WshfullyShrnkng

I figured I was not the only one!! I posted some pictures of my before an during and boy was I shocked when I seen the pictures of myself in my new "super cute" outfit I picked out...I look like I was crammed into it and the shine makes it look like I am about to burst! I was mortified to have to go to my christmas party looking like that but it was the only outfit I had with me. Out in public my view of myself gets much worse...I feel like I can hear the sales people saying...what is she doing in this store?? we don't sell HER size. I have never heard them say anything but I can only imagine what they might be thinking. On another note...great job on the weight loss! keep it up...I'm already jealous of you haha.

First off...great job on the weight loss!! I always thought I was fat as a teenager...I know at one point I was like 150 and boy did I think I was the biggest person ever! Now I look at that number like its made of gold!! haha. I grew up with a mom who was plus sized as well. I never saw her for as big as she was until she lost the weight. I remember how people would talk about how big someone was and would say the same thing..."oh that person must weight over 200pds!" as though 200 was the magic number where you went from being normal to being a fatty. I was raised with a grandma who was critical of my weight and that has always affected me. I always hoped I would get healthy and thin just to get her to stop talking about my weight like I had committed some sin by being fat. What gets to me a lot is seeing pictures of me on my horses...they weigh 1000+ pounds yet ALL I see is my big butt up there! ugh...

I call the rolls on the back my back boobs. Once I have kids and lose that weight I'm going to have those things cut off...hopefully by then it will just be lose skin anyway!! I think I was in that same boat. I made sure to avoid mirrors that were bigger than normal bathroom mirrors. I knew what size I wore...and I dealt with it. Pretty crazy. I am thankful for people snapping pictures of me but at the same time I'm just yelling internally "NOOOOO!!"

I have come not to expect a lot from my gramma. She is "that" type of person. Whenever the family gets together (including extended family) and then they head home...my poor grampa gets an earful! My gramma can be a sweet loving person...don't get me wrong...but she can also be quite hateful. We have a long standing history of our own personal battles against each other. Part of which is she sees my mom as a screw up and I see my mom as someone who could poop gold. haha. She hated when my mom had her weight loss surgery. She had a fit about how its cheating, it will never work, etc. So when I chose to have my surgery I didn't tell any of my family. Only my mom, dad, and boyfriend and his family know. Which was more people then I wanted to know but My boyfriend tells his family everything. I do have close friends who know and recently people at my school...only because I know they are not going to go running to my gramma. I hate that I have to keep my surgery quiet because I would love to have her support but I know that's not how it is. It's not her fault...its how she was raised...and sadly she wasn't able to change her ways as an adult. life goes on and I will continue to battle my weight...and hopefully I will conquer it soon and then I can go buy a whole new wardrobe to show off in...haha

Congrats on the weight loss! I probably would have decked that distant uncle had it been me!! I guess another experience I had that I haven't shared is this: I am a part of a club at my college... Our club decided to go buy shirts for our members at the local embroidery shop. While I was there my best friend and I demanded that we be allowed to order woman's and men's shirts this year. Our adviser was always trying to make us lady's wear men's shirts, which ended up meaning we swam in our shirts. Well he finally said okay go ahead. I told the lady I wanted a 2x Shirt. She told me I would never be able to fit into that. I told her yes I can. And she said no it won't fit, woman's runs smaller than men's. I told her I was losing almost 10 pounds a month and she said "ah good for you...maybe you should come back in a few months and we can order that for you." she then proceeded to tell me I should order a 2x in men's and pulled one off the rack. I took it in my hands feeling numb...I then said...I would also like to try on the 2x woman's. So reluctantly she found one and sent me to the back to try it on. I cried for a few minutes in the back and then tried on the shirts. The men's fit okay but was a bit baggy and not flattering at all. The woman's was a tad snug but I knew I would fit it when it finally arrived. So I went out and ordered that dang 2x woman's shirt and a few weeks later I picked it up and tried it on and said oh boy this fits real nice. She looked and said, "yes that fits very nice" Dang right it does Biotch...is what I wanted to say but I said, Thanks and walked out. Needless to say...the things that people can say to someone is amazing. I am just glad I could stick it to her...lol

I laughed so hard at the it takes 20 years part!! haha. I try to look past it all...the people who mean the most to me...my boyfriend, my best friends, my mom and dad...they notice and they are the ones who really matter. I want nothing more than to be fit like my family. I saved that picture...I will have to remember that haha.

I think I am fortunate enough to not have any friends to bring up my weight all the time...well except one and thats because we pretty much had our surgeries together. She had hers a month after me (yes shes kicking my butt in the weight loss department) but she never uses our weight loss for convo starter. I think the best thing to do in my opinion as I don't have this problem would be to be honest with her. Tell her that you are thankful that she is so proud of you for having lost the weight but you would like to try and keep it a little more personal. That you don't feel comfortable with people hearing about how big you were before (not me calling you big....but come one thats how I would say it) I think some people fail to realize that often this is a new start for us and we want to be seen as we are now and we don't want to relive the "big" us any more. I know I have visions in my head for what I will be like and nowhere in my head do I see my Past. When I see my pics all over facebook...I feel ashamed that I even showed the world that side of me. I want to be remembered as that girl who is active, fit, thin, healthy. Not as the person who had to lose a large amount of weight for people to see me and complement me. Does that make sense? again this is just my opinion. the choice is yours, but I hope you can keep her as a friend because it sounds a bit like she is proud of you (of course I don't know your background so maybe its not like that...idk!!)

Funny thing is I have done that to her. I told her I would give her some of my old scrubs and then this last time I visited her she asked if I brought the scrubs that were too tight on me...and I said no! I'm giving you my ones that are too big. and she said oh that's right. haha. Guess what shes getting this Christmas...all my oversized scrubs that I can't wear anymore...shes wanted them for months now. familys can be crazy!!

I did take her shopping the next day....she bought me chocolate covered raisins...dang it!! lol I slipped up but thats okay...it could have been worse...right? lol

Great job on losing so much weight!! I hope to see 70+ pounds down in the future. Hopefully the near future lol. Its amazing the hurtful things people can say. I am not one to beat around the bush but I also won't purposely say things that I know will hurt someone. I have seen this time and time again with my gramma. My mom has lost a lot of weight and is now 160-170 pounds. She had the RNY. Regained the weight and then took control and lost it all again. She still has more to lose because she is a shorty. She is still seen according to doctors as being overweight. My gramma had the nerve to say she was too thin and turning into an anorexic. Which she frequently claims people are whenever they lose weight. haha. Silly gramma...ppl just like to be healthy so they don't hurt as much. I know it has to do with how she was raised so i let it go...but secretly I hold on to a pair of pajamas she gave me years ago that she said, "i dont know why im giving you these, you will never fit into them" well for me that is challenged accepted. I dont care if I have to be cut out of them at the end of the day...I will get into those pj's one day very soon!!

I am lucky enough to have my coworkers, boyfriend, and best friends notice that I have lost weight...and some days I can see it in myself. I have a very skewed view of what I look like. Its crazy to think how much I have lost and how I can still see myself as that morbidly obese person. I know my gramma says what she does because of her own insecurity. I have watched as she has bea oh poo I lost everything I had typed to you. Basically long story short this is the pattern for my grandma. I have lost weight before and was running 5 days a week and almost out of the 200's and she never noticed either. Infact she talked about how snug my clothes were....I had lost over 50+ pounds that time. She knew i was eating better and working out soooo....I know i have changed and if she doesn't want to "see" it then i will move on...I have coworkers, family, friends, and my boyfriend who can tell and somedays I can see the change. thats all that matters. Great work on losing the weight.

My gramma is not supportive of people losing weight. She doesn't want to be the "fat" one. Our family has a string of "haters" in it. One of my great aunts used to make my mother clean house while she would let my moms sister bake and eat Cookies. My mom was heavy and my aunt is skinny so my great aunt would let the skinny sister eat junk and made my mom clean so that she could lose weight. Well my gramma is the type to sabotage. She always is huffing and puffing about my aunt and mom losing weight. Its crazy that they get bashed because they want to be healthy. My aunt teases my gramma too by only cooking healthy when my gramma goes to visit and boy does that piss her off!! She will rant and rave for days about how they had to eat "chiiiickkkenn" and it wasn't fried...haha!!

See my gramma likes to sabotage....When my mom first had her surgery my gramma talked about how she would never lose weight and its stupid that ppl have surgery to lose weight. If we all lose weight that makes her the "fat" one. She doesn't want that so she always is trying to force food on anyone who is trying to diet...now my great grammas...they are the ones who want to love you with food lol.

I pay a $25 co pay and then I end up with a bill for $75 later on. BUT...my doctors office just changed and if you are doing nothing more than getting a fill you don't have to pay the copay...but if you are just there for a check up and to talk then you have to pay your copay which seems like its reversed but IDK. I was told before the cost was $50 for a fill so I think I am being over charged because I have insurance. I forgot to ask at my last appointment. Maybe I will remember next time...haha

So I went to a different Doctor yesterday to get my fill. My doctor and his awesome nurse were gone this week and I really wanted a fill so I went to his coworker. Well She ended up poking me twice and missing my port. The second time she poked me I guess she hit my muscle or something but I let out a YELP! and she quickly pulled the needle out. She ended up saying that she didn't feel comfortable trying again and that it would be best to wait for my doctor and or his nurse to do the next fill. So I spent the rest of the day sad that I didn't get the fill I want so badly, not to mention a bit sore in my abdomen. I woke up today and have a little bruise from where she poked me. As I look at it now I can tell she wasn't even near my port. My port lies just under my big scar. Oh well guess I will eat like a good girl and wait for my lovely nurse to come back into town to get my fill. I am at 4.5cc's and hoping for another full cc. I am hungry all day long. I ate lunch at 12 and I am hungry again now at 117. That makes it just over a half hour since I finished eating :/ Not to mention I didn't drink while I ate. POO! I need to lose 40 pounds by December. I don't have time to be so hungry! Makes it harder to fight temptation. lol Anyone ever had a dr have a hard time finding their port?