dylanmiles23

Heeeelllllp!!!!
 
This is my first holiday post op. My family is from New Orleans so we start cooking the Sunday before Thanksgiving.
 
My daughter lives in Peoria, IL in the area hit by last week's tornado. The family is traveling to her to support her, her fiance and their 1 year old daughter. They were not hurt physically and did not suffer any damage to their home but the work at the local news station and have been under a lot of emotional stress.
 
I am nervous because all my life the only way my family has celebrated the good times, and shown strength thru the bad times is by eating. My family actually is insulted when one does not partake with large bowls of gumbo and plates of turducken, etc. etc.
 
I have stopped testing the food as i cook it but what do I do when it is time to sit down and pass the plate?

I have not written since the new site has been up.
There are things I hate and things I like but it is Alex's brain child not mine or yours. So just grin and bear it.
 
So I am a natural red head. Only color I have ever been in 63 years. Money is very tight so 2 months ago I bought s decent color and it looked good. I couldn't do hi lites but that was fine because I wasn;t born with them. Last week my husband was with me when I went to buy another box of dye. He choose a different color. Sunday I had bright red/orange hair. It glowed!!!
I called the company and they said to buy light brown. I left it on for 20 not 30 minutes. My hair is almost black. UGH!!!!!!!!! Today I am puling out the credit card and getting hi lites. Who the f**k knows what I will look like. Anything is better than almost black on a very pale skinned red head. When you get older you have to go lighter not darker because you do get paler I think.
I can't do Thanksgiving with this color. My youngest grandson, Max will be having his 1st b. day party with about 40 people next week. Can't embarrass him.
 
I have been staying in the middle 190's for a long time now. Today I am back down under 192!!!!!!! I have been 188.? after a fill for 1-2 days. I would love to see the 180's again soon.
 
I do not eat any pies so I am not worried about Thanksgiving desserts. I have never had a pie because I don't like cooked fruit.
 
This is very long but I needed to rant about my hair color.
Have a great day. Boston is cold and rainy today. Stay warm.
Arlene aka Eye Candy

HI ALL! I missed you while the site was down. Catch up on my trip to Vegas and other antics on my blog:
 
www.Thedecontructionofjohnny.blogspot.com
 
In the meantime, here's my latest post.
 
Hello again everybody! It's time for your favorite periodic pudgy press conference. I did alert all of the major media outlets. But it seems they had more pressing obligations. Go figure. I'm flabbergasted that they don't think this is breaking news. I bet if I got a pit bull to bite me in the ass I'd be all over the 5 o'clock news.
 
Let's talk about my weight loss for the past week. (Buzzer sound here.) That sound means I have nothing to report. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Same weight, almost to the ounce, as last Monday. While it's true I busted the 190 mark and hit the elusive 189, it is here that I am stuck. Mired in melancholy. My previously reported frustration with my temperamental metabolism is rearing it's ugly head once more. It's very disheartening to get on that scale really feeling pumped for a loss, only to have that electronic bastard spew it's bad news. I'm going to fling that thing out the window some day. I have never had such a love / hate relationship with an inanimate object before. I once had a putter that crossed me the wrong way and I sent it to a watery grave in a small water hazard. This fancy Fitbit scale only has so many lives.
 
The no news is the lack of weight loss. The bad news is I probably won't hit the goal I set for myself of 186 by the day before Thanksgiving. Seeing that is only 8 days away, it will take an act of the fat gods for me to make it. The other salty news is that this plateauing is messing up my math. I need to lose at least 20 more pounds. When I was at the 1-1/2 pound per week pace, I had the goal date of March 1. One pound per week puts me out to mid April. If I fall below that, I guess we're talking May.
 
I'm doing my part. I'm staying on my 1200ish calories a day plan. I'm limiting my drinking to special occasions. Now I'm stepping up my workouts to 4-5 days a week. I have actually been doing sprints in the middle of my treadmill walks to boost my metabolism. I am working some with weights. I say "working" because my loss of muscle really makes "lifting" hard. These increased workouts have come at great expense to my aging and abused body. I had bad eyes, bad shoulders and creaky knees going into this thing. We can now add bad feet and sore hips to the hit parade.
 
The good news is I'm not giving up. I have a few hurdles here to overcome in the short term, namely Thanksgiving, Palm Beach , birthday, Christmas, New Years Eve, New Orleans, Palm Beach and Scottsdale. My loyal readers will remember that this was the schedule last year that made me bust out of my pants. Well, not this year sports fans. By hook or by crook I will be under my goal by my Bandiversary. May 15, 2014. In the meantime, let's all pray to the god of fatness, Plumpurius, to guide us to the promised land.
 
Bye now!
JT

So today i realized i have been banded now for a little over 2mts.. It feels like it has been a life time.. I keep telling myself i'm doing great.. that with time and patience the band will work for me as it does for others. I have lost weight and for the most part have kept it off..
 
However having had 2 fills i have yet to feel any true restriction and still can eat what i want. i just no longer eat large portions. Which i do count as a HUGE WIN for me. because my god could I eat before hand....
 
Every day is a struggle with hunger. it is so hard to not reach out for that second spoon full of what ever after i have already put my allotment for that meal on my plate.
 
To not visit the vending machine to see what deliciousness is to be found..- Never had the urge before banding not sure where it has come from now wishing it would leave me now....
 
There have been times when i have gotten so hungry that i'm half way through before i remember i am banded and then freeze in fear that i have done something wrong.
 
What keeps me going -
 
The truly AMAZING wonderful people i have gotten to know through this site.
The wonderful honest feedback, support and knowledge sharing
the knowledge that eventually i will get the restriction i am looking for.. just have to keep the chin up and marching forward.
 
I can do this

Happy Wednesday everyone. I know I haven't been active on here lately but I am back now. So how is everyone? I hope everyone is well.
 
Where should I begin?
 
This month has been a good month for me despite of me being a plateau... life has been good. I had a couple of moments this month. The one that hurt the most is when I didn't get my dream job. What is my dream job? To work in Human Resources I have a degree and experience in that field and I had my 10th interview and I still didn't get the job. I felt defeated but I got back on track. I decided to continue practicing my interview skills and keep moving forward. "Every NO! is one step closer to my YES!"
 
Yesterday I had my port placement surgery. This time Dr. Richardson didn't have me come in at 430AM it was 830AM this time! Once again my amazing daddy took me to the hospital. He was off at work at 630am that morning and was still able to stay with me the whole time! I have to admit I was really nervous this time around I don't know why but I was.
 
However I did get the biggest surprised yesterday....... I AM IN ONEDER LAND!!! (is that the right term?) I was shock was I seen the number 193.4! I was so nervous I couldn't cry. I have seen those numbers since I was 19. Wow I am still in shock!
 
Today I am resting I haven't got my appetite back but I am slowly drinking water. I want to do some type of exercise today but I just do want to over do it. I am so close to my high school weight!
 
It's nice to know that my Wii Fit was not lying to me. I am going to reward myself by going shopping for some new clothes and get me a pedi on Saturday. Besides I am on leave until Dec 2nd.
 
God is good and I am loving my band!
 
Thanks for reading.

Wow.. I haven't blogged in thiiisss long!!! It has been a CRAZY 3 months to say the least!! November 22nd will be my 3 months. I'm kinda sad about that, when I think of the significance of that day historically. RIP JFK. On to happier news.. Here are my stats! My highest weight in March when I started this journey was 282 lbs! Day of surgery I was at 254. Today I am about 212.5!!! I'm finally a 16, like before I was married!! HOLY CRAP! 41.5 lbs since surgery, I'm happy with that.. I made my ticker, and I'm OVER halfway toward my goal! I think that's amazeballs!!! I'm glad I can finally eat! It's always protein first. Getting all of my liquids in is hard.. Emotionally I wasn't prepared for how little we eat now. The first time it hit me, I was at Jersey Mike's. I ordered a regular size (I usually order a regular or giant!). So, I get home, and I can only eat like 5 bites. I took half the bread off, so it made me feel a little better. lol.. But only a few bites into it, and I had the rest of this sandwich left!! I was in shock! But when you're full, and you feel full you know it.. Even one bite over that sends me heaving!! Like whoa.. lol.. Even now, there is food I just cannot eat.. McDonald's and I have broken up... I cannot eat there anymore, I barf if I even try anything.. Pizza was hard for me to stomach at first, but now It's ok.. Good thing, I love pizza! hahahaha.. Now, it's barely 1 slice.. Changes, changes are good! How are you guys doing?!
Kimberly
ps. I attached a pic I took this morning at work.. word!

I know I just wrote a long blog yesterday, but last night something frightening happened to my 18 year old daughter who is in college. She was leaving her dorm to go get dinner at the adjacent dorm, when she was attached by two men. They pushed her to the ground, held her down with a foot in her chest and proceeded to choke her. They were yelling at her that they wanted her money. Well, as with most college students she didn't have any cash. She told them to take her debit cards out of her wallet which was on a lanyard around her neck. Once they got the cards they quickly ran away.
 
Brittany is the kindest person. She's gone through her life dealing with bullies and struggled with fitting into her niche'. She's about to finish her first semester at school and has straight A's. As a Mom I couldn't be prouder. You all can imagine my horror when she called me inconsolably crying telling me she had been jumped on her way to dinner. She was so freaked out she ran directly to her dorm room and locked herself inside, then called me. I called campus security (who rushed right over) and shortly after sent out a mass email warning the rest of the campus about the assault and robbery that had taken place by her dorm. They also doubled up campus patrols as well as the City Police patrolling extra. SIGH! I haven't slept today or should I say last night. As a parent all you ever want to do is love and protect your children, no matter how old they get. She struggles with severe anxiety and this semester has been a stretch for her, but she's in the home stretch. She just had to make it through this week and was looking forward to Thanksgiving break. Now, all she could talk to me about was how she could feel the guys dry, itchy skinned hand around her neck pushing harder into her throat and she didn't think she would ever be able to get that image out of her mind. I'm so THANKFUL that they didn't rape or kill her, but I still ask the question, Why? Why do people feel the need to steal from others? Her father wants to hunt the two guys down and kill them for touching his daughter. I'm sure if we knew we could find them we would have been on that campus. I'm just praying they weren't students that she might possibly run into again. The exit she took out of her dorm is officially off limits and she's not to walk anywhere alone after dark. I only wish it would have happened to me and not her.
 
As you can imagine, with all this drama going on old habits began to form in my mind. I wanted comfort food... carbs and some sweets, maybe a soda. She didn't want to miss her classes and kept telling me she just had to finish up this week. She began to sense I was falling apart and was showing me how strong she could be. I didn't give in to my cravings. As a matter of fact, I didn't eat dinner at all last night. I drank a couple bottles of water and talked on the phone with Brittany while we watched one of her favorite MTV shows, Teen Mom 3. She took some anti-anxiety meds and I could tell she was beginning to get sleepy so I reluctantly let her go and told her to call me if she needed me for anything. My phone never rang and I know for sure because I never slept.
 
To top things off my oldest daughter, who is expecting, showed up at my door around 10:30. Rae had a fight with her hubby and laid her head in my lap and cried wishing she was a teenager again. Missing the memories we had created as a family for her and making me feel like a super mom. Thinking about it now I'm wondering if she showed up on a ruse to give me comfort and to make me feel better. Hmmmm. I love my children. They are a gift from God. Even though I didn't get to hold Brittany and comfort her, Rae's head in my lap while letting me give her advice on her relationship and what to expect in the coming months of her pregnancy was cathartic. Writing this blog has made me realize how BLESSED I am. Even though today was not a good day. Everybody, though worse for the wear; is doing okay and most importantly we all still love each other very much.
 
I made it through a very stressful evening without binging on bad foods. I should have eaten dinner, but I'll take the absence of food versus the bad, high calorie type any day! I just pray for protection for my family and friends. Here's to learning life lessons, even if sometimes it has to be the hard way.
 
I sure love my kids!
 
Rachel (20) Brittany (18) Michael (13)
 
Thanks for reading my vent!
 
Till Next Time,
Tara

So the list just grows longer and longer. the benefits of my current 50lb loss include:
 
--Dropping my b/p meds and having normal b/p for the first time in years.
 
--Smaller clothes...this is so much fun and so encouraging. I don't always see the difference in the mirror, but I see it in my clothes. Nice incentive to keep on keeping on.
 
--I feel better. I move better. I sleep better. I am smiling so much more.
 
--And now one very big one that will keep me on track for a long time. I visited my knee doctor yesterday. My right knee is a mess. I've known I'll need replacement for sometime now. But, I've been too young and too overweight. But...because I've had my surgery, it's going to be closer. He's not going to make me wait until I turn 50. I can have it when I lose another 50-75 lbs. I'm so excited! No more pain. I have no cartilage in my right knee. I'm bone on bone. I also have bone spurs and lots of nasty arthritis. I got a shot of cortisone yesterday that will help with the pain. I'm limited to doing cardio ONLY in the pool. No treadmills, no elipticals, no stairs (except at home to get to my bedroom). So, I'm working on getting new workout plans for the pool to keep me engaged.
 
So the list just keeps growing. I'm so happy with my decision.
 
Have a great day, friends!

Here I am 3 months after being banded. I feel proud of the progress that I've made... but sorta bummed because I have such a long road ahead of me. I look back to last April and I realize how far I've come. I actually weighed 332 lbs before I got sick. So, since then I've actually lost 70 some lbs. I know, I know I should be proud but I'm looking at more than a 100 lbs to go to get to my goal. That's a lot of weight. I need to set small goals to keep myself motivated. I'm also bummed because I have so many back problems that its making it impossible for me to exercise.
 
I've had two fills. I have 6cc's in my 14 cc band. I'm calling today to see if I can come in early and get my third fill this week because I know I need it, I'm not in the green yet. Which brings me to my next thought. I had an "Ah Ha" moment this week. I don't know how many times I've heard that the band is just a tool it doesn't make you lose weight. This is SO TRUE! I've had the band for three months and really I've been dieting for three months. I've changed the way I eat and watch my calories. My band isn't tight enough to "KEEP" me from eating. Technically, I could eat whatever I wanted and quite a bit of it, but I'm using my willpower to keep myself on track. Some days are better than others. My point is the band isn't working for me right now so I'm still on my own. I made up my mind that I was going to lose weight and that's exactly what I'm doing! I just didn't realize it would take so long to get my band to the right spot to get me losing with my band. If anybody is reading this that hasn't been banded yet, just realize the band does work it just takes a lot of maintenance. You have to be in contact with your surgeon. I've only been going once a month but I'm hoping to start going every two to three weeks until I get where I need to be. After my fills usually by week two I know how I can eat and what's going on with my hunger.
 
I know I'm just rambling, but that's what my blogs are for! I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving this year and I'm not worried about gaining. I'm more nervous about being around family, and them seeing how slow or what a small amount I eat. Plus, those who know will be looking at me to see if they can tell if I've lost weight. I've lost two jeans sizes. Go me! Go me! Go me! My daughter who comes home on the weekends from college always tells me she can tell the difference in my weight. She told me my clothes were too baggy and I needed to wear smaller clothes to show off my body more. This is another issue. I don't see myself any thinner so I'm still wearing clothes to disguise my body. I really still need to because I have a bad case of muffin top going on now. The jeans are all low cut and I need to lose weight around my middle. Can't wait until I'm to the point where I can get a tummy tuck!! Also, my poor tata's are shrinking. Of course, the first person to tell me about that was my hubby. LOL!!
 
Finally, I mainly wrote this for myself to remind me where I've come from and where I am and to set my mind straight to where I wanna be! I can do this! I am doing this! BUT, its hard. This is not an easy fix. The band is not a quick fix. The band requires dedication and pure commitment to your goal. It's not just another diet either. It's a life changing way to help you eat healthier and in turn you get your life back! I'm getting out more. I'm doing more with my friends and that happy party girl is coming back! Everyone around me has noticed it. I'm THANKFUL that I feel more confident! I'm so glad I got the band and I'm so glad I found this site. Even though it's changed dramatically. I love all my new lapband friends! I'm thankful I have friends and family that are supportive! I feel blessed and I'm going to continue to work hard to lose these last 100 lbs. It might take me two years but I'm going to get there!
 
Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!
 
Till Next Time,
Tara

I got a gym membership a few weeks after my surgery, so I could walk despite whatever the Portland weather threw at me (read: rain). Despite my best intentions I have been in and out of still not feeling "GREAT" so I've only gone a few times. BUT! The other day another St. Louis expat who I knew tangentially on facebook and I started talking, and since she just moved here in October we decided we'd work out together. I'm super stoked about this. Accountabilly-buddy is go.
 
Now if I can just get myself to stop comparing my weight loss to other amazing stories of weight loss and feeling inadequate about that (I know that's something I shouldn't do, but I think its human nature to do it) I'll feel ever better.
 
Except for the blister I got on my heel from walking 2 miles in semi-loose shoes because I didn't tie them tight enough. I don't feel better about that. That one's all my bad.

On Friday, November 15th, I competed in my first ever race. I ran the 5K relay of The Flying Start Sprint Triathlon. My finish time was 28:04. This compared to when I ran 5K for the first time in the Maldives, completing the Couch-to-5K training plan (app available through Apple & Android). Then, I rejoiced in a finishing time of 38:00.

When I started this journey to optimum health, my commitment was to exercise three times per week, get my weight into a healthy range, and find a way to change my thinking and lifetime habits so that I stayed healthy. In the end, that plan included the gastric sleeve, taking up running, and ultimately, learning to be militant and unapologetic for putting my health and self care before anyone else's needs. Something I've never been very good at doing.

This time, with my 50th birthday looming, when people asked for some of my time, I checked my workout schedule. When people wanted to meet me for business, I suggested non-food venues. If I got too busy for self care every week, I ruthlessly cut out work stuff until I did have time for myself. I've read over 100 books, been to the spa nearly every week, and managed to get my hair cut every four weeks - for the first time in my adult life.

All of which is good.

But let me tell you - it was MUCH easier to change my physical habits than my mental habits. I have spent the last 18 months fighting a mental battle that at times left me feeling weak and sick. The relentless, repetitive litany of random crap in my head, all of it negative, all of it self-critical, and all of it FALSE, made me tired. There were times that I just wanted to lie down and cover my head with a pillow. I'd wake up in the morning thinking about a scheduled run, and immediately the crap would start. An endless, inescapable demand to justify myself and really, my existence. At least it felt like it. The old caustic, hurtful tapes played over and over and over and I experienced how difficult it is to switch it off. I felt more exhausted from the mental chaos than I did from the workouts.

But I learned a few things along the way, and having just completed what feels like an incredible milestone to me, I reflected on that learning.
No matter what confused, chaotic, caustic, or nasty things were happening in my head, compelling myself to physical action always made it better, and sometimes, quieted my mind completely. It is always possible to take action even when the noise in my head is deafening. It is not my brain that I need to run, it's my legs, my arms, my breath. My head just happens to come along for the ride. In other words, giving in to the head noise as if it controls my physical existence is a huge tactical error in the war with negativity. NOT going and doing the workout or self care or planned activity made the mental chaos that much louder the next time, plus the added emotional factors of disappointment and guilt. The more attention I paid to 'fighting' the thoughts, the more fighting I had to do. I gradually learned that the less importance I placed on the thoughts I didn't want, the less they bothered me. After awhile, they weren't loud enough to interrupt my thinking, and now, sometimes, they're completely absent. It gets better. The more consistent I was in following my plan of action combined with ignoring the noise in my head, the easier it got. There's no substitute for the incredible sense of satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something difficult. When I look back at the past almost 18 years since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, it's been a journey I couldn't have planned with a road map and detailed instructions. And what a trip it's been. From being fit to the uncertainty of ill health, to a wheel chair, to 'starting over,' to the Middle East, through obesity and back, to a triathlon.

Wow and wow. I have a huge sense of thankfulness for the things this journey has already taught me, and I anticipate there is more to learn.

Bring it on.

Well I thought I'd do a little update since it has been awhile. I'm 3 months out from my surgery on Aug 9th. I'm currently weighing in at 304 lbs. That is 60 lbs down from before my pre-op diet. I feel great and couldn't be happier with the results. A couple of weeks ago I slacked off on my exercising and didn't do anything for an entire week. I didn't feel good but that's really not an excuse. To get me back on track I bought a dry erase board to log my daily exercise. It's also to keep up with how many reps I do with my weights so I can start increasing those gradually. I also purchased a fit bit which I love. It keeps up with how many steps I take, miles walked, calories burned... you get the picture. I have it linked to my fitness pal so it will take off calories burned. It's really handy and very motivating.
 
Well my one big goal was to be under 300 lbs by Christmas but it looks like I might hit that goal by Thanksgiving. I've had a ton of NSV's so I'm going to list a few of those here.
 
1. Going shopping from my closet - I've had a lot of cute shirts just sitting in my closet bc they were too small. Now they fit!!
2. Bought some pants from a regular dept store- I actually bought some pants from Kohl's a couple of weeks ago. I haven't been able to shop anywhere but Lane Bryant in years!!
3. Seat belt doesn't pinch me and stays clasped now- I was having an issue with my hips/thighs being too wide so the seat beat in my vehicle wouldn't latch properly and would come undone while I was driving down the road. Fits great now!
4. No more Meraligia Paresthetica!! This is a big one bc it was causing me so much pain. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a nerve on your outer thigh that gets pinched bc of extra weight. It causes numbess, pain and burning. It got so bad for me that I would wake up at night and the pain would be so intense it would take about 20 minutes of slowly moving my leg around until I could get up. It always happened if I ended up on my back. I'm having ZERO issues with this now.
5. NO fast food. Fast food was my weakness and probably one of the main reasons I weighed so much. I haven't had a burger and fries in over 4 months and when I think about it doesn't even sound good. If we do grab fast food I pick subway or chick-fil-a (cool chicken wrap with no dressing is amazing).
6. Decrease in blood pressure meds. I was able to go on a lower dose of BP meds which also happens to save me $50 a month ($60 rx is now a $10 rx).
7. No more kidney pain/frequent UTI's. The last several years I've had kidney pain and stones, and frequent UTI's. I drank a lot of diet soda and little water. Now I drink a lot of water and no soda.
8. I really do have a collar bone. I know this is silly to some but this is my favorite NSV. It's so weird to feel it after not being able to for so long that I find I touch it alot without thinking. Yes I'm weird but I'm totally ok with that.
 
These are just a few but there are many more. It amazes me that so much has changed already even though I have a long way to go. I can't wait to see what the next four months will bring!!!
 
 
 
 
Believe

So I've been reading a blog here and there and they remind me of an old journal I used to keep a long, long time ago. Kind of a map of the goings on in my life. Something I can look back on and see progress. So here goes my story:
 
I've been fat all my life. I was a fat baby, a fat kid, a fat teen, a fat bride, and a larger than most (but actually an acceptable weight) soldier in the Army. I pretty much hovered around 198, never going over 200. Until my husband died at 46 (I was 40). In the 2 yrs afterwards, I went to 248. A bmi of 40.8.
 
I moved 3,000 miles from the East Coast to the West Coast to "start over". I then had lapband surgery when it took my breath away to tie my shoes. It took 4 mths and 3 fills to get to my "sweet spot" and I then started losing. After 50 lbs and 10 mths later, I felt confident enuf to start dating. My mom encouraged me to go online, since the only friends I had in the new town were people from church and from my widows group (most over the age of 75).
 
Had coffee with a few men who never even asked for my number. Dated 1 guy for 2 mths, he asked me to marry him at week 2 and put a ring on layaway. We were very serious. Even looking at house together. He then decided we were getting too serious and broke it off. Found out that he had been conversing with a woman in Iowa, he fell in love, and was bringing her to Oregon to get married. He used my ring that was on layaway. So tacky. Broke my heart. He was definitely a "chubby chaser" tho and I was getting too thin for him.
 
I met Craig online. We were talking and he wanted to have coffee. It was midnight. So in the shower I went and met him for coffee at 2 am. That was 3 yrs ago. Married him almost 2 yrs ago. I got lucky for the 2nd time in my life, to marry the man of my dreams. He's so encouraging of my weightloss but never says anything if I've managed to gain a few lbs. He had recently lost 80 lbs before I met him using Atkins, so he knew about being obese.
 
Last year, after vomiting frequently (think I lost the 104 lbs I lost on the bulimic diet) my band finally had had it and slipped. After numerous unfills/fills/tweaks, it was determined it wasn't gunna fix itself. I had my sleeve revision 4 mths ago. I've now lost 22 lbs with 22 to goal of 130 (I had gained 30 lbs during the year my band was slipped and unfilled, of course. Isn't that the way the band works?).
 
While I'm bummed about my slow progress, someone mentioned to me recently that I've lost 50% of my excess weight in 4 months and how fantastic that was. So yeah me!
 
I know I could speed up my weightloss by counting everything that goes into my mouth but thats why I had wls in the first place - so I'd never have to diet again. So I will take a 1-2 lbs a week loss getting to eat whatever I want (including bread, rice, pasta and potatoes) over eating only protein and veggies and counting every calorie that goes into my mouth. I got fat from eating too much. I no longer eat too much so I'm bound to lose weight. I can eat about as much as I could when my lapband was at it's premium, but without all the vomiting. Vomited once since being sleeve (my fault - ate too much). I still eat cookies (1 instead of 12), chips (5-6 instead of a bag), bread (1 pc vs 4), pasta (5-6 bites instead of a whole order), fried chicken (1/2 wing instead of 6 wings, and cheese nips (a small handful instead of the whole box)
 
Ok, got that off my chest. Now, for the lectures on why eating whatever I want is counterproductive after wls....

I've discovered since having my lap band surgery on Sept. 19th that a whole new world is really out there waiting for me...and I am quite excited by this!
 
In 7 weeks and 5 days I have learned so much more about myself than I ever would have thought possible. First and foremost....I can eat to live and not live to eat anymore. This is a big one....as a constant food grazer for the past 30 or so years...who knew you could really just eat to nourish your body and mind and move on with your day....with your life.
 
My band and I are forging a whole new relationship together and we are getting along fabulously....I'm learning to stop at satisfied, chew, chew, chew, and to eat slowly. When I do this I don't feel that pressure in my chest I experienced a few times when first back on solids. I eat when I'm hungry...this is a new one for me. I actually wait when my stomach begins to growl and really get rowdy. Why one might ask. Because I havent felt TRUE hunger in so many years its actually a nice feeling. It reminds me that this is the signal that tells me....Yup....time to put some nourishment in me....and that's it!
 
Food is not all consuming to me anymore. I dont have any cravings. I dont know if its the band or the plication but I am loving it! I realized a week ago that I can eat something like a fun-size bag of peanut M+M's and the food demon of my past will not be unleashed. I thought for sure once I had that taste of chocolate...the taste of salty and sweet...the taste of goodness and comfort and joy that those M+M's used to elicit would cause me to slip back into old eating habits and patterns. You know what....IT DIDNT. Mind you, panic over this little "snack" did cause fear in my heart and soul as I ran around the house for the rest of the night telling my hubby that I surely released "the demon". Well, guess what?...the next day was like any other banded day for me. Eating breakfast, lunch, my little snack to get me to dinner and then to my last meal of the day- dinner.
 
Now when I see that bowl of leftover Halloween candy, I glance at it and say ....aaahhh...and walk away and onto the next thing I was going to do. Moments like that I now say WOW to.
 
At work, no one (well actually only one person---the wonderful school nurse who helped me when I fell outside of work right before my lap band surgery and i basically broke down because of the stress of everything---knows). One girl has said I've lost weight.....many others comment on how great my hair looks and they all love the shirts I'm wearing. I find it funny....not sure if they dont know what to say or this is how they are noticing it. I've always been a loose fitting shirt girl, always trying to cover up all my baggage and now my clothes are beginning to hang even more. I know I've got to get new stuff but the thought of not hiding stuff is all new to me. I will come around...for I must...but this part is the hard part right now.
 
I feel good...I feel light....I feel faster...I feel more energetic. I love that my wedding/engagement ring are constantly twisting on my finger. I love that my watch needs a link taken out. I love that I can eat at home or go out to eat with my family and I CAN eat. Whatever I want....sometimes better choices than others but I can always eat everything. I DO NOT feel deprived of anything. I don't miss the constant grazing, the donuts by the dozen, the pints of Ben & Jerry's, the 2 or 3 helpings at dinner.
 
I DO LOVE that my hubby is able to reach around me better when he gives me a hug....I can keep up with my kids better....i feel better about myself....i am happier than i've been in some time.....I'm healthier.....i've lost 46 pounds and this is just the beginning.
 
I look out my window and see that whole new world that being thinner offers and at times it is scary and seems so unknown but I wont know how truly great it all is unless I continue to travel down that road and reach that weight loss goal that has eluded me for sooooo many, many years.
 
So, watch out....'cause here I come!

Farewell size 20W I will not miss you much,
You have been with me through the tough times,
Welcome size 18W OH how I have missed you…
I look forward to some good times..
May you not over stay your welcome…
Farewell size 20W - Here is my pledge…
To remember the times we had together
To remember the why’s
To remember NEVER AGAIN…..
 
:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

Well hello everyone and fellow Bariatric Pals!
 
I am so happy that the blogs are available I was going thru withdraws to a min. LOL
 
So what has been going on with me?
Well last month I did my first 5K walk and I was amazing. (see pics below)
 
I am set to have my port placement surgery on Nov 20th and I decided to take the rest of the month off.
 
I am at a plateau now on my weight lost but that will changed soon.
 
Other than that I am loving my Band!
 
Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry, I have to leave. There's a lot of great info on this site to learn, but it's just so dull and depressing after the change to the site. There's broken codes showing all over the place, many pictures don't show and tickers also show as broken codes.
 
Good luck and high hopes that everything goes well to all that has surgery! May your life be better and healthy! :-)

Remember starting a new school? Having to make new friends? Trying to find your way around? Everything was so different and you hated it….
 
Remember moving to a new town? Not knowing anyone? Having to leave all your friends behind? Everything was so different and you hated it….
 
Well here we are, starting a new school…..
 
Alex has built WLS University (BariatricPal) and within that university are the specialty colleges (Lapband, Sleeve, Bypass). It is all new and SCARY! We don’t know where to go, we don’t know where our friends are…… and we are expressing feelings of dislike.
 
What if we meet some new friends? Learn about their struggles with their WLS? What if we gave them support? We all know the one similarity we share is that WE have a problem with our weight and WE had to do something about it. That problem didn’t go away when we had surgery. We just started a new journey of healing. A journey that is for life. The same journey for all of us.
 
Let’s embrace what Alex has provided us, a place to go for support, for help and for education. I know it is scary right now, we are only 2 weeks into the new school. (Don’t know about you but I keep getting lost.)
 
But, in time this new university will be our old familiar stomping ground. We will be running into all our friends all the time. We will know the layout like the back of our hands…..If only we give it a chance.
 
Thank you Alex for building us this beautiful WLS University called BariatricPal.

Tuesday morning (Nov.12,2013) at 5:30am I have my surgery done and behind me. So ready to see where this road to a new life style goes!
But mostly hoping the surgery helps me like hoping it will.
 
Time will tell...

Back to the WLS for the next installment of Jill's endless problems with the band.
 
My appointment was scheduled for 1:00pm and it's about an hour drive. As usual, but for coffee, there isn't any thing I'm going to get down before 10:00am at the earliest. So I planned to just skip eating as it takes me 40+ minutes to work down a Yoplait and some oatmeal.
Around 11:00am my husband asked me if I'd make him a sandwich. While making said sandwich I ate one single slice of deli ham and was immediately blocked. Didn't feel like I was going to throw up, it was just 'there'...until I got in the car.
About half way to the doctor's office I started sliming and feeling like maybe I should pull over but I made it, checked in, went to the restroom and got sick. All it produced was a tiny piece of ham. Still felt blocked an hour later leaving the doctor's office and ended up throwing up over and over in my car on I-87. Thank God I have a plastic waste basket in my car. Now that's ironic considering I'd made it for a whole week without an episode and once again convinced myself it must just be in my head!
 
What did the WLS have to say? It's gotta come out. While it's comforting to know the band failed me and not the other way around, having my WLS announce that I need to start planning my revision surgery pronto because he "knows" most patients who have their band removed, "blow up" just adds to the anxiety. So much for the band allowing me to finally stop focusing on food, my weight etc.
Let's stir in the fact that I've got to try to find the time before the end of the year it get this done for fear that with the onslaught of Obama-Care I won't have coverage.
 
It funny how I didn't really notice what poor nutrition does as prior to the attempted repair surgery the problems had slowly built up. I'm a pretty busy person and had just chalked up being tired to my schedule, menopause etc.
In the month where I was able to eat more normally and a wider range of foods, I had more energy, got more done and didn't need to nap everyday just to get up the energy to finish chores. Not to sound vain, but I had people telling me how well I looked - which I found to be odd - just how bad was I looking!?! My hair was glossy again and my nails grew.
 
Since the return of the problems my hairbrush looks like a small kitten and my nails are breaking and splitting and once again I'm hearing, "You look tired". And so I am - nap time for Jill!

Wow! Has it really been 3 years since my surgery? Some days as I look back at old pictures I find it hard to believe that time has passed and I really used to be morbidly obese. I continue to love my new healthy life style and thank God everyday for giving me the courage and the strength to continue to stay true to my self and my goals. Weight lose is a journey and weight loss surgery of any kind is not easy. I was once one of those negative people who believed WLS was the easy way out but I soon found out that it was the hardest test of my courage and strength that I would ever experience. I happen to be one of the lucky Lap Band patients who was successful and was able to reach my goal weight. I know many who have tried and failed only to have to go back and start over again. I guess the most important thing I have learned during my 3 year adventure is to never give up on your self. If you back slide, you pick yourself up and start over again. I always remember that if I fail the only person I am failing is myself. You must continue to love yourself and never compare your success or failures to others. Never judge those who succeed or those who fail, we are all different and those differences are what make us unique. I feel I owe a lot of my early success and support to LBT website, I was an early blogger and frequent reader of the forums. I sometimes remained quiet but read and learned as much as I could from all on the site. Since my first years, I have been very lucky to make some very good friendships and develop a strong cyber support group that does not judge me and is always there to lift me up when I need it and to challenge me when I become complacent. Maintenance is hard and you must practice the principles of WL everyday. I have goals for myself that have allowed me to maintain a constant weight and maintain my goal for 14 months now but I am never going to forget who I once was. I keep reminders of obese Diane in my office and my home. I never want to forget where I started and how hard it was to achieve my success.
 
My advice to all you new members who are starting and seasoned members who are still working toward your goal:
 
Never give up on your dream; you are unique and if you set your mind to it anything is possible with hard work and dedication.
 
the first picture is my beginning in 2012, the second picture is me in my fat pants a year ago in 2012 at goal and the third is this Halloween(2013) as a gogo dancer getting ready for a 1960's Halloween Party!
 
Good luck and much success to all and here's positive thoughts for a healthy eating holiday season!

Sometimes we [people with Fibromyalgia, women in general, parents, grandparents, older alduts] have to remind ourselves to STOP. We are so use to doing things for others, to putting others first, that we neglect our own needs and health. It has been difficult for me to do this in the past, but since my surgery I have begun to practice putting myself first. Sometimes I have to remind myself of the flight attendants speech, "in case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first and then turn to help children and others around you".
 
Here is a list of 10 things we should type up and put on our mirrors or frig to remind us that we need to stop doing in order to take care of ourselves.
 
The following list is from an article written by Adrienne Dellwo for about.com
 
Today I will stop:
 
1. Overdoing it.
2. Criticizing myself.
3. Blaming myself.
4. Believing other people's negative opinions about me, Fibromyalgia, and weight loss surgery.
5. Having unrealistic positive expectations.
6. Having unrealistic negative expectations.
7. Putting myself last.
8. Giving up on new treatment options and/or lifestyle changes for my Fibro too soon.
9. Letting stress overwhelm my life.
10. Asking why.
 
Click here to read to complete article

Well hello there blogs! It's been a while. Anywho, final appointment went well, packet submitted, got denied for some dumb stuff, then approved. I figured short and sweet was the way to go with that. I'm kind of glad the blogs have been down as I havent had much nice to say lately. Surgery scheduled for Nov 20th, a mere 11 days away and I start pre op diet next Tuesday. Let me tell you, looking forward to that (HA! yeah right). But it will be ok. Somehow I talked my boss into giving me 2 weeks off, how? I haven't quite figured that out yet, guess he was in a good mood that day. Obviously nervous about the procedure as a whole, but it seems as though most are doing or have done alright with it, I just hate hospitals.

I have been wearing my stretch jeans from pre surgery and getting away with it, until this week. I went to wear them to work on casual day and they looked so baggy that I just couldn't wear them out in public. So as much as I was trying to hold off buying new jeans until I loss more weight I decided the time had come. I first tried on a 16W in the womens department thinking they might be snug but that i will fit them soon enough. But to my surprise they were baggy in the butt! So I tried on a pair of 14W jeans and they fit perfect. It mentally made my day. I couldn't wait to tell my husband! I'm just saying after years of shopping and not even finding a pair of jeans to be able to try on, and now having options it's s good feeling.

This morning I had my first follow up appointment in 6 months. I had been struggling the last week or so deciding on whether or not to get a fill. I got some good advice and some suggestions and after talking with the PA today we decided there is no need for one right now. I am eating 3 meals a day with no snacking or cravings. I am going anywhere from 3 to 5 hours without getting hungry and I have found for me I tend to get hungry sooner after having the shake but with real actual food I can go 5 or 6 hours.
 
At the end of the day I do believe I was factoring my fill needs on 1. Getting hungry at times sooner than what I was months ago. 2. Scale is not where I wanted it to be.
 
So....# 1 is OK as I have narrowed it down to why I get hungry sooner and I can adjust.
 
#2 is definitely not a good reason for a fill. Getting a fill certainly has nothing to do with the scale and getting a fill will not help the scale move any faster. Thank you to Missy for reaffirming that for me. I mean I knew in the back of my mind it was not a valid reason for fill but hearing it from someone else just made more sense.
 
I also found this morning that my last fill was not in April it was actually back in January when I got .5cc. I had it written down in a notebook but hadn't actually looked it in a while.
 
Lastly, my PA is going to work on getting insurance approval for a new sleep study. 240lbs later it is obvious an adjustment is need on my CPAP.
 
Other then that I am living the dream and enjoying life. Happy 5th Anniversary to my beautiful wife Kelli (Kelli1016).
 
If you read this then I wish you a happy Friday and I hope you're doing well and rocking your band or preop diet!!