KAATNS

Just a few notes on some of the changes I've noticed in myself over the last 9 weeks post-op.
 
1. I eat when I'm hungry now, don't really look forward to the "full" feeling or have a "taste" for anything in particular anymore - lovin' it. I use to get these overwhelming cravings for a certain taste (especially Whataburgers), they're gone now.
 
2. I do enjoy what I eat and sometimes I still catch myself trying to eat just one more bite, but I know I'll be feeling sick if I do. It takes time to learn the new "full" signals.
 
3. I feel satisfied and I get a small thrill seeing how little I actually eat now. Although sometimes, I catch myself trying to finish that last bite - even though I'm full. I've learned to leave it on the plate.
 
4. Once my staple line swelling went down, I was able to increase my eating to about 4oz per meal, and did start feeling more "normal" after the 2nd week, but it wasn't until about week 6 that I was back at my old energy levels.
 
5. I can eat pretty much what I want and walk away without gorging myself. I have always been able to take or leave stuff like cakes and cookies. Rice, pasta and potatoes were (I almost wrote "are") my thing. But I can easily pass up most starches now. Although pasta triggers my hunger cravings and I have to stop myself from overeating and making myself sick.
 
6. My feelings or attitudes has changed incredibly about food. Don't really care about food anymore. I have no "flavors" I desire. So I eat my own concoction of shredded grilled chicken, re-fried beans, cheese and salsa almost every meal - for the past month.
 
7. There isn't anything that I "want" to eat anymore. I am so happy with my restriction and I don't miss anything, no food cravings, nothing I miss. And there is no food that I couldn't eat at the 3rd or 4th week. It may cause some stomach upset, but if I eat it slowly, I can eat it if I want. However, I do miss being able to chug 16oz of icy cold Crystal Light.
 
8. I can still eat spicy foods (curries, peppers, etc). I eat salsa almost daily and I found this sweet/spicy dip made with Greek yogurt that I like - very warm. I find it weird that the thing that bothers my stomach the most is healthy fibrous foods, like grape skins, bananas, apple peels, and pineapple.

Well hello everyone and fellow Bariatric Pals!
 
I am so happy that the blogs are available I was going thru withdraws to a min. LOL
 
So what has been going on with me?
Well last month I did my first 5K walk and I was amazing. (see pics below)
 
I am set to have my port placement surgery on Nov 20th and I decided to take the rest of the month off.
 
I am at a plateau now on my weight lost but that will changed soon.
 
Other than that I am loving my Band!
 
Thanks for reading.

Greetings and salutations my friends and fat followers! I am contacting you today from the other side. No, I am not dead and this is not a creepy seance. I'm talking about the other side of 200 pounds. That's right baby. I finally cracked the elusive 200 number. Mark the date and time fat fans, for this is the first time since the mid 80's that I have had a 1 in front of my weight. This is BIG news indeed. I finally feel like I am accomplishing something.
 
You may ask "What The H, Johnny. You've lost 56 pounds and you don't fell like you accomplished anything? You've lost half of a person, why the lack of satisfaction?"
 
Here's why. When you're a scale bustin fatass as I was in April, losing a few pounds here or there is no big deal. My weight used to fluctuate five pounds on any given week depending on how many buffets I hit. Lose 10 pounds. So what. Lose 20 pounds. I'll hardly notice. 30 pounds. That's something, but I was still in the "Biggun" category. Forty pounds ... 50 pounds, great. But what really makes me feel like I'm winning is that 1. Normal people have a 1 in front of their weight. That's the answer. I am approaching NORMAL. Soon to be average. Now THAT means something!
 
As I previously alluded, I have not had that 1 in front of my weight since the mid 80's. The exact date I busted the deuce mark is not clear to me. Matter of fact, the whole decade is not too clear to me. I was awash in self indulgence. My never ending search for a good time is what got me started on this path to bodily destruction. But that's another story for a different time. So let's use these dates. I remember going on some type of diet and getting down to around 165 pounds. I had a picture taken at this time leaning on a new Delorean. That makes it 1982. Obviously that diet didn't take. It took me a few years to work up the weight ladder. I'm pretty sure it was a chicken wing at a Super Bowl 19 party that pushed me over. That would make it 1985.
 
1985 - It was a very good year. (I think.) Reagan was still president. Gas was $1.09 a gallon and it only cost $3 to see a movie. Michael Jordon was just a pup and the Bears were stocked with now legendary names like, Fridge, Hamp, Mongo, Mama's Boy and the Punky QB. Things were bouncing back from the dog days of Jimmy Carter and 22% interest rates. There was reason to celebrate. And celebrate I did. Nightly. And usually to excess. I was living the single life. Fast money, fast cars and fast women. Unfortunately, fast food was a daily staple. My bodily empire was beginning to fall and I didn't heed the warnings. The 2 came a lot easier on the way up then the 1 did on the way down.
 
Let's leave the maudlin memories behind. It's a new day, a new age and a new Johnny. I have lost about 56 pounds since April 9. My weekly weight loss is still averaging about 1.5 pounds per week. I know it's going to get slower as my under metabolized body adjusts to my lower calorie intake. But if I could average 1.25 pounds per week, I will hit hit my goal by March. I planned on this taking one full year. I am on schedule. But just think. What if I kept that Delorean? Maybe I could have got up to 88 miles per hour and zapped my way back to 1982. If only I knew then what I know now.
So Long for now. We'll talk soon.
 
Johnny T.

I have had my morning shake at 6:30, and no I'm not hungry, but I would really like to eat right now. Why? A bit of boredom, a bit of panic when I realize that I won't eat again until 11:30 (3 hours), missing pleasure that comes from the act of eating.
 
Of all the things in my life, I think that overcoming the baggage that food has will be the hardest. Not impossible by any means, but hard.

I look at my band like the frame work of a house and it is up to me to do the interior decorating. I make the final decision how much to eat, what to eat and if it is good or not good for me. You want your real home to look good and spend time and money to fix it up, paint and buy new things when needed so why would you not take the same amount of time, money and energy to make your band work for you. I am a sugar addict and can not control myself when I eat even a minute amount it causes me to binge like crazy, leaves me with guilt and unforgiveness of my self. Since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia those old feelings of eating sweets have come back ten fold for self pity. Ice cream has always been my worst nightmare and seriously I could eat a half gallon in two days. I am serious. I found that Breyers makes many light flavors now and no added sugar that are really good and I had to have something. I guess its better then eating 10 pounds of chocolate which I used to do also. Choose your band decorations well. Once you start eating good healthy food you will feel 100 percent better. Some say its expensive to eat healthy but it really isn't. Take advantage of road side produce stands or produce markets for fresh vegetables and fruit. People do not believe when I tell them that you will lose more weight eating beef but it is true because beef out of all meat takes the longest to digest. Some of you have issues with certain meats but I can pretty much eat anything it depends on how I eat it if its going to get stuck or not. You always must put the fork down in between bites and make sure it goes down before attempting more food. Get your band house together and decorate it with love and good food.

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.
 

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.
 

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.
 

I started to get serious about exercise and walking about 4 weeks post-op in January 2013. I would get my iPod, blast some of my Treadmill Playlist tunes (Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Pink and even Justin Bieber), find my focal point and start walking. At first I could only walk about 10-15 minutes before it felt like my legs were jelly, but it felt good and I felt like I was at least moving. I always covered the time/distance display because I didn't want to get caught up in the numbers at that point- I just wanted to sweat a little.
 
About a month into this routine, I decided to start increasing the speed a little at a time. It was hard for my legs to keep up with the pace, but I did it. I finally got to the point where I felt strong enough to increase the speed to do a slow jog and only lasted about 2 minutes- MAX. The next day I did the same thing, but added 30 seconds. And just kept going until I found myself running on the treadmill on a regular basis. Say what?! I have NEVER enjoyed running, jogging or even sweating for that matter. But I started to crave this new feeling I got when I was running, a feeling I had never experienced before and find hard to explain.
 
Last week while I was on the treadmill, I happened to look down and caught a glimpse of my feet moving beneath me and I became mesmerized. Although I have been on "Charlie" hundreds of times, I absolutely could not believe what I was seeing. Less than a year ago, I could hardly go up a flight of stairs without being winded and avoided multiple trips upstairs at all costs. I started to cry while I was looking down at my legs and feet gliding along at a nice pace, it looked so effortless at that moment. I'll never forget that day. Kelly Clarkson was in my ear telling me "No one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that." I took a little video on my phone to capture that moment when I really started to believe that I AM A RUNNER.
 

Sooo
 
For the past 3 weeks I have been going from 229 - 226 up and down up and down. So what happened 3 weeks ago?
 
Well I started work. So I'm thinking that my stalling of my weight is stress related???
And I have no idea how to begin to fix that.
 
Other than that I have lowered my calories and increased my activity
 
While teaching I move around ALOT
 
Breakfast is ALWAYS yogurt (100-150 calories)
Lunch is ALWAYS Tuna ( 200 calories)
Snack - Varies
Dinner - Varies
 
So I dont know what my body is doing but I can estimate my calories have gone down from 1500/1600 to now 1100/1200.
 
We will see what happens with the scale later.
 
On another note. I am 1 pound away (on some days) to my 40pd mark! 1/2 to my doctors goal and only 2 months out of surgery

Hi ya'll!
 
 
I'm fresh off a 4 day weekend and wanted to get you the up to the minute Johnny news. C'mon, be honest.... how many of you just can't wait for your fanatical fat fix? I thought so. This blog is like an auto race. Most of the spectators just come for the crashes. At the very least, I am a cheap version of a reality show. Your own personal rendition of Biggest Loser. Or Survivor. Hey, I got an idea ... What if we combine both of those shows? Let's strand a bunch of fat asses in the middle of no where with no food and the potty mouthed TV chef Paula Dean. We'll call it Fattasy Island. My bet, 7 contestants arrive, only 5 leave. The other 2 will be enjoyed with a homemade tropical marinade. No doubt this will be a huge hit.
 
On to the news.
 
Last Monday I went for monthly follow up visit at the center for Fat-ass-i-ness. As reported last week, I officially hit the 50 pound loss point. Yippee! I have to tell you that I am starting to look and feel a little out of place in the waiting area. I am no longer the short, overly swelled man that enjoyed the extra comfort of the fat ass chairs. I am now just a short, plump man that looks like a little kid sitting in a big chair. Add the fact that I usually wear a suit and tie on Mondays. The waiting wobblers probably think I'm some kind of creepy sales person waiting to show Dr. X my new drugs. But sitting and waiting is part of my commitment. It is part of my rehab. Yup. Rehab. Because that's really what this is. Fataholic's Anonymous. My name is Johnny ... and I'm a fataholic.
Anyone that reads this, and definitely anyone that tries this, must realize what a significant weight loss project really is. It's a full time commitment to food sobriety. Without full dedication to the cause, you are doomed to fail. "Just one Oreo" can be as catastrophic to a fataholic as "just one beer" to the alcoholic. That first step backwards can lead to a tumble. The end of the binge is just as devastating for both. Self consciousness, loss, shame, failure. All the same buzz words. The alcoholic may end his bender in a a tavern with a shot and a beer in the wee hours of the morning. The fataholic may end up in a corner with a jumbo bag of Dorito's and jar of salsa. Self inflicted wounds for both.
 
The fataholic requires guidance just like his counterpart. We get all the information we need to succeed from our nutritionists, shrinks and doctors. But at the end of the day, it is still on you to watch and motivate yourself. You have to make constant decisions to succeed. Food is not only required to live,it is part of our culture. Think about it. Just about every social gathering includes food. A nice night out with your better half probably includes dinner. A business lunch includes food. Weddings, birthday parties, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs ... you name a social gathering and there will be food. And plenty of it.
 
How about our addiction to Fat Ass TV? There are several channels that air nothing but food shows 24/7. Then you have Masterchef, Iron Chef,Top Chef and a myriad of other kitchen shows. There is a guy that drives around the country and pigs out at out of the way diners. There are guys that fix broken restaurants and a guy that spies on various eatery's employees. If has to do with food, there is a TV show about it. And these chefs / stars get paid humongous salaries for this! I'm really in the wrong business.
 
It's easy to see how someone can lose sight of a healthy lifestyle and fall in to the grips of fatness in our country today. Once you get there, going back is b***h. It's a challenge every minute to stay on your selected program. It's a good thing I have my sober coaches to guide me ... good ol' Al C. Hall and his cousin Vinny Vino.
 
See you soon..
Johnny
 
PS I'm at a little plateau here. The weight loss is slowing down to around a pound per week. I'm going to have to change something up here next week

It's official!
 
 
 
I saw Dr. X on Monday for my monthly follow up. I have hit the the 50 pound loss mark. If you really think about it ... that's a whole big bucket of blubber. Fifty pounds is definitely life changing. Just about every aspect of my life has changed. My complete wardrobe (all three levels) are obsolete. My sleep habits have changed ... no more snoring. My exercise went from zero to above moderate. My eating habits have greatly changed for the better. My overall activity level has improved. My blood pressure went down and my resting heart rate is at the GOOD level. I'm only a couple of beats per minute over EXCELLENT and not far from ATHLETE. That's a hoot! So you can probably say that I had a complete makeover. Both in outside appearance and inside my head. It's the head part that's the hardest to change. I will have to struggle with this for the rest of my life. If I ever give in, it'll be back to the level 3 wardbrobe and I can't afford that.
 
Well I think it's time to get a real grip on what 50 pounds of fat ass real is. We reviewed it at the 40 level and that was kinda fun. And very eye opening. So let's look at fifty.
 
1) $200 in quarters ( that would be 800 coins) weighs fifty pounds. This begs the question: What would you rather have? 200 bucks or my ass full of quarters?
 
2) An average 7 year old child weighs fifty pounds. My kid is growing up right before my eyes. Remember? He was only 3 at the 40 pound level
 
3) A bale of hay weighs 50 pounds. My ass weighed about 10 bushells full.
 
4) A baby pygmy hippo weighs 50 pounds. We can all think of something wittty to say here. Let's leave at this: A few months ago, hanging out with me would be like hanging out with 5 baby hippos. Less the cuteness.
 
5) 2 big sacks of potatos weigh fifty pounds. Formerly easily consumed by me either fried, baked, sauteed, mashed, boiled. It didn't matter. Also, A potato is the Father of the Chip. Forever whorshipped.
 
6) A medium pit bull terrier. 50 pounds of sheer muscle. Can't say that about 50 pounds of ass.
 
7) 5 bowling balls. Yep. Strap 'em on and go up and down the stairs a few times.
 
It never gets old! If we had time, I would go around the house and weigh all the appliances. I know my ass was at least as heavy as your average microwave oven. Or maybe even your refrigerator. It was big and it was heavy. Now, not so much. Yes, I am still of large ass. But not of fat ass. Hopefully soon, I will be of normal ass. Fret not my friends, I will always be YOUR horse's ass.
 
Hasta la vista, baby!
 
Johnny!
 
P.S. I'm in the game for real now. Dr. X gave me another full c.c. in the band. I'm at 35% restriction. I will report any changes soon

Every now and then I get a PM asking me how I have lost so much weight so fast and what do I do for exercise. Let me tell you honestly I have lost a significant amount of weight just by simply doing things that I couldn't do for a very long time. Things that most people do daily.
 
When I was 488lbs I could hardly stay on my feet for 10 minutes at a time without sever muscle cramps in the back of my legs. I couldn't even walk the grocery store with my Wife. I used to sit in the car and wait for her to do it and then I would get out and help her load the car. We would get home and carry the groceries into the house and I would have to sit and catch my breath, rest my legs before helping her put stuff away. It was no way for a 45 year old man to live.
 
So to say I lost a lot of weight with no exercise is not completely accurate but the exercise I was getting is stuff that some folks may take for granted and I never will again. At my heaviest everything but sitting and lying down was a task. I was a home body as much as possible and even going out to a movie was a task. I even reached a sad point where taking a shower was a real chore but I did it every day because not taking one is just unacceptable not mention gross.
 
So as my journey has progressed so has my physical activity but yet I am still having a problem getting in actual exercise and sometimes just a simple walk is hard to get in. Last week I committed to 10 hours of cardio and came up way short not even reaching half. This week same thing I committed to 10 hours of cardio and I didn't get the walk in yesterday. Today I am going and this time no excuses.
 
Exercise needs to become a daily task just like taking a shower is a daily task....
 
So far my weight loss has not really started to slow down but I am starting to see the signs that it might. I figure as I am inching closer to goal it will only get more difficult/slow. My initial goal that I was shooting for was to weigh 220lbs. That would still put me into the obese BMI but I can accept 220. I am on track to hitting my goal of 250 for Christmas which I set last Christmas.
 
Starting to wonder if 199 is possible. Excess skin is really becoming noticeable but there is not much I can do about that. Insurance is not going to cover plastic surgery. So you choose to live with the excess skin or be fat. I'll take the loose skin just as long as I don't start having problems.
 
Anyway if you read this far then thank you. I hope your day is going well and that your scale is being friendly to you!

What's new you ask?
 
Quick answer.... underwear! Yup. I had to replenish my entire supply of unmentionables, even the new ones I got last Christmas. They just weren't doing the job anymore. The always dependable waist bands were stretched beyond repair and my incredible shrinking ass left the backsides saggy and mis-shaped. Not to mention, all security for the family jewels had completely evaporated. I was dealing with an uncomfortable jail break every hour or so. This caused more than a few strange stares from others during what I thought was a private adjusting period. Good thing I wasn't near a Kinder Kare. That would have been hard to explain. So I solved the crisis. I went out and bought some new skivvies.
 
While this may not seem like a big deal to most of you. It was to me. Reason... I don't think I have bought my own underwear for twenty or so years. Why? Because every year when I am asked what I want for Christmas, I give the standard man-swer. "Underwear". So I get underwear. Every Christmas morning, I march up to my dresser with my new present stack and clean out last years Jockeys for this years models. I guess models is an overstatement. Other than a few new colors, the basic design hasn't changed since I was a kid. I mean, really. What can you do to improve underwear? And why do you need to?
 
Well imagine my amazement when I came upon the shorts section of my local department store. I was flabbergasted to see rows and rows and racks and racks of man-derwear! So many brands! So many styles! So little time. And the advertisements, oh my! Here I am, fresh off an embarrassing, not so private reorganizing incident, staring at a life size cut-out of a buffed teen lad with come hither eyes hiding nothing but his schvaanzen behind a scanty pair of man-ties. Honestly, I had to look around and make sure some cop wasn't following me. Or some hidden camera from one of those second rate TV shows.
 
As overwhelmed as I was, I was on a mission! I had to replenish my underwear supply. Two racks over, I spied the familiar Jockey logo. Thank God. I sauntered over thinking I'd pick up my shorts and be on my way. Wrong again. I guess Jockey, in an effort to keep up with times, has totally expanded their product line. Boxer briefs, sports shorts, low rise, high rise, full coverage or tiny pecker pouches. Ugh. After walking around three racks, I finally found the Classic style. Whew. My new size offers me a plethora of color choices. Sure beats the color selection at the old fat man's shop. There used to be three sizes ... FAT, REAL FAT and YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING. And there was only two color choices ... Santa Red and Your Wives's Gonna Kill You White. I always wondered why they would want to see a fat man in red briefs.
 
Without further adieu, I chose the multi colored 6 pack. Six pairs for the price of three, awesome. I took them to the checkout counter and pulled out a ten spot and expected some change. Wrong again. This paltry pack of panties was over $30! I had to double check the pack and see if there was some kind of vibrating device included. Nope. I pulled out a couple double sawbucks and through those down with the ten spot. I got my poor excuse of change and headed out the door.
 
I sure have been out of the man shopping game for a long time. And I am about to get a real education about shopping in the new millennium. My current wardrobe is completely nonfunctional. I had hoped to get through to next spring with some heavy alterations and cheap pants. But that ain't gonna happen. It's gonna cost me. I need to buy a functioning intermediate wardrobe. You know it would be nice if the current men's fashion were of the Fred Flintstone variety. Then I would only need one all purpose tunic.
 
That's all for now.
 
Johnny
 
P.S. I see Dr. X today for a weigh in and another fill. Let's hope I get a GOLD STAR again.
 
P.S.S. isit my blog: TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

I am sure that the subject of this blog sounds funny. Yes, I have made the decision to get banded. I have been in the program for about 4 months now. I have my surgery date but even now, as I type this, I am still having a hard time accepting my decision.
 
Let me explain. I grew up fat. I was a fat kid, I was a fat teenager and I am now a fat adult. If you had talked to me about the word fat maybe 15-20 years ago, I would have been super offended. Now, it’s just a word. Yes, I am fat.
 
In my childhood and teenage years, I was your “typical” fat kid. I was offended by the word fat that I was constantly called. I was always self-conscious and picked on for my weight. I was ashamed. I can recall a time in 7th grade when a class mate complimented me on my jeans. I was questioning why she was even talking to me since she and I were in completely different cliques – she was one of the “cool kids” while I was the new girl – or better yet, the fat new girl – at the school. Alas, when she asked me where I got my “so cute” jeans (and they were) I replied, “Sixteen Plus”. The next thing I heard were snickers and laughs because I was clearly shopping in a store for “plus sized” people. From that moment on, I vowed NEVER to mention store names again. I would shop at stores that had both junior and plus sizes so I never had to bear that “shame” again.
 
This is how much of my adolescence and teenaged years were. Never had a boyfriend – sure, I had plenty boy friends but never a “boyfriend”. I had one such friend who, when we were alone, would confide in me and once even told me he loved me (oh, middle school love…LOL) but would not be seen talking to me in school. High school and college were filled with more of the same. Boy friends – some of whom I liked more than a friend but I would NEVER tell them because they would NEVER “like” the chubby chick as more than just a friend.
 
Enter my early 20’s: I’m not sure when the realization came but I found myself developing a confidence that I had never had before. I had never considered myself ugly, after all I’ve been told “You have such a pretty face” for so long that I knew that if I weren’t fat, I’d be “so pretty”. (That is another blog post in itself.) However, I was dressing better. I was putting more effort in to my appearance. I was deciding that I was worth something. I was approached by a male colleague (whom had no romantic interest) who handed me a newspaper article on plus sized modeling. He suggested it was something I look into. He told me that I was a beautiful girl and should really give it some thought. I was BESIDE myself. A compliment without the caveat that all I had going for me was my “pretty face”. As the time went on, my confidence improved. I began to get attention from the opposite sex. I was complimented and asked on dates, left and right – granted some of these dudes were on the sketchy side – but when a random stranger tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, it’s always nice no matter what. My dating life ramped up and I found myself eventually in relationships with people who were attracted to me – fat and all.
 
It was then, that I decided to take back the word fat in my life. I was no longer going to look at it as a bad word. Yes, I was fat. So, what?!? I was otherwise healthy and happy. Things were going in the right direction for my life. I accepted myself. I would proudly admit that I bought my “so cute” shirt or pants at Lane Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus! Yep, that’s where I shop and I love my clothes. Yes, I am fat but that’s OK with me. Here I am, a confident fat woman. Take that, society!!!
 
Over the years, I have maintained that attitude. Of course, I have areas of my body that I hate – boobs are for the chest, not the back! LOL But, I always looked at it as I have the ability to change the things about my body that I hate, if I put my mind to it.
Enter the current time. I am still that confident woman who accepts the word fat. However, about 3 years ago, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with this wretched disease as my family is laden with it. I have watched it reach havoc on my Mom as she has had many years where she did not properly take care of herself and this disease. I have done well over the years keeping my diabetes at bay. My A1C is almost always good. Unfortunately, this success comes with medications that I hate and the knowledge that it is only a matter of time before this disease will reap havoc on me, if I do not get rid of it once and for all. The only sure-fire way for me to do that is to get myself to a healthy weight.
 
My husband and I have been married for 5 years this October. It was when he underwent his lap band surgery last year that I began thinking about having the surgery myself. He’s had amazing success that he has worked very hard for. I feel that with him at my side, I can have a similar success. However, I can’t get past the feeling that I am going against “my morals” with this surgery. I feel like I’m taking all that confidence that I worked very hard at and saying “society wins”. It’s silly, I know, because I know I’m not doing this to be skinny – I’m doing this to be healthy. I just still feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have been SUPER hesitant to tell anyone about this choice. Any one I have told has been supportive but I am still uneasy. I don’t know why…..
 
If you have managed to stay with me and read all this, thank you. I know this is super long – especially for my first blog post to the site.

This lapband journey has had its ups and downs already and I'm still waiting to be banded. Finishing with the nutritionist tomorrow and then a surgery date and insurance approval and then I'm home free....so they tell me.
 
It's been some journey so far. An experience in every aspect. First, the decision to do this...years in the making...and what a decision it is...lots of research, lots of reading, and lots of questions. Then, came the testing...the poking, the prodding, the multitude of appts and doctors and hoops to jump through. What came of it all...luckily, I'm "healthier" than I thought for being morbidly obese....or maybe I should say that my luck hasn't run out yet! And happily, I've begun to make some new friends on this journey of mine!
 
Just when I'm on a roll and feeling positive a flood of negativity and fear comes flooding in from just one thread on this site. It was disheartening and more than anything else...SCARY!!!!
 
So, I've decided the following.....
...I'm moving forward with positive thoughts
...I have a 2nd appt with my surgeon to ask every question that has come up since my 1st appt...and there are many!!
...I will continue to follow the positive, successful, and supportive members here who really want to help....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!...AND I THANK YOU ALL AGAIN!
...I will continue to educate myself and ask as many questions as I want!
 
From all this I've learned I have the right to question and question and question some more....and not to feel bad about it.
I've learned that unfortunately there are naysayers who dont want to share "opinions" and tell there story--they want to breed fear. :ph34r:
I've learned I will not be a part of that again.
I've learned to stop doubting myself to the point of panic setting in.
 
I'VE LEARNED TO BELIEVE IN ME...SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE FOR WAAAY TOO LONG! :wub:

I need to get ya'll up to date. I have been a bit behind my updates due to a busy schedule. Last week's busy-ness included another 3 day golf event and a lengthy visit from Al. C. Hall. As always, there is good and bad news to report. On the bright side, I really made good food choices and my personal technology says I walked 21.36 miles and burned 9711 calories during this 3 day period. However, I did enjoy more than several adult beverages and succumbed to a few bar snacks. Unfortunately, I think these transgressions shortened my weekly weight loss. But I'm back up on the horse and ready to get going again.Now I want to share a little tidbit of information I casually picked from a doctor acquaintance of mine. After a laid back round of Sunday couples golf, our group headed off for a mid day meal. Conversation soon turned to my quest to be less fat. I explained to the good doctor my calorie counting strategy and my progress so far. She then dropped a fun fact on me that really hit home. The affable Dr. S contends that you need to burn 3000 more calories for the week than you take in to lose 1 pound. Simple genius! Not only is this easy is to understand for my neanderthal intelligence level, it's also a number. A number than can be used in a math equation to help me better understand what exactly I'm doing here. Fact is, I have been really concentrating on what's going in the ol' pie hole. I really haven't thought about the going out process. I suppose I have typical fat ass thinking. Eat less. Lose weight. Is it that simple? Kinda. But there's more to it.

I have embraced technology to help me find Slim Street. I have 2 items that I now find essential for me to finish the filleting of my fat. First, the MyFitnessPal app (MFP). I use the daily food diary to keep track of every morsel that goes in my massive yapper. If I can't find exactly what I ate in the index, I err on the high side. My second technological necessity is my FitBit Flex. Don't ask me how, but this little peanut size device records every step I take and figures my daily calorie burn. This miniature device syncs with the FitBit app on my phone which syncs with my FitBit scale which syncs with the MyFitnessPal app. I have all the data crunching tech I need.
 
 
 
But I needed the numbers to make sense to me. And Dr. S's simple equation is helping me do that.
 
Let's do the math! Time to brush up on your a-fat-ma-tic. I have chosen a 1200 calorie a day diet plan. That would be 8400 calories in per week. Dr. S's tip mandates that I burn 12,900 (3000 + 1500 =4500) per week to lose 1-1/2 pounds. Divided by 7, that's 1842 calories per day! Now... Let's recall what Trainer L told me during my pre-op exercise visit. She said my body burns 1650 calories a day with just normal activity. That means I only have to burn an extra 200 calories a day to lose the 1-1/2 pounds. Simple math for a simple mind.
 
 
It's starting to dawn on me that I can burn more than 12,900 calories a week, especially in the summer. Heck, last week I burned 19,800 calories according to my FitBit. The MFP app has another nice feature. When you're done logging your calories for the day, it will calculate burn and show you what you will weigh in 5 weeks if every day was like today. So far, it's been right on target. It's telling me that I will lose another 10 pounds by the end of August. Awesome news.
 
 
So take it from me. Do your math and embrace your technology. I'm no Bill Gates when it comes to these fancy gadgets and I surly ain't no math wizard. But I will embrace anything that will help me finish my fight against flab. And guess what? There's an app for that.
 
 
 
 
More to come....
 
Johnny
 
If you want a good laugh, start at the beginning of my blog and see what I went through to have the LB installed!
 
TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

Had a fantastic weekend but as usual my only wish was it didn't fly by so fast. I was in my friends wedding this weekend. Probably for the first time in many years I felt really good about myself. I felt I looked decent and I was confident. I am so thankful to my new best friend of 15 months (My band).
 
It is truly amazing what proper fitting clothes can do for your psyche. Even standing outside decked out in a tux with it being 95 with a heat index of 105 I was quite content. 15 months ago I would not even have been able to stood long enough to be in this Wedding and finding an actual tux that would fit would've been a tremendous challenge.
 
 
 
This first pic was taken with my IPhone which obviously has a dirty lens.
 
 
 
 

 
 
 

I saw a video of an interview with Dustin Hoffman today and it really rang true for me. I think I am so lucky because I was a big girl most of my life and lost the weight, and in the process I went from being invisible to being visible to society.
 
The thing is, I didn't even know I was invisible when I was heavy. How would I when I'd been heavy all my adult life? But when I lost the weight, and the level of attentiveness, regard and interaction people wanted with me increased out of sight, I realised how little people reached out to me before. That SO many people who think I'm amazing and wonderful now, wouldn't have given me the time of day 5 years ago.
 
An old friend and I were talking today, and he said he was so shy when he first met me coz I was thin already and he was 'still the fat guy', and he didn't understand why I reached out to him. I told him of anyone he'd meet, I'd be the one who would never see his weight, because unlike most people, I know better. I know that a person's weight doesn't define them. Because my weight should never have defined me.
 
Anyhow, it makes me wonder how many people have missed out on meeting the most amazing people because they stereotype them in their heads. Which is why Dustin Hoffman's interview struck such a cord. I hope it's ok to post it, because it really moved me, and I hope it moves you.
 
http://www.upworthy.com/dustin-hoffman-breaks-down-crying-explaining-something-that-every-woman-sadly-already-experienced-3

4 more days! I'm going to share 4 things I have done in the past week....
 
4. Had my pre-op appointment with the anesthesiologist. She said I would do fine and that I have a big mouth for easy intubation haha
3. I went to two spin classes, walked 3 miles every day I wasn't at the gym and even started running a bit
2. Took my dog to the vet because he has e.coli. If you know what that is then you will know that my week also consisted of cleaning up gross dog poop accidents in the house.
1. Practiced living the lap band lifestyle since my surgery is 4 days away!!

Reprinted from my blog:
 
TheDeconstructionofJohnny.blogspot.com
 
 
Welcome back to my ever-growing throng of readers! It's great to see that so many folks have been loyally following my mission to fizzle my fat. I am more amazed every week when we get visitors from countries all over the world. I don't know what's more amazing, this Internet thing that I thought would never catch on, or the fact that so many different cultures could possibly embrace one fat ass's life long weight struggle. Whatever the case, I'm glad you're here. Especially, this week. I'm imminently facing my second dance with Devil. So get your pencils and scorecards ready.
 
 
 
 
Here's the 4-1-1 on my second dalliance with my old nemesis, The Beelzabub of Blubber himself. I have been faithfully on the old wagon, shying away from most "regular people" food, adult beverages and other forms of MANtertainment since April 9. So here comes my first big challenge. Starting this evening, my guest hits town for our annual golf tournament. This will be my 20th consecutive year of participation and is always the first thing to go on my calender. Besides 3 days of awesome golf, two wonderful social functions are attached to this event. The next few days will be filled with with everything "real men" long for .... Golf, drinking, smoking, gambling, dirty jokes and funny body noises. Yep.... Even your tight ass husband will let loose and revel in this form of legal debauchery. He can't help it. It's a pack mentality. Part of our code.
 
 
 
 
So you can see, the temptations will be coming at me from all angles. And just so we have no misunderstandings, I will be breaking my new rules and let loose a little bit. This has been planned and part of my year long goals. I need to be able to go to a function like this and not gain five pounds in three days. So immediate goal #1, be the same weight on Monday. That goal will be on the forefront of my mind as I say YES to a martini, NO to a hot dog, YES to Cuba Libre', NO to cheeseburger, YES to pinot noir and NO to a frosty sundae. I WILL have a couple of libations! I WON'T eat like my old self. That guy ain't here no more.
 
 
 
 
Yes, I have had one battle with the beast previously. It's duly noted that I lost the day but I did manage to keep the score down. And let the record show that I LOST weight that week. I didn't fall off the wagon entirely, I just kinda hung on the side. So that's immediate goal # 2. Don't fall completely off the wagon. I look at this as being in training for my new life. It's not in my nature to hide away like a hermit. So if I am to return to the real world some day, I need to be ready. These types of events, outings and get togethers are preparing me for the future ... kinda like fat college.
 
 
 
 
That's it for now. You need to check back early next week and find out who wins this battle. If my weight is the same on Monday as it is today I win! If not, it's another loss to the evil Prince of Plump.
 
 
 
 
See ya!
 
PS..... I'm down 33 1/2 pounds since April 9th. I get the first fill on Monday.
 
 
YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON MY BLOG at:
 
TheDeconstructionofJohnny.blogspot.com

9 more days! In honor of this milestone I thought I would give y'all a list of 9 things I'm excited about post banded weight loss life. I'm excited about...
 
9. Not feeling squished on the airplane
8. Not being embarrassed of my big arse when squeezing between rows of chairs
7. Not avoiding going to the beach with my friends
6. Not being embarrassed when out shopping with friends
5. Not being scared to ride my bike in public! (see last blog post for explanation)
4. Not deleting any and all pictures of me
3. Not feeling like people are judging/watching me when I eat
2. Not having to cover my arms because they are as big as some girl's thighs
1. Not having men yell "I like your jiggle" when I run!

Yup, you guessed it, 8 more days! In honor of this enormous achievement I've put together a little list of 8 post band goals/dreams
 
8. Lose weight!
7. Feel good about myself again
6. Cholesterol levels in the normal range
5. Do a 'real' push-up
4. Run for 3 miles without stopping
3. Wear shorts
2. Start dating again
1. Wear a bikini!

That awesome moment when your ex is getting fatter and you are getting hotter!!
 
Love this. I don't have an ex but I have many ex friends and saw one the other day and she couldn't believe how great my hub and I look.

So just a little vent...
 
I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho.
 
The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now......
 
IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
 
We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices.
 
Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight.
 
I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym.
 
End vent... Peace and Love...