Anew77

I've known my family physician for 20 years and he's the MD of my parents and my brother. He's the one who mentioned WLS, in passing the last time I saw him. Well today I had a follow up with him and I mentioned I was having the Lap Band and he was little annoyed with me.
Firstly, before I had stated that I wanted the Lap Band, I told him I was considering WLS which he supported, but he wanted me to have Gastric Bypass. Faster weight lost and it's better for the morbidly obese... Crap, am I morbidly obese? He said the Lap Band are for those individuals who have under 100 pounds to lose... Really?.....So I brought out my research;)... His response: I've forgotten that you love to read.... After, he heard my arguments and my points, he then proceeded to tell me that I can have it done free in Quebec since our provincial insurance pays for it.... I found out this lately but there's a waiting list of 2-3 years...not interested..... He's upset with me because he does not know the MD, so I provided him the name and the phone number to call him, which I know he will never do, he's too busy.... However, he seemed a little irked with me, but, stated he hope I do well, but the failure rate is high... Sigh...I literally had to remind him with any WLS, failure is an option if you do not change your lifestyle, which he agreed, we then ended with if I'm planning to have kids and I realized that this man has been part of my family for too long, my mother is rubbing off on him... Anyways, I remind him not to say anything to my mother, which pissed him off further since, he mumbled he is a doctor and patient confidentiality.... But just to be sure.... So now I have more motivation... A Lil surprise for my MD at my 1 year check up;)

I've known my family physician for 20 years and he's the MD of my parents and my brother. He's the one who mentioned WLS, in passing the last time I saw him. Well today I had a follow up with him and I mentioned I was having the Lap Band and he was little annoyed with me.
Firstly, before I had stated that I wanted the Lap Band, I told him I was considering WLS which he supported, but he wanted me to have Gastric Bypass. Faster weight lost and it's better for the morbidly obese... Crap, am I morbidly obese? He said the Lap Band are for those individuals who have under 100 pounds to lose... Really?.....So I brought out my research;)... His response: I've forgotten that you love to read.... After, he heard my arguments and my points, he then proceeded to tell me that I can have it done free in Quebec since our provincial insurance pays for it.... I found out this lately but there's a waiting list of 2-3 years...not interested..... He's upset with me because he does not know the MD, so I provided him the name and the phone number to call him, which I know he will never do, he's too busy.... However, he seemed a little irked with me, but, stated he hope I do well, but the failure rate is high... Sigh...I literally had to remind him with any WLS, failure is an option if you do not change your lifestyle, which he agreed, we then ended with if I'm planning to have kids and I realized that this man has been part of my family for too long, my mother is rubbing off on him... Anyways, I remind him not to say anything to my mother, which pissed him off further since, he mumbled he is a doctor and patient confidentiality.... But just to be sure.... So now I have more motivation... A Lil surprise for my MD at my 1 year check up;)

I've known my family physician for 20 years and he's the MD of my parents and my brother. He's the one who mentioned WLS, in passing the last time I saw him. Well today I had a follow up with him and I mentioned I was having the Lap Band and he was little annoyed with me.
Firstly, before I had stated that I wanted the Lap Band, I told him I was considering WLS which he supported, but he wanted me to have Gastric Bypass. Faster weight lost and it's better for the morbidly obese... Crap, am I morbidly obese? He said the Lap Band are for those individuals who have under 100 pounds to lose... Really?.....So I brought out my research;)... His response: I've forgotten that you love to read.... After, he heard my arguments and my points, he then proceeded to tell me that I can have it done free in Quebec since our provincial insurance pays for it.... I found out this lately but there's a waiting list of 2-3 years...not interested..... He's upset with me because he does not know the MD, so I provided him the name and the phone number to call him, which I know he will never do, he's too busy.... However, he seemed a little irked with me, but, stated he hope I do well, but the failure rate is high... Sigh...I literally had to remind him with any WLS, failure is an option if you do not change your lifestyle, which he agreed, we then ended with if I'm planning to have kids and I realized that this man has been part of my family for too long, my mother is rubbing off on him... Anyways, I remind him not to say anything to my mother, which pissed him off further since, he mumbled he is a doctor and patient confidentiality.... But just to be sure.... So now I have more motivation... A Lil surprise for my MD at my 1 year check up;)

I've known my family physician for 20 years and he's the MD of my parents and my brother. He's the one who mentioned WLS, in passing the last time I saw him. Well today I had a follow up with him and I mentioned I was having the Lap Band and he was little annoyed with me.
Firstly, before I had stated that I wanted the Lap Band, I told him I was considering WLS which he supported, but he wanted me to have Gastric Bypass. Faster weight lost and it's better for the morbidly obese... Crap, am I morbidly obese? He said the Lap Band are for those individuals who have under 100 pounds to lose... Really?.....So I brought out my research;)... His response: I've forgotten that you love to read.... After, he heard my arguments and my points, he then proceeded to tell me that I can have it done free in Quebec since our provincial insurance pays for it.... I found out this lately but there's a waiting list of 2-3 years...not interested..... He's upset with me because he does not know the MD, so I provided him the name and the phone number to call him, which I know he will never do, he's too busy.... However, he seemed a little irked with me, but, stated he hope I do well, but the failure rate is high... Sigh...I literally had to remind him with any WLS, failure is an option if you do not change your lifestyle, which he agreed, we then ended with if I'm planning to have kids and I realized that this man has been part of my family for too long, my mother is rubbing off on him... Anyways, I remind him not to say anything to my mother, which pissed him off further since, he mumbled he is a doctor and patient confidentiality.... But just to be sure.... So now I have more motivation... A Lil surprise for my MD at my 1 year check up;)

I've known my family physician for 20 years and he's the MD of my parents and my brother. He's the one who mentioned WLS, in passing the last time I saw him. Well today I had a follow up with him and I mentioned I was having the Lap Band and he was little annoyed with me.
Firstly, before I had stated that I wanted the Lap Band, I told him I was considering WLS which he supported, but he wanted me to have Gastric Bypass. Faster weight lost and it's better for the morbidly obese... Crap, am I morbidly obese? He said the Lap Band are for those individuals who have under 100 pounds to lose... Really?.....So I brought out my research;)... His response: I've forgotten that you love to read.... After, he heard my arguments and my points, he then proceeded to tell me that I can have it done free in Quebec since our provincial insurance pays for it.... I found out this lately but there's a waiting list of 2-3 years...not interested..... He's upset with me because he does not know the MD, so I provided him the name and the phone number to call him, which I know he will never do, he's too busy.... However, he seemed a little irked with me, but, stated he hope I do well, but the failure rate is high... Sigh...I literally had to remind him with any WLS, failure is an option if you do not change your lifestyle, which he agreed, we then ended with if I'm planning to have kids and I realized that this man has been part of my family for too long, my mother is rubbing off on him... Anyways, I remind him not to say anything to my mother, which pissed him off further since, he mumbled he is a doctor and patient confidentiality.... But just to be sure.... So now I have more motivation... A Lil surprise for my MD at my 1 year check up;)

When I was 19, I was interested in this guy, who flatly told me I wasn't his type due to my size. I was so pissed by another rejection, that I started walking the next morning. Six months later, I was working out twice a day, lost 55 - 60 pounds and was a size 6, then I got arrogant. It started innocently, I had a slight knee injury. I was squatting 150 lbs and was not paying attention to form and I pulled something, but I wasn't worried because I would never be "fat" again, so I took time off from the gym. Couple months later I was a size 10, but that was okay, I was too skinny anyway and I will take it off, when I got back to the gym. However, I was never that committed as before and the weight just kept creeping on.
What I remember about that time is my belief that I could continue with my eating habits because I was skinny. I really believed I did not have a food problem. I had become an exercise freak and I was so caught up in the attention I was receiving that I didn't see the cliff until I had already fallen. 13 years of imbedded bad habits and I'm trying to look at every loophole, for the fear of re-gain is so strong. I know that this time around with the lap band and a therapist (yep, I found one) and my eyes wide open the result will be different, but that fear is so strong, it's suffocating.
I read somewhere that we cling to things because it gives us some type of payout. I honestly do not know the reason behind my food addiction but hopefully with time it will become clear because I refuse to continue to live my life this way. I'm no coward, I plan to face my demons but tonight the fear of failure is thick in me. For today, I finalized my financing, the surgery date is set but not finalized so it's like my mind is freaking out... I went to the grocery and had an instant craving for pork rinds! I NEVER ate the thing but today I felt like trying them, so I left the grocery so fast, still had some cup cake but yep, can't wait to see the therapist, this MADDNESS has to stop.

What a month this has been! This month I made the decision to stop hiding my head in the sand and to take control of my health. It was not easy, but I no longer feel disappointed in myself. That decision motivated me to start doing small changes from now, so that when surgery comes along I will not feel overwhelmed. I'm determine to succed, so I came up with a plan for the next five months, that will hopefully get me on the right track. 20% of this is physical, the rest is all mental, well for me it is.
I need to change the way I think, I know the 2 year old temper tantrum my mind can throw and the patience and reasoning the mature side needs to do, it's a constant battle not just about food but for exercise also. It's for this reason I started changing little things. I've heard that a takes 3 weeks to make a habit, I'm giving myself six weeks and not throwing a pity party when I slip, just get back on the wagon.
So far, I've cut out sodas, drink 32-64oz of water per day and working on getting rid of my fast food habit. It's a bit more difficult but I'm getting better at it. This started as a weight loss, but as time goes by I see that the weight loss will only be part of it, I'm going for a full "make over". The funny thing is that I don't know what my "make over" entails, I believe I will figure it out in time.
I had to put a plan, on paper, not only for my obsessive personality to have something visual, so that I can follow and see where I'm at, but also to have solutions to the common pitfalls and hills every time I try to lose weight.So instead of pretending it will not happen again, I'm preparing myself mentally for them. It's why I'm currently looking for a therapist who specialize in obesity. In order to have long term success, I will take whatever help is out there, no more head in the sand.

I was having lunch with another individual, who is currently having succes with changing the way she eats and exercise, and she was enjoying a slice of cheesecake and she says "everything in moderation". Now, she is not aware that I'm in the process of getting WLS, but I did respond to her by saying " maybe for you but not me", which led to a heated debate.
I have a serious pet peeve. I hate, yes, I said hate, when someone tries to tell me what I'm able to do or not do. You can make assumptions, but we all know what happens when you ASS U ME! I don't do MODERATION! If I was capable of moderation, I wouldn't be more than 100 lbs overweight. I've heard the comments, opinions over the years, even I have fallen for it, "You have to have" or " you need to have", " a little can't hurt". Food is my addiction...no,that's not right, chocolate, baked goods, fast foods, etc are my addiction and it's killing me... Why should I have these things in moderation? ..... Let me put it this way... Someone suffering from alcoholism, his/hers addiction of choice is wine, would you say to her/him " a little wine in moderation?".... I'm betting you will think that person was cruel, well that's what's it's like for me.
I don't do a slice of cheesecake, I eat the WHOLE cheesecake. I don't eat scoop of ice cream, I eat the WHOLE container. I don't do the combo meal, I do the combo meal with starter, supersize and dessert. Now do you get it!..... Silence.... Just have some control, willpower, you need food to live!.... ** Sigh** ... Yes, I need food to live, but do I need that time of food? .....nope....So you are going to cut out all that food for the rest of your life....gasp....yeah, it's not going to be easy and I will have some idiot,I mean well meaning individual, who will try to encourage me to "try" something....but I will have to refuse, why? The day I get over my addiction, it will be a struggle to maintain because unlike cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, people feel that it can't hurt you in moderation, so it's offered and offered, and feelings get hurt when you refuse, but I'm just one of those people where moderation does not work.
Side note, I smoked cigarettes for 10 years, 2 packs a day and was a solid chain smoker. When I was given the ultimatum by partner to quit or he goes, I couldn't do it alone. I failed cold turkey, I failed the nicotine patch... What worked is a pill called Champix( in French)... I took it for 2 weeks out of the 12 weeks and I never look back. I've been a non-smoker going into 5 years. Some people can do it on their own, I need help.Words have power, I'm currently changing the way I eat for my goal is to eliminate those foods from my diet. I'm aware of the journey ahead of me. I'm aware that the lap band will not eliminate my demons. I'm aware that I will be seeing someone about my addictions and I'm aware that most society will see my use of " food addiction" an "insult" to "real" addictions but I couldn't given a rats @$&?, because moderation will kill me.