DeLarla

I was smart (finally) and saved my old cell phone, which I usually give to charity. The guy at Verizon saw the busted remains of my mangled phone and felt so bad for me that he transferred all my numbers from my old phone to my husband's old phone. But my old phone was from before I knew Penni, so at least I have most my numbers. I only had that spiffy new camera phone 15 days. Cha-ching, more money down the drain! Oops.

Kathy, I get my brows waxed when I get my roots done, which I'm overdue for. I thought I was pretty brave posting a pic fresh out of the shower with no foundation or cover up! Just me & my old woman puffy eyes & blemishes.

I'm with the whole fairytale thing. If I can't live a fairytale thing like Rob & Amber, or like Carrie Underwood being the new American Idol, then it's sure fun being part of the fantasy by watching them on TV.

I attached the picture to my original post - click back to page 1.

My cell got ran over by a car yesterday and destroyed! So I lost all my numbers, but I have Penni's home number memorized. I called & woke up John, who is going to call me back with Penni's cell number after he wakes up.

CONGRADS TO CARRIE! I would have been excited for either of them. But now I need therapy because I have empty nest syndrome. What will I do Tuesdays & Wednesdays now that my babies are off becoming superstars?

Somebody put a red circle around the English teacher's grammatical error! Haha, too funny, but I'm only playing. Couldn't resist that one!

Ice cream. Holy moly. That's my biggest issue in the whole entire world. MUST HAVE MASS QUANTITIES. I wonder if it's cuz when I was a kid, we didn't get junk food at all. None. Gross liver & hard crunchy lima Beans for us. Once every blue moon the "Momster" bought 1/2 gallon, and there were four of us. Nobody's eyes would leave that container, and she'd use a knife and slice through carton and all and give us each 1/4 of the ice cream with the box still around it. Now I have to eat the whole container or I'll surely die. But my band surgeon told me I'm never allowed to eat low fat or fat free food again because they replace the flavor by adding extra sugar. I'll have to check out some labels.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE DON'T EAT THE BUNNIES! Ouch, my heart, my heart, I'm dying... helpppppppp!

Shucks, I'd let them take my gallbladder if I knew it meant they wouldn't want yours. Sucks being anxious, but how cute are you to plant Snapdragons? See if the doc will put your gallbladder in a jar for you. Decorate your hospital room with crepe' paper. Ask the nurse's station to page you. Bring lollypops for the whole staff. Try to have fun with it to keep yourself from cracking up, and it will all be over before you know it. Peace & good luck to you.

I personally think the winner will get the stinky end of the stick. They'll be stuck with the American Idol contract. Who ever comes in 2nd will have the freedom to sign with whoever they please. They'll both have offers coming out of their ears, but the winner won't have options. That said, I love Bo. He's mine. He wants me. He talked to me 30 times on the phone last night. Okay, am I the only dork that voted? It was his voice on the recording, so I kept calling back. But I think Carrie would do better with the American Idol contract. They are both amazing, but Carrie might need that protective shelter more than Bo. Hell, what do I know? They are both superstars.

Darn! I can't believe I missed that. Anyone know if it's replaying?

I'm lucky that my gorgeous blonde skinny friend actually understand. She's a smoker. She's a holistic smoker, so she won't take an aspirin but she'll smoke a pack of death. She's really sick right now from food poisoning from bad oysters, which turned into gastritis. She's been in the hospital twice last week. She called me last night cause she feels like she's insane, since smoking just makes the stomach/esophagus sickness much worse, yet she's standing in a 140 degree garage sucking down a cigarette. I told her that's how I feel about food. Thank God I have a skinny friend that "gets it."

P.S. When I told Penni's John over the phone that I had this done, he kinda freaked. He thought I was nuts for doing something so permanent, as did my husband. But John & Penni were just here, and even John said it looks great & natural. Men don't like the hooker look, and even my dentist this morning said he'd get it done if he were a woman, cause he sees his wife & daughters painting the same goop every day. Oh, but eyebrows? For the life of me, I can't understand why women shave off their eyebrows & draw new ones. Someone please explain? I can't even imagine having my brows done. Not even sure I could get lip liner but they mix & match the color just a shade darker than your lips, so they get defined but not outline.

I would never have gotten it done, but I've seen lots of this woman's work. She's had the same reputable shop for twelve years, and it's where everyone goes to get their screwed-up jobs fixed. My aunt had it done in her 60s. I'm gonna take a pic this week to show you guys that it's not a big deal at all. Even if I were 90, it would just look like I still have lower lashes. If you think of a big paint brush, and pull out one or maybe two bristles, that's as thick as it is. It doesn't even look like eye liner, really. It just looks like my lower lashes are fuller. Honestly, I would never be able to make a line this thin with real eyeliner. Flippen groovey. For the record, I don't believe in tattoos on woman. No way, not for me. That's way too permanent, but this is the best beauty secret I've ever spent money on (aside from Bandy.) And it fades over time. You've all seen real tattoes when they're new? They are pitch black and very dark, but after 10 years fade to gray and pink. I won't mind having lower lashes when I'm 90, not at all.

A friend of mine had her jaws shut & had the same results (big loss, even bigger gain.) I asked my dentist to do it before getting banded, and he said, "No way, LEAVE MY OFFICE." He just loves me. Anyway, I need some crazy crash diet right now. Duh, you'd think getting a major surgical weight loss procedure would do the trick, but my head is all friggen screwed up. Obsessive compulsive addictive whacked out psycho hereditary genes or something.

Well, it sounds damn scary, but yes, it's a tattoo. She uses a tiny gun with a tiny needle. The reason it fades is because as the skin heals in the first weeks, tiny scabs that contain some of the pigment flake off. Also, as your eyelashes fall out (they all do this naturally) it leaves that tiny speck where there's no pigment. She does the first touch up after four weeks. I get 4 free touch ups, but not everyone will need or want all those touch ups. This woman is in Vegas; she's had her shop 12 years. She told me that if any of my friends outside Vegas want it, to make sure they get a referral from someone that's had it done at a reputable place. A good amount of her income comes from fixing up other people's screwed up work. I'll post a pic of my eyes after next week when I get my uppers done. Right now the bottom is so subtle that you can't notice much, but it makes a world of difference when you wake up in the morning with red, puffy eyes, and they don't have to look all beady because they are defined. Very cool indeed. Penni saw them and she will probably have hers done next time she's here.

I've been away too long. I'm still fighting obsessive/compulsive demons. I'm great for lunch, no problem, but I've been eating too much (so that it hurts.) I haven't gained much, but I haven't lost in months. Today: Large Light Starbucks 1 Coke (weird, I never drank soda pre-band) 1 cup Chinese veggies mixed with rice 8 Trisquits HELP, dinner IS CALLING SOON.

Melatonin keeps me awake. I think people with anxiety disorder get reverse actions to a lot of meds, at least I do.

Well, at least we have our humor! Afraid the kids will think, "don't fall on me" now that's damn funny. A girl asked me where I got my boots. I told her from the World's Largest Shoe store in Pennsylvania. She said, "don't you mean the Shoe Store for the World's Largest Feet?" Sometimes all we can do is laugh.

I've heard other people with flipped ports, and often the doctor just massages them back into place. Did your doc try this?

I don't feel like a freak, I am one. Being overweight is just one of my freak problems. I'm too tall (6 ft in heels.) I have huge 11 1/2 feet, so I can't find shoes. I have frizzy hair, an alcoholic father, a paranoid schitzophrenic mother, I'm 100% Polish, never got to have babies, etc. And while everything about me is huge, I have teeny tiny boobs (ha ha on me.) However, none of those things bother me worse than my anxiety disorder. I could handle all the problems if I could just get some sleep and relax once in awhile. It's not the "being fat" that bothers me as much as the way my brain messes with me. Does that make an ounce of sense?

Hey, I call fat & sassy! Zoe, I'm wearing your pants today because you sent that e-mail, so I wanted to get in the Zoe mode. I'm not sure how you sent that message to me, but it came in a really weird format. I'm deleting the Chloe saga later today, but I'll start a new one. I don't think it's proper to post a lil girl's private life, so maybe I'll change names to protect the innocent (and GUILTY MOM) in the future. Now I just GOTTA get out of LBT and get to work. Hi and bye everyone, xoxo

Estella, I can't offer any advice other than Tylenol or a heating pad. But if the area gets red, swollen or hot, make sure to get to your doctor because it could be infected.

Hey Zoe, got your message but couldn't respond, so here I am. I'll walk tomorrow. I'm not sure about the rest of May, but I'll take on tomorrow for starters!