DeLarla

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD Crawford, Texas (AP) A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA but there was no answer.

I really would volunteer to be your unprofessional photographer! But only if you bring me some spock ears. Gee, can I beg any harder for an invitation?

I hope you don't expect me to stay away! You gave the location and day. Do you realize how EASY it will be for me to show up in a flashing pecker bridal veil and argue that I'm the bride to be? You want cheeseball, right? I'm your girl. So, where's the reception, and do you have a blow up sheep for the centerpiece yet?

Okay, so I asked a local doc to remove my band. He isn't a band doc or even a surgeon, but he gave me a referral for an Upper GI that came back normal. But Penni had a normal Upper GI too, so I went back to the guy and cried for an endoscopy. I told him I either wanted a port and support, or just take the thing out before I hurt myself. I would rather have a simple band removal than something like what happened to Diane Beck, or 40 staples like poor Francesca ended up with. I'm scheduled for my endo next week. I'm brining pictures of Penni's erosion, plus I need to call Dr. Billy and ask him if he'd dictate the endo procedure for whoever does mine since nobody here is familiar with the band. Penni said Billy didn't see erosion on his first pass, so if it's THAT difficult for a seasoned band doc to detect, imagine how hard it will be for someone with no band experience? I was also given a referral to a local surgeon, but I need my endo results before making the appointment. I have no idea what my insurance will cover. Will they remove a healthy band? Will they consider a port necessary enough to pay for replacement? I don't know. I also asked this doc for a referral to my insurance plan's weight loss support department, which I lost (that's my subconscious working for me.) So today I'm starting DeLarla's Diet. I have absolutely zero willpower these days, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to follow it. I've let all my band rules go bye-bye. Thanks to naughty tricks I learned right here at LBT, I now drink with meals to get more in and eat past a PB. Tsk tsk. Where did Square One go?

I'm the least political person on the entire Earth. I don't have many political opinions, so when I laugh at Bush for playing with coloring books, I'm pretty much just laughing at any old man. I think it's damn funny, president or janitor!

Why not go to Billy? Let's start with the traveling expenses and time lost from work. He can only see me during the week at his Ventura office, or I have to take days off work to fly to Tahoe. Traveling and expenses alone usually costs $300 - $400. Add that to his fancy American prices. My last port removal was over $40,000 (insurance paid some but I'll be paying co-payments till death.) I don't know if insurance will cover band removal, so if I go to Billy to have the thing removed, I'm taking another $40,000 gamble. I'd rather put a paycheck on a hard ten and roll the dice for better odds.

Don't be too jealous. My friend had a gastric bypass and just gained back 50 pounds and started Weight Watchers. I'm going to join with her this weekend. It's not the surgery you select, it's whether or not you obey the rules of Weight Loss Surgery. Both the Band and the Bypass are ONLY TOOLS. The rest is up to you. She can drop 200 pounds, then put them right back on unless she follows her dietary guidelines, just like you.

This is all just too funny for me. Kare, you're too funny for this board, to funny for this board, too funny for sure.

That's an amazing accomplishment in six short months. It took me a year to lose that. Good job.

Is it the same number for the cocaine calendar? I got carbonation and sugar warnings, but nobody warned me to stay away from cocaine, and now Clapton is singing about it on the radio so it must be okay.

Fine, then buy her a calendar and mark her fertile days. Geeze, I don't buy this religious crap when it comes to having more babies than you can afford. Get a new God instead.

Ride on, Joe! Good for you.

Since I'm just starting my cycle, let's do it about 25 days from now (3 days PMS) for the full "Liana" effect.

The 10 count box, right?

P.S. What is OT?

Buy her a box of condoms and call it a day after you make the "wheetsin" whistle sound and announce your gift to the whole staff.

Uh, I'll never look at Lopez again. No way, no how. Billy will be my last option. I'll just show up on Penni's front step acting like my crazy mother, she'll shoot me in the gut, John will call 911, and they'll rush me to the closest bariatric surgeon, who happens to be Billy. Phew, feels good to have that worked out finally.

In my world, there's no such thing as enjoying 1 or 2 (see Jack's post on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, candy candy candy candy candy candy candy, ad infinitum. Stick with the Lima Beans. No, I don't eat them cooked, either. It's a win-win situation because the receiver now has something to give their inlaws and you don't want to eat the gift you bought.

I was ref'd to a general surgeon, who said I need to see a bariatric surgeon. They told me to see Fisher or Atkinson (Lopez's best friend and his associate.) Fisher is the one who has refused to see me all along. Back to Square One.

Next year do like me and give out Lima beans. Uncooked.

Cutest Pets: ME

Model of the Year: Kare

What kind of sign? If I'm eroded, the only choice I have is to shoot myself in the stomach and get taken to the Trauma Center. I'm sure they'd decide "the band must come out if we want to get to that bullet." Thanks for all your support babies, but can I borrow a gun?

Well, so far the surgeon refuses to see me and referred me to Fisher, who also refuses to see me.

I wasn't nervous at all, I was just plain excited and couldn't wait to get it over with. However, panic kicked in the day after I was banded. I was freaked out over the foreign device in my belly, as if a sneeze would send it blasting through my spleen or somebody would run into me with a knife. All your crazy emotions are totally normal, ya big weirdo! Just kidding, you're normal.