dylanmiles23

A couple weeks ago, I hit my pre-op weightloss goal and recived my sugery date with the understanding that it was pending insurance approval. As of today, I had not heard from the center or my insurance company. One phone call later and I was informed that not only am I approved by insurance but that I'm the first on the list for my surgeon.
 
Um, this just got real and I think I may have wet my pants a little. LOL
 
Excited. Nervous. Butterflies everytime I think about it.

Hello my lapband family,
 
I know I haven't been on here in gods knows when but let me tell yall of my progress. First off I'm down to a happy 195. I know I can't believe it either. I now work out 5 to 6 days a week and have fell in love with it :wub: . I love it so much I crave for it when I have to miss a day crazy I know. Also I'm really learning how to eat I'm still not perfect and I have some pit falls but I'm still a work in progress none the less. Well I hope to update more often until then have a good day.

So August 3rd was the last time i posted on here and I figured I needed to update.
 
 
The past couple weeks have been crazy. Work has started back, I got sick, went to Carowinds, got my first fill. But lets tackle one at a time.
 
#1 - THE KIDS ARE BACK. School is back in session. So far I've only made one kid cry *YAY* lol (Yes Im a mean art teacher) but he saw me today and gave me a hug, so I guess all is forgiven. New principal, lots of new staff, and still adjusting to everything. I am PRAYING tomorrow goes well with my all boy classes and that no one want to fight. But it is week one there are LOTS of weeks let for them to get tired of each other. But thus far lots of hugs and "I missed yous " I even had one of my little trouble makers jump into my arms when he saw me yesterday lol - Silly youngins . Then there was the "Ms.O'Malley do you have a baby in your belly kid?" ALWAYS 1 each year. I have accepted by kids DO NOT understand I am not pregnant but I just look pregnant (you cant tell my kindergartens that, they wont believe you lol)
 
#2 - Caught a cold the week before school. Well that sucked. All I wanted was carbs and cheese. I had cheesy mashed potatoes, cheesy grits, and mac and cheese galore. Chicken? Steak? Ugh wanted nothing to do with it. Lasted about 3 days and I glad it ended before school got back in. That would have been a crappy was to start the year.
 
#3 - Carowinds - Had a blast! I had (at that time) lost about 35 pounds from where I was last summer. And when I went I couldn't fit into about 3 of the roller coasters. Embarrassed much? HIGHLY. But this year went - fit in everything I tried to ride, although I didn't try everything for fear of hurting my port. I am still not where I fit "comfortably" but at least I fit.
Funny enough it was last year when I couldn't fit in the roller-coaster that I reached my "breaking point" and decided to get the lapband as soon as I got insurance.
 
#4 Fill - Got my 1st fill FINALLY - 2 months+ later. Went weighing in at 227 (started at 265) which 4 pounds in 3 weeks before that 4 pounds in 2 weeks. So i'm averaging about 2 pounds loss per week. My doctor said we need to work on the AMOUNT of food I take in even if i'm losing 2 pounds steadily. Right now I'm eating 1 cup 4 or 5 times a day. She said we need to get me at 1 cup 3 times a day and 1 snack 1/2 cup. 1 cup of my food is the max I eat but I definitively am not satisfied on it so hopefully getting these fills will help.
 
When she removed the fluid from surgery to measure I was SHOCKED. She removed 5.6cc!!! I was like WHOA now, thats alot. She told me that why I]m not starving and my reply was THATS why I was in so much PAIN after surgery. She said... more than likely :::eye roll:: anyway...... my port is at an angle but in the perfect angle for a fill. IN - OUT - DONE
I had my fill with fluoro so I got to see the xray of my band and the barium going through - pretty cool. She added 1cc couldn't feel a difference then another... still no difference. She told me that's all shes going to add for now I go back in 4 weeks for a check-up. Put on liquids 2 days, pureed 2 days and then solids. So we will see.
 
Hunger hasnt kicked in so far - 11oz of protein shake / Tea / 11oz Tomato soup
 
We will see!

It's official!
 
 
 
I saw Dr. X on Monday for my monthly follow up. I have hit the the 50 pound loss mark. If you really think about it ... that's a whole big bucket of blubber. Fifty pounds is definitely life changing. Just about every aspect of my life has changed. My complete wardrobe (all three levels) are obsolete. My sleep habits have changed ... no more snoring. My exercise went from zero to above moderate. My eating habits have greatly changed for the better. My overall activity level has improved. My blood pressure went down and my resting heart rate is at the GOOD level. I'm only a couple of beats per minute over EXCELLENT and not far from ATHLETE. That's a hoot! So you can probably say that I had a complete makeover. Both in outside appearance and inside my head. It's the head part that's the hardest to change. I will have to struggle with this for the rest of my life. If I ever give in, it'll be back to the level 3 wardbrobe and I can't afford that.
 
Well I think it's time to get a real grip on what 50 pounds of fat ass real is. We reviewed it at the 40 level and that was kinda fun. And very eye opening. So let's look at fifty.
 
1) $200 in quarters ( that would be 800 coins) weighs fifty pounds. This begs the question: What would you rather have? 200 bucks or my ass full of quarters?
 
2) An average 7 year old child weighs fifty pounds. My kid is growing up right before my eyes. Remember? He was only 3 at the 40 pound level
 
3) A bale of hay weighs 50 pounds. My ass weighed about 10 bushells full.
 
4) A baby pygmy hippo weighs 50 pounds. We can all think of something wittty to say here. Let's leave at this: A few months ago, hanging out with me would be like hanging out with 5 baby hippos. Less the cuteness.
 
5) 2 big sacks of potatos weigh fifty pounds. Formerly easily consumed by me either fried, baked, sauteed, mashed, boiled. It didn't matter. Also, A potato is the Father of the Chip. Forever whorshipped.
 
6) A medium pit bull terrier. 50 pounds of sheer muscle. Can't say that about 50 pounds of ass.
 
7) 5 bowling balls. Yep. Strap 'em on and go up and down the stairs a few times.
 
It never gets old! If we had time, I would go around the house and weigh all the appliances. I know my ass was at least as heavy as your average microwave oven. Or maybe even your refrigerator. It was big and it was heavy. Now, not so much. Yes, I am still of large ass. But not of fat ass. Hopefully soon, I will be of normal ass. Fret not my friends, I will always be YOUR horse's ass.
 
Hasta la vista, baby!
 
Johnny!
 
P.S. I'm in the game for real now. Dr. X gave me another full c.c. in the band. I'm at 35% restriction. I will report any changes soon

It wasn't that big of deal! http://tinkrisegrind.blogspot.com/2013/08/12-days-post-revision-and-feeling-good.html?showComment=1377658646290#c3004322866497770283
 
 
So happy to feel full again!

It has been a long time since I have written or read much on this site. Work is kicking my butt, working about 9-10 hours a day in the office, then coming home to do house work. It's become a work, work, work atmosphere and it's getting me down.
 
This past Sunday I spent most of the day sleeping, I was exhausted. It's just Tuesday and I have already put in 22 hours. My body aches, I feel blah, and have zero motivation or desire to do anything more that what is necessary. Exercise just ain't happening and lately neither has healthy eating.
 
I caught myself today eating like I use to and it scared me. I haven't had time to think lately or put much effort into meals. Breakfast is still the same yogurt, blueberries with a sprinkle of granola. Lunch is anything from cereal to take out. Today a friend went to Moes and got me a burrito bowl. I was busy working at my desk, she put it in front of me and said eat. I said thanks and started working. I was working and eating and caught myself mindlessly eating and shoveling it in. That is a habit I never want to see again. When I finally get home from work, I have no energy left to want to cook, so it easy stuff like bag meals or delivery pizza.
 
Thankfully, this crazy time tends to only last about a month, before things get back to normal. I can't wait!! My stress level is higher than it's been in a very long time, people at work are ill, the new computer system at work plan out sucks and cause me to work twice as hard to do half the work. Honestly, I want to sit down and cry.
 
My weight is still holding in the 186-189 range, which I guess I should be thankful that it hasn't gone up considering my horrific eating habits of late. With all the stress it causes me to look at myself like I use to- like a huge fat blob that will never loose weight so why try. I know 60 lbs are gone, but I still feel huge.
 
I am guessing it's the working myself to the bone, exhaustion, time of the month, ect that are getting me down. I had so hoped that by this time or at least by Christmas this year I would be at my goal of 140, but I am starting to think I will never get there and why try.
 
Any one with some words of wisdom or some encouragement out there? Totally feeling down and unworthy.

Good evening,
On Yahoo I was just reading an article that said Tim Gunn thinks it is awful the way designers treat plus size women. Finally someone on our side. He said if he was on the 8th floor at Saks in NY he would jump through the window because the clothes are that bad.
I am not in plus size any more but I totally understand what he is talking about. When I wore plus size I wore a lot of Ralph Lauren. The jeans fit the best and lasted forever.
Maybe now the designers will listen because Tim has a lot clout!!

Every now and then I get a PM asking me how I have lost so much weight so fast and what do I do for exercise. Let me tell you honestly I have lost a significant amount of weight just by simply doing things that I couldn't do for a very long time. Things that most people do daily.
 
When I was 488lbs I could hardly stay on my feet for 10 minutes at a time without sever muscle cramps in the back of my legs. I couldn't even walk the grocery store with my Wife. I used to sit in the car and wait for her to do it and then I would get out and help her load the car. We would get home and carry the groceries into the house and I would have to sit and catch my breath, rest my legs before helping her put stuff away. It was no way for a 45 year old man to live.
 
So to say I lost a lot of weight with no exercise is not completely accurate but the exercise I was getting is stuff that some folks may take for granted and I never will again. At my heaviest everything but sitting and lying down was a task. I was a home body as much as possible and even going out to a movie was a task. I even reached a sad point where taking a shower was a real chore but I did it every day because not taking one is just unacceptable not mention gross.
 
So as my journey has progressed so has my physical activity but yet I am still having a problem getting in actual exercise and sometimes just a simple walk is hard to get in. Last week I committed to 10 hours of cardio and came up way short not even reaching half. This week same thing I committed to 10 hours of cardio and I didn't get the walk in yesterday. Today I am going and this time no excuses.
 
Exercise needs to become a daily task just like taking a shower is a daily task....
 
So far my weight loss has not really started to slow down but I am starting to see the signs that it might. I figure as I am inching closer to goal it will only get more difficult/slow. My initial goal that I was shooting for was to weigh 220lbs. That would still put me into the obese BMI but I can accept 220. I am on track to hitting my goal of 250 for Christmas which I set last Christmas.
 
Starting to wonder if 199 is possible. Excess skin is really becoming noticeable but there is not much I can do about that. Insurance is not going to cover plastic surgery. So you choose to live with the excess skin or be fat. I'll take the loose skin just as long as I don't start having problems.
 
Anyway if you read this far then thank you. I hope your day is going well and that your scale is being friendly to you!

Wow! Has it really been that long since I blogged, March 2013! Yes it has been a while.
 
For those of you who do not know me, my name is "Love" and yes I still love my lap band 3 years post op. I am at goal weight and a normal BMI and have successfully maintained that weight for 1 year now.
 
The questions i still get asked are:
1. How much is in you band? ( I have no idea, I have not had a fill since January 2012)
2. How much can you eat? I eat about a cup to a cup to a half of food, Most meals consist of protein and veggies. I am one of those low carb eaters by choice because i still have issues with carbs. One I love them, two they get stuck, and three I lost weight better by eating on the low side.
3. What can you eat? Anything, yes I can eat most foods. The issues for me are, if I chose to eat a slice of pizza it will fill me up much quicker and I will be hunger much sooner. I do eat pizza and small burgers or sandwiches occasionally but it has to be the perfect storm. My band has to be cooperative and I have to be relaxed and take my time. Not the type of foods I eat out in a restaurant. When I eat out I usually eat off the appetizer menu or share with my hubby or friends. I am a cheap date!
4. If you had to do it all over again would you do the surgery again? That would be a big YES, lap band has given me back control over my life and my health. It is true you are what you eat, I eat healthy now and I feel great.
5. Don't you think you are too thin? NO, I am a normal BMI. You are suppose to see my collar bone and I am suppose to be able to feel and see my hip bones. Geez world it is really healthy to be thin.
6. Do you drink protein shakes or eat protein bars? Yes, I still supplement with protein bars and shakes. I do not drink or eat them daily but I always keep a good supply of them around. It took me lots pf trial and error to find protein supplements I like and that taste has changed over the past 3 years. I found the most difficulty finding a protein shake I could stomach the smell and taste of. I personally hated and still do the premixed drinks, too sweet for my taste. I ordered off a bariatric web site in the early days and used a lot of unflavored protein powders. Today, I like Pure Protein, Frosty Chocolate and Vanilla. They are my base and I add flavorings, fruit, peanut butter and ice. I never use milk to mix with unless I am supplementing them as a meal and need the calories. How did I learn to like the powders, it was necessary, I needed to eat between 90-100 gms of protein a day when I was weight training and this was the only way I could get in the necessary protein to build muscle and loss weight. You see I had plateaued for a very long time and still had 30-40 lbs to lose to reach goal. If you eat too little you will not lose weight and your body will stop losing.
7. How long did it take you to lose your weight and how much did you lose? It took me 2 years to reach goal and I lost 132 lbs. I like many of you thought I would have my weight off in a year, boy was I shocked and disappointed when that did not happen. I stalled really bad and stayed the same weight for about 6-7 months right before my 1 year date.
8. Do you exercise? Yes, exercise is key to losing and maintaining weight. These days I am not as aggressive and obsessive as i was when trying to melt off that 132 lbs but I still exercise.You have to really work to find out how your body burns calories and how many you need to maintain. Figuring all this out took me months to figure out. I used a fit bit, my fitness pal and a trainer to help me learn to use my body as a fat burning machine. Fat and muscle weigh the same, a pound is a pound and a pound of muscle does not weigh more than a pound of fat. Use this as your vision, a pound of jello is your fat and a pound of chicken is your muscle. The mass of the jello is greater than the chicken but still weighs the same. That is why when you are exercising and toning you look smaller and the scales my stall. I know silly but so true. Also when you are exercising to build muscle and tone you need to be in your target heart rate to maximize your burn of calories. Losing weight is really a delicate balance of everything and is so much more than just cutting back the calories.
9. Since it took you 2 years to lose the weight why could you not lose it on your own? Well I guess the answer to that is yes, I could have lost the weight on my own without my band but I never, never could have maintained it for a year without my band. I view my band as my safety net, my inner voice, my conscious so to speak. It keeps me focused and honest with my self. I was a closet eater, if no one saw me eat it, it did not count. Sound familiar to anyone?
10. Do you have a lot of excess skin? No, I am fortunate and do not have a lot of excess skin. Do I have a nice tight, firm body. No, I have the body of a 58 year old women who lost 132 lbs and I am very happy with how I look in and out of my cloths. And believe me it has taken me a while to get comfortable with those words. Would I like to have some nips and tucks, yes it would be nice but my WLS does not recommend, At my last visit in June we discussed cosmetic surgery and he informed me that the benefits did not out way the risks for me. My surgery would be completely cosmetic, I have no skin break down or health issues from excess skin. So I am happy with me and my Victoria Secret Boobs! lol
11. Do you consider you are on a diet and do you get tired of watching what you eat? No, I have adopted a healthy life style. Have you ever noticed what skinny people eat, they do enjoy desserts and they do enjoy high calorie foods but they enjoy them in moderation. Moderation and balance is the key to maintaining your weight, learning that your body uses food for fuel and if your intake is lower than your needed use you will gain. So keep moving if you feel the urge to eat.
12; Do you drink while eating? Sometimes but only sips. Fluids fill me up and if I drink while eating I get stuck and PB or slime and neither is pleasant. I do not drink high carbonated beverages, I do have a soda stream and I do drink low carbonated beverages that I make using half a pump of gas I drink these only occasionally when I want to treat myself.
13. Do you drink alcoholic beverages? Yes I do drink Alcohol. I have had several bad experiences with alcohol during this journey and had to learn the hard way that alcohol and weight loss do not mix for me. I always loved martinis but have had to learn that one is not enough and two is too many. So I drink my wine and have an occasional martini on special occasions and savior the entire glass. Remember alcohol is empty calories and has absolutely no nutritious value at all and no a fruity drink is not a substitute for one of your fruits. I do not drink beer, I have tried and for me it is too fizzy and makes my stomach hurt and causes a lot of bloating.
14. Final question, what do you do if you get hungry between meals? Silly question, but here it is. I eat! I try hard not to eat in between meals and to not give into boredom eating or head hungry. I believe in planned snacks. Boredom eating is one of issues that we all have and feel and the sooner you learn to accept and deal with them the better off you will be. We all need to Analyze why we eat and when we eat. i eat when bored and like to snack late at night. So I plan snacks and makes sure they are low in calories or if high in calories they are packed with protein. I do not keep sugary treats around, I keep dark chocolate, protein bars, nuts, peanut butter and bananas, apples and pop corn for snacks. I have to seriously watch the nuts and popcorn and not have them to readily accessible.
 
 
So this is my life on maintenance, is weight loss easy, NO! Is is worth the effort, YES! Do I love my Band, YES! Would I do it again, YES!
 
Everyone's experience with lap band is different, there are basic rules yes but the key for me was finding out how lap band was going to help me. I honestly do not think about my band these days, it is part of me and how I eat. Small plates and small portions are just how I eat these days. Funny, most of my family now eats off a salad plate these days, I have quilted them into my feelings on why America is fat. Portions... Portion Control and learning to put the fork DOWN and give it 20 minutes before you go back for seconds.
 
I wish all my lap band friends and family success and never compare yourself to others or allow others to make you feel bad about your journey.
 
Me than:
 
Me today:

Good evening,
On Yahoo I was just reading an article that said Tim Gunn thinks it is awful the way designers treat plus size women. Finally someone on our side. He said if he was on the 8th floor at Saks in NY he would jump through the window because the clothes are that bad.
I am not in plus size any more but I totally understand what he is talking about. When I wore plus size I wore a lot of Ralph Lauren. The jeans fit the best and lasted forever.
Maybe now the designers will listen because Tim has a lot clout!!

Good evening,
On Yahoo I was just reading an article that said Tim Gunn thinks it is awful the way designers treat plus size women. Finally someone on our side. He said if he was on the 8th floor at Saks in NY he would jump through the window because the clothes are that bad.
I am not in plus size any more but I totally understand what he is talking about. When I wore plus size I wore a lot of Ralph Lauren. The jeans fit the best and lasted forever.
Maybe now the designers will listen because Tim has a lot clout!!

I woke up this morning with a positive out look. I did great until I again was in tears from the barfy feeling that would not go away. It was at the point where just opening my eyes made me heave. I called and I was told this is classified as an emergency an to come in now. I explained to the doctor when I arrived that I am a very violent vomitter and I know that causes serious problems so I have been fighting it for 4 days now and just can not take it any longer. Well I survived my first adjustment. I had to have fluid removed. OMG the relief I felt it was pretty much instant the pukey feeling gone! Apparently my band became to full. I am still very puzzled how this could happen. I felt fine up till 4 days ago and then all of a sudden whamo.
 
He told me to tolerate the protein drinks. He also believed that now they would be easier to drink now that the nausea was gone. Well that is a no go. For what ever reason I still can't stomach them.
 
He also adjusted my diet and told me all liquids again. After reviewing the paperwork he gave me again. I was on the right diet. I dunno. Here I go again. I just hope this hungry thing goes away as it makes me weak and supper tired.
 
Also I was worried about the adjustment because I read up on how it's done. People say that it is pretty painful. Piece of cake, the only thing I felt was the numbing shot (2). Mmmm c..a..k..e. Sorry all, I mentioned cake.

Well, here i sit in what was to be my day of Lap Band surgery. But due to an insurance "mix-up" needing another test, I am back to pre-launch. I wonder if this is the way astronauts feel before a mission? Nervous, excited, aprehensive, and this feeling that somehow life would never be the same again for them. Miss their families, friends, pets. I wonder if they sit there and say ..."Boy, I am SURE going to miss eating regular food." Of COURSE not, I can guaranteee this. Anybody who can endure the battery of performance and fitness testing that THEY do cannot possibly be worried about FOOD. But I am,...kinda...no, definitely. Definitely worried. Definitely. Rainman worried. definitely. Food and I go back a long long way. It is my best friend and my worst enemy. It has been there with me thru lonely teenage nights when I was one of the "undesirables" who sat home on weekends with no date, but a can of Ravioli and a Heath bar filled the hole a little and numbed the pain. Temporarily. Until later that night when I lay in my bed and looked out the window into the dark sky thinking how many calories I could put on in just one sitting. And that God saw the WHOLE thing. And He was just as disgusted with me as I was with myself. So I laid there in the dark, crying, and listening to all the heart-break songs that Delilah had to offer. "I'm Not In Love" comes to mind most often, because it was then and there that I figured that I would NEVER be in love or be worth loving. At 12:30 I hunted for the Pringles can I had hidden under the bed.
But i did fall in love, several times. It never stuck. And the young obese teen turned into the young obese woman who was still searching for love AND a teaching position right out of college. No jobs in my field, so my best friend and I decided we could search out of town. BIG MISTAKE. BIG. I found a job alright, 2 hours away from home in a little river town that rolled their sidewalks up at 5PM every night. And for a 21 year old single teacher (the only one in town it seems) life was pretty miserable. LONELY. Which made that hole in the center of my body grow bigger than a FLorida sinkhole. And GUESS what I decided to do? I took up Culinary Cooking. Julia Child, Justin Wilson,Paul Purdomme. I began collecting cookbooks and recipes. And cooking. ANd eating. Me and my little Huggy Bear, the happiest little chub of a cockapoo you ever saw. My friends were happy (wait, make that friend- jenny, who was painfully thin and resembled her pet parakeet that she brought everywhere with her. Including my dinners). I had plenty of left-overs, but not for long. ANd the sweet country cooks in the kitchen at the school just LOVED me because i was the only one who bragged and bragged on their cooking. Daily. ANd it was soooo good. Not the stuff kids get slung on their plates usually. But homemade chicken pot pie, brocolli casserole, real sweet potatoes with some delctable nutty crunch topping, and PIE. YES!! seriously, they made pies and cakes for the kids and the teachers every day. Used real butter too. LOADS of it. I think one day I saw the dairy truck back up with a "BEEP BEEP BEEP" and a ramp slid out with crate after crate of one pound blocks of butter by the dozens. And to complete the picture for you, at th end of my work day, I could always count on Mawmaw Jane to be waiting with a sack of "just a little something to keep you from having to cook for just one, honey." Leftovers of the day. but 2 servings of pie. That woman is still in my will I think. Better check.
I carried extra weight until some neighbor had mercy on me and told me about a diet she had been on and she looked wonderful. She was eating and still losing. And even though she had 4 kids and was married, she befriended me and made me her project. And got me SO involved in projects around town, one of which I loved and still do to this day. Acting in community theeater and singing. Yes, under this fat is the soul of Patsy Cline. I dont know how she managed it, but maybe on one of those lonely night I spent crying myself to sleep, she crawled right into my soul and vocal chords and when I sang it sounded so much like her that i soon became a hit in this one-horse, no stoplight little town. AND then the neighboring towns, and then a big town heard about the "fat girl with the pretty face that can sing her behind off" and I wasnt lonely at night anymore. And I felt loved and needed, and I began to LOSE WEIGHT!! that lasted from 1982, married my blind date in '85, and continued to be active and still cook and sing and act. BUt then....
Then one morning I couldnt get out of bed. The pain that seized my back was so intense it took my breath away. I yelled for my husband who was getting ready to leave for work and he carried me to the car and put me in and i bellowed and cried in pain all the way. Tests and xrays later revealed I had two deteriorated discs in my lower spine and something called Spondylolythesis. I began epidurals for pain, but surgery was out of the question. I just needed to exercise and protect my back. Guess which one I decided to do and forget the other. Yep, the old Yaya reared her ugly fat head and soon i was "protecting my back" by being inactive and eating as much as I had before, for "comfort". And soon I had gained back over half of the 133 pounds I had lost before. Now add another 20 since my mom died 2 years ago. The hole was back with a vengence. I was desperate to find something to help me control this ravenous "hunger" (appetite)and it seemed NOTHING could fill this hole. Which grew with several miscarriages, 2 botched adoptions, and my dear husband who closed the door to any more heartbreak where kids were concerned. Not even foreign adoption. Bigger hole, more weight. I was, and am still as I write this, miserably sad with my life and situation. But blissfully hopefully for tomorrow, when I heard about Lap Banding. I think lifes going to change for Yaya.

What's new you ask?
 
Quick answer.... underwear! Yup. I had to replenish my entire supply of unmentionables, even the new ones I got last Christmas. They just weren't doing the job anymore. The always dependable waist bands were stretched beyond repair and my incredible shrinking ass left the backsides saggy and mis-shaped. Not to mention, all security for the family jewels had completely evaporated. I was dealing with an uncomfortable jail break every hour or so. This caused more than a few strange stares from others during what I thought was a private adjusting period. Good thing I wasn't near a Kinder Kare. That would have been hard to explain. So I solved the crisis. I went out and bought some new skivvies.
 
While this may not seem like a big deal to most of you. It was to me. Reason... I don't think I have bought my own underwear for twenty or so years. Why? Because every year when I am asked what I want for Christmas, I give the standard man-swer. "Underwear". So I get underwear. Every Christmas morning, I march up to my dresser with my new present stack and clean out last years Jockeys for this years models. I guess models is an overstatement. Other than a few new colors, the basic design hasn't changed since I was a kid. I mean, really. What can you do to improve underwear? And why do you need to?
 
Well imagine my amazement when I came upon the shorts section of my local department store. I was flabbergasted to see rows and rows and racks and racks of man-derwear! So many brands! So many styles! So little time. And the advertisements, oh my! Here I am, fresh off an embarrassing, not so private reorganizing incident, staring at a life size cut-out of a buffed teen lad with come hither eyes hiding nothing but his schvaanzen behind a scanty pair of man-ties. Honestly, I had to look around and make sure some cop wasn't following me. Or some hidden camera from one of those second rate TV shows.
 
As overwhelmed as I was, I was on a mission! I had to replenish my underwear supply. Two racks over, I spied the familiar Jockey logo. Thank God. I sauntered over thinking I'd pick up my shorts and be on my way. Wrong again. I guess Jockey, in an effort to keep up with times, has totally expanded their product line. Boxer briefs, sports shorts, low rise, high rise, full coverage or tiny pecker pouches. Ugh. After walking around three racks, I finally found the Classic style. Whew. My new size offers me a plethora of color choices. Sure beats the color selection at the old fat man's shop. There used to be three sizes ... FAT, REAL FAT and YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING. And there was only two color choices ... Santa Red and Your Wives's Gonna Kill You White. I always wondered why they would want to see a fat man in red briefs.
 
Without further adieu, I chose the multi colored 6 pack. Six pairs for the price of three, awesome. I took them to the checkout counter and pulled out a ten spot and expected some change. Wrong again. This paltry pack of panties was over $30! I had to double check the pack and see if there was some kind of vibrating device included. Nope. I pulled out a couple double sawbucks and through those down with the ten spot. I got my poor excuse of change and headed out the door.
 
I sure have been out of the man shopping game for a long time. And I am about to get a real education about shopping in the new millennium. My current wardrobe is completely nonfunctional. I had hoped to get through to next spring with some heavy alterations and cheap pants. But that ain't gonna happen. It's gonna cost me. I need to buy a functioning intermediate wardrobe. You know it would be nice if the current men's fashion were of the Fred Flintstone variety. Then I would only need one all purpose tunic.
 
That's all for now.
 
Johnny
 
P.S. I see Dr. X today for a weigh in and another fill. Let's hope I get a GOLD STAR again.
 
P.S.S. isit my blog: TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

I am sure that the subject of this blog sounds funny. Yes, I have made the decision to get banded. I have been in the program for about 4 months now. I have my surgery date but even now, as I type this, I am still having a hard time accepting my decision.
 
Let me explain. I grew up fat. I was a fat kid, I was a fat teenager and I am now a fat adult. If you had talked to me about the word fat maybe 15-20 years ago, I would have been super offended. Now, it’s just a word. Yes, I am fat.
 
In my childhood and teenage years, I was your “typical” fat kid. I was offended by the word fat that I was constantly called. I was always self-conscious and picked on for my weight. I was ashamed. I can recall a time in 7th grade when a class mate complimented me on my jeans. I was questioning why she was even talking to me since she and I were in completely different cliques – she was one of the “cool kids” while I was the new girl – or better yet, the fat new girl – at the school. Alas, when she asked me where I got my “so cute” jeans (and they were) I replied, “Sixteen Plus”. The next thing I heard were snickers and laughs because I was clearly shopping in a store for “plus sized” people. From that moment on, I vowed NEVER to mention store names again. I would shop at stores that had both junior and plus sizes so I never had to bear that “shame” again.
 
This is how much of my adolescence and teenaged years were. Never had a boyfriend – sure, I had plenty boy friends but never a “boyfriend”. I had one such friend who, when we were alone, would confide in me and once even told me he loved me (oh, middle school love…LOL) but would not be seen talking to me in school. High school and college were filled with more of the same. Boy friends – some of whom I liked more than a friend but I would NEVER tell them because they would NEVER “like” the chubby chick as more than just a friend.
 
Enter my early 20’s: I’m not sure when the realization came but I found myself developing a confidence that I had never had before. I had never considered myself ugly, after all I’ve been told “You have such a pretty face” for so long that I knew that if I weren’t fat, I’d be “so pretty”. (That is another blog post in itself.) However, I was dressing better. I was putting more effort in to my appearance. I was deciding that I was worth something. I was approached by a male colleague (whom had no romantic interest) who handed me a newspaper article on plus sized modeling. He suggested it was something I look into. He told me that I was a beautiful girl and should really give it some thought. I was BESIDE myself. A compliment without the caveat that all I had going for me was my “pretty face”. As the time went on, my confidence improved. I began to get attention from the opposite sex. I was complimented and asked on dates, left and right – granted some of these dudes were on the sketchy side – but when a random stranger tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, it’s always nice no matter what. My dating life ramped up and I found myself eventually in relationships with people who were attracted to me – fat and all.
 
It was then, that I decided to take back the word fat in my life. I was no longer going to look at it as a bad word. Yes, I was fat. So, what?!? I was otherwise healthy and happy. Things were going in the right direction for my life. I accepted myself. I would proudly admit that I bought my “so cute” shirt or pants at Lane Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus! Yep, that’s where I shop and I love my clothes. Yes, I am fat but that’s OK with me. Here I am, a confident fat woman. Take that, society!!!
 
Over the years, I have maintained that attitude. Of course, I have areas of my body that I hate – boobs are for the chest, not the back! LOL But, I always looked at it as I have the ability to change the things about my body that I hate, if I put my mind to it.
Enter the current time. I am still that confident woman who accepts the word fat. However, about 3 years ago, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with this wretched disease as my family is laden with it. I have watched it reach havoc on my Mom as she has had many years where she did not properly take care of herself and this disease. I have done well over the years keeping my diabetes at bay. My A1C is almost always good. Unfortunately, this success comes with medications that I hate and the knowledge that it is only a matter of time before this disease will reap havoc on me, if I do not get rid of it once and for all. The only sure-fire way for me to do that is to get myself to a healthy weight.
 
My husband and I have been married for 5 years this October. It was when he underwent his lap band surgery last year that I began thinking about having the surgery myself. He’s had amazing success that he has worked very hard for. I feel that with him at my side, I can have a similar success. However, I can’t get past the feeling that I am going against “my morals” with this surgery. I feel like I’m taking all that confidence that I worked very hard at and saying “society wins”. It’s silly, I know, because I know I’m not doing this to be skinny – I’m doing this to be healthy. I just still feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have been SUPER hesitant to tell anyone about this choice. Any one I have told has been supportive but I am still uneasy. I don’t know why…..
 
If you have managed to stay with me and read all this, thank you. I know this is super long – especially for my first blog post to the site.

I know my past couple of post I have been so sad but I promise this will be my last one for this month. Yesterday was another sad day for me. First let me say my co worker is fine and he moved into his apartment today. I was on my way to my support group and I stop by the day care to say Hi to the kids. When my sister pulled me to the side and told me one of our kids mother died will giving birth. This news hurt my heart so bad. All I could think about was those poor babies. I was upset I came home and put on my workout clothes and ran 3 miles. It was a great run but I didn't make it to group. It sucked tho because we were having a potluck called "Taste of Success!" Everyone was supposed to make bariatric friendly food then walk it off after the meeting. I hate that I missed it but I didn't want to be such a downer at our event.
 
Moving forward
I will spend this last 8 days doing things that makes me happy... So what makes me happy? Taking care of others. I am thinking about taking the day care kids out for ice cream next Friday (since that is pay day). And I am going to bake my co workers something because they supported me during my incident last week. Don't worry guys I won't over do it with the sweets and if I do I will run 3 more miles!
 
Anyway God is good and the Devil is a liar!
 
Thanks for Reading

I'm so glad I found this group. I'm excited and scared as hell about my upcoming surgery date (11SEP13). I've found comfort here...as well as uncomfortable truths.
 
I am not very open with the people that know me. I have issues...I have a counselor who is helping me with those issues. Progress is being made So, you all have been my peeps...I've come to you (whether you know it or not) for answers, encouragement, and truth. I've posted a few times. I've shared some of my story. I want to share more. And I want you to respond...with truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
 
So, here is my promise. I promise not to be offended when you tell me the uncomfortable truth about my ramblings. I won't get all moody and start calling names. I will value your opinions and your experiences. I may pout in front of my computer screen...but not on here where you can see it.
 
I also promise to share...the comfy and the uncomfy parts. I know it's not going to be a bed of roses, or an instant fix. It's going to be hard work and require a full committment on my part. There is no miracle weight loss. I know people have complications. I want to learn from them. I promise to take responsibility for my actions on here. If I screw up...I'm going to own it. And I ask you to remind me of that I know there are consequences for when I make mistakes. And I accept that you are going to let me know about them!
 
I write this because I've seen a few posts lately where the initial poster gets offended when the comments aren't all "warm and fuzzy." Well...as some of you have pointed out...truth isn't always warm and fuzzy.
 
So, thank you for letting me learn from you.
 
Thank you for being that shoulder I may need to lean on.
 
And thank you for keeping me in check.

Today I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it:
 

 
I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?'
 
So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'.
 
Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway???
 
I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying!
 
Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?

The end of July I decided to call the center just to see if my insurance would pay for any of the procedures. I had heard through the grapevine that my provider did but I just wasn't ready to take that leap yet. I work nights so before heading to bed I called and gave the info to the lady and went to sleep. A couple of days lady I got an email stating I had been approved and needed to call for an appointment. Now what? Did I really want to do this? This would mean a lot of changes.
So I made the appointment for one morning that week after work. I still hadn't told anyone. I didn;t want anyone to know so there would be no pressure whatever I decided. I've been overweight my whole life and most of my family has too. I have had several family members have WLS and all of them have gained their weight back. Everyone I know that has WLS has gained their weight back. And I'm still considering this?
I was very discouraged at my appointment when they told me I would have to wait four months for surgery! I would have to have two dietitian appointment and a psych eval. ( that might disqualify me right there!). But after doing some research I know why and I guess that's better than six months or a year.
I brought home my information and started doing my research. I found LapBandTalk.com. I found The Big Book (I'm almost finished with it) and I feel very confident I can do this. I've been able to determine exactly why all my family members have gained their weight back and even a few of my friends. I know it will be hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I don't just want it, I need it.
I need it for my life, my kids and my husband. I need it to be able to continue the job I love.

These long dreary days are not doing much for my get up and go. I find myself bored to tears. Yawning my head off to the point that my eyes are watering. I'd love to be able to have the time to take off and just recuperate from the level of stress my life always seems to be under.
 
The problem I encounter is when I have a down moment, and things are not moving at the speed of light and sound I don't know what to do with myself! I am so used to the high impact crash that usually happens when my battery stalls from all the overwhelming stress. The ones that take me down to the ground, and keep me there only until all the wounds scab over.
 
I'm not used to pulling over and letting things pass me and avoiding those high speed crashes, but I am learning and I have been making different life choices these days and it's not just about food.
 
Last year was a very rough year. It started at its usual break neck speed of things, and the intensity only increased throughout the year. I could write down all the grisly details, but sometimes sharing it all makes me tired and a bit sad. The events were extreme and it's a story that leaves most people staring at us with their mouths hanging open in disbelief. From January to April of last year our lives were zooming along on a roller coaster ride out of control.
 
New Year's Eve this year we looked at each other, and vowed that this would be the year we worry about us. The year we focus on our health and wellbeing.
 
A few weeks into the new year, my husband found out he would need a total hip replacement. The pain in his leg and his hip was getting worse by the second so we contacted the Hospital for Special surgery and met with the doctor, and the doctor didn't sugar coat it he told him flat out you need the surgery and that he would not touch him at his weight. He told him point blank go for some kind of weight loss surgery because you can't undergo this operation without it.
 
He was devastated as I was to hear that. NO one wants to hear they are fat or that they are going to continue to suffer because of it if they don't do something about it, but I had a plan and I had the perfect place for us to go! I called the surgeon I had met 2 years prior that very same day and he accommodated us, so we drove there that very same day and started our Lapband journey!
 
We jumped over the hurdles and through the testing hoops. We swam in the sea of the liquid diet, and we had our surgery, and in me…something was changing.
 
I was learning so much more about myself. Not only about the foods I was eating, but why I was eating, and when and how and as I started to look at those things…I had to look at myself.
I mean REALLY look at myself deep down inside in those dark and scary corners that no one wants to venture not even me! Yes my body had changed I had all these new little lines all around my tummy. I had lost some weight and I could see that in the mirror. My clothes were fitting better, but more importantly my attitude was changing.
 
For me the stress never stops coming, not everything is as exceptional as the last year and Thank God for that! Something's are positive stressors like my youngest son's High School Graduation, College registrations 70th Birthday parties and 50 year anniversaries, but being part of the sandwich generation can really take its toll. My husband and I are caught between our sick and ailing parents who end up in the hospital every other week with life and death issues, from life support to blood clots to life saving surgeries decisions to be made on a dime, and our Peter Pan children who are pushing into their late 20's that seem to not want to grow up and take on the mantel of adulthood responsibility.
 
We are always under one stress or another, working full time long hours far from home is sometimes a good thing, but most days it just adds to the level of stress.
 
As I am learning what powers my body, and what it needs and doesn't need what it can and will tolerate or not, I am also learning about myself.
The undue stress I endure when I run and jump and speed race for others, when I take on too many projects and take on other peoples responsibilities it adds to my already heavy burden. I have learned that just because I am capable, and can carry it doesn't mean that I have to.
 
I am learning to pick and choose the things I engage in, as much as I pick and choose how, what and when I eat.
I love to be able to help people it makes me feel good to share the knowledge and understanding I have, or to give physical aid where it's needed, but it can no longer be at the expense of my health.
 
It hasn't been so easy for me to understand that I have to come first. I have to put my health and my wellbeing above the rest.
 
I'm learning to take deep breaths and to try and keep the stress at bay. It's not always possible and it's never easy but I'm learning to cope to work with and around things that I should not be stressing over.
 
In three almost four months the band has really helped me to make some major changes in my life and my lifestyle in positive ways. I don't think any weight loss would have been possible for me to keep off if I did not make some of these alterations, and I hope that I am able to continue to learn and implement new coping skills and see even more weight loss as I move forward toward my goals.
 
Taking the time to think about and write all this today, as boring and dreary a day as it is here, has been an awesome non scale victory for me!

When I got married in May, 2009 I had to be at about my highest weight. I had stopped checking my weight long before so I imagine I was somewhere around 400 pounds. Hubby and I got married at Disney and were having our photos done in one of the hotel lobbies. A woman came up to us and apologized for the interuption but said she had to tell me something. She said her small daughter had asked her if they would get to see any Disney princesses and she told her that they wouldn't until they got to the parks. Her daughter had then pointed to me and said "but mom, there's a princess!".
 
I know I had likely gushed my thanks at the time. I wish I could let her know what an incredibly sweet and touching gesture this was. Considering at 400 pounds, even in my wedding dress I truly looked nothing like Cinderella or any of the other princesses, but it really goes to show what beautiful souls children and even adults can have, This memory has remained with me and fluttered into my mind while sitting at work today. I've never blogged before but such a happy memory is certainly a good place for me to start. -K T

Welcome back all you fat ass fanatics!
 
 
The blog is picking up a little steam. We have over 7,000 visitors from points across the globe. Invite your family and friends to join in this fat ass fun fair! We have room for all. Also, if you know of anybody currently struggling with fat-ass-i-tit-is or considering weight loss surgery, have them stop by as well. I'm proud to say that my story so far, wacky as it may be, has actually motivated others to start their own flab fight. Hey, if I can help one person lose one pound, that will be far more than I ever expected to do with a corny weight loss blog. So "CHEERS" to all you new wobbly warriors!
 
 
On to this weeks observations. Let's start with wight loss vs. waist size. I have noticed that these two do not appear at the same time. During any given week, I may struggle to show a weight loss on the scale. This PO's me something fierce. Then I put on a pair of new pants and they are too big. I'm perplexed. I didn't lose any poundage yet my pants are looser. Hmmm. And the vice-versa is also true. I can't fit into a new pair of shorts I bought, but I'm losing weight this week. It just never happens on the same day. But I ain't bitchin! It will all work out in the end. The rear end.
I've also been playing with numbers in my head. I wanted to share a few with you.
 
 
0- The number / amount of any of my everyday Level 1 wardrobe that fits. I can only wear my old ties.
 
 
1- The number that will be in front of my weight in a couple of weeks for the first time since the 80's.
 
 
3- The number of new pants I have that kind of fit.
 
 
5- The number of days I have had vodka since April 9. Personal record.
 
 
6- The number of inches I have removed from my waistline. Note: I didn't even know I had a waist. Or a neck for that matter.
40.63 - The number of miles I walked last week. A few rounds of golf and a couple airports trips really adds up.
 
 
50- The number of pounds lost I will be at in a matter of days.
 
 
97,011 - The number of my steps in 40.63 miles.
 
 
20,159 - The number of calories I burned last week
 
 
(7,173) - The differential of calories in vs, calories out. According to my friend Dr. S, this should have resulted in about 2-1/2 lb weight loss. Guess what? It did.
 
 
That's just a quick look at the friendly numbers of my journey so far. I think it's pretty good for only 4-1/2 months of calorie counting. I'm pleased. I know I can't get overconfident. I've already noticed every pound comes off slower than before. I guess my body is adjusting to the new lower fuel intake. That probably means I have to ramp up the calorie burning process. And I hate the "W" word. W as is workout. I know it's part of the process and I'm determined to accelerate my activity level and defeat my inner lazybug. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. Or maybe not.
 
 
Weigh-in day next Monday and a fill from Dr. X! I will certainly be irritated if I don't hit the 50 level by then. You'll have to come back and see.
 
 
Bye now!
Johnny
 
Stop by my blog:
 
TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wKyXA_nMVQ

This video explain what been going on with me in the past 2 weeks. I am such a young old head! I am going to warn you guys I am going to be venting! So why I do I hate fake people because they are stabbers and lairs. I know most of my flaws but I will say this I am not fake! The only thing that is fake about me is the hair weave that is in my hair!
So what happened? One on my good friend (coworker) had a house fire 2 weekends ago and lost everything. Last Monday I came into work and my fellow coworkers ask did I hear what happened to my friend? I thought he died or something but my coworkers filled me in on what happened. So I started calling our friends outside of work to see if he was okay. Then I called my boss to let him know what happened.
Finally my partner in crime (my friend) called me. I was so happy to hear from him! To give you a little background He supported me during my decision process of getting the lap band. He called me every day when I was out for my surgery to check on me. So I took this one to heart.
Later on that day I went up stair to talk to someone who I thought who was my friend. She asked me did I hear what happened to my friend. I close her office door and told her I was so upset that I had to take a Xanax and that he was okay. The only reason I closed her door was because I didn’t want her neighbors to know that I am on Xanax
When I got back to my office I received a phone call from one of her wannabe bosses. This girl went a told her wannabe boss that I told her what happen to my friend. So basically he didn’t know about it and I was accused telling a couple of people what happened to my friend. Well that is half true I only told people who I thought who heard from him or knew how to get ahold of them and the rest was all hearsay.
Anyway as soon as I got off the phone I started to cry I was so upset that I didn’t eat lunch. My mentor ended up calming me down and I proceeded on with my day. I am hurt because I thought those two people were team players but they are not. I have done nothing to them to get this type of treatment from them. So I prayed on this and forgave them but I will forgive them because this will take some time.
Moving forward….
Even though they upset me I didn’t go back to my old habit Instead of 2 big girl bottles of wine I only had two glasses. I ended up seeing my friend last Friday I brought him some comfort food and gave him a cooler full of his favorite beers. Also we raised $1415 in cash and over $280 worth gifts cards for him. That came from our group of friends. We all started crying when we finish counting the money. It was very emotional for us.
All about me…
I am slowly breaking out from my shell about me and buying new clothes. Since my last entry I was a size 16 but mentally I am still my old size 20. It took me a week to final wear the clothes I brought 2 weeks ago! Yesterday I decided to wear one of my outfits and I was getting so much attention… and it felt good!
I also started running (jogging) and I am averaging 3 miles in 30 mins. Starting next month I want to start working on my arms. My goal is to have arms like Michelle Obama! I am 59 pounds lighter and life is good!

Thanks for reading.

So its almost two months. When I went to my two week post opp my surgeon told me my first fill will be at 6 weeks and that i might even gain weight. I gained two pounds and had some crazy hormone stuff going on . My period which I didn't have for almost a year came back with a vengeance. I swelled up and even had to go on hormones for two weeks. So I guess I didn't do to bad after all .
I have my first fill this month and have noticed i have reduced my eating but' would like it reduced a little more. I go back next month and well see what he does.
I went to my nutritionist this week and when she first weighed me I was 249.2 pounds this time I was 224 So not to shabby !!!
Hope I get to my 150 in a years time Wish me luck and ill keep ya posted !!

I just wish I had some restriction! This totally feels like a diet right now ... Have I failed? Why am I so hungry? Why don't I take smaller bites? Why don't I eat slower? Why can I still eat everything?
 
My biggest question .... why do I keep reading other people's awesomely amazing experiences on here and think the same thing will happen to me... even when my surgeon is telling me that is not always how it works?!?!?!
 
Here is an example: People on here who lose 40 pounds or more their first 6 weeks. My surgeon tells me: expect to lose less than 5 pounds in the first three months, then expect to lose 1 - 2 pounds a week after the three month mark (when proper restriction is reached).
 
Here is another example: People on here who have restriction at 4 cc in their 10 cc band and they have "stuck" episodes, and they can barely eat five bites before they are satisfied. Here is my reality: I can eat anything and everything I want, no exceptions.
 
Here is one more: People have restriction after one fill and live happily ever after. Here is what my surgeon tells me: I will need about three fills before I can feel restriction.
 
I know ... it's individual, other people's experiences won't be mine. I know. But ... in every area in my life I'm a huge pessimist ... but with my lapband, I'm an optimist and I keep getting let down.
 
I also know ... calm down, it's been 6 weeks and I've lost 14 pounds. That is better than 2 pounds a week. I need to keep repeating that to myself. Over and over and over and over and ....