DeLarla

DeLarla gave the geanie a hooter, so he let her keep all three wishes without sharing. The first wish was to have 3 more wishes, and since the stupid genie forgot to have her sign the waiver, he had no choice but to give her three more wishes. Her first wish was that none of her wishes would backfire on her, which left her five more....

I add a few tablespoons of bran cereal to beef them up, plus it gets fiber in.

I could just gag over nights! Nights kill me. I'm sure drug companies are studying the effects of nighttime and eating. I just wish they'd make the drug already!

I just changed my entire religious belief system. From now on I shall pray to the Godess Pam. Nurse, well-written from from the Book of DeLarlaism, page one. I would like to retract everything I've said and just copy what Pam wrote. Bingo, exact, brilliant, perfect.

I agree with Michelle. Liquid fasting a day before surgery is one thing, but you need protein daily. Call your doc or get a 2nd opinion.

I'm not good at this kind of thing because I'm afraid I'll say something to make it worse. I had lots of complications and some of my friends have had their bands removed due to erosion. You are the 2nd stomach perforation I've heard of, but you got luckier than she did at least. Her doc put the band around her perforation after sewing it without telling her, so she ended up in another hospital having the band removed. It's a gamble going in, and it was unfortunate that you had to represent one of the numbers on the unhappy side.

Paula, I've had very profound and similar experience as your son, which is why I believe in God. I've also had vivid experiences with ghosts, so I am quite sure there is some sort of afterlife. But God is God, ghosts are ghosts, and the bible and all the preaching mumbo jumbo is another story altogether. Many people are brought back to life by the marvels of medicine and talk about seeing God, light, angels, etc. I think it's marvelous that someone can find that peace and know something amazing is on the other side. However, I also know that people dream vivid dreams and have data in their subconscious, so I can only believe what I've seen in my waking hours. My mother in law "went to the other side" but was revived back to life. I asked her countless questions, and she told me there's nothing there. "It's just empty and gone" was her best description. The whole point to this thread was not to beat down religion. This thread is about liberty, justice and the American way. Freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to choose how we want to live our lives with a side of female empowerment. The point is we are allowed to post whatever we want. Religious banter on a weighloss support board is extremely offensive to me, but that doesn't keep me from fully enjoying the support here. Screen names that include Lord, God, or Jesus offend me. However, the fact that a small portion of my business includes selling devices to assist people in achieving orgasms offends people who think it should be a banned discussion here, although some of them are afraid to come here and say it in front of the whole board. The topic is simple: If you think LBT should ban sex, vibrators, homosexuality, fellatio or any other sexually related topic, then LBT also has to ban religion. It's that simple.

Lilly Berryman, that's the cutest name in the world. Two of my greatest friends are sisters, Lisa and Cherri Berryman.

And now I have to log off and re-order my supply of vibrators. I sold over $1000 worth of sex toys over the weekend, so at least I'll have lots of friends in Hell! See ya'll there!

The bible and all it says and all it does is clear hypocrisy. I believe in God, but God didn't write the bible. Man wrote the bible after he interpreted beliefs, so anybody that reads the bible is reading what some other guy wrote. I think it's great when people find a good book they believe in, but the fact is, anyone that follows the bible is following man's words, not a higher power. Higher Powers can't write. Never could. With that said, the bible is nothing but a mass of hypocritical mumbo jumbo. Anyone that thinks sex is only for man between women isn't reading carefully enough. God created all. Jesus is creater of things seen and unseen on Heaven and Earth. Jesus created homosexuality. He created vibrators, he invented anal penetration. Blessed be, yada yada. One of my best friends is a Jesus pusher, and we just laugh at each other. I think she sounds like a goofball giving Jesus credit for the wonderful things he blesses her with. An auto accident took away her ability to walk for years. Then she gave Christ all the credit after doctors and scientist developed surgeries, drugs and implants that got her walking again, but she never prayed to the surgeons and lab technicians, hosptials, scientists - the brilliant people that used scientific evidence to figure out how to make her walk. Nope, it certainly wasn't them that got her back on her feet, it was God. Thanks be to Jesus Christ for getting her in that car accident to begin with. It baffles me since doctors and science is 100% real. It's right here, right now and can be proved with fact. The marvels of science are overlooked so people can give credit to some dude that wrote a book and called it the bible based on how he interpreted things. When was the bible written, like eons ago, right? So today's Jesus believers hold their faith in what people believed many moons ago. Heck, they also believed the world was flat and that witches and vampires lived among us. The bible was written by politicians to control society. The wanted to scare people and make them behave. I can recommend a book with facts that prove God was made up. There's proof God doesn't exist but there's no proof he does. I'll take evidence over fiction any day. My bible pushing friend talks about the many ways God blesses her each day. I guess he really unblessed those folks in New Orleans. He really unblessed all the dying children at the cancer center this morning. He really unblessed all the little kittens that are put in sacks with rocks and tossed over bridges and dogs that are kicked and left in the heat with no food and Water. God created deformities – he created people born with both a vagina and a penis, and he called them hermaphrodites. God sure does make a lot of mistakes for as perfect as he’s supposed to be. But I don’t believe he’s perfect. I believe he screws up all the time. Homosexuality is not a choice. I was adopted by two gay men as a young teenager who were better mothers and sisters to me than my own. I lived among the gay community and learned enough about homosexuality to know they were born that way. They were wearing Mommy’s shoes and putting on lipstick instead of breaking Tonka Trucks like heterosexual boys. My lesbian girlfriend held her breath till she fainted as a child when her mother tried putting a dress on her. It’s not a choice, it’s their birthright. Sex is not just for men and women. Does that mean hermaphrodites aren’t allowed to have sex because they have a vagina and a penis, or does the church and bible say they need surgical intervention to correct God’s mistake before they are allowed to have an orgasm? Should the church decide which sex organ they can use? Should women that are disgusted by the thought of a penis live a celibate life and deny herself her own God-given sexuality when she really wants to play with another vagina? Not because she’s a pervert, but because she has uncontrollable sexual urges just like heterosexuals? What about people that look for love but never find it? My sister is several years older than me but is still searching for Mr. Right. She's never been married because our faith believes that marriages are promises in front of God and our friends that only death shall part us. Since she hasn't found a husband, does she have to live a life of celibacy and deny herself sexual gratification? My gosh, the gir is a raving bitch as it is, let her have her orgasms! What a horrible thing to deny somebody. God or no God, no human should ignore being horny because it's not healthy. Orgasms (Vines, help me here) IMPROVE THE IMMUNE SYSTEM. They release endorphines and keep us healthy. Does the bible say unmarried people should become sick with unhealthy immune systems and bad skin and road rage and anger and irritablity? If that's the case, why would otherwise loving and compassionate person care about that book? Put the silly book down and buy your single girlfriend a vibrator. One of my favorite debates is over the bible. Man wrote it. If God were real and he told his story and his guidelines to 100 men and asked them to write a book, each book would be different. I love my friends like Kathy, Kelly and Paula because their belief systems make them beautiful people. I just let any God speak go in one ear and out the other because I don’t put faith in man. I prayed this morning and was told to write this. Way back when the earth was flat and the village was out of order and witches were being born at the stake and Indians were dancing around to make the rain come, some powerful men got together and devised a system to keep order in the village. They invented God and began writing the fairytale. People believed it, because back then they had nothing better to believe in. They had no scientific proof of why lightening strikes, so they were told God was doing it, and it was good. Every time someone questioned why the earth moved, or why butterflies bloom, they were corn holed into believing this great God was in charge, and if you don’t believe in God, you will go to a fiery place called hell for all eternity. Mind you, nobody had ever been to Heaven or Hell, but the people believed it because it made sense. Now the government had peaceful people, and all was good. But before Grandpa died, he explained all he knew about this God character to his sons. When the sons taught their daughters, they added in a few extra myths to make sure their girls were too afraid to let boys touch them, and the girls were scared, so they prayed to God, too. Eventually the entire hypocritical bible went in print. But then one day someone didn’t like that book, so then invented and wrote another book and renamed it. Soon we had Jews, Mormons, Catholics, Buddhists and DeLarlaists. We just make stuff up and people buy it. I love it!

That pleases me immensely. It's about time! But please, pictures of the beaming doll.

Many men are very immature and don't know how to communicate. "Chubby Chaser" is just as racist as calling someone a Nig**. If John were black and he fell in love with white Jane, and then her skin changed, would he have to say, "sorry, but I'm a "nig**" lover? NO, he would have said he's attracted to black women. If he actually used those words then I think he's damn creepy anyway. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to plus size gals, but the word "chase" borderlines obsession - creepy. Why did "chubby chaser" even come into the conversation? Was he secretly chasing fat girls while married? Surfing plus size porn? Fact is he fell in love with a heavy girl and she changed. If that was his initial attraction and then love built from there, then it's just that simple. He's an asshole for having an affair for sure, tons of people cheat in marriage because they're too chicken to own up and admit their feelings. It's a form of lying. Maybe I should lie more. I get in deep Water here at LBT for being too open and honest all the time. I'd rather let someone know how I feel than be labeled a fraud. She deserves better, it's cliche' but tell her every closed door is just another open window, fly away and be free and find someone who loves her from the inside out. P.S. Does he want to buy a Fatty Patty doll? (figured you could use a laugh.)

Something ticked me off today at Bikefest. It was 10:00 a.m. and there was a big breakfast complete with Bloody Marys and a rock band. During intermission, some Christian folks got on stage and started preaching the bible over the intercom. The hypocrisy is overwhelming. They were yapping about how Jesus forgives each and every one of us for our sins. First, when I stand before my maker it's for He or She to decide if what I'm doing is sinful, not some brainwashed fool. But even more hypocritical is let's just say I am being sinful, heck, God's going to forgive me anyway. So why are they in my face? What if I grabbed the microphone and started preaching about orgasms? Sex and Bloody Marys, fine. But the bible over breakfast vodka? God will forgive me for everything I write at LBT, too. So why can't I write whatever I feel like writing?

No waiting here. Not by choice, but gotta keep him happy.

Hmm, don't we all already do this?

Rene, have you seen even one single post by me claiming I'm not greedy? Hands off.

I'm doing a hostess party tonight and needed a game to play. I think I'll stop and buy cucumbers and condoms to see who can put one on fastest.

Rene, stay away from Butch. He's mine!

Michelle, thank you for doing my homework. I wanted to see how many people snuck in and read this post but were too chicken to admit it. Hypocrisy, it's overwhelming. But Karen, these are the words that were stuck in my very angry head that I tried saying, so I bow right back at you: Karen said, "People telling you to act like a lady. What? In whose definition!?!?!?! For how long have women been told to be quiet, be subservient, to be what someone else told them to be? I don't believe my suffragette sisters worked so gall durn hard so that in 2005 I could be told what acting like a lady means. To be FORCED to conform to someone else's idea of being a lady...by ANOTHER WOMAN no less. All I can do is shake my head." Bravo. You hit the nail on the head. That has been the driving force between any controversial thread I've either started, participated, or debated in. Too all you peeping Tomettes who check out my dirty little thread in disgust, let's take a look back in history. It wasn't long ago that women weren't allowed to vote. Should we stop voting, too? I hurl at the thought of a government run only by men. Before women had rights, they kept their mouths shut and let men make all the decisions, which left our world a chaotic, depressed, terrorisitic, and violent mess. Male politician dealing with violence: Solution - invent weapons of mass destruction and kill mass quantities of people. Yeah, let's let men tell us how to act! My Grandma & Great Grandma & their sisters fought like hell. Some were killed, many were jailed, countless were shunned from society. Our "Suffragette Sisters," as so eloquently put, put their lives on the line for us. Didn't Christ die on the cross for us? Does anyone have proof? If anyone cares to visit their local library, there's proof that woman made human sacrifices for real! They sacrificed their own lives just so we ladies alive today would be treated as equals. So, after all these years of trying to figure out who God really is, she was apparently a braless chick who died with her ankle chained to a courthouse with a "WOMEN'S RIGHTS" poster in her hand. GOD REALLY IS A GIRL! So why is it acceptable that men scratch their balls in public, oogle at boobs, and get an erection when they see a short skirt, while DeLarla can't talk about self-pleasure? I think this thread answered my alcohol problem. I drink over hypocrisy, and I'm surrounded by it. And I said I'd stay sober for 6 months, but I'm dry heaving over the disgust that there are still women sitting cross-legged in a corner waiting to be told what to do and how to act, and actually obeying. Obey this! **censored censored censored censored!**

Babs, sorry I missed calling you back, but my life took off at full speed lately. Even as I prepped for the bash a friend ended up in the hospital, so we had to drop everything and rush to help him out. Plus my new business, etc. You sound great. Good for you. I bet you'll hit a new all-time low once the swelling goes down. I want my old band habits back. Congrads.

Crystal, I'm still stuck on your signature quote. Yep, I'm thinking you are actually weirder than me. Nana, too. And I thought I had that market. Is Psycho still mine?

This is such an exciting thread. No more excuses. I actually learned how to make avatars (finally) so I'm going to pose like Nana and put up something more appropriate for me, like maybe in an Oompa Loompa costume. Now I just have to find an Oompa Loompa costume in a 3X Tall.

Some foxy people here. I don't know why anyone is worried. Get rid of the wreath! We were/are/always will be morbidly obese. I hate my stupid gaps in my teeth, my "deer in the headlights" and "I smell a fart" facial expressions and especially my lazy eye. We all have hang ups. Those in favor of picture avatars won this round, so post up.

Lioness, I'm jealous of your dream. I always wanted to join the military, too. But I felt I was too old, and now I'm married and could never leave my hubby. Go for it, now!

Yikes, the thought of swallowing gum scares me. I had the worse, most horrible PB imaginable from swallowing a cold pill. But even a cold pill can dissolve. Thanks for the gum warning, that's an important one. Good thing it didn't hurt you. Did I say "Yikes?"