DeLarla

Life got a little serious on me, so I'm here for a dose of therapy. Let's talk about pork. Why does it have to be so good? Bacon should be a free food, like celery. Anyone else feel this way?

You're stranded on an island and can only have 10 foods. There's no means of fishing over the cliffs. You can't have tacos or pizza or prepared foods because I said so since it's my game. What are your 10 foods? 1 ~ Bacon 2 ~ Potatos 3 ~ cheese 4 ~ Bread 5 ~ BBQ Babybacks 6 ~ Rotisserie chicken 7 ~ Brocolli 8 ~ Mangos 9 ~ Ice cream 10 ~ Butter (yep, I love the stuff so much I'd sacrifice a food)

Has anyone seen the commercial? I find many models breathtakingly beautiful, but Tyra's snotty ghetto personality makes her one ugly Bit**, and now she has the nerve to put on a fat suit and walk around in disguise to see what it's like to weigh 350 pounds? Why not just put me on TV and hear it from real people, not a plastic bimbo? She said it was the most painful day of her life after experiencing nothing but discrimination. Am I supposed to think she cares about us? Does she disgust anyone else?

I think she's obnoxious. I nest in piles of work in bed with the TV in the background and I've heard Tyra on some model show where the contestants compete to be a super model. She thinks she's got something going on because she can "snap a pose" and she insults girls who can't gimp with a limp (walk a cat walk) like her. I'm snaping a pose at Tyra right now that involves one of my fingers pointed north for insulting the morbidly obese. This one really irks me. If she wants to impress me, she'll do like others have done and actually gain the weight to see what it's like. Heck, actors do it for rolls all the time. Let's see Tyra Banks put on a couple hundy then take it off through diet and exercise. Then we can tell her she'll have to take a few off if she wants to be a super model. Anyone got her number?

Thanks, Nykee! I hear obese people using the "Starvation Mode" so often as an excuse for staying heavy. If our bodies went into starvation mode, people could be stranded with no food for a month, right?

Alex, the band surgeons I've seen (countless) agree that port infection can lead to erosion. I've never asked how they base their theory, but that's what they're saying.

You people slay me! I said BBQ'd babybacks but I never mentioned sauce because I'd be dipping them in butter for the coronary that would get me off the damn island. Same with the chicken, Jack. Didn't you ever watch Gilligan's Island where the professor fashioned a rotisserie and Gilligan had to ride the bike made out of bamboo and rubber plants to spin the rotisserie? Pah-leeezzze! Smooch, you'll starve to death out there if you bring mustard since there's no nutritional value. You lose one food.

Five varieties of cheese? Jack, that counts as five foods. Next guy who doesn't play by the rules gets one food taken away.

It's no fun cause duh, we're stranded on an island. And there aren't any coconut trees or grubs to roast.

You can't have tacos or pizza or prepared foods because I said so since it's my game. Uh, play by the rules, Smooch. Potatos with butter and sour cream count as three foods or add cheddar cheese is four foods. Bagles & cream cheese are two more. I'll let you slide with the French Toast, but syrup is separate. Rules are rules. If I let you have sour cream on a potato, someone else will try to call turkey with stuffing one food. Nope, my game.

LOL cuz I'm so there with ya, sister! Mmmm, bacon, Homer for President!

I've had two ports removed due to port infection. Mom needs hers removed immediately since port infections are believed to lead to erosion. You can follow tons of threads and posts with my name for a novel on the subject of port infection. In summary, the doc who put your mom on antibiotics wasted her time, money and hope. No antibiotic can kill a port infection; the antibiotics will appear to make her feel better for a period of time, but the infection will come back once she stop taking them. Some docs keep patients on antibiotics for months (very sadly) for no reason or recovery. I have a list of surgeons as long as my arm that will confirm this. Before allowing my first port to be removed, I called 5 band surgeons. She needs to wait AT LEAST six months before getting a new port. PM me if you want to swap phone numbers, or just click on my screen name and read the rest of the book. I currently don't have a port - long story but it's all in the "book" here at LBT. Best wishes to mom. You're a good kid for caring

Starvation mode (long term) is a myth. Ask any doc or nutritionist who'll explain that it's very temporary, which is why people starve to death every day. If you stop eating, your metabolism may slow down, but after a few days of not eating you'll drop weight and continue to lose till you die, unless you eat. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but the whole myth is one of my pet peeves because one of my obese family members tells people she's fat because she doesn't eat enough and stays in starvation mode. Nobody but me knows about the garbage bags filled with candy bars stashed behind the couch and dresser.

Yes, please.

Bandman, I got really sick with bronchitis immediately after band surgery. It wasn't related to the band, just a bug that was waiting to come out and ruin my day. Maybe you have a cold, but best to have Doc listen to your chest. I also had shortness of breath, so they gave me a breathing thingy to exercise with. A little plastic thing with a ball - you exhale into the tube to make the ball rise to strengthen your lungs. If you don't have one, just do it yourself. Take a breath and exhale as long as you can, go go go go, till you are completely out of breath. Do it several times a day to exercise your lungs. As far as showering, I wouldn't take a chance on getting the strips wet no matter what my doc said. My wounds leaked, so the strips fell off and I had problems with infection. Best to wait for the wounds to close over. How about a 1/4 warm bath on your back so the Water doesn't touch your belly? And no, that's not an offer! Good luck, hope you feel better soon. I'm the official banded man stalker, so you're my new boyfriend. Just kidding & trying to make you laugh.

I'm a Libra, and I sing (off key) and I'm a Jersey girl. We can be long distance buds. My family is 12 miles from Manhattan, so maybe we'll even meet one day

Did anyone see the TODAY show today? Katie Couric did a whole segment on Slumber Parties! You can watch the video from my website. For those of you who always thought what I do is tasteless and offensive, this will definitely change your mind. Very well done, very tasteful. I'm so proud Click where it says TODAY SHOW at the top left from my link. Dana Barish who is profiled is my top motivator, so to see her on TV makes me way too excited to be a paralegal today!

You can still see the show! Just click on my link, then click on Today Show and the video of Katie Couric will upload. For those of you outside Vegas that want a party, I get absolutely ZERO CREDIT in any way, shape or form, so this isn't marketing, but I'll be happy to find a gal in your area that will come to your house. It won't be DeLarla, but now that you saw the show you can see how much fun a night with the girls can be, right in the privacy of your own home. Katie Couric saw one, now it's your turn! Yeah, why WASN'T I on the show? I guess because Dana Barish is Number 1 in the nation and I'm still small taters. P.S. No more waiting around to be beautiful. We already ARE beautiful, we always have been, and we always will be. Enjoy life today because tomorrow doesn't come with a guaranty.

How many points do I get if I think Dr. Phil is an idiot? He's right up there with Tom Cruise in my book.

Great, now I'm crying because that is the most beautiful family I have ever seen, and to do a group photo DeLarla Style is killing me. All matching (very Libra) and barefoot (very hippy) and all cute (uh, have you seen me?) Give me my family back. Love you, Babe. xoxo Bean, you're barking up the wrong street. They're all mine (damn, he's hot, huh?)

Use insanity. It helps. Or just say "booby" after every 4th word and you'll get his attention. Trust me.

One rough day at a time... but it gets easier, and you get skinnier!

Please pass the potential.

Good luck!

No comment... when I think "Rabbit" my mind goes elsewhere. See what happens when you ask me to come back?