else but only for that day, or if it's a two day thing so be it. My preparation for getting back on track STRAIGHT AWAY after the celebrations is that I take extra Vitamins, especially B vitamins to give myself the extra energy to get up & not be dragges down by an extended lapse. I enjoy, forgive and get back to work. this is all new to me, but I find it's the only way I can give myself the gift of leaving my past behaviour behind...it truly broke my soul battling my weight for so long. I don't want that anymore, so I have opened my eyes and learned from my past & know my SELF well enough to tailor this band journey to my best advantage. I have lost 26lbs now, I have 5 stone to go, but I feel so good about myself NOW...I am not postponing credit for when it's all off...I am giving myself credit EVERY DAY and walking beside myself NOW this present minute on my journey. I don't LOOK like I have 5 stone to go because I am happy & confident & people notice that as the biggest change of all. I look content NOW...I am relaxed & happy & open. More so than ever, even being a size 12 before I was not as beautiful as I am now because size 12 wasn't good enough and it was a total sacrifice getting there, I was bitter having to work so hard to be something others seemed to maintain so easily. I know now, nothing is easy, but it doesn't have to be hell either. KNOW YOURSELF & work with that. MAKE LIFE WORK FOR YOU...don't spend another minute denying yourself, keeping you happinness locked away in fat prsion!! this is a major ramble but I have to stress to you not to do what you've always done...change your ways, accommodate your self your needs, accept your weaknessess & gather your strengths..Make it all work for you & enjoy your life. Loosing one pound sucks when you're being SO GOOD & denying yourself everything, being too strict & sacrificing, but it's a victory when you give yourself the freedom to LIVE your live how you want, within your boundaries & means realistically, and had a good time while you were at it. I am finally happy to accept one pound!!!

Hi Laura... No I didn't go to ACS myself , but there's another Thread on here in the introductions page 2 or 3 called Hi from Ireland, and most of the women there went with ACS. I went with healthier weight centre only because they specialise in weight loss surgery, it's all they do and my initial contact was with a lovely woman who had the band herself and that kinda put me at ease. There's also info on the above mentioned thread about support group meetings in Dublin if you'd be interested. I live in Co Clare. Good to touch base with you!! Having the band has been GREAT for me!!

Good luck Mdrai!!! Laura55...I'm in Ireland too! Are you going with ACS? I'll post more tomorrow..haven't time now.. Hello & goodbye for today!! P.S no weight gain this week!! ( remember I thought I might have gained after the wedding) Yippee...ticker below is officially correct again...it's all downhill from here!!

BUBBLES.....wow..33lbs since 4/11...that's Fab!!! That's where I need to get to now after all my dilly-dallying this past few weeks...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Another P.s...I think that's p.p.s... I see an ad down the bottom left of this page advertising Oprah's weight loss secret...Wu-Long tea... I really hate the way they market these things as weight loss secrets..as if it was that easy..we'd all be on tea!!! and to claim it gets rid of 3lbs a day is outrageous!!! Is it not a bit Ironic advertising the like on a site like LBT??? And besides, I always wonder why Oprah didn't have Gastric banding surgery?

PS... that's a US size 14...started out at US size 18 UK size 18 now, down from UK 22... UK size 14 is where I would feel most comfortable ( I do like to have curves, sexy mama)

Hi All!!! I'm back! Wedding was great and I was a very good girl!! I eat & drank what I wanted without having any issues or overeating or "going off the rails!" there was a lot of food at the wedding dinner (4 courses) but I only eat what I could & it was really great. Everyone else at my table cleared their plated at every course (even the skinny girls) and I there I was chewing away eating about a third of what they did & feeling very happy about it. Someone else here said it before, it's amazing to observe people over eating when we can be satisfied with so much less. Anyway, I drank LOADS too, so am on a water mission now to dispell of the toxins I consumed, but thoroughly enjoyed sans guilt! And not much of a hangover either (thank you Bcomplex vitamins!! LOL) I weighed myself before leaving for the wedding & had lost that regain I was dealing with...heading off at my original first goal weight of 224..which really made me feel good!! I'm due for a weigh in tomorrow again & don't expect to be starting into my next goal as of yet..I am prepared to have a small regain after the last few days's activities but wil deal with that again!! It won't be a major thing. BUT I do have to work hard this week to get past this first goal!! I REALLY should be well into my 2nd at this stage, but the last 2 weeks were about regaining & maintaining this week for the wedding. I really have to make an extra special effort now this week to rev it up a bit.. I have spent the month of may in a stalled weight situation and don't want to be dealing with a first goal weight any longer... So...please send me positive vibes ladies...I have a VICTORY to realise..xx BTW...you might be very proud to know I wore size 14 to the wedding (and am currently sitting here typing in 14 jeans too!!) I never done inches measurements but obviously have lost a good few!! My Bras are too big now, so I look like Dolly Parton until I get re-sized and get these puppies back under firm control!! LOL.. POWER TO ME GIRLS PLEASE...this is a VERY important week for me to REALLY make a difference & start moving on & downward again... PLEASE GOD, tomorrow's weigh in won't be worse than I suspect!!

Hi Kat...only have a few secs to check in but see that you'd like to hear the Voyage.. Check out this link Christy Moore Voyage CD Beautiful song!! Good luck...I hope you get your hands on it..xx

Is it me or is it quieter than normal in here today?? Ok here's something NOT to do... I had lunch locally today & had just taken a bite when a woman I know appeared out of nowhere & launched into a tirade of questions for me..(she's lovely though) anyway, embarrassed by the sudden realisation that I had food in my mouth that would require more chewing than she would have understood, I spent a second impersonating a deer in headlights. I though about spitting it out, but that would have been VERY strange to anyone who would have seen it, so I swallowed...without chewing as I would have liked!!! OMG... I waited for some sort of bodily reaction, answering her questions while scanning the distance to the loo and whether it was vacant or not...But no need...I seemed to be ok!! Now I have been sliming since and feel a sensation AGAIN but this time I was chewing 20-25 times!!! LOL I think I need a sign for my back "Will not talk while eating...must chew" Anyway, I'll be out of action for a few days I'm going to an out of town wedding of a very dear friend of mine...wed-sat (I told you these weddings are crazy & LONG!!!) Try not to miss me too much, although of course you know I'd feel better if you all did (well, even if someone does!! LOL) Good luck to you all over the next few days & stay strong & consistent....xx Wish me luck with the barrels of Guinness..xx:kiss2: