Kitt3000

I want to start this entry out on a positive note... I'm still doing great with my band. I'm losing inches and pounds and I still love my band.
 
Now, if any of you know my back story you know last April I had a serious medical issue that put me in ICU for several weeks on a ventilator and dialysis. I recovered thank God and my Dr.'s were optimistic about my kidneys. I was just told under no circumstances was I to take any kind of NSAIDS. Well, a week and a half ago I started feeling sick and noticed I was retaining fluids, then it occurred to me that I hadn't tinkled in almost 36 hours. Got blood work done and of course I was in kidney failure again. I had to go back on dialysis for a week and luckily my kidneys started working again this last weekend. BTW, I'm one of those lucky people that dialysis makes me feel deathly ill. The anti nausea medication didn't help. So, I've just been miserable. My Renal specialist is less optimistic about my prognosis now. I no longer had acute kidney failure once! I now have kidney disease. Most likely... Ah, I'm not even going to say it. It just sucks because now I have to take two more medications added to the list of many that I already take.
 
My take away is this... I compromised my health by being so fat. I was on so many medications for all my different ailments that I eventually made my body sick as it was trying to process all the meds. Now, I have to deal with the consequences. Confession: I'm not good at getting my daily fluid intake in and for someone with my history that is a huge no-no! I'm not having a pity party, I'm just dealing with the gravity that I've potentially done irreversible damage to my body that could down the road put me in need of new kidneys. But, today... I'm done with dialysis! There are now foods that I have to stay away from completely to help my kidneys function properly and no alcohol. Bummer dude!
 
I'm kicking myself in the arse for waiting so long to have the surgery. In my mind I have those " What ifs" floating around. But, I'm still standing and as long as I am, I'm going to stay the course. I'm going to reach my goal. I'm going to finish what I've started and be the best and most healthy me I can be!
 
Plus, I have a grand baby due next month and I wanna be a GILF! Too much? Too soon? LMAO!!
 
Till next time,
~T

It has now been just over two weeks since my revision surgery. I still miss my band but I am adjusting. I am finding that I still get full with the same amount of food that I ate with my band - give or take a cup full. I have discovered I can't eat salad right now - which is very sad - it is summer in Florida and I lived on salads - but that is OK, I can find something else. I have, so far, resisted temptation to eat the evil stuff like bread, pasta, pizza, cookies, cake, pies, ice cream...you guys know..the good stuff! I am not back to my full exercise program yet, that could take 4 more weeks, but I am walking twice a day about 20-30 minutes each time and I am pleased with that. I am looking forward to getting back in the pool as soon as my incision heals.
 
Life after the band, is different. I never really thought about "not having my band". I was 59 years old when I got it..I thought I would be taking it with me when I left this world. Well, I guess that joke is on me now. I am trying hard to be very cautious as to not upset the plication..All I can think about is the seem on a pair of pants that are too small and watching the stitching come out..That would be the plication ! I cannot let that happen no matter what. I still do not know if I will be allowed to have another form of WLS or if the plication will be OK. So many questions....I see the surgeon on the 27th of May for another follow up and I guess I will be able to get some answers then. I begin the B12 shots on Thursday and I hoping that will give me some of my energy back.
 
I hope this blog finds you all well and "listening to your band". I saw a posting just a bit ago from a person who "thinks she may have a slip" and her symptoms sure sound like it. I will be watching, praying and hoping that she is wrong and that her band will be OK..This is not a happy thing when it happens.
 
Take care my banded buddies and have a great week.
 
Melinda in Florida

Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
 
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
 
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
 
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
 
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
 
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
 
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
 
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.

Tha'ts my new reality.

Hi everyone! I am now settling into North Carolina life. This is the place I will come home to recover, the place where I'm sure many tears and deep thinking will happen. But I hope this will also be the place in which I become a better me. A stronger me. A healthier me. My stepmom has been a wonderful resource so far. While I have only been here 3 days (tonight is my third night) we have already talked candidly about weight loss surgery and she has been impressed with how much I've gleaned from the interwebz. Although a lot of my "insider" info she talked about I knew because of all you guys. My next steps will to find a job (probably a part time so that I have the time to get to therapy, doctor's appointments etc) and to go ahead and make my next weigh in/check in. I am incredibly excited to be on this journey and will continue to update y'all as time progresses.

As February is winding down I've started looking back at myself last year at this time. If you've read my story you know last March I had serious medical issues and was in the hospital for over a month, on dialysis and heavier than I'd ever been. Its INSANE!!
 
The good thing about that negative situation is the positive changes that have taken place in my life since last year. I'm on my way to looking like I feel on the inside. I feel so much more healthy on the inside and can't wait until people can see what I see when I look in the mirror. I've lost tons and some days I even feel thin at a size 16 now. It's all relative. Some of you may not feel like sz 16 is thin but coming from where I was, believe me... its a big- noticeable change! My daughters told me last week that I no longer had MOM butt. I guess my arse is no longer flat and long. It's got some shape. That's high praise coming from them. LOL!
 
I'm now looking forward to my trip to Vegas in April. Girls Trip! Woot! Gotta lose 9 more lbs to reach the smaller goal I set for myself when I had my surgery in September before I go... but, I'm sure I'll do it! I'm knocking on wood here because I haven't met my goal yet... but, my journey has been great. My weight loss has been constant and after making it through "band hell" I've never grumbled at my band. Instead, my band has been the best investment I've made in myself... EVER!
 
Finally, It's true what they say. If Mama Ain't Happy. Ain't Nobody Happy! My entire family has been impacted in a positive way due to my WLS. Without sounding like a complete cliché. I'm a better Me!
 
Happy Thursday, Peeps!

II am very happy with True Results to fix my port at their costs. My procedure will be on Thursday this week and 11am. I have to be their for the procedure at 10am....http://tinkrisegrind.blogspot.com/2013/08/revision-happy-with-true-results.html

Don't you just love the douter?? the one who say "it a cheet you would have lost anyways" Gosh pepole to the researcher it not a cheat it hard work.
 
Okay so i was selected form 1000 to the 25 to the Zumba informal I mean after all no one love Zumba more then me. So here i was being interviewed and she tell me to turn of the carama. And said Do you really think it was zumba and not the band that changed you. You would have loosed just sitting on the couch after all you have a band. I wish it were that easy,
 
So here my reprocess se " do you research 80 % of all people who have weight loss surgery gain it back. I can eat around my band if i want to my it might recerct me in some ways but in other it gives me a lot of freedom. The band is a tool you get out of it what you put into it. I put every thing i have into it and right when i done i think i have nothing more to give I give it a little more. I did not and will throw in the towel I just use it to wipe up the sweet and keep going. Right when i think I can't give any more to this I always find just a little bit more some were. This is Hard work Hard Hard work .I need to be strong not only physically but mental too. To do what have done changed my life from sitting on a couch to teaching Zumba, Spin, body pump, cross fit The gym i work at I have a waiting list of people who want me to be there trainer so i can do what i did to my self to them. Some day I wish I did not have to work so hard and could sitt on a in an office some were an a coshie chair must be nice huh ? So the answer is it a not a cheat it is detraction demonstration and given it all i got and Just a little more .
 
 
So i found my self a good zumba class and let it getaway from me becuse something about the music alway makes me feel better

Here are some things that I need to admit:
 
1- I can not do this journey alone. My husband is awesome and so very supportive, but he isn't on the same path as me and it's makes it difficult to see him eating certain things and I have to tell myself no. I don't have anyone to call and vent to or talk me down. I thought I could do it with his support, but I need support from those on the same wagon train.
 
2- I am addicted to food. When all else fails eat. When you are sad, happy, mad, glad, worried, sleepy eat.
 
3- The only thing to blame for me not having lost more weight is me, myself and I. I choose to eat things I shouldn't have and more than I should have.
 
4- I am a master of excuses. If you have something you don't want to do, let me know I can give you 100 different excuses for not.
 
5- I have good intetions, but have trouble following through. I often "plan" to do XYZ, but then when the time comes, the excuses come.
 
I am starting to work on these. The journey is an ever evolving learning process. I have hidden and ignored a lot of things above, but I must face them now in order to move forward.
 
The last week bad decisions have now shown up on the scale. This morning as I stared down at the scale shining 191, I wanted to kick my butt. I made bad choices and I am now 3 lbs up. To many that may not seem bad, but for me it is a wake up call.
 
I have got to turn this thing around, I have got to reset. This started with me making a menu plan again last night. This way I will know what I will be eating and have less chance of making unhealhty things. I also made my lunches for the remainder of the week and packaged my breakfast, so all I have to do is pick and go. When I did this a few weeks ago it really worked, then life hit me and fell down.

My initial loss with my band was amazing (and a little scary), but the joy of seeing pounds dropping off on a daily basis was truly fantastic. As I was looking at my weight this morning, I noticed that I had only lost 5 pounds during the month of April and was tempted toward the negative by comparing my loss with what I did when I was first banded.
 
Then I started to think about my bike ride on Sunday, 28 miles, 23 miles two days before, Both at speeds that it took me 5 months of work up to last year to be able to sustain for 15 miles.
I thought about my spin class and the progress I have made during it, where I had to stop and rest halfway through when I first started.
I thought about the fact that it is time to go shopping for clothes again because my pants are starting to bunch at the waist when I tighten my belt enough to hold them up.
I thought about the fact that I am down to one belt because I haven't punched holes in the other two.
I thought about the fact that the fat percentage on my scale hit a new low number this morning.
I thought about all the weight that I lost on WW, and how 5 pounds in a month would have been a cause for celebration.
 
Yup, the low hanging fruit of my band journey is all gone, but that's ok I burn more calories when I have to climb the branches to reach the higher fruit.
 
Father God, please help me to remain thankful for all that you have given me instead of focusing on what I don't have...

For now anyhow, had my second appointment were we decided that I didn't need a fill. Steady weight loss (Of course not as fast as I would like), 3-4 hours of satiety (Depending on if I stay away from simple carbs and focus on protein). Can pretty much eat anything, but have to be careful and have had a few stuck episodes in the last month when I wasn't.
 
It is kind of a bittersweet place to be, the green zone is this magical fairy land that is held out to us from the time we are banded, and yet here I am. I still wrestle with eating too fast, I still am plagued by head hunger, I still have to exercise, I still have weight to lose, I still get plateaued.
 
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN I STILL HAVE TO WORK AT MY WEIGHT LOSS, I THOUGHT THE BAND WAS MAGIC!!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

I attended support group last night, and then read CG's post this morning on want power has me thinking...
 
There is want, and then there is WANT. The problem is that we want it all, and society had told us, that we not only CAN have it, we DESERVE it. Ever seen a fad diet advertised "East want you want, and still loose weight"? The band for all it's power, doesn't replace our wants, at the most it mutes some of them.
 
I have had a rough couple of days, I hit a new low weight and immediately my head hunger took over and I tried to eat everything in sight. Well, I don't have to worry about that new low weight now. No, I didn't really gain, just excess fluid from jumping my sodium intake. But the point is there is a part of me that glories in my success wants to continue, and there is a part of me that is terrified of it and wants to go back to the old lifestyle.
 
Right now, I want to succeed, but the fear is that the greater the success the more terrible will be the tragedy of my eventual failure. Yes, I know this is not a productive thought process, but as we all know the band only works on your stomach, not your head.

so i weighted myself to see how much damage this stress has done along with me being off my game. first let me say i went to the gym and saw my personal trainer and ran a mile in a half after. then i came home took a shower got on the scale and to my surprise i had lost weight im down to 210 and i can wear a size 12 jeans. i didnt do as bad as i thought i did.

...the kind in the old saying: swimming serenely on the surface and paddling like a lunatic underneath.
 
Actually, I've been doing fairly well ever since I got back on board with my band (3/8). The additional fills have made a difference and at 9.25cc, I've decided to consider myself I the green zone. I stay not hungry for about 4 hrs after a meal. I never experience stuck episodes or PBs, thank goodness, but I am a pretty conscientious chewer, which is good because my bite size varies depending on the texture of the food I'm eating. I make sure to get my minimum 50g of protein per day and I keep track of my calories, but other than that I don't stress abut counting anything else (fat or carbs). I still eat "bad" foods occasionally (like chips) but only in moderation, in premeasured servings, and I always count the calories and try to make sure that at the end of the week I average out around 1200 calories per day. I can eat bread, rice, pasta, asparagus, steak ... there is nothing I have ever tried to eat that I was unable to eat. I also don't ever feel like my band "stops" me from eating. My portions are usually 1 cup at a time, sometimes 1.5 cups, but I never feel stuffed after eating or that my band is telling me to stop. My mind tells me to stop because it remembers the rules given to me by my doctor.
 
In reality, I'm learning to be okay with that. Part of me wonders if I'm missing some vital part of the bandster experience by not having a band that bosses me around, but I think this way is honestly probably less painful. I also hope that it is teaching me more than if I had a vocal band. This way, I know that what I'm doing is a choice and since I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life if I want to lose and maintain a loss, getting into the habit of choosing right is probably a good thing in the long term. Sure, there are times when I wish I was one of those people whose band made them forget about food completely. When I read about someone who never has cravings any more, or who forgets to eat, or who loses interest in food--even really yummy food--after a few bites, I wish that were me, but I'm doing okay with the me I've got, so I get over it.
 
The bottom line is that I am losing weight. Not huge quantities and not as fast as I would like, but since I would LIKE to be losing 10lbs per week, I'm focusing on being realistic instead. My 1-2 lb per week loss (really does usually fall around 1.5!) is exactly on track. All I need to do is to remember to stay the course and I will get where I want to be eventually. Better to get there slowly than to stay where I am.
 
So, like the duck, I just keep paddling.
 
 

At least for a little while. Went out to breakfast with a friend, ordered off of the menu with no substitutions (scrambled eggs with veggies and feta), enjoyed a nice conversation, took small bites, ate slowly, sipped my coffee a couple of times and when I was no longer hungry piled my plates up and pushed them away. I ate about 2/3 of my eggs, 1/4 of my potatoes and half a slice of dry toast. AND I WAS FINE WITH THAT!
 
Now, that wasn't say that the head hunger voices weren't screaming in the background about wasting food, about how good it tasted, about taking just one more bite. They weren't as loud as they usually are, I just checked and made sure that I wasn't hungry (Satiated), and dismissed them.
 
There is hope...