ChinaMom

here's the thing. about the only person I have in my life who is "there" for me is my Dad. and he's 77. a very very healthy, good looking, in shape, 77. he's done alot of repairs to my house to get it ready to be sold. little stuff. he has little patience with my daughter is the downside. I DID have alot of support, right after my husband died, while he was dying, but everyone's gone . . . just not available. it's kinda like the glamour of helping the poor widow and half orphan (she's adopted, she's already been orphaned once) wears off. it's quite fascinating. but I've become much stronger from being totally alone, which is good, but I'm lonely as heck, so I sit around at night in the house by myself after my daughter's in bed, eating. I've had a weight problem but it's really ballooned since the deaths (I say death plural because my mom died of colon cancer six months after my husband died from lung cancer at age 40). anyway, more rambling from me, taking a break from packing. and looking forward to the new house and new me! Karen

Hi, folks, I got a reminder email from this website saying I hadn't been active for a while. so I thought I'd pop in and give some updates. I had my first office consult with the NP on April 16 and I got my insurance approval letter in the mail yesterday. I was beginning to wonder about it because my ins. is one of those that pays as long as you are at least 100 lbs. overweight - absolutely no other requirements. Next I call the office to schedule my surgery and then they schedule all the pre-appointments - one four hour class, a physical with the surgeon, the psych eval. In the meantime I've been packing my house to move, which is a big task for a full time working widow with a five year old underfoot. so I've been a little preoccupied and not on the internet much at all. Movers are coming Sat. the 12th to put all our things into storage, we stay with my Dad for a month or so, then close on our brand new townhouse mid-June. I decided to schedule my surgery for the first week of August, that gives me plenty of time to get settled into our new place and I want to do it while my daughter is out of school for the summer so I don't have to rush to get her ready in the mornings while I am recovering. she'll still go to daycare, but she doesn't have to be there by 8 am. the nice thing is the townhouse is directly across the street from her school, and 1.5 miles from her daycare. There is her elementary school, a middle school and a high school all on one huge tract of property, all with tracks and sidewalks along the streets - plenty of good walking. I'm getting her a new hello kitty bike and I'm thinking about getting the adult size for myself so we can go bike riding togther! so that's the latest with me, in case anyone was really wondering . . . I am excited about all the new changes in our lives, new home, new body soon I hope, and a new beginning for us after some very difficult years. God Bless to all, Karen

I was a skinny child. in high school I started getting a little bit of a tummy but certainly not fat. I fought my weight in my 20's and worked out alot and dieted alot. I got married at 34 and couldn't get pregnant. Infertility testing brought out the fact that I had polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). it is caused by insulin resistance. Overweight gals seemed to have it. when I was diagnosed it was a chicken and egg kind of thing. no one knew if the IR made you fat and gave you the PCOS, or if gaining weight caused the IR and therefore the PCOS. I should see if there's an answer to that now. I am NOT diabetic, but I take glucophage for the PCOS. it's all tied together because insulin is a hormone that can affect your female hormones. I can't help but think that my weight problem got harder to manage as I aged - and wonder if it was the PCOS/IR at work, if I did not have IR/PCOS would it be easier for me to be thin? Add to that stress. The stress of the infertility treatment. My husband did not want to do it - he didn't want to spend the money, mostly. Then we adopted. Happiness at last, a beautiful baby girl from China. Five mos. after coming home with her he was diagnosed with lung cancer and died 2.5 years later, my mother six months after him (colon cancer). I'll back up - he was heavy, too. the year before we got our daughter we did weight watchers together and worked out at a gym every single day. We each lost 60 pounds - still not enough, but sure made that 18 hour coach class plane flight a little more tolerable. After he was sick I gained back every pound. I stress ate. After he died I continued to stress eat. I'm all alone with my daughter, and she of course has issues of her own. After working all day and getting her in bed, I am mentally pooped and couldn't wait to sit down to something comforting like oreos or chips. That's been the last 18 mos. Now I'm getting a handle on it and am controlling my binge snack eating out of willpower, and see myself as a perfect candidate for the lap band. I need a tool, and I need support, and the surgical group seems to provide a ton of support. they insist on it. Oh, and I do have a problem with portion control, I know that - but again it seems like a comforting thing to me. I'll get really nice and full and then I'll feel all taken care of. wrong! Maybe I'll finally get a handle on my life and be able to move on, lose weight, get some energy, get my life back. Anyway, I see mine as a combination of psyiological (sp?) and a lack of self control fueled by stress. My shrink thinks the lap band would be perfect for me and is the one who suggested it, by the way. Karen

Renee, I agree. It's funny, but I was thinking the other day, what made me gain weight back after I lost it each time? OK, stress. but another thing was not feeling pretty. I mean, I can remember feeling great after losing weight, but I never got into girly things. this time, I can't wait to buy cute shoes, short skirts and fashionable slacks. Get my nails done. all the girly femine things. I never did that for myself before. Looking back I don't think it ever occurred to me, but this time, it does, and I'm going to go for it! I'm going to live for looking and feelin' good, not for food! so putting all that beauty into my life will inspire me to think of myself as a beautiful person! that was a big fat ramble, but I hope it made sense! Karen

Tracyinks, death will do it too. my husband died. his friends, and alot of mine, rallied around me like crazy. I thought we will be OK, we have all this help and emotional support and friendship. Six months later my mom died. they both had cancer. then things started cooling down. his friends stopped checking on us. my friends stopped inviting me to do things. no one offered to help with my daughter anymore. one friend who had just gotten divorced and was there for me all the time found a new guy and totally blew me off. it was clear to me she couldn't live without a man. It started really getting to me, and then I decided I just had to be strong. I just sort of "hunkered down" with my precious five year old daughter and decided I needed no one else. and frankly I am doing fine. I think they all just got bored with the glamour of helping out the widow and orphan. and I am pretty sure I wasn't overbearing or too demanding of people's time. I made a conscience effort not to be. people are just weird, and even though friends are important, I've just learned to be true to myself and not rely on anyone else. even for emotional support. I do all my angst-filled talking to my shrink! Karen

Hey, Alison, I live up in the Richmond area. I'm also in the process - I went to a required info seminar and have my first consult appt. in April. I haven't seen that many Virginia folks here yet. My bro' lives in York Co. and his wife grew up in Hampton. So I'm down that way every now and then. How long is the waiting list? I was told at the info seminar here that the time from first consult to surgery was three months. I want to get it done this summer while my daughter is out of school, so that works out pretty well for me. take care, Karen

Boo - Ok, thanks for the input! I'm really jealous, wish I had a PS dad! Although my Dad rocks when it comes to fixing things around the house. He saves me alot of money there! And again, I'm really impressed with everyone. I'm in the 'consultation' phase. I'm hoping I can get this done this summer, hopefully mid-July. and I'm already planning how to pay for the PS! Karen

wow, I am really impressed with how you've done. I think you're someone I'm going to follow as an inspiration. this may be weird for me to ask, but is it weird for you to be operated on by your dad? or weird for him? for some reason I didn't think docs would operate on close family members. BUT, like someone else said, I'm jealous - free PS, yipee! best of luck, I can't wait to follow your progress! Karen

I've thought about this alot. A big thing for me was having to go the information session put on by the surgical group I plan to use - I called them Friday morning, they said you HAVE to come to our seminar before we can make an office appt. and we have a seminar TODAY at 2 pm. so I emailed my boss and told him that I needed to see my doc and they had an opening that afternoon so I had to leave for the day. I think my insurance requires certain steps before they approve the surgery, and I think attending one of these sessions is part of that process. so I considered it a necessary doc appt. I have two bosses. one, like me, lost her husband at a young age (her husband was 37 and had a heart attack, mine 40, cancer - hers two years before mine). she has three young kids, I have one. she is perfectly cool and understanding about everything. she is also petite and probably weighs 90 pounds soaking wet. the other boss is a man, divorced with three kids, the year my husband was diagnosed his wife left him, and he cut my raise because I had so many unplanned absences being out at appts. or at the hospital with my husband. he actually said to me "my marriage died but I haven't missed time off from work." yep. he also told me to keep my personal life out of work. my husband and my mom have died in the last two years and he said that to me? yet, every day, I have to hear about his kids basketball games, their car accident, their illnesses, and three days out of five he leaves early for a kid sporting event or to bail the older one out from a flat tire or because one of them is sick. he made me order flowers for some sick friend of his and then called me into his office to listen to her voice mail thanking him for the flowers. I'm actually journaling all of this in case he ever makes a comment again about my personal life. now, would I tell HIM? MR. JUDGMENTAL? MR. SELF-CENTERED? NO!!! but the female boss, YES. she wasn't here the day I left early, but she asked me on Monday if I left because she tried to call me and I wasn't here. I said I'm sorry, let me tell you where I went. She listened, looked at me, said I heard about that lap band, and it sounds good to me - go for it. anyway, I have a ton of sick leave, and I don't want to burn up vacation time for this. if I miss more than three days of work (I think) I have to get FMLA "to protect my job" and to protect me from the attitude of weenie boss (that's my code name I use with my friends). but he doesn't see the FMLA forms, it goes straight to our HR dept. and is confidential. this summer, when I plan to do the surgery, I'll have four weeks of sick leave. I plan to take at least two and maybe three of them. in six months I'll get them all back if I haven't had an additional full day of sick leave. I want to make sure I've got my strength back and I want to use the time to relax, regroup, and get my head really focused on my new lifestyle. So I'm going to take every day of sick leave that my surgeon will say I need. it's not that I'm ASHAMED of what I'm doing, but I have learned that I don't need the validation or approval of people who have no idea what this is about - having a law degree does not make them an expert on all things in life - and only ME can make decisions for myself. sometimes I think people talk about these sort of things because they are looking for encouragement. The only close family member I have beside my five year old daughter is my 77 year old dad, and he is fully supporting me. that's all I need -and I don't even need that. it's just nice to have. and if people remark on my weight loss, I plan to smile and say "it's about time, don't you think?". I've gained alot of this weight through the stresses I've been through in the last three or four years and everyone knows it. Karen

I haven't been banded (yet) and I haven't had my psych eval (yet), but I have been seeing a clinical psychologist on and off (mostly on) for six years or so - and I can't imagine her stringing me along like this. I'm sorry, but SHE sounds nuts. Heck, I had a pretty bad case of clinical depression after several miscarriages, and my shrink got me out of it in about four months. This lady should have determined by now if you are mentally fit and prepared for lapband! I would talk to whoever is requiring you to see her (your surgeon? your insurance company?) AND do what the lady who is the therapist before me suggests - ask her to see your plan. I sure wouldn't just keep going along with it. but I have learned alot about using appropriate assertiveness from my psychologist! Karen

Here's something to get you to quit altogether. My husband died at age 40 from lung cancer. he'd smoked since he was around 16. he was diagnosed with the cancer at 38, fought a terrible, horrible, painful battle and died in excruiating pain. The cancer had spread to his brain, skull, spine, hip bone and liver. His spine was cracking from the tumors eating through it. Let me tell you, he quit cold turkey the second he was diagnosed, after years of telling me he was addicted and couldn't quit. he quit when he had to face the biggest incentive there is (death). He was a pot smoker as well, but not heavy. And yes, his smoking definitely caused the cancer. he had small cell, which is very aggressive, and 99% of folks with that kind are/were smokers. Why not quit while you're in the midst of doing something else good for you, and give your body an extra big present? I hate to sound like I'm lecturing (although I know I am), but why go to the trouble of saving your body with the lapband if you're going to destroy it with smoke? just like my DH would say as he put on his seatbelt "better buckle up, I don't want to waste all this chemo . . . " sorry, but I had to put my two cents worth in. it's something that affects me deeply

My now deceased dear husband was a professional trumpet player. he was classically trained, had a degree in trumpet performance, and made most of his living playing in the horn section of rock/funk groups, but also subbed with the local symphony and played the circus and broadway shows that came to town. his first love, though was big band jazz. I used to tell him he was born about 40 years too late. so your post made me really think of him. I'm going to get the LB done, it is the last thing to repair my life after the hell of his 2.5 year cancer battle and death - I've got my depression under control, I'm moving to a more manageable house, and alot of my bothersome stressed related health problems are getting better (such as the awful allergies). I was just sitting here thinking that he'd be supportive of me doing this and would probably do it himself. then I saw your post. He died at 40 - just 40 years old - LUNG CANCER. he was a smoker. An overweight, asthmatic, cigarette smoking horn player. who spent alot of time gigging in smokey bars. looking back I guess he was doomed almost. But had a heart of gold . . . anyway, try your best to play - I bet you can do it! And best of luck!

I haven't been banded yet - but I've had a few surgeries, a big one and a few little ones - and I've had alot of surgeries in my family (cancer) - and it is very normal after any surgical procedure to be that way - alot of it is your body recovering and being in shock, alot of it is the afteraffects of anesthesia. For some reason I think I remember reading that it can sort of stay in your muscles or fat tissue and make it's way out of your body - so sometimes you feel tired/drowsy, sometimes not. But I saw it and felt it myself - all very normal.