First, I can understand how you might feel-- not adequate etc. Some of us feel that way, when guys look at porn. In fact, porn is something I will not tolerate. If my man cannot get off to my body, then he is not the one for me.
Next, I would say unless a man has a sexual dysfunction, then he will orgasm everytime he has sex. For ladies, if we don't orgasm as many times as we want before our man finishes~> we are left out in the cold. NOT COOL! How would you feel if you were married, and a lot of the time never got to find that release? Frustration would set in! I would venture to say a man would masturbate, to fix this problem.
I think it is a man's responibility to make sure his woman's needs are taken care of and met, completely. If a lady doesn't finish when her man does, the vibrator should be in hand's reach. She will probably need you to kiss her, and still act like you are having sex with her~> in order to get her to where she can find that release.
By all means, do NOT get up out of the bed and let her fend for herself. We need to feel that close intimate bond with the man we love. If we have to do things all by our lonesome, what is the point in being married?