GoDawgs

I'm an emotional eater. I've gained 68 pounds in the two years I've been in law school. This is the quickest I have ever gained weight, and it's because this is the most stressful situation I've ever been in and I eat for comfort. How many of you see a therapist/psychologist to help you control your eating? I went to a psychologist when I was in high school for an issue not related to my weight (my parents made me go) and I was really uncomfortable and wouldn't talk. The idea of going to a therapist and talking about such personal issues kind of freaks me out, but if it is something that a lot of people benefit from and if it might help me learn to eat healthy, I'm willing to give it a try. Plus, I also have issues will my self esteem, as well as with my mom (the issues mentioned in my other post). I guess I'm just not sold on the idea that someone else will be able to help me resolve these issues, so I'd like to hear about other people's experience with therapy.

I'm an emotional eater. I've gained 68 pounds in the two years I've been in law school. This is the quickest I have ever gained weight, and it's because this is the most stressful situation I've ever been in and I eat for comfort. How many of you see a therapist/psychologist to help you control your eating? I went to a psychologist when I was in high school for an issue not related to my weight (my parents made me go) and I was really uncomfortable and wouldn't talk. The idea of going to a therapist and talking about such personal issues kind of freaks me out, but if it is something that a lot of people benefit from and if it might help me learn to eat healthy, I'm willing to give it a try. Plus, I also have issues will my self esteem, as well as with my mom (the issues mentioned in my other post). I guess I'm just not sold on the idea that someone else will be able to help me resolve these issues, so I'd like to hear about other people's experience with therapy.

Has anyone Carmen Electra's strip aerobics videos? They look like fun - you learn strip tease and lap dance. But I don't want to waste my money if they suck! I bought a bellydancing tape once and I don't even break a sweat (which really says something when a 250 woman doesn't even get out of breath) and they do the same four moves over and over and over, which is really boring. Any other suggestions for fun aerobic videos?

I hope that this isn't so long that no one will read it!!! My mother is impossible to please. When I started high school I weighed 160 pounds and I'm 5'5". My mother was always telling me I needed to lose weight and I knew that I needed to lose it. After a year of exercising and watching what I ate I got down to 126 pounds. This still wasn't good enough for my mother. When I wanted to buy a two piece swim suit she'd tell me that I didn't have the body for it and I'd believe her and buy a one piece that hid my tummy. Once when shopping for formal dresses she told me that if I would lose just five more pounds I'd look like a model. Of course as an insecure teenage girl I just heard "you aren't thin enough". Being in marching band helped keep me thin b/c we had to run laps and do a lot of walking. My sophmore year I quit band and started working at a department store. I got up to 140 pounds and was in a size 12. My mom started criticizing my weight more often. Once she said right in front of my boyfriend that I needed to lose at least 10 pounds to look good in the outfit I was wearing. His jaw dropped and he told her that I looked great. However, for some reason what everyone else said to me just didn't register - all I took into consideration was what my mom thought about me. I felt fat and disgusting and thought that I never had any hope for being thin. I thought that when I was working hard at 126 that I was gross, and I knew that I could never get below that without starving myself, which I tried but just didn't have the will power to do. So I just gave up. I started dating a guy whose family owned a restaurant. We would pig out together - but he stayed thin b/c he worked out all of the time. I was back up to 160 by the time I graduated high school. I got up to 180 my freshman year of college. Of course my mom would comment all of the time about how I needed to lose weight and every time we talked on the phone she would ask how the diet was going. When we were opening presents on Christmas day I opened a really beautiful sweater from my grandparents. It was a Large and I wore an XL. Mom asked me the size and I told her it would probably be too small she acted really sad and said "Jeanette, PLEASE lose the weight". She could't even leave me alone about it on Christmas day. I started crying and shut myself into the bedroom, and my dad was really pissed off at my mom. I really did try to lose weight my sophmore year of college. I worked out like crazy and barely ate anything, but I didn' t lose a pound. I think I screwed up my metabolism by always going on diets eating 500 - 800 calories a day. I thought I was a fat failure and gave up. I just kept gaining and gaining. When I hit 210 my mom told me that I had "lost my face". This led to another crying fit and an argument between my parents about her being critical. The comments became more fequent when I got up to 230. She would tell me how bad I looked and it would make me cry. I'm now 25 and I just recently exploded at my mom about her criticism. I told her that my entire life, even when I was thin, she made me feel horrible about myself. I told her that I KNOW that I'm fat. I'm constantly reminded of it when I look in the mirror and when I have to shop in special stores for fat people. I told her that I feel like I'm always judged by people and am treated differently b/c I'm fat, and that the ONE place that I should always feel loved and beautiful is when I'm with my family. That no matter what she should always tell me that I'm beautiful. Since then she's gotten a lot better about the critical comments. She and my dad are also both very supportive of the surgery. However, the other day she made a comment that made me start to worry. At 258 pounds I'm finally at a point in my life where I realize that the focus needs to be on being healthy, not being very thin. I look back on pictures of me when I weighed 160 and I honestly think I'm beautiful. When I see the pictures of me at 126 I can't belive how thin I look. It's so sad to me that when I was at those weights I felt so horrible about myself. So my goal with the band is to not get skinny. I will be VERY happy if I get to 160, which is technically still overweight, but I will be able to wear a size 14 at a regular store and I think that I look great in pictures at that weight. My actual goal is 140 - 150, but I will still be thrilled at 160. The other day my mom and I were talking about the band. We were talking about what weight I should get down to, and she said "you probably wouldn't want to go below . . . " and then paused as she was thinking. I finished her sentence and said "140". She gave me a funny look and said "You probably wouldn't want to go below 125 or 120". WHAT??? I can't believe that now that I weight 258 pounds she still wants me to weigh 120 pounds. Hasn't her perspective changed? The other day she started talking to a woman next to her at a nail salon and it ends up that she has the lap band. She's gone from 290 pounds to 150 in two years. My mom called me and handed her cell phone to the lady so I could ask questions. She was so nice and told me that people she works with are actually telling her that she needs to quit losing weight - words that she never imagined she would ever hear! Later when I told my mom that the lady said this, she gave me a funny look and said that the lady was certainly not getting so thin that she needed to stop losing weight, and that the woman was "very average". So now I'm worried that once I start losing weight everything that I have gone through will start again. I'm worried that when I get down to 180 and am so excited that her attitude will focus more on the fact that I have a long way to go (in her opinion) then the fact that I have lost 80 pounds. I don't WANT to weigh 120 pounds. I want to weigh 150. My husband would hate it if I didn't have a little meat on my bones. I love the pictures where I weigh 150 - I look healthy and curvy. But I'm so scared that the same thing will happen where I want my mother's approval so much that her opinion is the only one I believe. I worry that if I only get down to 180 pounds with the lap band that she will see this as a huge failure and make me feel horrible about my decision and for spending so much money when my husband and I are just starting out. Any advice?

I hope that this isn't so long that no one will read it!!! My mother is impossible to please. When I started high school I weighed 160 pounds and I'm 5'5". My mother was always telling me I needed to lose weight and I knew that I needed to lose it. After a year of exercising and watching what I ate I got down to 126 pounds. This still wasn't good enough for my mother. When I wanted to buy a two piece swim suit she'd tell me that I didn't have the body for it and I'd believe her and buy a one piece that hid my tummy. Once when shopping for formal dresses she told me that if I would lose just five more pounds I'd look like a model. Of course as an insecure teenage girl I just heard "you aren't thin enough". Being in marching band helped keep me thin b/c we had to run laps and do a lot of walking. My sophmore year I quit band and started working at a department store. I got up to 140 pounds and was in a size 12. My mom started criticizing my weight more often. Once she said right in front of my boyfriend that I needed to lose at least 10 pounds to look good in the outfit I was wearing. His jaw dropped and he told her that I looked great. However, for some reason what everyone else said to me just didn't register - all I took into consideration was what my mom thought about me. I felt fat and disgusting and thought that I never had any hope for being thin. I thought that when I was working hard at 126 that I was gross, and I knew that I could never get below that without starving myself, which I tried but just didn't have the will power to do. So I just gave up. I started dating a guy whose family owned a restaurant. We would pig out together - but he stayed thin b/c he worked out all of the time. I was back up to 160 by the time I graduated high school. I got up to 180 my freshman year of college. Of course my mom would comment all of the time about how I needed to lose weight and every time we talked on the phone she would ask how the diet was going. When we were opening presents on Christmas day I opened a really beautiful sweater from my grandparents. It was a Large and I wore an XL. Mom asked me the size and I told her it would probably be too small she acted really sad and said "Jeanette, PLEASE lose the weight". She could't even leave me alone about it on Christmas day. I started crying and shut myself into the bedroom, and my dad was really pissed off at my mom. I really did try to lose weight my sophmore year of college. I worked out like crazy and barely ate anything, but I didn' t lose a pound. I think I screwed up my metabolism by always going on diets eating 500 - 800 calories a day. I thought I was a fat failure and gave up. I just kept gaining and gaining. When I hit 210 my mom told me that I had "lost my face". This led to another crying fit and an argument between my parents about her being critical. The comments became more fequent when I got up to 230. She would tell me how bad I looked and it would make me cry. I'm now 25 and I just recently exploded at my mom about her criticism. I told her that my entire life, even when I was thin, she made me feel horrible about myself. I told her that I KNOW that I'm fat. I'm constantly reminded of it when I look in the mirror and when I have to shop in special stores for fat people. I told her that I feel like I'm always judged by people and am treated differently b/c I'm fat, and that the ONE place that I should always feel loved and beautiful is when I'm with my family. That no matter what she should always tell me that I'm beautiful. Since then she's gotten a lot better about the critical comments. She and my dad are also both very supportive of the surgery. However, the other day she made a comment that made me start to worry. At 258 pounds I'm finally at a point in my life where I realize that the focus needs to be on being healthy, not being very thin. I look back on pictures of me when I weighed 160 and I honestly think I'm beautiful. When I see the pictures of me at 126 I can't belive how thin I look. It's so sad to me that when I was at those weights I felt so horrible about myself. So my goal with the band is to not get skinny. I will be VERY happy if I get to 160, which is technically still overweight, but I will be able to wear a size 14 at a regular store and I think that I look great in pictures at that weight. My actual goal is 140 - 150, but I will still be thrilled at 160. The other day my mom and I were talking about the band. We were talking about what weight I should get down to, and she said "you probably wouldn't want to go below . . . " and then paused as she was thinking. I finished her sentence and said "140". She gave me a funny look and said "You probably wouldn't want to go below 125 or 120". WHAT??? I can't believe that now that I weight 258 pounds she still wants me to weigh 120 pounds. Hasn't her perspective changed? The other day she started talking to a woman next to her at a nail salon and it ends up that she has the lap band. She's gone from 290 pounds to 150 in two years. My mom called me and handed her cell phone to the lady so I could ask questions. She was so nice and told me that people she works with are actually telling her that she needs to quit losing weight - words that she never imagined she would ever hear! Later when I told my mom that the lady said this, she gave me a funny look and said that the lady was certainly not getting so thin that she needed to stop losing weight, and that the woman was "very average". So now I'm worried that once I start losing weight everything that I have gone through will start again. I'm worried that when I get down to 180 and am so excited that her attitude will focus more on the fact that I have a long way to go (in her opinion) then the fact that I have lost 80 pounds. I don't WANT to weigh 120 pounds. I want to weigh 150. My husband would hate it if I didn't have a little meat on my bones. I love the pictures where I weigh 150 - I look healthy and curvy. But I'm so scared that the same thing will happen where I want my mother's approval so much that her opinion is the only one I believe. I worry that if I only get down to 180 pounds with the lap band that she will see this as a huge failure and make me feel horrible about my decision and for spending so much money when my husband and I are just starting out. Any advice?

You may be right about needing therapy. I know that the reason my mom makes comments is because she wants the best for me. My mom has struggled with her weight for her entire life, and up until two years ago my mom has always been fatter than I am. So I know that she just doesn't want me to go through what she has gone through her entir elife. But her expectations are just unreasonable. I don't know why she thinks I'd be so much happer at 120 than at 150.

Here's my situation. I'm a full time student and have no income. My husband is a teacher and doesn't make a lot of money ($43,000). My credit is good and his is extremely bad. I plan to have surgery in May. My insurance doesn't cover it and paying out of pocket would wipe out our savings. I feel like we should have some money in the bank in case there is a complication that we have to pay for out of pocket. So I planned to fiance the surgery through Monarch financing. In order to get a good interest rate I'd like to not put DH's name on the application. Also, we may not qualify for $15,000 on his income. However, my dad makes six figures, has very little debt, and excellent credit. He is willing to co-sign. Do you think I could borrow the money in my name with my dad as a co-signer? Here's another big problem - I just read that the longest loan term from Monarch is 3 years. This would make the payment about $500 a month, which would be extremely hard for us on DH's income when we also have to pay for my school expenses. I was hoping to have at least 5 years to repay. I've researched a lot of places online and they all require your doctor to be a participating doctor in the plan. My doctor does not participate in these financing plans and recommends Monarch, which allows you to use whatever doctor you wish. I tried to read about availabel loans from my bank, but it looks like the only option is a secured loan. My husband and I don't own anything of value, so we need an unsecured loan. Are there ANY companies that allow you to pick your own doctor and who have 5 year terms???

My husband is a private school employee

Well, my parents started asking my husband about how we were going to pay for the surgery. When he told them that we might end up with a $500/mo payment while I'm still in school they offered to put it on their credit card and we'll pay them $200/month. My mom brought it up with me today and assures me that she and my dad really are ok with doing this. I have such great parents! Once I get out of law school and have a job I should be able to pay it back pretty quickly, so I guess I don't feel bad about this arrangement.

I don't feel comfortable asking my dad for money. He paid for undergrad, bought me a new car when I graduated undergrad, has spent about $40,000 helping me with law school, and just spent $30,000 on my wedding. I wish when I started wedding planning that I had known I would decide to get the lap band. Then I would have have a very simple wedding and asked my dad to help with the surgery. Oh well. He and my mom want to build a vacation home that the have been dreaming about for years and I just don't feel right asking for a loan.