gowalking

Thank you for posting this. I've seen a couple of really interesting threads go down in flames due to back and forth nonsense that escalated to an unreasonable level. People please...walk away from it, don't fan the flames. I care a great deal about this site as it saved me from all the worry and fear I had pre surgery. I want to be positive and not critical and have seen others write constructive criticism when I've wanted to yell at stupid people. But I walk away and usually someone else provides the needed support even if it's of a critical nature without...let me repeat...without being bullying, or nasty, or snarky. I'd like to see that regularly and am hoping Alex is paying attention so this forum doesn't get hijacked. We've lost way too many good and sensible veterans and I don't want to lose any more. Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm on a couple of online dating sites since about June of last year. It was hard, but in my profile describing body type, I put in 'normal' or 'average'. I still wanted to put in curvy but I'm not..I just felt that way. So this week, I finally went ahead and put the correct body type in my profiles. In one I had the option for 'petite' and I clicked on it, and in the other one, I actually clicked on 'slim'. That's really the more accurate type for me but it's not easy to admit to it. Man...I wish my head would catch up to my body.

Not weird at all. I have loose skin...no plastics done yet. Not sure if I want to go down that road. But loose skin or no...I'm a small lady now. I wear mostly size 6 pants and small/petite tops. That's not average and I know it. I just haven't wrapped my head around it yet. I'm getting there and changing my body type is a step in the right direction. Congrats on deleting your profile. Here's hoping he's a keeper.

Hi friends. There's been some discussion lately about whether or not to talk to someone about their weight issues. In a related topic regarding this issue, I am very much aware that when I see a large person in my daily travels, I hate to admit it, but I feel near hatred for these people and I couldn't understand why as I am only two years out from being morbidly obese myself. Why I feel such anger has been bothering me alot lately so of course I talked to me therapist about it and she gave me what I realize is the obvious answer. I'm not mad at them. I don't hate them....It's hatred for what I became that I transfer to these strangers. My self hatred was so severe that I've simply transferred it somewhere else. It's not them I want to yell at, it's me. I've been working with my therapist to start to feel better about my inner self as this is still an issue though my outside is now mostly acceptable to me, and very acceptable to the outside world. It's part of the process of getting the 'fat girl' out of my head. She's still there in all her glory and it's alot easier to get rid of the physical fat girl than the emotional one. At least I understand why I'm so angry and disgusted at perfect strangers. Sometimes I think I may never be done with therapy and can't believe what a damaged person I am/was. I can only hope I didn't do to my children what my folks did to me. I know they didn't do it intentionally, but my self image took a terrible beating regardless and it's alot easier to tear down than to build up.

I suspect sun poisoning and the reason you stayed in the sun too long, was because of the weight loss and what many of us feel now which is cold alot. I live in New York and it's been a very cold winter. I got down to South Florida late in February and usually I stay out of the sun because I don't want to burn but this time I laid out and tried to soak it up like a battery because the chill went right to my bones. I think you just need to be aware that you have to be careful in the sun and wear sunscreen and not stay in the sun too long. Good luck and feel better.

@@JustWatchMe, I was going to PM you but I know you are not the only one dealing with this so I'm putting it 'out there'. Mom is depressed and I'm sure you know that. She may be as helpless to change her outcome as if she had cancer or some other disease. You won't be able to change her...not at this stage of her life. You hit it right on the head when you said she's waiting to die. She is. I have no advice regarding taking care of her. I suspect you will have to do just that and hate every minute of it. Talk to your therapist to have him/her help you through such a difficult time and know that you have changed the course of your own life by having WLS. Your children will not go through what you are going through. They will not be angry and frustrated with you...they will be proud of how you changed the rest of your life. Remember...we all die one day. What's important is how we live...and you my dear are living a courageous and vital life. You are not wasting the gift, you are appreciative of it and respectful of it. Mom may just have to be your example of what not to do..how not to live.. Do you know that this decision to be active in your life is like a pebble dropped into still Water? The ripple effect can go out way farther than we expect. You are influencing others even if you cannot reach your mother. Who knows how this affects those you come in contact with. Focus on the future and what you can change and feel what you feel for mom and know there is nothing you can do for her but be there. Blessings my friend.

So...I had some events coming up late last week and over the weekend and was both looking forward to them and fearing them as well. The looking forward part was getting together with friends and family, the fearing part was going out for these events. One evening was at a local bar with friends and colleagues from a company I used to work for. I wasn't concerned about food...but I did want to make sure I didn't drink all my calories either. I nursed one glass of white wine for the evening and then went home and had a sensible dinner. The following evening, I went out with friends and had to deal with both food and drink. The best thing was that we got a round table in the corner and I knew I had to get into the tight spot in the small corner as I am the smallest of the foursome and that set the tone for the evening. Again...one drink and sensible portions. The food was South African by the way. Very good I might add. Then yesterday, I met my brother and sister for brunch. We went to a restaurant that specialized in croque monsieur sandwiches. For those not familiar, it's basically a fancy french version of grilled cheese with different fillings. Again...potentially dangerous. I did well though. We ordered three croques and cut them into quarters. I had what amounted up to just over 1/2 sandwich. We ordered a small green salad and a carrot salad as well and that helped to fill me with something other than bread/cheese/ham. We even splurged on a decadent coconut cream donut but I ate a little of it...not half or even all of it as I might have at one time. Then a sensible dinner at home. When I got on the scale this morning, I saw that I am still in my 'happy range' at 112.4. So...I think that this is finally what I am looking for. Living a normal life, enjoying my food but not to excess so I can also live a normal life at a normal size. Thanks goodness for my band.

Me too. Looking forward to catching up as well. Liz

Thanks for your post Josie. I'm two years out and have also reclaimed my life. I too am trying to get to the root causes of my overeating and emotional eating trying to give myself every chance to make this work. I've not been this happy or healthy in many years but I know that the band is a tool and read enough posts about people who gain it back to know that I must stay vigilent for the rest of my life just like any other addict has to do. Good to know a long term bandster such as yourself is still very much in the game and dealing with ups and downs but dealing and staying successful. Congratulations!

Please tell Missy I say hello. I keep in touch with CG and check up on her. She's going through some difficult times with the loss of her mom and now her father-in-law but she's hanging in there. Thanks for the update Jim.

So glad I can pay it forward. Missy and CG were my angels when I started and I wanted to be able to help others as they helped me. Still sad that they have left the forum...

Nice to see you online again @Jim1967. This paragraph has to be pinned somewhere. Banded folks have got to understand that this surgery can be slow and frustrating at times but that you can't give up. I see it way too often and I wonder why doctors don't explain this part of the process better...or if we are guilty of 'selective' listening and just don't hear this part. Great post Jim!

Reminds me a little of when my dad went through prostate cancer treatment which included hormone therapy. He actually had hot flashes. And my mom, who of course is many years post menopausal, told me she quietly enjoyed his discomfort just because he understood finally what she and many women go through.

yeah...I've heard variations of all of these.

Hi all. Went to a reunion from my old company last night. Many of the folks there knew what I looked like since I'm on FB and also keep in touch face to face with a number of them. However, some haven't seen the 'new me' and were flabergasted....including my old boss who had no idea who I was till I told her. What a nice change from either being embarrased about how heavy I had gotten or even to have not gone at all because I would be too ashamed. Especially as the shame would have been mine alone. None of these folks ever said anything directly to me about my former size...this was all on me. Hope everyone is having a great Friday and has big plans for the weekend. Me..not so much but that's OK. I am meeting my brother and sister on Sunday for brunch and I always look forward to seeing them. BTW...for those who wonder if I was anywhere near the gas explosion you may have seen or heard about, it was in the East Village and I live in the West Village. So no impact on me thank goodness. Liz

Congrats. Hope you are doing well today and not having too much pain/discomfort.

That 'fiance' of hers is trouble. He's a kid who just has a thing for morbidly obese women. He looks more like her son than someone her own age. There's no way these two can have a healthy relationship and I bet he tries to sabotage her.

Can I just clarify that the singles forum is not just for hook-ups or meet-ups. It was created for both men and women to discuss dating and WLS. I don't want any misunderstanding of what the forum is for. Thanks!

We all know how we've changed the outside of ourselves but what about the inner person? Once we become smaller/healthier/more active, how does that affect who we are and how we act/react to things? I'm not necessarily talking about an obvious NSV but more how the inside changes along with the outside. Some of the obvious things are self confidence and self image improvement. I know that I don't keep my head down the way I used to. I look people in the eye these days and I don't hesitate to engage someone I'm in the elevator with, or on line with while waiting to purchase a coffee or whatnot. I know I have a confidence about me that has been missing for a very long time. I also know that I have to remind myself not to feel superior to heavy people just because I don't look like that anymore. I know if I'm not diligent, I will be right back there again. I also have to remind myself to be patient with someone slower. I used to be that person...walking but struggling with the pain of degenerating hips. Using a cane and having to stay out of people's way for fear of being pushed aside or knocked over. I can walk almost normally now and believe it or not, I am one of those annoyed people if I get behind a slow poke. I can't believe I am not always sensitive about this as I am only a year or so out from that same situation. Anybody else have any thoughts about how they have changed since starting their weight loss journey..or even having met goal?

@@Sherr1963, if you have access to a pool...exercising in the water is a good option. I did it before the surgery..though I was in so much pain that I was very limited. But just being supported by the water made me feel better. Since the hips have been replaced, I've continued with the water exercises and now take classes. It's a great way to get your exercise in without hurting the joints.

If anyone had suggested WLS to me other than my doctor, I would have punched them in the face....and then cried like a baby. We all knew we were fat and I'm sure these young girls know it as well. You cannot say anything no matter how much you want to. If someone comes to you for information...well that's different. But unsolicited advice is NOT appreciated. My concern for myself is that I find that I am feeling negative towards my heavy brethern. I see a large person and instead of feeling sympathetic, I instead feel superior like I did something special. I did nothing special by getting WLS..I was basically forced to do it in order to avoid living in a wheelchair. That's not being special..that's being stupid for allowing myself to get to that stage. I constantly have to remind myself to get off my high horse and remember that under this new, smaller person is still a fat woman while also working with my therapist to separate myself from who I was and start to embrace who I am becoming. I should start a thread about that...

This is probably about more than just food. Is it possible that family dynamics are also playing a part? While your MIL may feel like she shouldn't cook specifically for you, she may be hurt that you refuse to go to the house. I understand wanting to stay away from trigger foods but what about bringing your own food? You order food in a restaurant that's a better choice for you so why not bring better food choices to your MIL's house? I'm truly sympathetic to your concerns...heck, my family often unintentionally tries to sabotage my progress. They are very happy that I've done so well, but can't understand why I sit at the table with an empty plate in front of me when I've finished my meal and don't reach for seconds. That's when I remind them that eating small portions is what helped me to lose the weight. Why not try to accomodate your MIL while still making sure you don't put yourself in a risky position? However, if it's something you just cannot do right now, I would agree that you must take care of yourself first and do what's best for you. Good luck...I know how mothers-in-law can be...which is why I try hard not to be that way with my daughters-in-law...lol.

Hi Jamie. I worried about the same things but I can tell you that I still love food and still enjoy the socialness of eating out with friends/family. I eat differently...fish instead of meat...small portions..and healthier choices all around. It's not a big deal for me to eat less than everyone else. I sit and chat and enjoy being with people and...here's the best part. when I walk away from the table, I'm not stuffed like a pig. I'm satiated but not full. I feel in control and do not feel like once again, I've eaten too much or made bad choices. It's all the good stuff without the guilt. Oh and I have lots of excess skin. When you are in your 50's as I am and lose 150 lbs. you have loose skin. Can't do anything about it but in clothes, no one can see the wrinkled skin and I look pretty damn good these days, loose skin and all. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Now that I am truly in the maintenance phase of my journey, I constantly look for ways to find motivation to stay on track. I weigh myself not for results, but to make sure the numbers stay constant. Without looking for weight loss, what is the motivation? I know how easy it is to fall back into bad habits. I found myself just a couple of weeks ago, realizing I was grazing too much and it showed on the scale. I have my own limits in terms of heading into the red zone. Above 115, I have to get my act in gear...above or even close to 120, that's a real problem. So far, I'm bouncing around between 112 and 116 but in order to stay in that range, I have to constantly remind myself of how it used to be with me. I make sure to keep myself aware of all the NSVs I have day in and day out and never to take them for granted. That means anything from buying clothes in the petite department instead of the women's department to walking around the city with minimal pain instead of struggling each and every step as I used to do. Even just this morning...starting my day by stretching my hamstrings and lower back as the physical therapist has recommended, I paid attention to how I could easily bring my bent leg to my chest because my leg, belly and thigh are normal sized. I went to JC Penney's yesterday because they were having a sale on fashion jewelry. I already have lots of clothes and don't need more, so I'm changing it up with accessories. I treat myself like I'm a real life Barbie doll and after years of buying clothes based on if they fit, it's wonderful to now buy based on how they look on me. I try to reward myself with things other than food. It's not always about purchasing things....I reward myself for getting to the pool to exercise by spending ten minutes in the sauna. Or I reward myself with a movie I really want to see, or an afternoon with a good book, a glass of wine, and a wedge of low fat Laughing Cow cheese. I know that I will have to be vigilant the rest of my life. Food will never be something I can take for granted or have a normal relationship with. It is my drug and I have to respect that addiction and always plan ahead to keep myself safe. I know that alot of folks on the site are in the losing weight stage and when they are maintaining, they drift away. I'm going to do my best to hang around and comment on this part of the journey. I daydream sometimes about my 5 or 10 year anniversary at a normal weight. My fervent hope is that my family and friends forget what I used to look like and think of me at this size like I was always this way. I think that's a good goal to reach for now that my weight goal has been met.

I lost 70 lbs and had both hips replaced. Lost another 80 lbs and went from painful and minimal mobility to a normal life. Weight loss and hip replacement gave me my life back. For me, this is nothing short of a miracle.