Haydee

I was gone all day yesterday from the office. I was at our new location almost all day. Then in the afternoon I helped my mom start moving some of their stuff over to the new house. The movers come in two weeks but in the mean time she's going to start moving little stuff. I'll be so glad once end of July hits. I'll be much more relaxed!

Good morning girls!! Kat - just seeing you list down everyones preocupations and what everyone is having to deal with made me tear up a little bit. I wish we all lived closer to each other so that we could see each other all the time. We all need to love and care for ourselves and each other. I am 100% positive that the reason that I am handling this as well as I am is because I can always feel each of your arms around me and your voices in my head telling me how strong and how brave I am. And surprisingly I am handling this alot better than expected. I'm trying to stay busy and to stay focused on figuring out what I want for myself. That keeps my mind off of him and our situation... Okay... Laura - OMG you look hot in your new siggy. You got a tan and your hair looks so awesome in that cut. Holy moly girly. Can't wait to see you again... TracyKS - YAY!! I knew you could do it!! You're so good at charting your results so that you know your patterns. I wish I was coming to Vegas with you!! Can't wait to hear all the details! Pamela - How far is San Diego from you?? I'm still coming to see you. You know that right? Get your closet ready for me... SUZIE - I missed your birthday!! Happy Birthday to you!! It sucked that you fell. I know all about that. I am such a klutz and have sprained and twisted so many things throughout the years... How are your toesies today? TracyK - Hope Macy gets to feeling better! How did she handle the news of another move? I'm free this weekend to come help you! I can come Saturday after 1pm. Call me... Terry - see you later alligater...

I found out that I have to work on changing MY behavior because over the years I have learned that there is nothing I can do to change him and the more I tried the more problems we had and the more he resented things and the more he resented me and the less he wanted to get married, etc. So... I need to work on loving myself, loving life and finding MY OWN joy again... My whole world has always revolved around him. Not that he ever asked for that but that's just the way I was raised. My dad always expected my mom to revolve around him so I figured Juan needed that too. But he doesn't. I really need to get out, make friends, get out of my confort zone.

I'm taking the job med center job. My contact over there is trying to coordinate my entry over there. Hopefully I'll be in there by the end of the summer/early fall. I need to give at least a months notice here at my current job. I'm not "agreeing" to anything with him yet. You're right, he's had 10 years to "think" about things. But during those 10 years we've had our difficulties. I hope no one here is making me out to be a victim in all this mess... I'm far from innocent. The only thing that I know for absolute sure right at this moment is that I'm going to concentrate on ME for awhile. One thing that I know that has been a huge issue with us is that I am constantly focused on him and on our relationshiop and how it's going nowhere. Everyday it was a constant fight about how I could FIX him or FIX our relationship in order for us to move forward. For now I'm going to leave things as they are... Kinda in limbo, actually. Not really together but not really broken up. I'm plan on finding ways to make myself a better, happier and more fulfilled woman.

Ohh Tracy, hope Macy feels better. I've been sick too. So weird. Sore throat, coughing. I didn't take any medication, just trying to get rid of it by sheer willpower, lol. Hope your "issues" get resolved. I'll keep you in my prayers. So... Juan went with us to church yesterday. I know. What the heck, right? He doesn't want me to tell my parents because he says he doesn't want us to be over. So I told him that I didn't want us to be over either but that he made that decision when he told me that he doesn't want to get married yet. So he begged me for some more time. He says that he really wants to get his head together and he really wants to be with me but for some reason he can't get himself to committ. He wants to go talk to his priest so that he can figure out what is preventing him from doing this. On the other hand, my little voice inside of me says, if he really truly loved me would anything be preventing him from committing to me?? Such are the things I wrestle with within me. My dad is doing so great girls! He is healing just beautifully and the doctor contoured him so good. Even though he is still swollen you can already tell how flat he is going to be... I would truly truly recommend this doctor to anyone who wants to get anything done but can't afford to go to a US doc. I can't wait until I get to go!! So this wholel drama in my life has brought me down to a new low. 227! Yay? Whatever, I'll take it... I fit into a pair of size 16 jeans. Tight but they zipped. I had been at 229 right before we went on our trip, then I went back up to 236 for a long time, then Sunday I weighed myself and i'm at 227. Oh it feels so good to be losing again... I guess the only good thing about this whole drama I've been going through is that I'm hitting the gym more often! Okay, we open up the newest location on July 1st! I've got to get busy. This is the last week that I can still order stuff so I can get it in on time... Talk to ya'll later...

I wish I was closer Laura! I love to help unpack but most of all I love company when I have to do chores. Sometimes I tell me sister to come vegg on my couch while I put away laundry. ((((Terry)))) I can't pretend to know the pain you're going through. I don't think mine even comes close, but all the same, I have an inkling. I wish I would have logged on last night right before bed! I would have loved to meet with you today. I didn't have anything to do so I went and worked at my mom's store and then we went downtown to walk around a bit. I haven't told my parents yet :redface: I'm not sure why. I know my mom will be devastated and I hate seeing her cry. We're going to go to evening mass tomorrow night at the cathedral downtown and on the ride home I'm going to tell them. I wish things didn't have to be this way... well i'm off to take a shower now, i'm sure i'm super stinky...

Ohhh Denise!! Baby looks perfect! I'll keep him and his mom and my prayers. I'm so glad everything turned out ok.

Have fun Pammy!! Thanks for your advice. Well, thanks everyone for your advice. I finally ended things last night. I'm fine, I'll be fine.

So my parents came back last night. My dad looks so awesome ya'll! OMG, I can't wait to get mine done. It's only been six days and his incision is healing so good and tiny. Man, my dad heals quick. He was never in any pain whatsoever and he's ready to go back to work on Monday. I asked him to pretty please let me take pictures but he won't let me. Boo... I might do it when he's asleep. he he he... Just seeing how good he looks makes me want to hit the gym so I can hurry up and get to goal so I can get my tummy done!

Tracy - no, you're no overstepping at all! I pour out my heart on here and I always welcome all opionions. That's why I do it!

Kat - you're right. I want him to WANT to marry me. Not just marry me because i want him to. sigh... off to my parents house. they just landed at the airport and i can't wait to see them...

I was no good at customer service. I fired every customer that pissed me off. "We don't need your business so take it elsewhere..." My mom never lets me work the register anymore, LOL. Terry - yes, i'm seriously contemplating breaking up with him for good. I'm surprisingly calm about it. I know in my heart that if I continue with him like we have been he is never going to committ. He even asked me, "you would rather be married to someone else just to be married instead of being with me and not be married." Hmmm... made me think. Am I giving him up just because I want "to be married" in the legality of the word? Do you get what I'm saying? I've just got alot on my mind. My mom comes home today and I can't wait to talk to her...

aaww poor Jenn. Really puts things into perspective for me. Here I am whining and bitching about my relationship issues when there is people DYING. Kat - his mom is heartbroken too. I do still work with her on the wedding stuff and I'm gonna continue to do it. I love her and I love the work and I told her that just because things might not work out with him doesn't mean that I'm gonna bail out on her. Maybe once she gets etablished she'll be able to hire someone. No, he's not willing to go to counseling. We tried it once and unfortunately the guy was a quack. Took me forever to convince him to go since he is a very shy and private person and then once we get there the guy is an idiot and that ended that. He doesn't realize that sometimes it takes having to try out a few people until you find someone to help you... Laura - no, Hispanic people don't care if someone tries to speak spanish to them and it comes out broken. They think it's nice that they even try. I've always found it contradicting when hispanic people say that it's nice that english speaking people try to speak spanish to them even though it sounds stupid but then they won't even attempt to speak english to a english speaker because they're afraid of sounding stupid. We're a very proud group of people.

And and TracyK, you did give me your germs! Seriously! I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat and I'm gonna get sick just in time for the weekend. Great... that's what i need, to spend the weekend sick in bed. yuck. well, luckily my house is all clean and i did all my laundry done. My oh my, never realized how much free time one has when one doesn't have to take care of a man...

Hi girls! I'm doing good. I have my good moments and my bad moments. We talked for a bit last night and I asked him if he loves me then why doesn't he committ and he said that he still struggles with some of our old issues that we used to have. See I used to be very controlling towards him. And because he never really resisted I would do it even more. Till there came a day when he stood up for himself and he didn't let me do it anymore. And I have struggled to change and I have changed but my controlling side still comes out every once in awhile and so when it does he still gets scared that I'm gonna be that same person that I was 5 years ago. My love didn't feel like love to him, it felt like chains. It's gotten alot better but he says that he still feels that every once in awhile. Sooo. I just feel like I try the best I can. I'm not perfect and I will never be perfect. And I can't change what happened in the past... So that's where we are now. yuck. Tracy - you look wonderful in that dress! Don't you love spanx?? Mine hide a multitude of sins... Michelle - how was your daughters pool party?? I remember those end of year parties. Was it co-ed? Those were the best!! he he he Judy - I can't believe here we are in the middle of June and you're having to put the furnace on! Has it always been like that? We got up into the 100's in Austin this weekend. Pammy - (you don't mind me calling you pammy, right? i actually want to call you pammycakes but I'm restraining myself) Have fun today with your friends!! I still have my best friend from middle school and even though we've had our ups and downs i'm grateful that we're still friends. Terry - sorry about the drama with your sis. I'm always amazed at what the people that are supposed to love you the most in this world will do to hurt you. My sisters and I don't have as a close of a relationship as I would like but fortunately we're not evil to each other. Were ya'll ever close? And I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed that my choocha is pleasantly plump. I'm not losing any weight from that area at all all. My boobs and ass are gone though. My damn body is seriously plotting against me for all the hardships I put it through.

Day one of "nothing scheduled" - Came home... Cooked myself some dinner. Pulled weeds out of the flower bed and watered the yard. I'm gonna get the dishes done and watch Oprah. I didn't call anyone to come over, I didn't invite myself over to anyones house and I didn't run away to the mall. I can do this...

Hi girls! I had such a good weekend, hope everyones was too. We went up to Austin for a girls weekend and it was so much fun. Exactly what I needed. What we didn't know was that it was also a ROT weekend. I didn't know what that meant but they said it was "Republic of Texas" bike rally? Bikers everywhere! They close 6th street in downtown Austin and they had hundreds of bikes parked all up and down the street. All these badass girls on their badass Harley's. Reminded me of our biker Violets. I kept thinking, "I wish the violets were here with me", we would of had a blast. I still had so much fun but I know it would have been funner with ya'll there. How was everyone else's weekend? Kat - I've been trying to keep myself ubber busy and that's why I haven't been on here much. I hadn't told ya'll but a few weeks ago I asked Juan to move out of our house. I need some time to think about what I want and to figure out why I keep loving this fool even though he won't committ. But instead of doing that I find that I've been scheduling every minute of my day with busy stuff to do so that I don't have to think about things. And of course he's ready to come back and it's been two weeks and I've come up with nothing. Other than I really miss him and I really love him and am I being greedy for wanting EVERYTHING? He's a good man who adores me but who has serious committment issues. Which, if you knew his family history, who would blame him? So...here I am. Stuck with what to do. Not really looking for answers here girls, just trying to vent... I know what the "correct" thing to do is but for whatever reason I don't feel like that pertains to this situation... Am I making sense?? Anyways... Laura - Me likey your china cabinet. I've been patiently waiting for a formal dining room set to get listed on craigslist. So far I've had very good success with craigslist. I picture in my head what it is I want and I just wait and eventually someone lists it. My whole freaking house is furnished with stuff from craigslist. When we bought our first apartment we bought new furniture. Then we sold all of it because when we bought our 1st house I wanted new stuff. So we bought all new stuff. Well, when we bought our 2nd house the stuff from the first one didn't really "go". But instead of buying all new stuff I got smart and just started looking on craigslist. I'm almost done furnishing my house. I just need a formal dining set. And I have the patience to wait for a used one! TracyK - WOW, July 3rd is right around the corner. I'm so excited for you!!! I'm so glad that you're able to do this. Terry - I'm glad you had a blast on your birthday! Sorry things aren't so hot with hubby right now. That sucks for that to come on your birthday... Pamela - i'm crossing fingers and toes and saying all my hail Mary's for you to do good on what you just turned in. You've worked so hard!! Okay girls, now I gotta get back to work... check in later with ya'll...

Happy Birthday Terry!!! TracyKS - I was thinking about you last night. I had heard about the storms in Kansas and I was just praying that they would pass through quickly and not cause damage. Glad ya'll were okay... TracyK - hi!! I'll get you some astros tickets. For a weekend right?? Pamela - How many more days you have till you're free?? Our schools have been out for weeks over here... It's already the middle of June. Have ya'll always let out around this time? Kat - How you doing honey? How are your incisions feeling?? Any pain? From your posts it sounds like it's business as usual. I'm happy to hear that! Can't wait to see your new skinny tummy!! Been so busy over here. Work has just inundated me. We're trying to open our 13th location on July 1st, two days before my boss leaves on his 3 week summer vacation, so we're scrambling! So many little things that have to get done. I've got a checklist that's about 45 pages long and I'm only through the first five pages... Yuck. Two more weeks and it'll be so much better around here. The new location will be open and my boss will be gone. I can breathe... My dad got his tummy done yesterday. He did great. They cut off 13 lbs of fat!! I talked to him a few times yesterday. He was groggy but doing great. No pain at all! He also got his eyes done at the same time. His bags under his eyes were really really bad. They are hereditary cuz I have the same bags and will eventually have to get mine done too. He also got a upper eyelid lift. That was a last minute decision. Hmmm, I hope he still looks like dad! I hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm off to Austin with some friends tomorrow morning... heard it's going to be 103 over there during the weekend.

girls - HI! so busy over here... I'll try to get on tonight from home... kisses...

i'm having a grilled chicken salad for lunch. no dressing. black bean and corn salsa with lime. I had one 20oz cup of water for breakfast. so far so good...

ohmygod laura, you and your mom look like dwarves next to your dad and uncle. i can't imagine how a "normal" person would look next to them, LOL

Tracy - men are all the same. They won't go to the doctor unless they see one of their limbs actually off their bodies... Juan hasn't been to the doctor since.... ever? No actually, I dragged him to the emergency room about 10 years ago when he scratched his cornea. That's the last time a doctor saw him. I just think that men are scared of them.

I'm in for CTCD. Starting with NO COFFEE today. I'm gonna have a big glass of water instead. I need to get this going again...