sheila2050

I'm having surgery on the 19th of December.
 
That's 5 days away, almost 4; I never expected this range of emotions and yet I feel they are not strange or uncalled for.
 
I've been on the Pre-Op diet of 1000 calories, less than 40 grams of fat and at least 50 grams of protein--these numbers are becoming the law of the land. I know the calories will be amended as my medical team sees fit, but for now, it will hold its place.
 
I was told that my emotions have taken me unaware because of the fact that I try to project an aura of calm and readiness. Once I heard this, I realized it was true. Even though I smile at everyone, and tell those who ask "How do you feel?" the expected and unheard answer of, "I'm good", I have several emotions rolling around inside my brain. I know that if they are not addressed, not expressed that they will snowball. Before I would turn to food to stem the tide, to fill the gaps, but that can no longer be the case.
 
I will control my emotions; they will not control me.
 
I control my emotions; they do not control me.
 
I am anxious. I have never had major surgery before. I'm concerned about being put under for such a period of time; I have the silly fear of saying something stupid coming out of the stupor of anesthesia.
 
I am excited. This is a major step on the way to Me. My weight issues stem from childhood and my past, and I have decided that I will no longer allow the past to control and influence who I am, the woman I know that I am but hides beneath this armor of obesity. This surgery, this tool can be beneficial in so many ways, besides just losing weight.
 
I am afraid. This is a major surgery, a major step to a new lifestyle to promote my health and thus enrich my life. I've never had this chance at health, not like this. I've been overweight a vast majority of my life (since I was a toddler) so a healthier me seems like a mirage in the heat, a dance of shimmers dancing on the hot highway road, seducing your eyes to see water pooled where there is none--no water, just hot asphalt.
 
The idea of a healthier and smaller me seems to be just a seductive thought that cannot truly manifest itself. Though this surgery will change a part of my body, I am the one who is ultimately in control of what I eat, how I eat and why I eat. I have shirked this responsibility for so long that now I wonder if I can handle it. From what I've seen, everyone has this fear, of going back to the beginning and then some; perhaps it is a reminder of all those diets that worked for a while but the results never stayed, and the weight that came back with a vengeance and reinforcements.
 
This is a journey, the beginning of a new lifestyle and the maturing of Me. I am not "new," I will not give up my mistakes and begin again. My mistakes and history are my own, and I will take from them and use this new tool and opportunity to show all what I have learned--to show myself that I can finally and only be Me, and I am worth everything it took to get Me here.

I was sleeved Aug. 28th 2012 and am down 49 lbs! Losing went slow ti.ll I reached the 3 month mark. I'm 7 lbs from my primary goal. My first goal is 125 lbs. I would be happy if I didn't lose any more. I feel great. I am so thankful I was able to be sleeved. I'm wearing younger, cute, clothes now. My husband is tickled to death about how I look, but kinda nervous about other men looking at me! But that'll keep him on his toes LOL! That's all for now. Thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts...

I think I've got this thing about "dumping" with the sleeve.
 
Let me explain.I think I've been eating relatively low carb recently.And I say I think as I am not tracking my carbs,just checking my protein intake more or less every day.But I have not had any added carbs this week except green peppers and onions.Tonight I had a bit of TGI friday spinach and artichoke dip with some veal strips.During the day I had some chicken strips and some beef strips.Had 2 Dolchi gusto cappucinos.And then tonight I decided to have some Amarula liqeur.Its like Baileys.
 
I took one sip and bam,I started feeling hot,nauseas,palpitations,feeling like I had to visit the toilet,felt absolutely aweful.Early post op I had a couple of incidents like this when I would eat some sugar or fat for that matter.But lately I would have a cookie if I wanted or ok,I sont really do sugar at all anymore really.The cookie would be it.Mind you I've had some caramel popcorn and I was fine.
 
But I think sometimes my carbs are just not that low and then the added sugar (like in the popcorn) doesnt affect me at all,makes me super tired but thats it.
 
I think when I am quite low carb and busy dropping weight fast,I cannot do sugar or a lot of fat.I think the Amarula like the Baileys have got cream in it and lots of sugar and boy did I feel sick from a tiny sip.I can drink a jin and tonic once in a while and if I sip it slowly and nurse it all night,I am fine.
 
So,sugary drinks,just like anything else sugary is now off limits.Thinking about it,I shouldnt really drink the tonic either as it is carbonated and even if you stir out all the gas,there is still some left.
 
One thing I am sure of.Alcohol will not be a problem in my future as it is as unappealing most of the time as ice cream,and I use to eat a pint of that per night pre-op.
 
You live,you learn.

I had been drifting off course for the last couple of weeks, since I started eating solids, really. I can eat so little (about 1/3 cup) it just didn't seem to matter what I ate or what frequency.
 
Now, this site: http://goodnightsurgical.com/doc/Sleeve_Gastrectomy_Guide.pdf has helped me understand (be convinced) why the rules are necessary. We are training now for life after sleeve restriction. By year 3, I guess, my sleeve should accommodate 1-1 1/2 C food; and if I don't have my lifestyle nailed down, I could end up obese again.
So, I started recording in my food journal in earnest. I am putting liquids and protein first. I am exercising. Well, I don't exactly have a "routine" yet, but I just did some yardwork.
 
I am reading Denise Austin's Shrink your Female Fat Zones, and I am getting excited about walking. I ordered a pedometer so I can increase (eventually) to 10,000 steps/day. Most people walk 2,000-3,000 steps/day.
 
Today I decided to put self-care first in my life. I'm 46 years old, you might think I would have adhered to this wisdom by now. But no, I keep forgetting. And it takes time to take care of my body; it just does. Maybe several hours a day. That puts a whole different spin on my perspective about using/wasting time.

I had been drifting off course for the last couple of weeks, since I started eating solids, really. I can eat so little (about 1/3 cup) it just didn't seem to matter what I ate or what frequency.
 
Now, this site: http://goodnightsurgical.com/doc/Sleeve_Gastrectomy_Guide.pdf has helped me understand (be convinced) why the rules are necessary. We are training now for life after sleeve restriction. By year 3, I guess, my sleeve should accommodate 1-1 1/2 C food; and if I don't have my lifestyle nailed down, I could end up obese again.
So, I started recording in my food journal in earnest. I am putting liquids and protein first. I am exercising. Well, I don't exactly have a "routine" yet, but I just did some yardwork.
 
I am reading Denise Austin's Shrink your Female Fat Zones, and I am getting excited about walking. I ordered a pedometer so I can increase (eventually) to 10,000 steps/day. Most people walk 2,000-3,000 steps/day.
 
Today I decided to put self-care first in my life. I'm 46 years old, you might think I would have adhered to this wisdom by now. But no, I keep forgetting. And it takes time to take care of my body; it just does. Maybe several hours a day. That puts a whole different spin on my perspective about using/wasting time.

Today is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!!
 
Hello all....as stated in my previous entries - I am still not smoking and very proud of myself! For the past two days I have had a lot of energy. Yesterday I went to my first post op appointment and previous to that I went to get my hair done. I was so busy moving around all day that I did not drink as much as I should have. The doctor checked my tongue and was able to tell....he said that the whiter it is ...the more fluid you need!!!! Other than that, the incisions are healing fine and I feel better and better every day. My blood pressure was 135/95 while at my doctor visit. I have not taken any of the medication for BP since the surgery so I crushed and took one when I got home. The last two days it has been in the normal range without additional medication. THIS IS WHY I AM SLEEVED. I already feel healthier and more energetic. Can you image when I become a pro at eating and drinking, fully healed, exercising, etc. WOW!!!
 
Today I went to early vote with my son! This is his first year being of voting age with a major election. It took all of 10 minutes and I was so proud of him for getting out there and exercising his right to vote. So after voting, I took my car into the shop to get some warranty work done before it expires...lol and routine maintenance. The good thing is that my dealership provides loaners so I didin't have to wait on it so I came back home and cleaned a bit......did a bit of laundry, made the bed, light work. ENERGY!!!!
 
Now what is really exciting to me is that on Saturday, I can start eating the cream and blended soups - I am looking forward to more flavor! I am not "afraid" to drink anymore and sometimes drink a little too fast and have to wiggle around for the slight discomfort to go away.
 
I bought a nutriblender (made by the magic bullet folks) a few weeks ago so I am looking forward to trying it out starting this weekend. My liquid diet and surgery happened so quickly that I have not been able to use it as initially planned. I will definitely post again once I use it and let you all know if it is something worth your while and if anyone reading this has one....let me know what you think about it.
 
It's time for bed but thanks for reading and allowing me to be a part of such a great community!

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain.
 
I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step.
 
As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!!
 
So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Source: Hula Cardio! Have You Tried It?

Alright, I have decided to go ahead with the sleeve. As a matter of fact I am scheduling it today with Dr. Kemmerling.
 
I didn't think you could pay me to go back into surgery after my band removal, but my future happiness is too important to me. I want to be happy, healthy, and want a baby! I need this surgery.
 
I will update with my surgery date later on today!
 
Today!

So I would be a big fibber if I said this week was easy. I am kinda falling apart, I am snapping at my poor husband but eat a cupcake (3) in front of a all liquid diet wife. I almost punched him, and his mom for sending them home with him!
 
I just had a sugar free apple cider and walked away VERY grumpy.
 
Only 3 more days of this! Then two more weeks, lol.
 
I am off of my soap box and will realx about this, it's the beginning of my new life.

Instead of asking these questions in the form..as I'm sure many of people have asked the same questions over and over. I thought I would ask them in a blog. So if you read this and know the answer please feel free to respond!
 
My first question is about hunger. They say you don't feel hunger (actual hunger..not head hunger I understand that's something we may have to deal with for the rest of our lives). But actual hunger pain. Is that true? Do any of you whose had the surgery ever feel hunger pain? Actual hunger pain.
 
Second how long after surgery did most of you start to feel more energetic? I don't mean from the surgery, or recovery, but from being big. When did you feel like you've lost that magic amount when you realized that hey I can breath more openly when I walk, and my heart doesn't feel like it's jumping out of my chest..I feel comfortable! I guess I imagine that it will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest..because I walk around feeling like I have one on my chest. At least that's what I'm hoping for.
 
Third.. what did it feel like the first time you put on a shirt, or pair pants you couldn't fit into before WLS? Did you cry? Did you jump up and down and get all excited! Something else I look forward to doing.
 
Where did you first notice you had lost weight? Was it your face, hips, fingers?
 
Ok enough questions.. lol Thanks to anyone who answers.

Hi there- been awhile!
I am winning at some things and failing miserably at others. I've lost 48 lbs since surgery though which is great and I'm just about managing to eat properly even with the stresses of work and weird eating times.I've been sick a few times from eating too fast though which was horrible and I have to learn to make people leave me alone for that small time I have at lunch. Lots of work folks have commented on my WL and people are asking me how I'm doing it.
 
Unfortunately my exercise routine has dwindled to nothing- I leave for work at 6.20 am and get back at 5pm most days and then I normally have to spend time doing paperwork until about 7pm. I am just SHATTERED. I need to find a solution to this as it worries me a lot.Weekends are not much better at the moment. Not good.
 
I have drunk some red wine on two occasions and didn't have too bad a reaction, however I was very moderate with it. I have had to get some new clothes as my bottom half is now a UK size 16 and top half an 18 - I am going to buy cheap supermarket clothes when I fit into them so I don't spend too much on the downward journey. I am still struggling to get all of my water in and with my high protein diet, constipation is an issue.
 
Next month I will resume my psychologist meetings, she is so booked up it has been a real trial getting appointments. I have much to discuss, I feel quite depressed at times now that the "food crutch" has gone and this is not really like me at all. Subsequently work issues are really getting to me and I'm struggling a lot with being overwhelmed.
 
Back to the drawing board!

It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band.
 
The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years.
 
My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal.
 
The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this.
 
Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it.
 
The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol.
 
My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though.
 
Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really!
 
The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening!
 
The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see.
 
The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day.
 
My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it.
 
This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others.
 
Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before.
 
My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them.
 
So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!
 
 
 
 

Well, this is the first step of my jounrney. Right now I'm in the process of finishing all of my pre-op required testings. These include, stomach acid test, pulmonary test, mammogram, psych test, blood work, & nutritionist. I have all of my required documentation for insurance purposes so right now I'm just checking of my list. Ugghhh...testing!!
 
I'm excited about getting my journey started but nervous at the same time. I have lived the life of a BBW for 25 years & life is about to change dramatically. I am leaving the life I am comfortable in & know but I'm so ready to start living again. I am super excited about my new life but I haven't told a lot of my friends because I know that some will try to talk me out of it & right now, I need all the support I can get. Has anyone experienced this? I have had my male friends already tell me that they aren't going to be attracted to me when I get thin. Oh well, I believe healthy trumps that!!! I think my weight loss journey isn't going to be about just losing weight & be healthy, I think it's going to turn into a life cleansing process.

My husband works IT for Comcast. He loves his job and the thing I love is that he comes home with random swag. He's brought home new DVDs, shirts, coasters, even a "Rome" robe. The other day, he came home with a typical Comcast tee-shirt. It's nothing exciting...just another shirt. But then I looked at it. It looked REALLY small. According to the tag its' a large but I promise you, it looks more like a medium than any large I've ever seen. I tried it on and to my surprise, it's not that tight on me. That doesn't mean I would wear it out in public or even take a photo of myself in for the blog. What it does mean is that I now have a new non-scale goal to achieve.
 
It couldn't have come at a better time as I had already met my other non scale goals and now they were all too big on me. I'm not complaining at all but it is nice to have that one thing you strive for other than a number on a scale. Then, I read the shirt. It was more than just an Xfinity shirt...it had a message just for me...."The Future Of Awesome"!!! Isn't that just the perfect goal shirt? Then, to make it even more "awesome, I lightened my hair (a reward for meeting a goal). So, even though I am already awesome....it's nice to strive for something that makes me even more so!!!! Oh, and before I forget. I did meet a REALLY big non scale goal today. I was able to dry my sweatshirt and still have it fit. LOL It hasn't been dried since I've owned it and now it's all nice and soft and a little smaller but still baggy on me. Love that feeling!!!!
 
The Shirt
 
LOL
 
 
 
 
 
The New Hair
 

So.....this is me and my journey of what brought me to where I am today.... This blog may make you laugh, smile and even cry.. but I just want everyone to see who I am and what brought me to this amazing experience...
 
As of today I am 29 years old and 35 pounds lighter than I was a month ago... but what got me to the point of having to have the sleeve? Well let me lay it out for you...
 
I have always been fat...from the day I was came into this world I always had more padding than was needed! My parents and sisters are both extra fluffy as well so growing up I didn't realize how different I was or what I was missing out on or not doing because of my weight because being around my family I seemed normal...I never really got teased in school for my weight, there were occasional times where kids would tease me..one time I walked past a girls desk and she started shaking like there was an earthquake. I grew up in Arizona where there aren't earthquakes, the thing is she was the same size as me so I tried not to let it bother me.
 
Then there was the time when I wore a red shirt and kids called me the kool-aid man. After that I started wearing blacks, grays, browns, darker colors that never really brought attention to myself.. wow I just realized as I wrote that why I tend to still to this day wear those colors and shy away from anything bright!
 
In middle school my mom had me do weight watchers in the summer, I lost a good amount of weight, but I was still chunky, by the end of the school year I had gained it all back and then some. The thing is, I still wasn't bothered by my weight. Boys were interested in me and had been since the 4th grade, but that probably was because I was the only 4th grade girl that was already a full B cup..
 
In high school I always had a boyfriend, it seemed that was not an issue that my weight let get in the way. There were even times when I had a few boys interested in me at once, by the end of high school I was already in a size 18/20. But that didn't seem to bother me or stop me from doing anything. My weight was something I felt would never stop me from doing what I wanted. I was happy and that is all that mattered.
 
I started college and the same thing, still had boys interested in me. Met boys in classes and made me feel like there wasn't anything wrong with my weight. I always heard people say oh boys won't like you because of your weight, but to me it wasn't an issue. I seemed to be the serial fat girl dater. After a few years of the college life I decided to move away from my family and all I knew in Arizona. It was time to branch out and I felt as though I was going no where in this town...
 
So I packed up my car and moved to San Diego at the age of 21. A city that I loved, though didn't know a single soul in. A big move for this girl who actually was shy! You wouldn't have guessed that with all that you've read so far, I bet So I started a new job, had my own place and that's when I realized that being fat, was being fat and there was nothing good about it. Living in California and a beach city to top it off there were beautiful girls everywhere.
 
Going to the beach I felt like a beached whale and that everyone stared at me... but then again I started meeting men.. they were interested in me and I thought wow if they are interested in me and there are those barbie girls out there then I am doing ok. I did start to work out and eat a little healthier, tried to get into the California lifestyle.. But even working out and eating right didn't seem to matter my weight stayed the same and eventually I gained more and more.
 
I had a few serious relationships, one right after another and they all loved me for me and thought I was beautiful no matter what size I was. I was always told I had such a pretty face, so again never let my weight get to me. I've done walks and the more weight I gained the more the simple things became harder...
 
I would determine if I would go somewhere based on how far I had to walk, if there were stairs, how crowded it was. I wouldn't go to a restaurant unless I knew there were tables instead of booths for the fear of not being able to fit into a booth.. Now I mention that the men I date were not fat, they were in good shape some in great shape with six packs!
 
I really started to become self conscious of who I was, what I looked like and who I had let myself become. My older sister had the lapband, lost a lot of weight but then had issues with the band and is slowly gaining the weight back. I started doing boxing and kickboxing at a boxing gym and loved it. I struggled but made it through every single hour long class!
 
Weight loss surgery has been something that I've thought about, but always thought I know I can lose the weight without it.. it will be my last resort! Then I met this new guy,... and we fell in love and got married! Going on just over a year right now. He is amazing, but he is fit, very active and health minded. That didn't seem to bother him, he always told me I was beautiful and loved me no matter what..
 
Then we decided we wanted to have children.. the thing is I hadn't had a period in years... I mean probably since I was in high school and college... and now I was 27 years old. I know what needs to happen to have babies... I was scared to tell him that I didn't have one and that I knew right now I would not be able to get pregnant. I so went to my OBGYN and started talking to her. She put me on medication to force me to have periods every 3 months... it worked, but still I was not ovulating. So she sent me to an endocrinologist.. and there is where I realized for one of the very first times in my life being fat is taking something from my life that I wanted so badly.
 
So they found out I had PCOS, a condition you get being overweight that causes you to resist insulin, you don't ovulate you don't get your monthly cycle. I felt like I was the only woman in the world who wanted to have regular periods every month! So they put me on medication for it to help me lose weight and get my cycles back.. well I never happened. I was thinking about weight loss surgery again, after all it would get me in the best position to have children the fastest. But I was worried too.. what if it doesn't work? Then I have tried every option possible and I am still left fat and childless... then will my husband still love me?
 
Then the true nightmare began... as I mentioned my entire family was over weight. Well as the years went on my mother was extremely overweight. She was 55 and struggling so much she was in a scooter..... my mother became very ill very fast.. she went to work on A thursday and became so ill that Saturday my dad took her to the ER. By the time I got into town, I knew I was going to lose my mother. Sunday morning at about 5 am my mother passed away. Her weight was the factor, they thought she had arthritis, which is why her back hurt and she had a scooter. Turns out it was kidney failure, and my mother had an infection and became septic. There was nothing that they could do for her in the hospital.
 
My sister and I lost our mother, our father lost his wife, my grandmother lost her daughter and her siblings lost their sister.. because of weight. That scared me because I was heading down the same path.. was that could to be me in 30 years? This happened June of 2012..
 
Then I had a dream a few night later... We were all back at the hospital and my mom was laying on the bed, she suddenly woke up and said, " Now that I'm ok, we all need to work on getting healthy". That was my breaking point, my vow to do whatever I had to do to live a long healthy life.
 
So I went to my Dr and said I want to do surgery, I went to the seminars and decided that I wanted to do the vertical sleeve. It was the best option and I have a little over 200 pounds to loose.. I was ready and willing to sacrifice anything to get my life on track. Being that I had already been going to the weight loss center I only had 2 more months until I could qualify through insurance since they required 6 months of visits..
 
So two months later my surgery date was set for Sept 14th, 2012. And I was ready. Insurance approval went through easy and I was set! Surgery day came and I still didn't feel like it was going to happen. My surgery went amazing, no complications I was on the table an hour. My recovery was just as great, I was discharged the next day by noon. I was at one of the best hospitals possible so I knew the care I was getting was what I needed.
 
Now here I am almost 4 weeks later and 35 pounds lighter. THis was the best decision of my life and I don't regret it. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. Maybe even sooner so maybe my mom would get to see how life changing it was and maybe make the decision to do something about it herself.. then maybe just maybe I would still have a mom... As today marks 4 months from the day she was taken from us all too soon..
 
So next time I think that being fat doesn't mean anything, I will think again because to me fat is no longer an option or a lifestyle.. it is going to be the old me, the me who really didn't think about what it was doing to me or my family.. Fat made me who I am today and without being this way I probably wouldn't have met my husband, but it also took my mother from me...
 
So here is to the start of the new non-fat me... seeing where this journey takes me. I know that wherever it does I will not be needing to ask for a seatbelt extender any longer

I haven't had any trouble at all with anything except once when I ate too much too fast and well, you know.
 
I am still drinking my Juven, my protein shakes, Powerade. But I've started solids, too. I feel so much better with some food that sticks with me for a bit. Right now it seems impossible that I wouldn't lose weight no matter what I do (almost) because I am able to eat so little.
 
I won't be bingeing, that's for sure. I don't have cravings, except possibly for meat. That goes with my cycle, I think, with ovulation and menses.
 
I had some cheese on Triscuits last night without difficulty. I do notice that if I wait to stop until I feel "full" then I become overfull. Not sure how to check that. Once I start eating I want to keep going. I have been doing really well with throwing out food I don't finish. Before the sleeve, for most of my life, I felt all food served had to be eaten or saved for later. It's a little funny that my kids won't eat leftovers. They know it's ok to leave food on their plates once they're finished eating.
 
Well, I am keeping up with my 10 minute walks twice daily, pretty much. I can't really see the benefit, but this is something I "decided" to do and I am going to stick with it.
 
I'm still getting bouts of extreme tiredness; but I had that before surgery. I have intentionally foregone relying on caffeine. It is a last resort now, not a daily necessity. Somehow, I just don't want to have to have it and I guess I'm hoping that eventually I'll be all right on my own. I don't know why this dogged thought persists, but it does.
 
I've had no trouble whatsoever letting go of soft drinks. I drink coffee occasionally and then only one cup.
 
I'm definitely losing from the top. lol oh well.

Its no secret if you talk to me that i have a hard time making choices.
Like buying toothpaste or choosing new foods to try,
it takes time for me to make a decision.
Lots of Googling and comparison.
 
I've been looking up VSG guides from different hospitals to see what each says in regards to Foods, times and supplements.
Here is what I've found after i broke down the charts and guides:
 
(BTW I am not God, nor do i pretend to be, so please don't take this as THE word. Its just a guide-line cheat sheet i re-made for myself)
 
(( Also, i am just 31 days post op, so this is tailored for my stage))
 
 
Breakfast
*should be at 8am
*(earlier then that if you have an early day, but it should be within 1 hour of waking up)
*1/4 - 1/2 C of Fiber, fruit, OR Calcium
* AND 1/4 - 1/2 C of protein or good carbohydrate
(ex: yogurt, cottage cheese, apple sauce, soft eggs, cooked cereal)
 
Supplements/ Vitamins
*10 AM!
* PLUS 1/2 c Protein Shake (or 25 g)
* Some vitamins need FAT to be soluble (vitamins A D E K) If your taking these, use 1% milk or check your Protein drink labels!
 
Lunch
*12 pm
*1/4 - 1/2 C soup or calcium
* AND 1/4 C Protein
( ex: yogurt, cheese, egg/tuna/chicken salad, pureed fruit/veg)
 
Snack
*2 pm
*1/4 - 1/2 C calcium or fiber
*1 Sugar free treat
(ex: cottage cheese, ricotta, pureed fruit or Veg, SF Popsicle, sf Jello, sf Pudding)
 
Dinner
*6 pm
1/4 - 1/2 C protein (or 1-2 oz)
1/4 C Fruit or Veg
 
That's it.
If you feel like you need more, eat more.
If you can't eat quite this much yet, chill out and do your best!
But make sure you get your liquids in each day!!
If you need a reminder for that, drink 1/2 hour before each 'meal'
You need to stay hydrated or your body will not operate, or heal, like it should.
I like to add generic crystal light (walmart or target brands!), but i choose the sugar free, caffeine free ones that have vitamins included in powder ( ex: Kiwi-Strawberry or Grape from walmart)
 
These are just suggestions,
But are mainly for WHEN I have a brain power-outage and need some help!
 
For easy food choices always get low/fat free food
mind the sodium and the carbs
 
Some little kid pre packaged foods are great!
like pureed fruits (in little foil sacks, no spoon needed)
fruits in light syrup or water
deli turkey and ricotta cheese
Go-gurt
ect...
 
Making this list has made me hungry!
lol
will have a 1/4 c OJ then off to bed.
(didn't realize how much i missed OJ until i had some the other day!)

In my earlier blog I referred to how much I love bread. And I received a response from a fellow blogger who mentioned the danger in having a relationship with bread.
 
I find myself wondering if it's possible that food truly became the thing I could rely on after my Mom died. It feels like a big leap to me - but it's worth inquiring with my emotions about whether bread represents something bigger to me in my food challenge. I recall that as a child there was always bread on the table at dinner. And I would go for it at EVERY opportunity during the meal. My Dad would call me on it every time!
 
So it's funny that I remember that Mom put the bread on the table, but Dad put the kaibash on eating it.
 
Then Mom died.
 
Hmm... I don't know... maybe there could be a relationship type of thing, but if there is I just thought about it 30 years later, so I'm not sure that gives it a legit stand.
 
Anyone with insight it most welcome to respond!

The main point I want to get across to people considering VSG is this: Regardless of your starting weight, if you are a yo-yo dieter, grazer, food addict and/or compulsive overeater with self-sabotaging tendencies, the surgery alone will not be enough. You will also need to get some form of counseling or treatment to control your compulsive overeating/grazing if you're serious about reaching your goal weight. (Read the symptoms of food addiction, compulsiver overeating here)
 
Now that that's out the way. Here are my stats:
 
Beginning weight: Approx. 193.5
Current weight: Approx. 132
 
Shocker right? I started this journey in the so called "lightweights" category--basically people with a BMI below 35. I only wanted to lose 68 pounds, and so far have lost 61. So what, if anything, went wrong?
 
Well, first let me say that I do not regret the surgery. Here's the deal: I'm a chronic yo-yo dieter and compulsive overeater. Before the sleeve, I had tried multiple diets in 2011, losing 25 lbs pretty quickly each time. The problem was, each time, I quickly regained the weight that I had lost in a period of days. Those setbacks became pretty discouraging after a while. I did a little research and decided that VSG would solve my problems.
 
Once I had the surgery, I fell into my normal pattern of periods of intense effort followed by periods of little or no effort towards reaching my goal. That got me to 152 lbs (approx. 41 lbs down) around 3.5 months out. From there, during periods of increased effort, I'd get down into the mid 140s. When I fell off the wagon, I would find my way back to around 152, which appeared to be my ceiling, regardless of how many bad days I had. Again, regardless of how many bad days I had. THAT's the reason why I do not regret this surgery. Were it not for the surgery, my 40 lb loss would have eventually turned into a 60 lb gain. With VSG, the worst case scenario appeared to be gaining back 5 lbs or so to end up back at 152 (I'm sure that over time, my ceiling will creep back up, but that's another issue).
 
Fast forward a few weeks... I stumbled on to the fact that I might have a mild form of adult attention deficit disorder. I was discouraged by all the projects that I was falling behind in, and I was very unhappy with my tendency to procrastinate and not put forth my best efforts. I met with the psychiatrist who prescribed adderall. I was aware of all the stories about adderall and weight loss, but after failing at weight loss surgery, I had pretty much moved on from thinking that I could lose weight from drugs or any other interventions. My main concern was getting my behavior under control so that I could be more effective at work and at home.
 
I started taking the medication around June. Within a few months, my schedule had become super busy and I had addressed the issues I had been avoiding for years head on, including home refi, ending a bad relationship, and revamping a few side businesses. But there was another side effect--while the medication was in effect, I was not a food addict. I ate when hungry. At night, when the medication wore off, I would resume grazing and eating just because. Of course, with the sleeve you can only eat so much.
 
With my food addiction somewhat under control during the day, I have gone on to lose an additional 20 lbs over a period of 4 months. This was with no effort, since I've been so devoted to the projects I'm working on that I haven't made time to workout or follow any particular meal plans. I recently resumed my gym membership and fully intend to start working out again and eating as healthy as possible but I'm trying to get everything else in order first.
 
I'm not advocating medicine to people suffering from food addiction--I'm advocating any treatment, including group meetings or counseling, that will help keep it under control. It turns out my weight issues are directly related to how much I obsess over food when I'm not hungry---no diet, fat burner, workout plan, or even surgery can solve that problem. However, it's probably not a great idea to just rely on medicine to control food addiction, because when the medication stops, the problem returns. In the end, counseling and coping tools are key to managing the disorder.

I am not feeling euphoric anymore. In fact, I've experienced some tiredness that can only be relieved by long naps. I know I'm still better mentally, however, because I WANT to do things; but I'm just having to rest in between. It feels like now I am settling in for the long-term effort of making this surgery part of a successful lifestyle change.
 
My incisions look great and the itching is subsiding. I've not had a problem with liquid intake; I judge this by light urine color. Getting the protein is a little harder because it fills me up quicker. I tend to want to drink 10 oz and then lay down; and when I do that . . . sharp pain, then Pepcid AC & Tylenol.
 
I guess this is going to cure my habit of napping after eating.
 
Well, today I tried Isopure Zero Carb strawberries and cream. It is light without being watery; and tasty without being overly strong. It has 50 g protein for 210 calories. I am anticipating that when I begin trying to lose weight in earnest, this product is going to be a lifesaver. Right now I am just considering myself in the process of healing, staying on liquids, and not considering weight loss a current goal. Of course, I can't wait to weigh on Monday and I hope to see a loss. I think I will because my bra (which usually is overly tight) feels comfortable now.
 
Something I found interesting: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy White Chocolate 15 oz "fortified energy coffee drink" has 11 g protein and (only) 210 calories. I thought that was pretty cool. Who knew?

Okay, I've had several emails and people ask questions about what I'm doing to lose solid numbers every week and I've compiled my list of personal habits (disagree or agree this is just how I'm doing it, feel free to take as little or as much as you want):
 
1) Protein. I went off the doc's diet after week 3 (bad i know!), I get 90% of my calories from pure protein. I completely avoid carbs like the black plague. I snack on chicken, and whatever I can get my hands on. Yesterday for lunch I had pulled pork bbq, 3 oz and I was done, saved the rest and ate it again for dinner. No sides, no bread, nadda. The bbq was more than enough.
 
2) Routine is my bff. I know what I'm going to eat every single day before I leave the house, I leave nothing for imagination and I workout with other people so even if I'm not feeling motivated to do it, I know they are waiting on me to show up- there for I actually do my workouts religously.
 
3) Here's the tough love. 20 minutes is not good enough. 30 minutes is not good enough. 45 minutes is NOT good enough. You need to commit to 1 FULL HOUR EVERY SINGLE DAY to working out. I don't know your schedule but I know this- simple math says it takes 3500 calories to burn 1 lbs of fat, even on a low calorie diet and your BMR helping to burn some calories that still a LOT Of calories that you need to burn.
 
4) READ the guru's. I've read Jillian Michaels and Bob Harpers books, I've read Oprah's trainers, I've read all the top hollywood trainers books. I've educated myself thoroughly and there are several key things THEY ALL AGREE ON:
 
A) To lose weight you must work out a MINIMUM of 1 hour 6 days a week and it must be intense, not lolly gagging- doesn't matter if it's running, walking, elliptical or what you got to make it intense and get your heart rate to 120.
Weight lifting is NECESSARY. At least 3 times a week for 30 minutes at max weight. All the trainers said it, if you want to change your metabolism it starts with weights. Muscle burns more fat. There for increase your muscle. If you rotate a day of weight lifting for cardio, or add them both in for a 2 hour workout 6 days a week, magical things might happen.
C) Carbs are the enemy. They all agree. We are a carb heavy society. And because of our sleeves now is the time to back away slowly and reconsider them later. Eat a very heavy protein diet.
D) Sugars are the enemy. And you know what I'm talking about. Even the protein shakes are full of crap. Time to step back drink h20 (and none of the other crap) and focus on proteins again. I will miss my smoothies and my fudigcles and my occassional sweet tooth cravings, but do want to lose weight or not?
E) DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT eat after 7pm. Water ONLY. Sleeping on a full stomach, partially full, or any thing at all in your stomach will screw with your metabolism in your sleep. Just don't do it.
 
Maybe masters swimming and water polo are my saving grace, but I know several people who've had success with trainers, workout buddies, etc. It's HARD. Period. No matter who we are to get this done. It takes time and commitment.
 
Now, with all this said and done, let me also say that I will NOT be losing ANY weight this week. WHAT?! Why do ask ?! Because my period should be starting tomorrow, and well I got PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome which has been a huge factor in why I needed the VSG- my body cannot regulate my hormones or my insulin), and I have always gained between 7 and 10 lbs on my period (sorry guys for the TMI but weight gain is true for the vast majority of women). If I only fluctuate by a pound or so I will be delighted. So this week I'm easing up on myself and just training and ignoring my numbers as they will most likely go up. BE AWARE of your cycles and get a calendar. Start tracking on your calendar, calories consumed, when your period is, when your PMS'ing (which is when your hormones start to surge and the first onset of weight gain pre-period happens) and watch what happens. You might be bloating because you're so close to your cycle. I also get horrific acne- which right now is pretty bad :/ so that's my indicator mother nature is about to come kick my a$$.
 
I work out a LOT. A minimum of 2 to 5 hours a day and that's why I've been dropping numbers. I know a lot of people cannot commit to that, but I'm doing with with a packed schedule and a kid because my health is #1. It's time for me. THIS IS MY TIME. And I don't have anymore time in my life to waste. I'm being as completely proactive as possible.
 
Hope this helps!

5 weeks post op and I've got to say it's been one of the worst weeks EVER to date. The fact that I even lost any weight at all was absolutely amazing to me, and possibly a first. I'm going to give a brief summary of this weeks events:
 
Started the weekend with my grandmother ending up in hospice/emergency care with a diagnosis of death sometime in the next week, driving 18 hours to say our goodbyes in right before she slipped into a coma the day after we arrived. Got home and I got into a car accident Weds, followed by my home being broken into that following evening. By the grace of god, my car is not damaged and nothing was stolen (I was home and scared the intruder off and police took care of it from there). Sounds like a crappy enough week? It was.
 
My nerves are shot. My coping mechanisms are barely holding on. A lot of praying, deep breathes, etc. And the icing on the cake of this week? Mother nature decided to make her appearance this week and I've been battling just to have enough energy to function and covered in acne. So, we are just going to say that this week needs to hurry up and be over as of today. And preferably, September can move right on along. I'm ready for the sunshine to break through the clouds. I only lost -1.9 lbs this week, and I'm totally okay with that! God bless my sleeve! It keeps me honest and on the right path even when I'm failing... so here's to better weeks, and better days ahead!
 
Height: 5'9
 
Heighest Weight: 216
 
1st Goal Weight: 169
 
 
Sleeved 8/17/2012 @ 216 lbs
 
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)
Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)

Well this will be short out of frustration. When I weighed my self Wednesday I was sitting pretty at 188, when I did my official weigh in on Friday I was at 190.1, for a total weight loss of -1.5 this week compared to last Friday (and since I'm being 100% honest with myself I'm going with my Friday weigh in Number not the lowest number I saw during the week). NOT A HAPPY CAMPER. In fact I was so frustrated I waited until noon and re-weighed myself on Friday and still no change. I had to leave for a trip at 1pm on Friday and got so distracted I ended up running behind and running out of time to update my numbers or blog on here (hence why I'm updating today in stead of a couple of days ago). The only silver lining to my numbers going up and down so much in a few days is that I KNOW THE CULPRIT. I'm not regularly going to the bathroom. THe past 3 weeks I have been, suddenly something this last week changed and I haven't been able to go in about a week or more, and my body is obviously reacting. Things I'm doing to combat the situation:
 
1) Taking a probiotic EVERY DAY to get back on track.
2) I'm doing dissolvable miralax in my coffee every other day.
3) Taking a vitamin every day.
 
Drinking water is not a problem, nor is working out. I've got those two things down solidly. But when your body isn't working properly there is no way your going to see effective weight loss. I even feel bloated right now. It's an icky terrible feeling of being desperate and wanting to shed the toxins out of your body with no idea when it is going to happen. Frustrating. I should be thankful I'm not in a full blown stall, BUT I workout soooo many hours a day, only seeing a -1 bs weight loss AND FEELING bloated is just a big fat NO GO. So I'm focusing on taking my medicine, hoping I get some regularity back and crossing my fingers this week is better than last week.
 
Height: 5'9
 
Heighest Weight: 216
Current Weight: 190.1
(Total weight loss since surgery -25.9 lbs)
 
1st Goal Weight: 169
 
 
Sleeved:
(8/17/2012): 216 lbs
 
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)
Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5)

Had a horrendous time friday to monday, mom has a water infection and was rushed into hospital on friday night, she was delireous and not herself at all. Still managed to stick to the diet even though i wanted to eat comfort food.
Mom is on the mend and is getting 24 hour care, so i can relax a little.
My period came yesterday after only 19 days, it must be the weight loss on the 800 cal diet.
I have my pre op assessment in the morning, praying i will pass everything so that the op is not delayed.
Finding the diet easy now, got used to rumbling tum and eating loads of veg to fill me up.
Also,i am feeling much better for the healthy diet. It will be interesting to see how much i have lost when the period ends, am so glad it came this week and not next week.
Hoping this coming early will not continue, i am 54 and want them to STOP,
that is it for today.
I