gowalking

Well my friends..I've let my last dating site contract lapse. I'm off of all of them now. I was dating two men I liked and have decided it's time to commit to one of them. I also decided to not pursue anything with the widower I met just before I went to London. Julian is asking me to have an exclusive relationship with him and I've decided to go ahead and give it a shot. For someone who was looking for a good man who wants an exclusive relationship, I find myself full of doubts about opening my heart to someone but I know it's all about the leap of faith and allowing someone in even if it means opening up the chance to be hurt. We've been going very slowly on purpose and I will continue to be cautious in terms of not making some of the same mistakes I've made in the past. I also know that this is crapola because when it comes to feelings, logic often goes by the wayside. What I do know is that I suddenly have someone in my life who wants to be around me and is very proud of what I've done to improve my life. He knows about the lapband, the hip replacements, the loose skin, the obese person I once was and seems to see it all as a positive in that I've done what needed to be done to reclaim my life. He enjoys watching me enjoy the things I can't ever take for granted like going for a walk, or riding a bike, or taking a vacation. I can see the possibility of a future with him and that is thrilling and scary at the same time. Wish me luck. Tomorrow I tell the other man that the timing is not right for us and I hope we part on a positive note. I like him and it's just a question of who was more available..not that one was better than the other. For those still searching for that elusive relationship out there, know that this was never on my radar when I underwent lap band surgery. It was to avoid life in a wheelchair and to help me get healthier in all ways. I was on lots of BP meds, and was going to be diabetic shortly. I needed to get my quality of life back and even as I lost the weight, dating never was in my eyesight. It happened unexpectedly and I'm the first to admit I didn't have much confidence I'd find anyone worth seeing even a second time. So just know that if I've stumbled upon someone who I think might be a keeper, you can be confident that there is someone out there for you as well. You just can't sit back and wait for him or her to show up. You gotta search them out by getting out and about. And ladies...be a little aggresive. Men can be shy at first. Once you know they are interested, then let them pursue. I've gotten many a date doing just that. OK...back to work. I'm done with my coffee, and really need to earn my paycheck. Have a good day everyone.

A year after WLS and 100 lbs. down, I started seeing a therapist because I didn't know who the woman staring back at me in the mirror was. It's now a year and a half that I've been seeing the therapist and we've done lots of digging to find the root causes of the body dismorphia and why I turn to food for comfort. I'm starting to understand some of what drives me but I'm still a work in progress. I do know that the therapist has helped me to figure out other ways of coping with stress or difficult situations without turning to food. I'm learning things about myself and I can literally feel when we've hit a bad spot and stuff comes out of me like pus from an infection. Sorry for the visual you all just got but it really is like lancing a boil sometimes. I'm not doing therapy in order to point finger or blame anyone..I'm doing it to understand myself and what triggers me towards bad behaviors when it comes to food, and pretty much anything else. We're currently working on why I feel like a phony..like a liar now that I'm thin. Sometimes I want to wear a sign around my neck that says 'former fatty'. I feel guilty when someone notices me. These are all behaviors that can result in self sabotage if I don't find a way to deal with them. I think we all should be in therapy. Not just us on this site, but truly everyone. Our issues and self destruction are just more noticeable than the gambler, or cheater, or thief, or alcoholic but no less impactful on quality of life. OK...off my soapbox for now.

Here you go Dub. I post some of these before/after pics every once in a while but am happy to do so again. As far as why some do and some don't..it could be as simple as not knowing how to upload pictures to something as serious as body dysmorphia. Or..they could be trolls.... Oh..and it's OK to tell me you don't recognize that I'm the same person in both photos. Believe me...I know it's me in both pictures...but it's certainly not the same person. I'm a new and improved version for sure.

You'll do great. Can't wait to welcome you to the other side and the beginning of a wonderful journey.

Awful...just awful. If your daughter needs to speak to a professional, make sure she goes. I can imagine she will become angry over this and not know how to process it. My sympathies to your daughter, the girlfriend and this young man's family.

This gives her a forum to fat shame. Most of us are ashamed enough. Public shaming just adds to our misery.

I think we're all pretty awesome these days...

I so appreciate your responses...and always feel free to chime in Joe. I value all of your opinioins. By the way...here are some cool pictures I took yesterday on the sightseeing cruise. I see these things all the time, but it's still fun to see them as a 'tourist'.

uh uh....not a small victory at all. This is a huge victory because it's a change in behavior..which is the hardest part of this journey.

Ohh...lots of comments on this thread. You struck a nerve for sure. My NUT...well, she gave me one piece of advice that worked great for me and that was to show me portion size. As a life long WW, I took that info and created my own 'food plan'. I basically did the WW diet...3 oz. Protein, 1/2 cup veggies and 1/4 cup carbs. I stayed around 1250 calories a day and put everything I ate into myfitnesspal so I'd know how many calories/fats/sugars/sodium I was ingesting. I lost 150 or so lbs. that way. So...while the NUT was far from interactive with me, she gave me direction and I was able to work with that to be successful. I can't say if she would have been good for me had I gone through many of the issues others have while learning how to work with their bands, tummies, rerouted guts, etc.

Hey Arlene...good to hear from you. I was wondering where you were but I figured you had alot on your plate and couldn't get here that often. If I didn't know you were Jewish, I'd know it now just from that one remark about no one being alone. There's a Yiddish phrase I used to hear my beloved grandmother say that roughly translated goes sort of like this: 'Only a rock should be alone'. So what you wrote made me smile for sure. He's a really sweet man..and we talk about all kinds of things. He knew I was going to get myself a ticket to see The King And I because I love the music of Rodgers & Hammerstein and to my surprise, he knows the music as well and bought two tickets and is taking me for my birthday next week. I know how expensive they are....he had to have spent at least $250. Tomorrow we're taking the Circle Line to cruise around Manhattan. Very touristy but so what. It's going to be a hot day and it will be nice on the water. We have alot of similar interests and things in common, but not everything...and that's good too. I don't want to match up that perfectly...otherwise it's dull. We've gone bike riding in Central Park and sooner or later, we'll probably walk across the East River to Brooklyn or Queens. He's active without being a crazy gym rat and with my chronic pain issues, I have to be careful not to overdo so I think we are good for each other in that way as well. Anyway....thanks for the advice. Good to see you back on the boards, and please keep us posted on your shoulder. Surgery should always be a last option but take it from me..the lady with metal hips..I feel a thousand percent better with the diseased joints gone. Have a good day hon!

Morning ladies. I was going to post this in the general forum but thought I'd get your opinions first as I trust and know you better than the general poster out there. Let me know what you think..I'd really love some feedback. Thanks, Liz My primary care doctor and I have a relationship that goes beyond the normal interaction between the doctor and his/her patient. She is a childhood friend of my SIL and because of that relationship, we often talk more as friends than doctor/patient. So yesterday I saw her for my regular 3 month visit and spent most of the time talking about the new man I'm seeing. To my surprise, she asked to see my excess skin and I showed her my belly and upper thighs. Neither of us beats around the bush so she came straight out and said that I look like someone who has been thin my whole life...till I remove clothing. Then it's apparent that I didn't always look this way. I am well aware of it but I'm not ready at this time to go through plastic surgery...nor might I ever be ready. My thoughts have been that the man has to take the good with the bad and if I do decide to go the route of plastic surgery, it will be because I want it...not to please some guy. So of course, I'm now thinking that while not necessarily a turn off, I might look much improved with surgery. My bariatric surgeon mentioned when she said she would revise my port (as it sticks out pretty obviously) that I could have a TT at that time. I told her thanks, but no thanks...but...now I'm wondering if I'm dismissing this option without really getting some information and thinking it through. Should I make an appointment with a surgeon? I know if I do, he or she will tell me how they can make me look so much better...it's what they do for a living and I get that. I haven't been intimate with this fellow as of yet, but we're heading in that direction for sure. He knows about my surgery and he's been with another woman who had a large weight loss and he said he has no issue with it. So...do I stay the course as I planned, or do I consider this option? Oh..and it's not just the tummy. My upper legs are badly wrinkled and my boobs are hanging lumps of flesh. I'm reminded of that all the time as even when I see older women in the locker room at the Y, their breasts are much perkier than mine. Again..feedback and opinions welcome.

Joint pain sucks, doesn't it? Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you feel better for your hike.

Very pretty Julie. San Fran is one of my favorite cities. Enjoy your walk!

I can't just talk the talk..I have to walk the walk. Between a new relationship and my trip to London, I've put back a few pounds. I'm not going to go crazy thinking about the weight I've gained or worry to death about taking them off...I have the tool and frame of mind to do so. But in order to be accountable, I revised my ticker to show my current weight and not my lowest weight. I wonder if Alex can provide a means of being able to show the fluctuations we in maintenance go through. I think it's important to see not just those who regain all or much of it back, but those who gain and lose throughout. I remind myself that even naturally thin folk don't maintain the same weight all the time. I'm pretty sure that if they see a gain of a few pounds, they don't panic..they just do what needs to be done to shed those pounds and go about their business. I for one am trying to do just that. I expect to revise my ticker as those extra pounds come off.

There are no little NSVs. They are all hugely important and I'm glad you shared this one with us..

Don't screw around with your face. I'd rather go into debt than take a chance like that. Just my opinion...

Congrats and good luck my friend! You will do great..I know it. See you on the other side!!

My whole life is one big NSV. My most recent one was this trip to London I took. Three years ago I never thought I'd get there and it's a place I've wanted to visit since I was a young woman. Everything about it was a NSV from biking through the royal parks to walking all over the city. NSVs can also be very small and/or intimate such as a throwaway comment I got from a nurse at a recent check up. She put the exam table down so my legs wouldn't dangle. I'm a short lady..always have been but as a heavy short lady, no one said what the nurse said as she put the table lower. She laughed and said, let me lower this..you really are an itty-bitty thing, aren't you?' Itty-bitty. Never though I hear anyone describe me that way but these day, yes...I'm kinda itty-bitty.

No hon, I'd never have believed it. I still pinch myself...and get angry that I let so many years pass by while I did nothing to help myself. I know...we can't cry over spilt milk but I swear I'll never put myself in that position ever again. Enjoy your hike...I'm doing an urban hike on Sunday. Going walking across The Brooklyn Bridge with the family. Another experience I wouldn't have been able to do pre-surgery. I've never walked across any NYC bridge before but we figured why not start with the most iconic bridge of all. It's just over a mile long and these days, I can do a mile without breaking a sweat. Pretty good for someone who was almost wheelchair bound. Take pictures from your hike..I'll take pictures from the bridge. I bet I'll get some good shots of Manhattan.

I posted some pics in another thread. Here are a few of them. I had a great time. It was a wonderful trip.

London was fantastic. I had a great time. Only one day of torrential rain. Otherwise, the weather was very cooperative.

And those plus size clothes we get charged so much for are usually soooo ugly! They are either incredibly childish, with kittens, puppies and cartoon characters, or they look like something that your granny would deem too old fashioned to wear! I am convinced that while the industry knows plus size is a money making proposition, they are still very predjudiced against larger sized women and it comes out in the choices given to those who need plus sized clothing. I can't believe how much better clothes fit me now. I'm not just talking about the fact that I'm smaller, but just in general. I used to shop alot at Avenue. I thought they had the best selection in bigger sizes. But there's this presumption that a larger girl is also taller. Everything is proportioned to a woman nearer to six feet tall than five feet tall. I used to have so much material cut off from pants and sleeves just to wear the clothes. Alot of the tops never fit correctly as they all hung down to my knees. Don't the designers realize there are alot of short, fat women out there. Petite should come in all women's sizes and not just for thinner folks. And yes...flowers and animals are not acceptable after the age of five.

Here's what I've learned. I have a very disfunctional relationship with food. I eat for a ton of reasons and being hungry is only one of them...and not the most important one either. I've learned to understand and accept that and know that just like any other addict, I have to use the help of a professional along with support via this site, and not just in the virtual world. I've learned that I have to avoid certain situaltions that can put me in a dangerous place in my head where I want to turn to food for comfort, and whatever else I use food for. I learned that I must follow the rules and hold myself accountable or I will slide back into bad behaviors. I have also learned that I am stronger than I realized. I am smarter than I realized. I have always been a good person, compassionate and thoughful. I learned that I hid alot of myself behind the happy fat girl who was not really so happy. I learned that being normal sized opens the whole world back up. I learned that I wasn't living before..but just existing. I learned, and am still learning just who I am and who I want to be. I learned that life is never perfect but I also learned that it's a whole lot better now than it was 2 1/2 years ago.

Oddly enough, I made plans to walk the Brooklyn Bridge next Sunday with family before seeing this invite. It's my birthday soon along with my cousin so we decided to celebrate by strolling the bridge and then have brunch in DUMBO.