DeLarla

Here's darling Francesca before things got a rollin' at Buca. Francesca and I were banded together, but she has the same surgeon as Jenna & Michelle, so it's like 7 Degress of Bansters thang.

Trish, what happened? You were one of the first to confirm. Why can't you come?

VEGAS WEATHER The wind just kicked up a bit. Hubby's been working on the yard and was thrilled that it finally cooled off. We probably won't see 100 this weekend, but you still only need summer clothes with highs in the 90s. You might want to bring a little sweater or a pashmina (shawl) for inside air-conditioned casinos/restaurants. I'm still living in sleeveless & shorts. Capris at the most. But I always tie a pashmina on my purse when I go out (makes my purse cute, too.) This way I have a little wrap in case I get cold. Also, if you've never flown into Vegas, the wind and heat might cause some extra turbulence. I've had my bumpiest rides coming into Vegas. If you're nervous, it's completey normal.

Ladies, all the catalog requests have gone out except those received yesterday and today. I'll try to get them out by this afternoon but things got crazy and now I'm getting ready for the big bash that starts tonight. I love this thread but won't be able to read everything with much focus till after the bash. But I will be back! I certainly don't have a sexy body, but I tell myself and anyone around me that I'm one hot, sexy mamma. It's all in the attitude. I learned about a survey in Slumber Parties training, and the majority of men don't like skinny women. They want something to hold onto. We are exactly where God wants us to be today, so embrace that. If you don't have a partner, buy yourself some lingerie, a nice pheromone candle, bubble bath, nice music, some lube and a toy or 4. Be your own best date. I'm married and still "date myself" on occasion because my husband is like a kid grabbing at my apron all day, so even I need alone time.

Every morning I force myself out of bed against my will. After showering, I put makeup on to look like someone I'm not. Then I use deodorant so I don't have to smeel like a real woman. After drinking a soy shake that I don't like, I head to work where I plaster a fake smile on my face all day and pretend I'm someone I'm not. Am I a fraud? Yep, but I prefer the term Actress. Better yet, movie star.

penni., there's still time... I say F it... TRUCE!

too hard 2 type cuz wearing gloves as part of kinky sex... KIDDING. I spent a fortune on a French manicure so I gotta live in rubber gloves till you are all 2 intoxicated to noitice. Vine, talk about a fraud... I'm gonna pretend my nails always look like this. I got your cream chz & crackers, Michelle. Everyone, I'm off work tomorrow cleaing .... try my numbers & maybe I can come get u from airport - first come first serve. 702 269-9220 h 702 419-6054 cell I'm so hyped... u should all see me spinnning in circles! BUT oh noooooo... I screwde up big (huge) in the booze dept if you can believe that! It occured to me after buyingt all the ingredients that most peeps don't do carbonation, so I'm leaving my mixers out till they go flat... also, I forgot many don't do sugar, so how am i gonna make DeLarla's Toxic Tea ? I'm just gonna do it! I got some diet snapple tea & Water Nothing went my way at the store, so I'm winging it with the recipes! SORRY, I should be shunned from the world of hostesses because there's no real crab at my market and I don't have time to hunt it down. Horrifying, I know! So I'm making seafood rangoons w/ shrimp & imitation crab & figuring out these chinese meatballs as I go along. Life's like a box of chocolates ya know! GET HERE NOW. Coyote, don't worry, thanks for NOT bringing too much. I've got tons to ship. Just bring you & the crayons & small stuff. Someone grab Trish on the way - don't tell her hubby. xoxo SMOOOCH... can't wait to squeeze you people.

I've actually been working for a change so I'm dying to get home and read all this. But quick before the mail goes out... I'm cracking up! I've received countless requests for catalogs, but could ya'll do me a favor and give me real names? The post office can't find Peaches_n_herb or Flowerlilly, for example! I should know my clients, but I only know most of you by screen names! I've tried being clever and matching screen names with your signature, but some of you slinky gals are hard to figure out!

Did someone say "tomorrow?" Isn't today Tuesday? But but but, I need a pedicure, the carpets shampooed, shopping, to lose 20 pounds before ya'll git here! Screw it, I'll get ya'll drunk so you'll see my world through Beer Goggles! Party party party, Party!!!! I'm stoked. I HATE work today, so this couldn't come at a better Tooty Tot of a time!

Okay, what scared the pants off you? Remember the Tom Hanks movie where the Fed-Ex plane crashed and he had to survive on a deserted island for years before getting rescued? And he kept hearing these loud crash noises in the dark and freaking out, yelling into the dark jungle, "WHO'S OUT THERE?!?" Then he finally learned it was just coconuts falling to the ground? Well, the same crap keeps going on in my office making me jump out of my chair, so I thought I'd share the visual. I have a patio door, and things keep banging randomly outside my door making me fly off my seat. It took a couple weeks of investigating before I realized it's just pinecones hitting the ground. So yes, even if you're not in the forest, trees really do make noise if they fall to the ground. Now make me laugh - when's the last time you had the pants scared off of you?

I only logged in for 2 minutes because I've neglected my job duties all week. I scanned these and plan to print them out and make my very own inspiration book with pictures to keep at work. Wow, I only power-read through them, but I can't believe what you guys give me. This place still amazes me.

The Tooty-Tot, the Tooty-Tot the Tooty-Tot-Tot! Does anyone know the Tooty Tot? Chloe taught me, and I sing the song and dance the dance when I'm excited. Game on! Jenna's comin' to town! TOOTY-TOT! Chris says, "de Bandaleras are comin' to town this weekend." Jenna, he's great and will make it up to you because the thorn is out of his side. He's been off work two weeks. Make him your personal slave! Chris, fix me a drink. Chris, get me some chips! Chris, Chris, Chris! I can tell he's excited cause he's spiffing up the house every day. I'll be shipping to Texas and Baton Rouge after the Bash. Postage help is seriously appreciated (po$tage killed me and that was only 3 boxes with 10 left.) Don't worry about only new stuff because the addresses Michelle and i have are ladies that are handing the stuff out themselves, not huge organizations. Used toiletries on the other hand... Tooty Tot! Megan, I totally understand but it sucks that you can't come. We'll be online for you with pics - ugh. I look like a friggen Oompa Loompa (went overboard with new hairstyle.) Maybe I should die it orange to complete the look.

Do me a favor. When you figure out why friends get jealous of you, please send me a PM or e-mail. It's not just with weight loss surgery, it's with anything you do to bette yourself. Heck, I've had girlfriends tell me outfits look cute on me when I know they look like crap. I've had friends encourage me to cut my bangs short like a Vulcan on Star Trek (like my big fat round face would support baby doll bangs.) Now a few friends are trying to sabotage my new business, but it's just giving me more power. This might be hard to chew, but girl, WEED YOUR GARDEN. You'll know your true friends. If they aren't real friends, weed them out. If you make a mistake and weed out a good one, she'll grow back. Don't surround yourself with negativity. Move forward and upward. If you love this girl, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Either that or weed your garden!

Is DeLarla being profiled? I recall at least three threads that discussed swallowing men's semen after performing oral sex. There have been countless conversations about sexual positions, women that gag when performing fellatio, nutritional content of sperm, etc. Penni, you of all people? You started the "Do you Swallow" thread and participated in the sperm thread. What's with the hypocrisy? If anybody crossed a line, it was crossed long, long ago. Exactly when did the topic of sex become inappropriate? I get full-color, naked, pornographic pop-ups all the time. Any parent that thinks their kids are protected from X-rated material shouldn't allow their kids on the internet or in front of a television.

I'll be in Reno for Street Vibrations in a couple weeks. Any other biker bandsters?

On my knees, bowing to Megan. Wow, very well put.

Hmm, I've been avoiding the topics of Band, Diet, Nutrition and Exercise like the plague. I've spent too much time at LBT in the Lounge instead of the General Forum because I'm polluted with caffeine, sugar and crud. I keep going away for weekends, so I keep making excuses. This weekend is the Bash, another perfect excuse. I was in New Orleans the prior week, Brianhead before that, etc., etc. Next weekend is a local bikefest then off to Reno. I KNOW, excuses excuses will get me nowhere! But I had to confess. All party and no work is finally putting money in my pocket, but I'll be dead from clogged arteries and won't be able to enjoy it. Sounds like time for a vegetable challenge. Welll... maybe next month?

Many of us can't stop crying over Katrina's devastating wake. We need a forum to relieve anger, pain, aggravation and anxiety. Welcome. I just saw a man crying because 4 of his miniature horses are laying dead around his home while the 9 surviving ones are starving with no hay or Water, while dead bodies are floating around people suffering from hunger and dehydration. Something is seriously wrong with this situation. The government would rather see those people perish than to do something? I was in the devastating Northridge Earthquake, and the Red Cross, military, government, etc., were crawling the place within hours with pallets of food, water and shelter. Sirens and helicopters filled my head, which were sounds of relief and hope. I just don't get it. What the hell is going on? Why is this disaster any different than others? Everyone in the country wants to help, but they tie our hands behind our backs? Money has been flooding into the Red Cross, Catholic Charities, the Firemen's boots, etc. Millions of dollars have already been collected since Day One, so where is it, sitting in an account growing interest for the government? AND, the news keeps showing ONE fugging airplane that donated ONE stinking flight. Why hasn't every airline done the same? For Heaven's sake, drag them all on a barge down the Muddy River to dry land now that the river is calm! We've got troops in other countries but dead folks floating down our city streets? Does this sound suspicious to anyone else? Was it time to clean up New Orleans for good and this was the best plan they could think of? Don't hold in your anger, scream it out. Here's a great place. Thanks for listening.

Help. Please call (702) 876-FM92 and put the male DJs in place. I'm truly disgusted. Today they were cracking jokes about the smells and odors coming from women's private parts. It's a big friggen joke to them that women can't bathe after losing their homes. They said they were sending tons of donations, so they sent a guy to the douche and tampon isle to pick things out over the air, while cracking vulgar jokes and making songs up about how rancid women are right now. Big friggen joke to them. They are acting generous, but if women got those boxes with a copy of today's show, they would refuse the donations. Vulgar and disgusting. So I called the station and opened my mouth like a foul-mouthed construction worker to prove a point. I told them not to put me on the air, and then I broke down crying. I told them how painful and awful they were being. The bastards put me on the air anyway, sobbing. They apologized and said they were stupid and immature, but then they aired the apology, but then opened the line up to more male callers while laughing for more wisecracks about vaginal odor. Please support me by calling or e-mailing KOMP FM. They are pigs sending a variety of products to Katrina but all while laughing. Tampons that they call harpoons, douche that they refer to as pickeled egg juice. Sure, it's funny to guys, but would YOU think it was funny if you lost everything? Would you want that kind of donation? Sure, they sent money too, but it's all a big joke to them. Send an e-mail to kompmorningshow.com in protest. Ask them to send the tape of the show with the donations so they don't humiliate the women that are hurting and in need. Thanks for your help.

For those of you that are unaware, there's a huge flux of little girls giving men oral sex in schools - under the bleachers, in cars, in bathrooms. They want to keep their boyfriends, but they want to remain virgins. These girls think giving oral sex allows them to stay virgins. The teens in my life happen to be the cute cheerleaders of my local highschool. They are very popular, and they tell me everything. I hate what they tell me, and I'm grateful I'm not a parent to a teenage girl - that's all I have to say!

Thanks, Penni. Now that this is in the lounge, I disagree with Jenna about the age of kids masturbating. I guess I was much more curious because I was playing "doctor" as early as 7. All the kids in my neighborhood were. Most of you know that I am very close to children and teens in my neighborhood. When I started this adult-themed business, I knew I had to talk to parents. When my four special teens asked if they could spend the day at my house swimming and eating junk food, I told them how sorry I am that they wouldn't be allowed in my house any more without parental consent and only AFTER their parents had been to one of my parties or at least investigated my new home store. The girls were shocked and asked, "Why." So I told them I'm selling adult lingerie now, and that requires parental consent. They were 14 and 15, and their FIRST response was, "LISA'S SELLING THE RABBIT PEARL VIBRATOR!" Uh, we were at the movies, and they yelled the names of toys so loud that I sunk in my chair. Jenna is spot-on. Teens know more than I do about my own product. They watch Sex in the City and see cunnalingus, felatio and masturbation. They know the NAMES of their parent's sex toys. I was more than stunned. I was a complete fraud before Slumber Parties because I'm really not as sexually oriented as I lead on to believe (unless I'm drinking, ergo DeLarla.) Last night a Slumber Sister announced that her 13 year old teenage son stole a "Super Stretch" boy-toy from her inventory. She was shocked, but I think she handled it remarkably well by giving him some lubricant. Just think, her son is taking care of his needs at home, so she doesn't have to worry about him contracting sexual disease or getting girls pregnant. It's human nature. Babies explore their fun parts and only get more curious as they age. I have first-hand knowledge that all (well, most) teens that aren't masturbating are sexually active by 14-17. I'd rather give my 13 year old daughter a Beginner's Bunny and explain how to use it than to see her giving a guy oral satisfaction because she thinks it will "keep her a virgin." If the world would open it's eyes, teenage vibrators would hit 7-11s by next week. No more pregnant teens. Is that a bad thing?

Alex, I agree 100%. Even when I posted pictures of my open wound, I started the subject with a WARNING. Can't a moderator change the title and the Forum? I really don't think Kare would mind... live and learn. Thanks!

Whoaa... I never realized this was in the "General" Forum. I apologize for not recognizing that it wasn't in the Lounge, but I was kinda shocked and giggling so I didn't pay enough attention. Can a moderator please move it to the Lounge? I'm sure Kare won't mind. This has gotten quite controversial, and you all know I live for controversy. Let's start by addressing the fact that in January, Penni, as moderator, started a "Do You Swallow" thread (applaud applaud, I still vote it the best thread LBT has ever had.") However, that thread went into the Lounge, where it belonged. Adult toys offensive but swallowing acceptable? However, as far as asking that this topic be eliminated from LBT, that has me agitated, and I've been on good behavior lately. I asked a moderator a few days ago to open up a special marketing forum based on countless complaints I receive. (When you have a big mouth like me, people file complaints because they know you'll pass them on.) There's marketing at many different levels at LBT, some as blatant as links or advertisements. I deleted a post yesterday about Katrina disaster comments because a moderator added a link to her boyfriend's website, which I thought was highly inappropriate. A doctor's link takes you straight to where you can purchase his liquid vitamins; products offered as gifts with a link to the company site, lists of services, herbs, body cleansing parlors, e-bay items. Marketing can be cleverly disguised, but it's still marketing. I specifically avoided bringing my new business to LBT till my friends insisted. I've been (happily) bombarded with demands that I post my website, which I originally refused to do. But after enough convincing, I simply added my e-mail address to my signature. If this topic got so hot, it's only because people want and need a service that I happen to provide. I didn't start it, and I'm baffled by the overwhelming responses. So before anyone passes judgment or decides to quit LBT, please hang around long enough for a moderator to move this post to the Lounge. However, anyone concerned with what their children read should avoid the lounge altogether, because sex is discussed from time to time. If the topic of vibrators is disturbing, then I'm sure you don't want your son reading about swallowing semen. Now please, let's get this thing moved to the Lounge! Thanks, and sorry again for not noticing sooner. Yikes!

I've heard about those "Blank-er-Ware" parties, too, and many people think that's what I do. My company is nothing like the smut parties people have been to in the past. Using the "F" word to describe any type of intimacy is vulgar, unladylike and unacceptable in my line of work. Those other parties can be fun with enough liquor, but I don't want anyone to confuse those companies with mine. We approach women's sexuality with respect and dignity by teaching women how to embrace their sexuality instead of making fun of it. I'm very proud of what I do, and I hope to help gals from 18 to 88 by teaching them that sex is not dirty or vulgar. The woman's body is an amazing machine, and with the right techniques can bring us enormous, healthy, energetic pleasures beyond belief (uh, see Kare and Jenna's reaction to what a woman's body is capable of.) For anyone offended by this thread, ask Kare if she wants to delete it (hahah, I doubt it!) I had no idea she was going to post something. I'm not really a mail-order business since I'll have a website where people can order direct from by October 1st, but I have received countless e-mails and PMs asking me to RUSH catalogs to people from Arizona to New York. I actually blushed and hid under my desk when I saw this thread, but then as I read it I felt more empowered and remarkable. Slumber Parties was founded by a woman specifically to empower women. The owner has been extremely generous and gracious for sharing her organization with women who will never have to rely on men, food stamps or welfare. A 23 year old in Vegas is making over $60,000 a year by working only 67 days, and she's only been with the company for a 1.5 years. I'm certainly not offended by those numbers! Those numbers scream that women are interested in the products and services I offer. I didn't invent them, I didn't intend to sell them, but the numbers are phenomenal. I'm a full time paralegal with a real estate license. I worked in a real estate office for free last summer, took on part time work in a retail store, make and sell purses and welding caps, and earn a generous salary at my law firm. But the money I've made in one single month has me making up to $250.00 per hour at times. I don't cater to prostitutes or criminals. My clients are ladies in the living room and lovers in the bedroom. Hot, sexy, sensual and in control.

My coworker rescued a kitten that some A-HOLES threw out their car window on Friday. I psssssssssssssersonally would have taken off after the car, but she rescued Kitty and brought him to work last weexxx k. Kitwjkgf ty 1 (he's helping metype_)will be in the office one more day h before meeting his new family tonight since another co-worker found him a home ! , so Kitty will be here all day before meeting his new fam47ulily. He's driving me nuts and I'm sitting here just cracking up as he walks across my keyboard and takes flying leaps into ][0my monitor. He crawls up my jeans then swings from my earrings. He's jacked 89999999999999 9999988yo up my puter several times by stepping on control keys and he just ran off with my feather pen that I got in New Orleans a week before the hurricane. Thought you could all use a laugh since I haven't gotten a darn thing done today. He's terrorizing my office. Here's the best pic my phone camera could get.