devillynn

I haven't posted in a long time because i have been going through a very hard time lately. My son was murdered in January and just typing that out is unreal to me even now. My whole life has been changed and i don't really know how to cope with it. I never thought I would ever deal with something like this. This stuff only happens on TV or to other people in big cities - certainly not in our little town. But it has happened and it has happened to me and i am trying to keep myself together and work and do the day to day things that need to be done but i have no feelings inside. No happiness. No joy. No desire. Only sadness - i cry all the time when no one is looking. I had to get sleeping pills from the doctor last week because i hadn't slept in three months and he said he thought i just needed to get some sleep and recharge. But what if i never have any feeling back other than the sadness? oh and anger i do feel anger from time to time. My granddaughter is having to go to a therapist to deal with her loss issues and she talks about her daddy all the time and it just kills me inside to hear her say that she doesn't have a daddy anymore or that her daddy is dead now or if my daddy was alive...she is only 6 and if it is this hard on me i can only imagine how hard it is for her. At first i wasn't eating anything at all and now my eating is out of control in a way - i have started eating more junk foods. I had to have shoulder surgery and am almost done with my recovery so i have started to workout a little but my life is shambles. And to top it off the people who killed me son are out on bond. So ...I am a mess...

Thanks y'all. I appreciate everyone keeping me and my family in their thoughts and prayers.

thank you all - for your words of support and your prayers. They all mean so much to me. I have started working out again this week - my doctor suggested it to me when i saw him for the sleeping pills a couple weeks ago and while i was working out I did feel really calm and kind of in control for that hour. I really am taking it one day at a time at this point. i think the first step for me was just saying this out loud - i haven't really talked to anyone about any of this outside of my family but i am going to keep an open mind about counseling. Thank you all so much for the advice and the kind words - it means so much!

yes! i def let mine sit in the fridge for a bit to dissolve completely - i forgot about that! it gets really good and cold and not grainy like some people complain about. i do both in a blender and just in a blender cup and i like them both ways.

i didn't like the strawberry kiwi - it had a twang to me. but i really like green apple it is one of my favorites, and so is crystal sky and twisted cherry. I also like fuzzy navel. and the pink grapefruit is good too if you like grapefruit! i like the grape too! i also like the vanilla bean torte, peanut butter cookie, and chocolate truffle - i mix with either skim milk or water - mostly water water and ice and they taste great. They do not taste like the pre-made shakes - the pre-made shakes were making me sick and i had to stop using those. i drink at least two of these a day to get my protein in and i am almost 2 years out. Hope this helps!

CW - 176.5

sorry i didn't post last week but i didn't lose any and i haven't lost any this week either! YIKES! lol! CW - 176.8 holding steady........sigh.........but at least i'm not gaining maybe i will have a loss next week!!! i am thinking positive!!

CW - 176.8 for the first time i think ever in my life i lost weight over the holiday!

i haven't convinced anyone to have it but i have openly shared my experience when asked. I have had a couple friends who have had the surgery done since i have had - i am pretty sure they were already thinking of doing it before i did it but were just on the fence about it and then when i shared my success and they saw my progress - i think that may be what helped them make their decision. Weight is such a personal subject - there is a fine line between helping someone and offending someone and unless they ask me - i just don't share. There is a lady i know that will tell strangers on the street all about her WLS and you can tell they don't care and don't want to hear about it....and the people that we know absolutely cringe when she walks in - because they know what she is going to talk about - over and over again. So, i really try to not give out WL advise unless asked and even then i try to downplay whatever i do say. LOL!

CW - 177.8 - no loss this week

have you tried Syntrax nectar? I mix them with water and i love them. They don't taste nasty - i mean all protein shakes have a bit of a protein taste because they have protein in them LOL - but these taste better than any i have tried before - in my opinion anyways. I like the fruity flavors and the chocolate truffle - sometimes i mix the chocolate one with skim milk just to mix it up a bit, but i really like them and they aren't too expensive - you can get a 2 lb tub and it lasts me for about two - three weeks and i make 2 shakes a day out of it. I get mine from Amazon. Good luck - it is hard to find a supplement that you like and when you do just stick with it.

CW - 177.8 :D who knew drinking all that water and eating all that protein and exercising would ACTUALLY work??? LOL!

Lordy - I could've written this post! I am throwing away the hidden stash of Halloween junk from the desk drawer as we speak. I am going to detox from my weeks of sugar blasting starting now. It's hard to kick this addiction - I do really well for a time but then it just takes a little bit of the sweet stuff to throw me into a tailspin and I'm on a sugar binge for days. But this time I'll be honest I've been eating so much crap for the last couple months - it's no wonder I can't get the last 13 pounds off! Even exercising it isn't budging! So I am cutting the sugar out too! Back to basics! Thanks for giving me boost to get back in the swing of things! (and for giving me a giggle too)

i am in! CW - 183 Goal - 170 i really - really want to hit my goal - it is right there - i can almost taste it!!! i keep bouncing back and forth from 180-183 and i was at 179 for a hot minute!! it was the best minute of my life lmao! I am actually exercising now ( I really am not just talking about it anymore ) so we will see if that kicks in gear for me this time.

i deal with this crap at work too. they are constantly bringing bagels and donuts to works or having cake and cookies and when i don't come running i hear things like "oh it's because she won't eat that now" "she doesn't want to hang out with us anymore" Why not bring some high protein snacks and then give me a call? The last time they had a birthday party i went and took my protein shake and didn't have cake and you'd have thought i killed a baby. It was seriously a sad day for them - i don't know why they want me to eat that crap so bad but they do. Crazy people. I try to stay in my office as much as possible and not have too much contact with too many people on a daily basis. LOL it works for me!

People just absolutely irritate me. Mind your own business folks. I hate when they tell me what their doctors say or what i should be eating or drinking - my favorite are the ones who say that it is ok for me to drink cokes when i decline one - like that will make me change my mind....i do what i do for a reason and it works for me. i also hate it when i hear other people telling others that i've had surgery like it's no big deal and that is why I've lost all this weight and no other reason - i didn't watch what i ate - i didn't exercise - i JUST had surgery. jerks. I really try not to let them get to me because there are always going to be those kinds of people - especially when they are your relatives - and unfortunately I have them too! Keep up the hard work and don't let the muggles get you down!

my final weight is 180 - sorry i missed monday - i've been out sick!

CW - 184

i have some of those same feelings to a certain degree - it is hard to go from being overweight and just a short time later not - i dont think my mind has had time to get caught up with my body changes yet - but i am starting to feel more comfy in my skin and i am not so worried about what others are thinking about me anymore. i'm starting to feel more at home in this new body.

i do not live in Montana but i am thinking of moving to Montana soon - hopefully. If all goes well that is. LOL! It will be the first time in my life that i have ever lived outside of my beloved state of Texas!!! But i am excited!

how is it going girlie??

no change.

i love Syntrax Nectar! i use the crystal Sky, fuzzy navel, pink grapefruit, apple ecstasy, and i have tried the carribean cooler but it isn't one of my favorites those are all the ones i mix with about 16 oz of Water in my mixer cup. then i mix with milk - 6-8 oz of 1% - the chocolate truffle, strawberry mousse, vanilla bean torte - i also want to try the mint i have heard it is really good! - i also like to get some plain vanilla greek yogurt and mix a scoop of the chocolate and make a chocolate pudding out of it - it is so good! 1 cup of yogurt and 1 scoop of Protein mix of your choice and it is a yummy treat! and you can divide it up into a couple servings and it is still very high in protein that way. I order mine from Amazon sometimes i can find it on Prime sometimes not just depends on what flavors i get - and most of the time i drive to Abilene - an hour drive from where i live here in Texas - to buy mine from the Drug Emporium (a local heath food chain store) they usually have them all in stock.

CW - 187

CW 188!