DeLarla

Snooty Pottydunkin. But my husband calls me Funky Winkerbean.

I can't stand it. I really can't. I'd rather allow them dissect my brain and reinsert it with their receptors than to work instead of play. I hate hate hate it. Why am I in here? Did you all remove your shower heads in my absence? I sure hope so. Yesterday the "Big I" hacked into my computer while communicating with the Bean. We've been decoded. What ever you do, don't thow away any junk mail this week. Holy crap, that could be bad.

P'shaw. Toast schmoast. Once I figure out what a novel is this is gonna be cake. Step away.

I'm not supposed to be at LBT but an e-mail dragged me here cause I don't want to miss out. I registred with my name and password, but do I have to register separately for this November contest? I can't figure it out. P.S. What's a novel?

Damn, my 2005 goal was to write a novel. I'm in.

I know I'm not supposed to be here, but how can I resist LBT on HALLOWEEN? My head is splitting (maybe my brains and guts will goooosh out in time for Trick or Treaters.) How well do you know your monsters? Here's a quiz. I sucked (got 4 wrong, I'm better with fairies.) http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/quiz/quiz.aspx?QuizID=193

For those of you that love a creative & fun site, check this out. What a trip! http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf

I miss you guys, but this one actually made me laugh even though I'm really not in a laughing mood. Or maybe I'm crazy and I found this here at LBT? Have fun, drag the thing around. Turn UP speakers! http://d93.k12.id.us/~tech/smile.html Thanks for all the nice messages. It's no fun wearing metal underwear alone but I have to work. Miss you guys.

Here's the reason I can't quit soda (though I haven't had one in about 2 weeks.) This stack is just 5 steps outside my office door. It's unavoidable since I have to pass it on the way to the copy and fax room 95 times a day. And the fridge is stuffed with more soda. It's killing me! I'm sipping my stupid low-sodium broth with my back up diet ice tea, but I want 9 cans of soda! We only have 9 employees in this office, and several are part time. The attorneys are usually in court, so it's just me and those sodas. It's torture. Add that to Erin making pizza and heaping, steaming plates of eggrolls and french toast sausage sandwiches at 8:30 a.m. and you can probably appreciate why I was slugging down those sodas! FREE, mass quantities. Evil. Broth tastes like warm liver juice. Can't I have just one (pallet) of soda?

Help! I can't figure out my VCR and I really want to tape the Today Show. One of my Slumber Parties sisters is going to be on Friday's Today Show! This is so exciting for me, but I can't even watch it because I have to work. I was told it's supposed to be a HOOT of a show, lots of giggling. Who can watch it for me tomorrow and give me a blow-by-blow?

P.S. Happy Halloween http://www.coorslight.com/iceswipe/

Today I gave birth to another Slumber Daughter. That makes me Sebastian's Gramma. Only DeLarla, right?

I could just sop him up wid a bisquit and swoosh him around my mouth!

OMG, he DOES look just like me. Now I know where he gets the whole "bouncing off the wall" thing. It's all genetic.

My highschool girlfriend that came to Vegas a few weeks back and made me go to a Strip Club found me on Classmates.com. I've hooked up with most of my friends that way. Now she wants me to go to Simi Valley to do a Slumber Party. Maybe I'll do another party at Dr. Billy's for his girls!

Sutton is my new Slumber Daughter, and she's been telling me about her baby for a couple weeks. She even said, "I have to feed my little monkey now." Do you think for 2 seconds I thought he was a real monkey? What a bonus!

Listen up people, either you start responding to some of my stupid threads, or I'll be forced to shut down LBT and actually work all day. What kind of friends are you? It's Friday, and I'm drinking warm liver water to punish myself for last night's quart of ice cream. I need some damn support here. Give it up.

Shhh, they found me, abort all pipecleaning and drainage devices. All new commands will be conveyed through your shower head. CODE: OUY USTM EARW A HOWERS APC

Vera, I'm here to be a mommy... tell Dad to move to Vegas.

I've been waiting for Marty McSorley to propose to me for over a decade. Many years ago we heard he'd be at Hooter's, so we showed up with his framed poster. He sat with me and Chris for an hour. I acted like a stupid doofus and couldn't even get words out. He said, "Lisa, I'm just a regular guy." And with drool going down my chin I mumbled, "No, Marty, you're God." I couldn't even talk. Now I'm pals with his brother, who tells me we'll all hook up with Marty when they're in town, but I told him to keep Marty far away from me. I'm afraid of him (that's how bad my crush is.)

I'm not going to talk about this morning's eggrolls, this late-morning's sodas, this late-late-morning's feast on the remainer of yesterday's candy, this late-late-late morning's box of steamy Cookies, or the huge lunch buffet that a certain person has trotted past me with, I'm NOT, I'm NOT, I'm NOT! Get this: We have a new male paralegal with a weight problem who has lost 30 pounds on his own in the past 6 months due to medical problems. We've been taking lunch together (thank GOD a fruit, veggie & healthy food advocate) and today he thought he was telling me something I didn't know when he complained about Erin's torture smells first thing in the morning. I'm making my sign tonight.

NEW JERSEY! Too busy to chat but wanted to send a hug and a smile.

OH MY GOSH! Jack, that's the answer! I'm getting a blow horn. Better yet, one of those clown horns (don't want to get fired) and I'll do some reverse psychology. Every time Erin mentions food, I'll do a TOOT TOOT as praise. I'm almost at that breaking point to do it, too. But in all honesty, I'm sending a reminder home to make a very "office acceptable" sign for my door. I'll start keeping my door closed, and the entire firm will soon know what a rotten thing she's been doing. Something like this: PLEASE - NO FOOD BEYOND THIS DOOR I'm having a rough time with weight loss. Please don't tempt me with holiday treats, Snacks or sodas. Thank you.

Pen, you look great but why are you wearing my shirt? I haven't responded to any "Slow Loser" threads because I'm not a slow loser, I'm a non-loser, loser. Damn.

P.S. Yes, her hair is really dark! She needs some Vegas sun! I sure hope her dad brings her back to Vegas every time he's in town (he comes here for hockey business at least once a year.)