DeLarla

Sorry, Penni, but Erin deserves every apple that bonks her in the head. And then some. Not only have I talked to her like an adult, but I have begged borrowed and tried reasoning with her. I've warned her, I've talked more, I've asked, I even cut deals with her. YES SHE DOES offer me pizza. She walks into MY OFFICE with plates of steaming food, tantalizing and taunting me. She was in here last week arguing with me because she wanted me to try some chocolate candy corn. I told her several times that I hate the crap, then she sent me e-mails telling me how much better the chocolate ones are, and she even sent me the ingredient list of sugar & cocoa. She walks into MY OFFICE with her Coke in the left hand, and one for me in the right after I've begged her not to. I told her I have an addiction, and it's no different than a cocaine addict. I've "talked" to her 50 times and said I don't care what she eats in this office, as long as she keeps it out of MY office. She can cook a buffet of nachos and caramel corn in the kitchen because it's not my business. Anyone can eat or drink whatever they want here, WHENEVER they want, but nobody needs to bring cocaine to a clean addict. And thanks (up there) for the suggestion, but I alreayd have an industrial strength can of Apple Lysol at my desk that I spray every time she leaves the kitchen. Everyone here is right and has been extremely helpful, so please don't stop with the great suggestions. I can't drink soda or eat when I'm laughing. People that are threatened by my success will try to bring me down. I've asked her to join me in healthier eating. I've asked her to invite me for a walk. I cut a deal with her that "Erin, if you promise not to talk about food with me, or bring me menus, or bring food in my office, or offer me Cokes, or tempt or tantalize me, then I will treat you to lunch once a month, and during lunch you can tell me all your fabulous food finds and recipes." She agreed, but then rang my line at 9:00 the next morning to tell me about the new buffet around the corner. I'm starving right now because I'm back on track, but I can hold out till lunch or I'll go over my daily calories. I don't need visions of buffets or cheese, thank you. That's mean and torture. Finally one day she spilled her plate of dinner and Coke all down the front of her all over our company documents during a morning meeting in my attorney's office. I was horrified for her and figured the embarrassment of that scene would teach her a lesson. I told her at least 30 times to keep food, menus, Cokes, suggestions, temptations, etc. out of MY office (NOT THE WHOLE COMPANY.) I close my door, but that makes me look like a stuck up bitch because I believe in an open door policy. People are afraid to come to me when my door is closed because I only close it for emergencies. After all that, she marched in here with a plate of Cookies that she knows are my favorite (fresh extra-baked sugar cookies, hint hint.) That was the last straw - she wanted me to smell them. I snapped and started screaming like a raving bitch and said I was going nailing a cup to my door and she had to put a dollar in it for every time she mentioned food near me, brought food past MY door, drank Coke in MY office, had food, candy, menus or temptations directed at me. It got damn ugly that day, and she finally learned her lesson. But it only lasted a couple days, because she's back to handing me new menus and talking to me about recipes, restaurants, cheeses... it's insane. I stopped having lunch with her at regular lunch time because she thinks it opens the door for us to discuss food all day. As far as lodging a harassment complaint, trust me, I've talked to both the managing partner and the office manager. The sad part is that she's a wonderful person, but now her year-end raise will be affected because there's a section of our review about respecting co-workers. She's been making her dinners in the kitchen then bringing them to her desk lately, so they must have talked to her. I spray Lysol when she's done (she's in the kitchen right this second preparing dinenr at 10:00.) But she still offers candy, and last week she asked if I wanted a Subway (she knows it's my weakness) AFTER I TOLD HER I BROUGHT TUNA AND VEGGIES AND NEEDED TO GET BACK ON TRACK. Then she says five times, "are you sure?" Then she stand with her purse and keys in my doorway, "Are you sure? last chance?" It's friggen weird. The look on my face alone would scare the hell out of me. Nobody needs to defend her or her actions. If I were a heroine addict or an alcoholic and someone was tempting me with drugs or booze it would be completely intolerable. She doesn't need anyone defending her, she knows exactly what she's doing. If throwing apples at her coconut will stop her, then PLEASE don't stop with the suggestions. It's not about Erin, it's about ME AND MY ADDICTIONS. I have made it through two days with NO SODA because of this thread. I resepect Erin as a "friendly co-worker," which is why this problem is ultra sensitive. By complaining to management, I screwed a friend. I could make a huge stink about it, but I'm not the drama queen most people think I am. I fight my own battles. I'm 43 years old and don't go running to management when co-workers misbehave, I just throw fruit at them. I'm not going to throw anything at anybody, but these suggestions bring humor to an extremely ugly problem in my world. All these suggestions of shaking up soda cans and throwing apples at her have kept me strong for two days. I haven't had a soda in TWO DAYS because of this thread. Can we make it three? BRING IT ON! More suggestions please. I can't drink soda while I'm laughing.

You wear them on your nipples. I swear, I sell something similar. *** ducks to avoid shoes.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (yes, I'm screaming.) Same F-ing boat (yes, I'm cussing, too.) Same weight gain. Same everything. This is Day 2 of being good for me, and it sucks. No Snacks, no soda, no diet soda, no nothing. Lettuce with Protein for lunch. Fruit F-ing cup instead of goodies. Blah, blah, blah. My big treat for the day was a chewable Vitamin that left a nasty taste in my mouth. I even felt guilty for that. I got so far off track that eveyone at work is afraid of me now. They are all supportive (except the "Big E") and they know I mean business. I'm friggen flying off the walls from ODing on ice tea with fake poison chemicals. I would lick a dirty foot for a Coke right now. You're not alone.

I'm having arms and belly done next year. Then thighs and face when I'm 45 (in like 18 more years.)

Yes, be very worried. I'm finally not kidding this time. I was feeling a little cold/sore throat coming on before surgery. I ran to my local doc and got antibiotics because he saw a little red in my throat. I started feeling okay, so I kept my surgery date. I felt a little fuzzy on the plane to Mexico, so I told my surgeon. He didn't care, so they did my Band that night. Boy oh boy, by the time I came out of surgery I had full-blown bronchitis. It's like the tube they stick down your throat irritated me and kick-started a horrible bug. I never slept the first night cause I couldn't breath. Stuffed up, coughing my brains out. I was afraid I'd hurt my band from all the coughing, and the Mexican hospital ignroed my please for cough medicine for 24 hours. Then my surgeon promised all the coughing wouldn't hurt. I ended up having my port removed due to infection a month later. The doctor insists that it had nothing to do with my cough, but I disagree. I always thought that's what went wrong with my port - like I coughed a stitch or dislodged something that got infected. I could be wrong, but my motto is, "better safe than sorry." Just push the date another week to be on the safe side. Being sick after surgery was MISERABLE. The plane ride home was awful because I was so congested that I thought my head would blow off.

The only Kentucky I know makes fried chicken. Damn, is it lunch yet? Hi from VEGAS, Baby!

My husband is rather refined. When he wants sex he just walks around with that THING sticking out of whatever he's wearing. What a turn on. Pig. God I love him though! He would move right into my gina if I let him. He calls her my "Gina." Jih-nah. I have a Gina, he has a Mangina.

I'm having an Ice Tea party in Vegas in your honor. CHEERS!

I always thought I was such a clever chick, but you guys come up with some great stuff. Where did I put that Alpo? And because I've got hyper sensitive allergies, any smell is ultra strong for me. I feel my band really tight around my belly, the the smell of pizza won't go away. Twenty minutes till I get to eat my lettuce cup! I can't wait!

I treated myself to some Clinique with my birthday gift certificates. I'm still milking my birthday! What's with these minerals? You mean foundation? I'm always looking for a great lip liner. Love, the Big Ol' Birthday Ham!

Erin, my story is long and complicated so I'll try to make it easy: - Got banded in May 2004 by my 1st Mexican surgeon. Port wound never healed and was just like yours, filled with Fluid, infected. Went back to Mexico and had my first port (Port #1) removed a month later by a 2nd Mexican surgeon. - The port incision never healed (even though the port was out.) I went to Urgent Care, my veterinarian, primary doctors, local surgeons, etc. Nobody could figure it out why the wound was open. Urgent Care lanced and packed the wound, another surgeon tore the hell out of me "cleaning" the wound so it would heal. It never healed. - Eight months later my original band surgeon agreed to see me. He misdiagnosed me as having "band rejection" which is why the wound wouldn't heal. He said I'd eventually reject the band since it's made of the same material. But he was very impressed with my weight loss and offered to give me another "temporary" port just so I could get a nice fill and lose the rest of the weight. I had to sign a waiver that I was aware the new port would most likely "reject" as well, but I wanted to lose more so I went for it. He put me to sleep, removed large amount of inflammatory tissue, put a new port in, and he sent me home. -Within days, the new port site leaked. That's when I decided to stay in the US. I went to Billy, knowing it would probably lead me to bankruptcy. Billy said there's no such thing a port rejection. The reason I never healed after the 1st port removal was because Surgeon #2 left the tube inside me right under the surface of the skin, which prevented the wound from closing. He should have tucked the tube into my abdominal cavity so the wound could heal. - So, when Surgeon #1 put the new port in, there was still small amounts of bacteria in the wound that had been open for 8 months - he passed the new port thru a "dirty wound" so Port #2 never had a chance. - Billy put me to sleep, removed Port #2, removed a chunk of the area, left the wound open, did an endoscopy, a biopsy, a laproscopy. He cleaned me the HECK up and sent me home with a hole in my belly (there are pics posted here somewhere.) - Billy told me exactly what to expect. Billy told me exactly what the problem was. Billy told me that even though he was 99% sure of the problem, he would not give me a diagnosis till he checked it out with the tests. Billy was 100% accurate when all was said and done, and HE is the one that finally fixed me. - Now Billy says I'll be ready for a new port in November. No sooner! I'm pretty sure he said he wants me clean an entire 6 months. He explained that the tiniest morsel of invisible bacteria can still be present, and eventually it will multiply. Even if the area looks clean, it can still have a little bacteria. That bacteria WILL grow in time, and your new port will get infected. Next month is November. But I'm not ready for another surgery. I'm suffering PTSD (Post Traumatic Surgery Disorder.) I've been through too much, and I won't get another port for a long time. Partially because the fear of erosion is too close. Infected ports can lead to erosion. But erosion is a slow process. Even if my band looks clean now, I'd rather give it a good year, then have another endscopy to check for erosion. I refuse to get a new port only to find out my Band is eroded. No thanks. Keep your chin up. Maybe.. just maybe... your doc might give you a touch of a fill. I don't know if Billy would have given me any saline if he knew I never had any fill at all. I got filled during my first port removal, then I got a 2nd fill with the port replacement. So if you have zero fill, talk to your doctor. Heck, maybe since you were almost a Billy patient you could call Heather or Billy just for comfort. You are lucky to have a doc here. Hook me up with his number and give me a rating on him. I need a local guy!

When I was 17 my grandmother ran circles around me. She sounds like your mom. Life is weird.

I just went to the kitchen to fill up my bucket-o-water. ERIN IS IN THERE MAKING FRENCH BREAD pizza. It's 10:30 in the morning. Ten F-ing thirty, and the office smells like pizza. I'm going to die. I know I will. I finished the one Propel, but I gave the supply to my buddy, Jon. He's on my side through all this. I'm gagging down Water to get the pizza smell out of my nose. YES, I shook up those damn sodas! The whole front row of them. Queen - I'm really weird and would probably love a North Dakota winter. Any time I've walked through hip-deep snow all I can do is laugh my ass off.

My band is more accurate than CNN when it comes to weather. It's also more reliable than a Timex. Yep, mine is a very valuable clock and weather station. Too bad it can't pick Lotto numbers (yet, it's still in training.)

I've been banded about 1.5 years, and I practically NEVER had a port. The band alone offers a good amount of restriction. I've had two fills, and I was extremely lucky the Mexican doctor didn't overfill me. But he very easily could have! Flashbacks remind me how hard the Water was to get down when I was still on the surgery table. He shot in some saline, then had me sit up and drink. It took a minute for the water to get down, but he ASKED ME if I wanted a little tighter. I said YES. So he gave me more saline. This was way before I had so much knowledge. If I knew fills usually take a couple days to kick in, I would have passed on the extra fill. Dr. Billy flat out REFUSED to give me even a drop of extra saline when he removed my last port. I practically begged, but that's why Billy has so many healthy Bandsters. Where are you today? How are you feeling? Are you going to Mexico for the port removal?

I LOVE this thread! NJ Chick is the cutest thing around here! I have my own sliding glass door to a patio in my office. Today I wore a long sleeve sweater, then opened my door to hear the pinecones clunking when the wind blows. Then my puter crashed, so I had to lock down and I'm now in the back of the building in a dark, lonely corner. I'm riding my motorcycle to work the rest of the week because bundling up in my leather jacket makes me feel like I rule the world. It's beautiful here.

During my monthly "visit" from Aunt Flo, I have an AX WOUND. My late MIL used to tell people to "KISS PINKY" when she was mad at them. She was referring to her bung hole (there's another one.) I use the term, "doorbell" when I'm refering to my girl buzzer. I tell my ladies, "TELL YOUR LOVER THEY CAN'T GET IN THE FRONT DOOR OR THE BACK DOOR UNLESS THEY RING THE DOORBELL." Too bad that's not my line.. I borrowed it from a Slumber Sister, but it's a great one!

Have I told you all how much I adore you lately? Now, will you all please send me written, signed consent forms so I can steal all these great words to use in my shows? Poofie? Ting Tang? SUSIE? My husband has a Mangina.

Hi Baby. xoxo from Vegas.

Interesting topic since that's been the theme of my whole week. I already had lenghthy discussions with my 3 normie friends. One is too skinny, but all she eats is chicken, veggies and rice - every day. That's borderline anorexic in my opinion because she whines about being fat (flat belly, size 1, 2 grown kids, no cellulite.) Then friend #2 was size 6 her entire life & never had to think about weight. She just went thru horrible divorce & put 10 lbs on instantly, and she's totally freaked out but can't change her bad night-eating habit. I told her to knock it off now or she'll just keep gaining - get that 6 back now or it could be 16 next year. Then I talked w/ my closest friend this morning - almost in tears over my sugar addiction. To my surprise, she's just as scared as me. She got a new job near a vending machine and splooged (thanks for that word) once on a candy bar. Next day she treated herself again. Now she says the addiction has her scrambling for change at an urgent pace every afternoon. So she even got hooked to candy, and a few pounds have crept up. I even tell my skinny friends that have gained a few to knock it off. I tell them to use me as an example, that a few pounds are no biggy, but the addiction and bad habits tend to take over and get uncontrollable. So, in aswer to your question, even the skinny ones are in the same struggling boat.

P.S. STUPID 7-11 doesn't carry any diet ice tea. I gotta make my own tomorrow. I'm giving up sugar. I have to. I'm looking great for a 43 yr old 250-ish broad... but just once... just once... I want to be drop-dead HOT. I want to put on a slinky skirt and some friggen hooker lookin' cha-cha heels and be a six foot tall frigggen Amazon beauty just once. I can't do it without you guys, either. SMOOCHES from my sugar free lips

Damn, damn, damn. I made it through one day without drinking any sugar at all! Then today I stocked up on Propel and stupid Splenda drinks (hate it, gag, puke barf.) Then I choked down my Splenda coffee, gross. But I'm determined to kick the sugar... so I'm half way done with my Propel, thinking, "hmm, this stuff is yummy." Then I look at the stupid label and it's loaded with sugar, too! Now I've polluted my temple once again. I don't need a clock or watches because I can tell you within 15 minutes of the time based on my sugar craving. I start itching and Jones'n at 11:45, then again at 2:45, etc. So now that I've had sugar, I'll need more around noon. Propel isn't a good choice for me because of my severe addiction. Damn, gotta start from Square One. I did NOT eat in bed last night. That's huge for me... HUGE. PLEASE KEEP KICKING MY ASS. The holding lovey dovey stuff doesn't work for me, I need tough-hard-as-nails love. He'll, throw shoes at me if ya gotta. Thanks everyone - you guys got me through a rough time last night so I'm leaning on you. This is a funny thread, but damn serious. I got busted shaking sodas in the fridge this morning, but it's my "anti-soda" co-worker who LOVED the idea. And I can't throw them away. My firm buys an entire pallet of sodas every month. They are stacked up by the case, stacked in the fridge - everywhere. Diet, regular, Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up. It may as well be pills, crack, meth, cocaine, pot. Same diff.

Okay, it's 10:05 p.m. I did not drink Coke. I did eat Cookies, but I did not eat in bed. There, I said it. My 2nd latest weirdo habit is eating in bed. Not tonight though. Good night. I'll see you in the morning looking like Hanibal Lechter (sp?) I didn't even begin to tell you about Erin's stupid Candy Corn. I don't even like the stuff, so it's easy to say NO. But that wasn't good enough for her, so she starts chanting, "it's cho-co-lattteeee." I chant back, "it's little pieces of candle waxxxxx." Then she sends me a list of ingredients to prove there's no wax and highlights and underlines the chocolate part. One day I'll get fired over her, so I better make it good. I'm not going to be able to sleep because I'm so excited about shaking all the Cokes. And the funnest part is that I have 100% support from my attorney! He's supported me through my entire Band journey, and he's warned me to be careful around Erin. He's really skinny, and it blows his mind that she's not 600 pounds the way she eats all day. I've never seen a man eat like her. I have a feeling that Erin's husband doesn't let her eat at home - or he really tries watching her weight. I swear, she has two French Bread pizzas with a box of crackers and a tub of cream cheese and spinach dip on her desk at 8:00 a.m. Then she's first to lunch at 11:30 for anything Supersized, then makes Snacks in the toaster oven in the afternoon (snacks like a football party spread.) So I wonder if she eats all day then pretends she doesn't eat when her husband is around. Either way, she's sick, sick, sick. She makes me insane with the food.

There aren't always symptoms. Several of my friends had erosion but didn't know it. They went for regular fills, and the doctor noticed the barium wasn't flowing through the band correctly. They usually stop the fill process right there, then schedule you for an endoscopy (camera down the throat to look at the belly for erosion.) The endoscopy is the only true way to see erosion, but you can see signs with the fluoroscopy.

THAT'S IT. THAT F-NG C@#45WHORE IS HISTORY. I am shaking the HELL out of every f@#$#%ING can of soda on those @#$@%$ pallets first thing in the morning. I'm PISSED. I didn't have these #$%@$%@#$% stupid mother-f@#$%@$%@ Coke cravings before @#$%@$%@#$ Erin! How mad am I? !#$%#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$ THAT %@#$%@$% MAD! Watch out, Erin. Here comes DeLarla. I'm going to bring that girl a Coke every half hour. Here's a cold Coke, Erin. Here's one on ice. Here's a double. Here's one with a friggen cherry, and another with a scoop of FAT ASS vanilla. She's a nice gal, but the party is over. I will not look like her, no, no, no. The good news is that I stayed away from Coke all day (first day in months.) Not even a sip. Bad news is I'm flying to the moon after OD-ing on Diet Pepsi (to stop Coke cravings.) Tomorrow I'm back to my Diet Arizona Green Tea. Better get the F outta my way, too. I sure hope I can be this mad in the morning. I can't WAIT to shake the F out of those cans! Oh, this is going to be more fun than I imagined. I owe you all a Coke (ducking from those flying shoes.) HA! Damn, I feel like a mad woman. I've lost my last marble - all over some friggen soda? Mmmm, soda. NO. Yes, soda. No, DeLarla. Shut up, Lisa. Bitch. Slut. Fat Ass. Moron. C-word. STOP THE INSANITY. Now where did I put my crack dealer's phone number?