mrsto

Good afternoon.
I am watching the Doctor's on tv right now. They just had on a couple that had by pass surgery together. In a little over one year she lost 95 pounds and he lost about 190. The wife said it is a tool. She is right. I hope they keep up the good work. The Doctor's gave them a year's membership to a fancy health club/gym near them. That helps.
One of the doctor's said that WLS is not for everyone. He is right. We know that because of the mean bashers. Maybe bashers need to look in the mirror and blame themselves for messing up. (see I can use nice language).
Enjoy your day.
Arlene

so i read the following words today on Facebook no less.. but they made me stop and pause....
 
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"
 
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
 
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
 
She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."
 
Remember to put the glass down.
 
They are certainly words that should make you pause and think.. what is it that i carry with me each and every day .. Yes i should look to the future but today it's here and now and if i can just learn to live in the moment knowing i'm doing the best i can shouldn't that take care of everything? Knowing that each food choice is as healthy as it can be in that moment of choice that we should just accept each choice for what it is and move on to the next not dwelling on why did i's? I've spent so much time on the why did i's that it became natural for me to start on the well why not one more can't hurt... for me it's time to put the Glass down.. accept that on occasion it is ok to feed the wild side.. but to also accept the fact i need to feed the smarter healthier side a little more often..

Well, it is my Band Anniversary and things have changed.
 
#1 I left my husband, a cruel and abusive man. I grew a spine and walked out the door with nothing. He told me I had changed. He was angry that I lost weight. He lost his control over me. It is now a very bitter divorce, but I am free.
 
#2 I am dating again. It has been a year and I love my freedom. I have grown so much. I love myself for the first time in my life. I have excess skin, you don't like it, tough!!! My tummy hangs, you don't like it tough!!! My arms are big, TOUGH!!!
 
#3 I live with my Daughter. I am 57 years old and I live with my Daughter. I have nothing. But I am no longer isolated and alone. I would rather be broke than abused.
 
My life has changed, but I am enjoying life for the first time in a very long time. I love this stage. YES there are men out there who enjoy a more mature figure. Yes there are men out there that will take advantage of you. You just have to be cautious and never go back to the type of man in #1
 
My weight is stable. I am not thin, but I am happy. So, did I change, DAMN RIGHT I DID. Did I leave a cruel and abusive marriage, damn right I did. I started living for me. I don't care if I never have a possession again. I have my dignity. No one should live their life in fear as a door mat. Take a stand, protect yourself.
 
TELL SOMEONE, you are not alone

If I compared myself to anyone else I would not be happy. Be happy with your results even if they are slow. Keep it going.

This band has been a godsend. I won't lie. It helps me maintain my weight easily. I know how hard it was for me to not gain when my old band was leaking, and how super hard it was to lose, so I'm loving that my new band has me back on track. Yes I've had complications, but generally speaking, yes I've been 'lucky' with the band. My band has been SO easy to live with. Or maybe it was that I had realistic expectations, I don't know . But either way, I love that it's there helping me every day.
 
But I also realised that I made my own 'luck' with the band. Even when I wasn't formally exercising in maintenance mode, I paid attention to my portions, I did lots of incidental exercising like using the stairs instead of the escalator (I still do), I didn't resume my bad eating habits. I stayed, for the most part, on program.
 
So I do see this as a partnership between my band and me. I honestly believe that weight loss and maintenance would be VERY difficult, if not impossible, for me without a band. But I also know this little thing around my stomach didn't do it all for me. Far from it. I exercised to lose, I maintained a healthy lifestyle during maintenance, I am exercising today to ensure long term maintenance. I worked with it, and continue to work with it, everyday.
 
The surgery will help you if you're willing to help yourself. And I'm worth investing in myself to be the best I can be. No one is going to want the best for me the way I could possibly want it for myself. I went through surgery to allow myself the best chance of success, so I will not let myself down by not putting in the effort to make it work.
 
So yes I've been lucky to live with a band easily, but I sure as hell made my own luck as well. So stop sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen to you, go out and MAKE it happen.

Every now and then I get a PM asking me how I have lost so much weight so fast and what do I do for exercise. Let me tell you honestly I have lost a significant amount of weight just by simply doing things that I couldn't do for a very long time. Things that most people do daily.
 
When I was 488lbs I could hardly stay on my feet for 10 minutes at a time without sever muscle cramps in the back of my legs. I couldn't even walk the grocery store with my Wife. I used to sit in the car and wait for her to do it and then I would get out and help her load the car. We would get home and carry the groceries into the house and I would have to sit and catch my breath, rest my legs before helping her put stuff away. It was no way for a 45 year old man to live.
 
So to say I lost a lot of weight with no exercise is not completely accurate but the exercise I was getting is stuff that some folks may take for granted and I never will again. At my heaviest everything but sitting and lying down was a task. I was a home body as much as possible and even going out to a movie was a task. I even reached a sad point where taking a shower was a real chore but I did it every day because not taking one is just unacceptable not mention gross.
 
So as my journey has progressed so has my physical activity but yet I am still having a problem getting in actual exercise and sometimes just a simple walk is hard to get in. Last week I committed to 10 hours of cardio and came up way short not even reaching half. This week same thing I committed to 10 hours of cardio and I didn't get the walk in yesterday. Today I am going and this time no excuses.
 
Exercise needs to become a daily task just like taking a shower is a daily task....
 
So far my weight loss has not really started to slow down but I am starting to see the signs that it might. I figure as I am inching closer to goal it will only get more difficult/slow. My initial goal that I was shooting for was to weigh 220lbs. That would still put me into the obese BMI but I can accept 220. I am on track to hitting my goal of 250 for Christmas which I set last Christmas.
 
Starting to wonder if 199 is possible. Excess skin is really becoming noticeable but there is not much I can do about that. Insurance is not going to cover plastic surgery. So you choose to live with the excess skin or be fat. I'll take the loose skin just as long as I don't start having problems.
 
Anyway if you read this far then thank you. I hope your day is going well and that your scale is being friendly to you!

Good evening,
On Yahoo I was just reading an article that said Tim Gunn thinks it is awful the way designers treat plus size women. Finally someone on our side. He said if he was on the 8th floor at Saks in NY he would jump through the window because the clothes are that bad.
I am not in plus size any more but I totally understand what he is talking about. When I wore plus size I wore a lot of Ralph Lauren. The jeans fit the best and lasted forever.
Maybe now the designers will listen because Tim has a lot clout!!

I am sure that the subject of this blog sounds funny. Yes, I have made the decision to get banded. I have been in the program for about 4 months now. I have my surgery date but even now, as I type this, I am still having a hard time accepting my decision.
 
Let me explain. I grew up fat. I was a fat kid, I was a fat teenager and I am now a fat adult. If you had talked to me about the word fat maybe 15-20 years ago, I would have been super offended. Now, it’s just a word. Yes, I am fat.
 
In my childhood and teenage years, I was your “typical” fat kid. I was offended by the word fat that I was constantly called. I was always self-conscious and picked on for my weight. I was ashamed. I can recall a time in 7th grade when a class mate complimented me on my jeans. I was questioning why she was even talking to me since she and I were in completely different cliques – she was one of the “cool kids” while I was the new girl – or better yet, the fat new girl – at the school. Alas, when she asked me where I got my “so cute” jeans (and they were) I replied, “Sixteen Plus”. The next thing I heard were snickers and laughs because I was clearly shopping in a store for “plus sized” people. From that moment on, I vowed NEVER to mention store names again. I would shop at stores that had both junior and plus sizes so I never had to bear that “shame” again.
 
This is how much of my adolescence and teenaged years were. Never had a boyfriend – sure, I had plenty boy friends but never a “boyfriend”. I had one such friend who, when we were alone, would confide in me and once even told me he loved me (oh, middle school love…LOL) but would not be seen talking to me in school. High school and college were filled with more of the same. Boy friends – some of whom I liked more than a friend but I would NEVER tell them because they would NEVER “like” the chubby chick as more than just a friend.
 
Enter my early 20’s: I’m not sure when the realization came but I found myself developing a confidence that I had never had before. I had never considered myself ugly, after all I’ve been told “You have such a pretty face” for so long that I knew that if I weren’t fat, I’d be “so pretty”. (That is another blog post in itself.) However, I was dressing better. I was putting more effort in to my appearance. I was deciding that I was worth something. I was approached by a male colleague (whom had no romantic interest) who handed me a newspaper article on plus sized modeling. He suggested it was something I look into. He told me that I was a beautiful girl and should really give it some thought. I was BESIDE myself. A compliment without the caveat that all I had going for me was my “pretty face”. As the time went on, my confidence improved. I began to get attention from the opposite sex. I was complimented and asked on dates, left and right – granted some of these dudes were on the sketchy side – but when a random stranger tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, it’s always nice no matter what. My dating life ramped up and I found myself eventually in relationships with people who were attracted to me – fat and all.
 
It was then, that I decided to take back the word fat in my life. I was no longer going to look at it as a bad word. Yes, I was fat. So, what?!? I was otherwise healthy and happy. Things were going in the right direction for my life. I accepted myself. I would proudly admit that I bought my “so cute” shirt or pants at Lane Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus! Yep, that’s where I shop and I love my clothes. Yes, I am fat but that’s OK with me. Here I am, a confident fat woman. Take that, society!!!
 
Over the years, I have maintained that attitude. Of course, I have areas of my body that I hate – boobs are for the chest, not the back! LOL But, I always looked at it as I have the ability to change the things about my body that I hate, if I put my mind to it.
Enter the current time. I am still that confident woman who accepts the word fat. However, about 3 years ago, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with this wretched disease as my family is laden with it. I have watched it reach havoc on my Mom as she has had many years where she did not properly take care of herself and this disease. I have done well over the years keeping my diabetes at bay. My A1C is almost always good. Unfortunately, this success comes with medications that I hate and the knowledge that it is only a matter of time before this disease will reap havoc on me, if I do not get rid of it once and for all. The only sure-fire way for me to do that is to get myself to a healthy weight.
 
My husband and I have been married for 5 years this October. It was when he underwent his lap band surgery last year that I began thinking about having the surgery myself. He’s had amazing success that he has worked very hard for. I feel that with him at my side, I can have a similar success. However, I can’t get past the feeling that I am going against “my morals” with this surgery. I feel like I’m taking all that confidence that I worked very hard at and saying “society wins”. It’s silly, I know, because I know I’m not doing this to be skinny – I’m doing this to be healthy. I just still feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have been SUPER hesitant to tell anyone about this choice. Any one I have told has been supportive but I am still uneasy. I don’t know why…..
 
If you have managed to stay with me and read all this, thank you. I know this is super long – especially for my first blog post to the site.

Today I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it:
 

 
I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?'
 
So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'.
 
Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway???
 
I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying!
 
Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?

Hi Everyone,
I am watching Dr. Oz right now and the show's subject is Toxic Love. Very interesting about what loved ones do to each other when they have health issues. Dieting together, a mother telling her daughter, you're fat etc. and cooking the wrong foods. Right now is a couple and the wife wears an insulin pump and the husband cooks all the wrong foods. The therapist is trying to help all the people. Great show.
I know of people like that, that make and feed the wrong foods to the diabetic, the WLS person, like all of us etc.
Who is the the toxic person in your life? Mine is ME!!!!!!

I for one am 63. I had never dreamed I could do this until I found a friend who had tried it. I bet their are many people who don't even know these exist. At least the older people.Maybe I am being naïve, but it is soooo new to me yet here I am set for banding on 8-23. I gave it a lot of thought. I have multiple diseases and chronic conditions, 33 pills a day and not feeling too hot anyway you put it. Anyway I am so happy to be here. I am finding out a lot of new things, to do and not to do. I have questions for my doctor. I found out about plication the other day. So I'm going to ask my doctor about that. Some have had it done and love it. So why I ask isn't there more of it heard about ? I see all these youngsters doing this procedure and I feel envious that I hadn't tried it way before now. But I still have a few good years and I want them to be my happiest ever. I have had many problems over the years as most of us have. Give me some feedback on those of you who have tried it and how you feel about it and those waiting to be banded. I am holding my breath hoping to get through the preop and worried about the procedure and after. Just genuine curiosity. Hope to hear from you soon. Donna

One year ago today I was Banded!! So how was my year? Well, I was very very good for about 8-10 months and then I went back to my eating ice cream, too often. I almost always have soft serve but with jimmies(chocolate sprinkles, if you're not from Boston).
 
I was going to the gym (since December, when my husband and I joined) about 4-6 times a week. As the nice weather came, that stopped. We are going today, we are in our workout clothes!! I need to get my s**t together and start over with my new life.
 
My eating has been for the most part great. I love my morning protein shakes. I drink hot tea and iced tea all day and night. I brew my own iced tea, so it's decaf. I enjoy my large salad about 1 hour before my dinner. I have never used salad dressing, so I know I am great in that department. I do eat bread but only in restaurants with really great bread. I do have Chinese food with brown rice and where I usually eat you can get luncheon specials all day and I bring 1/2 of it home for another meal. Use to be I ate the whole plate full and then some more. I also never have fast food. I hate it. I know what you are thinking, a fat person who hates fast food! WOW! If I did any it was maybe french fries (no salt) (hate salt)
or a shake and I gave them up and don't miss them at all. My grandsons are mad I won't go to McDonald's with them. Grampie will take them but never Grammie.
 
So as far as my pounds lost, I started my weight loss March, 2012 with replacing breakfast with shakes and lost 26 pounds before my surgery. As of this morning I am down 74 big ones!!! Could it have been more-of course. I am not perfect. It was a few pounds more but the ice cream took care of that and the less moving of the body.
 
I go to the doctor Friday for a fill. I have a 10 band with 3 fills for a total of 1.5 I guess my doctor goes slowly with the fills and I am fine with that.
 
Everyone is different with your loss, eating and working out. Be you and not someone you're not. We do all compare ourselves to everyone, me included. Work towards who you want to be.
Have a great day! I will try.
Arlene aka "Eye Candy"

Had 2 big things happen today. First, I was able to get back to the gym for spin class for the first time since surgery and second, I saw my nutritionist.
Getting back to spin class was a big deal for me. Pre-surgery I worked out 4-5 times a week. Spin class was at least twice a week, and something I really love. I have been missing it for a while. I went to class like normal, but toned it down a bit. I'm normally really pushing myself to go faster and harder each time, but today I took it kind of easy. I'm sure that doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but it is very hard for me to 'take it easy' with anything. My port got a bit sore mid class, but it was fine. It was so good to be back in the saddle!
I had an early morning appointment with my nutritionist today. She is nice, but it drives me a bit crazy that she looks like she has never weighed over 110lbs. She does know what she is doing though, and is very good at her job.
As many of you know I've been posting about not losing weight recently. I've been pretty frustrated and unable to determine what I am doing wrong. Well, I was told today that I'm not getting enough carbs! That is a first. I guess getting enough protein has been drilled into my head so hard that I kind of forgot to get carbs. She also told me I should be keeping my calories between 800-1100 and not eating my exercise calories. She printed up an example menu for me and I'm going to try to follow it the next two weeks and see what happens. I have my first fill on August 1st and I feel like I already need it. I ate 1000 calories today waaayyy to easily.....

This morning I met my goal for the week. I managed to get to the gym every day this week and worked out hard. I am consistently increasing resistance and endurance. And - I hate to admit it - I enjoy it. By the way, I'll deny that if anyone asks!
 
So this morning, I was on the elliptical with my headphones, getting my jam on and feeling pretty good about myself because I'm making progress and meeting goals. As usual, I was watching the tv monitor above my machine (not much else to do at that point). Normally, they have it tuned to news or sports that early in the morning (at 5:30, there's not much else on). Today, for some reason, they had it on a channel that was just infomercials. The first was for make-up and the second was for hair products. As I sweated and pedaled faster, I learned all about how as a woman, I really need to have those make up products and how vital it is that my hair is shiney and bouncy. I really started to get pissed.
 
I am SO SICK of hearing that I need just this one more thing to make me acceptable. The make up commercial interviewed a woman with a birthmark on her face that she could cover up with this make up. She cried as she talked about how she felt she could not go out in public because of her shame about how she looked - until she discovered this make up. Now she can cover her "imperfection" and hold her head up high in public because no one knows what she really looks like. What a tragic commentary on our society! I work on a daily basis with political refugees from other countries who have spent their entire lives just trying to survive. Some have been tortured, imprisoned, had fingers or limbs amputated in the course of "interrogations," had their families threatened, on and on and on. Seriously?!? We're worried about shiney hair?!?
 
All day I have fought the urge to eat. I finally figured out why. I am such a passive aggressive person, I think a huge part of me wants to stay fat just to give a great big finger to everyone who would judge me on something like what size I wear, how shiney my hair is, or how smooth my skin looks (oooh - and by the way, I'm not sure I can go on with such stubby eyelashes. Life just isn't worth living!)
 
I'm sick of hearing how inadequate I am. My teeth aren't white enough (or straight enough), my skin isn't clear enough, my legs aren't smooth enough, my hair isn't full enough, shiney enough, straight enough, or curly enough. I don't smell good enough and my lips aren't red enough. But don't worry - there's a plan, product, or prescription for all of it! (My personal favorite is the prescription for thicker eyelashes. REALLY?!?!)
 
Dammit! I'm good enough just as I am! If I never lose another ounce! I will do this, but I will do it on MY terms and for MY reasons. I do not need to fit into their mold and meet their expectations, because no matter how much I do, it will never be enough. I have been suckered in to that shame and feeling of inadequacy all my life and I refuse to buy into it for another second!
 
I will be healthy (truly healthy - body and mind) not because of society's pressure, but in spite of it!
 
(Now can someone hand me a step ladder so I can get down off this box....)
 
Shelly

My surgery is scheduled for June 26th 2013 at 10:15am. I have contemplated lap band for over 2 years and just within the past year decided to do it. Sometimes I still think to myself "do I really need this? am I being crazy? I'm not THAT fat", but then I look in the mirror, look at the numbers on the scale or see someone in public looking at me funny and I realize that I am THAT fat and I need help.
I had my first appointment with the surgeon on April 18th, 2013. Since then I have been eating like my life depends on it! Trying to get in everything I won't be eating after surgery. I know, I know, I'll be able to eat all the same things, just smaller portions (eventually), but I'm a food addict. Like an alcoholic can't have just one drink, I can't have just one bite. So for the last 2 months I've been eating like a glutton. I'm happy to say though, that over the last week I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to eat certain foods anymore. I've stopped the binge eating and am getting excited for my surgery. I've cut back my calories, started changing my eating habits by taking in more protein and not drinking when eating.
I said goodbye to binge eating, my social and emotional crutch, the most damaging relationship I've ever been in, and we broke up. Like many break ups I know it will be hard, and there will be slip ups, but I'm ready to start a new life with a new love, me.

15 years ago today, I proposed to my best friend and she said yes. 2 dozen roses just got delivered, now I need to think something really special for next month and the marriage anniversary.

This really gripes my band lol. You did not gain weight over night and you will not lose it overnight with the band. If you wanted fast weight loss then you should have chosen the by pass. The band was not intended for people to drop 50lbs in a month. 1 to 2 pounds a week is normal if you lose more then that is great. You can not expect to get the results that others get. Everyone is different, we all have different metabolisms. However now comes the be mean mommy part..... If you are only giving part of your self to the band you can not expect 100% results. If you are not following the diet plan your doctor has given to you, you can not expect results. If you eat more then you should you will not lose weight. If you are starving call your doctor and ask for suggestions. No one ever said this was gonna be easy except for the people who know nothing about the band and say we are taking the easy way out. If you are eating cookies 2 weeks post op or pizza or fried chicken you might as well forget about doing anything. You have to want this and not following your doctors instructions is like going to court and being accused of murder and telling the judge well yeah I did stab him 30 times but can you just give me probation because I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. The decisions you make in eating will tell on you. What ever you do in the dark always comes out to the light. Its like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar while having your mouth full and as you spit out the cookies while you are saying I didnt do it, then you have made yoursel a total liar.
 
Stop cheating yourself if you are newly banded. Our eating habits is what got us to weight loss surgery and weightloss surgery is only as successful as the person makes it. The only guarantee you have is that you will lose the weight if you follow directions. Weight loss does stop at times. Those are the times you have to be strong. If you have only lost 10 pounds in 8 months then its not the bands fault. At some point you did not follow instructions. I went on an ice cream spree which lead to weight gain. I knew it and I accepted it but soon realized I was not helping myself. You have to be willing to give 100% if you want 100% results.

I like to think that If someone is in pain I feel Empathy for that person and will do all I can to help. Since being Banded in 09 I've researched allot online and gone to numerous sites that promote forums for the Band. But the Thing that occurs consistently is the Lack of compassion for others If your going through a tough time, or went through it, SHARE your experience, research, or humor ( it goes along way to heal) about that experience. The people needing help don't always know the right thing to do, or questions to ask. Maybe their Doctor wasn't "the Best", and who's to judge? Do any of us really know all their is about our Health care professionals, or about the band? No, I think Not.
 
NO ONE PERSON has ALL the answers to LIFE or surgery
 
Negativity only breeds MORE Negativity. If someone said, you may only post FACTS, your experience is then irrelevant, and Thus, there is No need for forums like this, because we would only be able to view "The Facts" as presented by the manufactures, doctors, scientists, and researchers and then must take that as Fact. I personally believe Life experiences are more fact based at times than anything else but that is just my opinion ( and Yes I know we all have one )
 
Unfortunately, it's not only online that compassion has been lost, society as a whole seems lacking as well.. I guess I'll continue to listen to the little voice inside that keeps saying "If you can't say anything nice Don't say anything at all" Because I don't know everything, ( I've yet to meet someone that does) and I surely don't know what the Other person is going through right now..so I wish them, and You Well......

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
 
~~~Stephanie

I am so sick of playing by the band rules; I just want to break one or two of them. Eat a big huge meal, take big bites, or wolf food down in ten minutes flat.
 
Wish I could have a break and not think about my food choices, my portion size, how I eat, my water intake, and exercise, ugh….
 
Calgon take me away!
 
Do you feel that way some days? I’m sure we all do. So how do we get past this?
 
There are some who have reached their goal and have been maintaining for years. They say they think like a thin person. They never think of food.
 
Will I ever be like that?
 
I reached my goal in December and have been maintaining since then.
 
Has it been easy? NO.
 
It has been the most difficult part of my journey so far. But, I won’t give up because I look in the mirror and I really like the person that looks back at me.
 
So, I will continue to play the game. I will make health food choices, take small bites (hubby calls them band-bites), drink water and exercise. I will do this for the rest of my life because I am worth it!

I went to my LB support group last and the subject was Plateaus and and one of the comments is that sometimes a plateau will turn into an avalanche of weight gain. Now there is absolutely no logic in the world to the thought process that say "I'm not loosing, so I will gain weight instead", yet, I totally, totally have done that, as have many of the others on this forum.
 
It is similar to the logic that we use that says, "I failed at one meal, so I might as well blow the whole day and eat like a pig". That is like saying, I made a mistake in my checkbook and I am 10.00 overdrawn, so I am might as well go out and buy a new TV!
 
I walked away from the support group with reminded that much of what we are doing in our journey revolves around our mind, rather than around our stomach....Now if only there was a band for our brain
 
BTW, I met a nice lady there who recognized me from the forums, but forgot to ask her user name.

It has been a bad day, a really bad day as I deal with a family member that has severe emotional/psychological problems. As I drove away from their home my mind kept ticking through the things that would dull some of the pain I was feeling, and everyone of them revolved around food. Hell, I have a bottle of good Irish Whiskey downstairs in my office, and while I will probably pour myself a stiff drink after the kids are down for the evening, it isn't nearly as attractive in my mind as taking the family out for BBQ and eating until I am so full that it hurts. Is it any wonder diets don't work for us, when food has become a drug that we use to dull the pain that comes with living?
 
Well, the good news is, as my mind ticked through my options I knew that those that dealt with food really weren't an option. After getting stuck last night, I am not willing to piss off Mistress Band two days in a row, and to tell the truth since being banded, I know that using food as a drug will only make me feel worse and I will still have the family matter to deal with with the guilt of having indulged in emotional eating added to it.
 
So, here I sit with my glass of crystal light lemonade, writing a blog entry for those who have helped me on this forum. Thanks for listening.

...the kind in the old saying: swimming serenely on the surface and paddling like a lunatic underneath.
 
Actually, I've been doing fairly well ever since I got back on board with my band (3/8). The additional fills have made a difference and at 9.25cc, I've decided to consider myself I the green zone. I stay not hungry for about 4 hrs after a meal. I never experience stuck episodes or PBs, thank goodness, but I am a pretty conscientious chewer, which is good because my bite size varies depending on the texture of the food I'm eating. I make sure to get my minimum 50g of protein per day and I keep track of my calories, but other than that I don't stress abut counting anything else (fat or carbs). I still eat "bad" foods occasionally (like chips) but only in moderation, in premeasured servings, and I always count the calories and try to make sure that at the end of the week I average out around 1200 calories per day. I can eat bread, rice, pasta, asparagus, steak ... there is nothing I have ever tried to eat that I was unable to eat. I also don't ever feel like my band "stops" me from eating. My portions are usually 1 cup at a time, sometimes 1.5 cups, but I never feel stuffed after eating or that my band is telling me to stop. My mind tells me to stop because it remembers the rules given to me by my doctor.
 
In reality, I'm learning to be okay with that. Part of me wonders if I'm missing some vital part of the bandster experience by not having a band that bosses me around, but I think this way is honestly probably less painful. I also hope that it is teaching me more than if I had a vocal band. This way, I know that what I'm doing is a choice and since I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life if I want to lose and maintain a loss, getting into the habit of choosing right is probably a good thing in the long term. Sure, there are times when I wish I was one of those people whose band made them forget about food completely. When I read about someone who never has cravings any more, or who forgets to eat, or who loses interest in food--even really yummy food--after a few bites, I wish that were me, but I'm doing okay with the me I've got, so I get over it.
 
The bottom line is that I am losing weight. Not huge quantities and not as fast as I would like, but since I would LIKE to be losing 10lbs per week, I'm focusing on being realistic instead. My 1-2 lb per week loss (really does usually fall around 1.5!) is exactly on track. All I need to do is to remember to stay the course and I will get where I want to be eventually. Better to get there slowly than to stay where I am.
 
So, like the duck, I just keep paddling.
 
 

Today, my housemate very sheepishly asked me for a favor. She asked if it would freak me out or upset me if I made a batch of Mac n' cheese. I am famous across several states for my baked Mac n' cheese. No soupy sauces, just a cheese-laden bowl of goodness so dense that you could cut it into squares to serve it and each square would hold its shape until attacked with a fork. Oh, how I love the stuff.
 
My first reaction was to think that I couldn't do it, because I couldn't face the temptation of having such a yummy, calorie laden treat around the house and me not be able to eat it. Then I stopped and thought. Yes, I have a band now, which means I have to make better choices with food, but I will be making those choices for the rest of my life if I want to be successful. Can I really contemplate an eternity without ever eating Mac n'cheese? Would I even want to? So I came up with a plan, and I have to say, I'm pretty brilliant.
 
I made my housemate my old fashioned Mac n'cheese the way I always do. No weighing, no measuring, just put the stuff in til it looks right, then stick it in the over and let the magic happen. But at the same time, I made a second, much smaller batch just for me. For MY batch, I used whole wheat pasta to eliminate the white flour and raise the fiber content. Then I weighed and measured the exact amount of cheese that would go into the bowl. I measured each additional ingredient carefully and programmed the whole thing into My Fitness Pal so that it would calculate exactly how many calories are in each serving. And you know what? It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Not only did it taste just as good as the orginial version, but my 1/4 cup serving had a good amount of protein between the pasta, cheese, egg and milk in the recipe. It also had an amount of calories that easily fit into my daily meal plan alongside a serving of lean meat. I found that 1/4 c just as satisfying as the bowl I would have eaten previously and it felt like a huge NSV to reshape the recipe and eat a healthy amount of a "normal" food.
 
Go me!
 
Now, that isn't to say that the lingering traces of the old me didn't think briefly about eating the entire batch in one sitting, but with my latest fill, I know that I honestly couldn't do it without getting sick. My band would stop me. Finally. But even more than that, I know I'll enjoy each small serving more knowing that I'm still living as a compliant bandster and that I'm still on track to meet my goals.
 
So, I'll say it again: Go me!!!