DeLarla

Ray, I'm glad you're comfy in your own sexuality! My hubby's the same way. If he likes something girly, he'll have it! He has his weekly "Girly Cappucino" at Starbucks.

Last week's party served pink Crystal Light with Malibu Rum. OMG, it was so good! But careful because it's a mighty tasty creeper-upper! I switched to ice tea sweatened with cranberry juice and a little Splenda since I'm trying to get used to the stuff. But as soon as I can stand Splenda, the headlines will tell us it will kill you.

I waited. Then when we finally started trying, we never got pregnant. Don't waste time, talk to your surgeon.

Motion in the Ocean, air hose broke.

Cookie Cake? Do tell more.

I can almost guarantee my car will drive to Taco Bell on the way home. Remember the 70's jingle, "Come to TacoTacoTacoTacoTacoTacoTacoTacoTacoTaco TacoTacoTaco Bell.... (that's 12 really fast Tacos, one regular Taco Bell.)

DeLarla's Bottom line: - Carbonation doesn't cause slippage. - Carbonation doesn't cause erosion. - We don't want carbonation. We want soda. Nobody has Perrier withdrawls. - Soda makes you fat, too much sugar. - Diet Soda is full of chemicals loaded with controversy; it's a gamble. - The Illuminate adds addictive substance to both regular and diet sodas to make us keep drinking the stuff to support the mother ship. - Burping, LOUDLY and in public, is a good thing. - I want a soda. Diet or Regular, I'm not picky, just addicted.

Sorry, had to abort mission to change wet panties. May Day, May Day. Decode contingency plan K9 (okay to use orange here, but duh, we all know that.)

Yesterday I felt PMSy, so I wore a huge sweatshirt & fat leggings. Today I made up for it by dressing ultra feminine in some stranger's clothes from the clothing exchange. I'm wearing a floral flowing skirt and Francesca's green top with the bow & matching green cha-cha heels. I got compliments the second I walked in. Nothing baggy today. all fitted, and damn cute!

I know it hurts because I overdid it Friday night. I should have stuck to Soup all weekend, but some never learn. Now I'm very sore. I know it's from overdoing it, but what is sore? Is it swollen? Bruised? Slipped? Who ever feels uncomfortable pain. I'm not happy right now. I feel sick, too. Hold me.

Can you all please stand back while I bang my head on my desk for five solid minutes? Remember the days when you went to the dentist and he did his job that day? Now he charges you a few hundred for looking in your mouth and handing you an appointment card for dental work. I'm glad I'm not the only one being duped by the Illuminate! They are everywhere! I think they're Morman. JUST A JOKE, don't be throwing no Morman shoes at me!

Liquids: Water, Crystal Light, Ice Tea, chicken broth, sugar free ice pops, Apple, Cranberry & Grape juices. Thick liquids: Protein shakes, blended cream Soups, V8, Fruit Nectars, Orange juice, Milk

Hey, go easy on yourself. Some doctors allow solid food after a couple weeks. Tell your doc what you did. Soup is tricky with restriction, because all liquid flows right through to the bottom. The reason we aren't allowed to drink with meals is because liquid pushes the food through to the big tummy faster. See if he'll let you have cottage cheese tomorrow, but don't wash it down with liquid. See if that helps you stay full.

I felt horrible for two full weeks. I tried going back to work after 6 days but only lasted part of the day, then went home for the rest of the week. There's no possible way to know how you'll feel. I'm usually pretty tough, but this surgery kicked my butt.

Exactly, but make sure to conceal the holes with paper flaps, but do NOT use orange. Oh no, please don't use orange.

TACO BELL TACO BELL TACO BELL TACO BELL TACO BELL TACO BELL. I should buy a franchise. I loves me some Taco Bell!

Don't waste your money on We Will Rock You (rock musical to Queen.) It's a disgrace to Freddy. The skit is so stupid that I actually talked on the cell phone and cleaned out my purse. It's like Austin Powers meets Grease, trying to do this lame futuristic thing. I went for my b-day and was thoroughly disappointed. Go see Mamma Mia instead (to the music of Abba.) Even if you don't like Abba, it's a great show that I've seen 4 times. Don't miss Fremont Street. If you like Prime Rib, go to Jerry's Nugget in North Las Vegas (Las Vegas Blvd. No.) It's not the best neighborhood or casion, but there's nowhere on Earth you can get a hunk of prime rib like Jerry's. Order the Thick Cut Prime Rib for under $14.00 for hubby. You can eat from his.

"They" WANTED you to poke too far! Damn, now they have access to the gray matter. Quick get out the Silly Putty!

Why did you have to say Taco Bell? That's my most favoritests disgusting fast food around. I never "got" McDonald's. I'm not a burger person, but I could live off Taco Bell. I could drink their packets of hot sauce and eat tacos all day long. Damn, damn, damn.

P.S. (shhh, we don't want them knowing we're hip, but you need to poke holes in the foil.)

You know all those silly prizes inside kids' Cereal? You guessed it, ILLUMINATE! That's where you'll find the decoder. All circuits are clear in Lidsville. Can you hear me, Major Tom? 99, out.

You know how a little kid skips around when they get a lolly pop? They swing their pony tails from left to right and skip down the hall? Erin is around 40, and that's how she walks around here when she eats. It's very strange, indeed. And Apple Lysol and Watkins doesn't even kill eggroll. Maybe I'll just go fart in the kitchen.

I am wearing my sexy lace thong. Two weeks ago it didn't creep. NJChick, here's my credit card number, please buy me all new underwear: 4224 haha haha 2222, and my password is haha.

Oh, and let's just (for good measure) add in that I'll be dead of Lysol asphyxiation soon. Let's all thank Erin for the plate of eggrolls she just made for a little "between Breakfast and lunch" snack. I have my Apple Lysol (industrial size) and my Watkins Lemon spray, and it's killing my lungs. Next time nobody is looking, I'm emptying the can of Lysol in the toaster oven. If I have to smell her f*c*i*g eggrolls, then she can taste my damn Lysol! In all my ramblings about Erin, have I told you guy she actually hums and dances when she eats. She shoves some food in her mouth then bounces her head from side to side and kind of bops around the office. It's so WEIRD to see a fat woman attracting attention to herself while she eats. Can't she hide her food in her drawer and sneak it like a normal morbidly obese woman? Those boy shorts don't work for me. Maybe because I'm too tall, so they never fit right. Damn it, too, because they're cute! And YES I DO want to be anorexic again. I do, I do, I do!

I finally got my gastro appointment. Laugh with me. Their first appointment was December 16. When I told them I could be dying (used drama for sympathy) she put me on hold and came back with a much sooner date of December 7. She reminded me we won't do procedures that day since it's just an eval. That means I'll probably get my endo sometime in Feb or March. Sucks since I wanted to use this year's deductible.