A New New Dawn

Well it has been two years this weekend since I had lap-band surgery. Official date for surgery was October 27, 2010. All I can say is wow, I have learned so much these past two years and still learn everyday but only hope and pray it all sticks with me for the rest of my life. When I started this journey two years ago, I was morbidly obese and like many of you had struggled for years with the ups and downs of yo-yo dieting. My medical health had started to suffer under the weight of my added poundage and my life expectancy was being greatly affected by my poor choice of diet. I loved food and what is even worse I am an excellent cook and baker and was so scared I could not change. This journey for me has been a very personal journey like I know it is for all of you. I think my biggest fear in the beginning was that I would fail or I would lose some weight but not all the weight. Can anyone identify with those thoughts? I am sure you can. On the outside to people looking in, I look like I have made this journey easy but that is so far from the truth. I fight back the urges of my alter ego daily. What do I mean by that, I have head hunger just like the rest of you but I know if I allow myself that one indulgence that I may not be able to stop. Everyone has those few things that I chose to call their kryptonyte and those are the things that if presented with them you find them the hardest to resist. Mine are potato chips and french fries. Hmmm, wonderful crunchy salty yummy potato chips and wonderful hot salty FF from of yes McDonald's. Today if presented with these two items I would still indulge in their forbidden goodness. I know, I know, I should be stronger right, well I am human and we all have our weaknesses and that is mine. So how do I avoid them, simple don't buy them. If you were to do a sweep of my cupboards and fridge and freezer you would find healthy snacks. Apples, bananas, natural peanut butter, SF syrups, Dark Chocolate (I buy one bar at a time of Chocoluv Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt and it has to last 2 weeks, that is one itty bitty square at a time), healthy pop corn(no added butter) Raw Almonds and protein shakes and bars. May sound boring but I have found these to be my new delights when I want a snack and actually find myself craving my new found healthy snacks. I still have several obsessions with my weight loss journey, I have to record my food intake daily, (MFP) I have to make recipes for any foods I do in combination (I use the recipe builder on MFP, before I indulge in them), I still 2 years out weigh and measure my food, I still eat off a salad plate. (All of these rituals sometimes drive my husband crazy, he even told a Friend this weekend that he was actually jealous of my blogging and all the time I spend on MFP and LBT, I looked at him and said. Seriously, "Would you rather have the old Diane back?" "If not get over it, deal with it, this is my therapy and this is what helps me stay honest and clean with myself." So now you know my other obsession today, my computer time, this new found love for recording food, responding to blogs and forums is my indulgence and helps me stay focused on why I am doing all of this.
 
So if your still reading my long winded ranting, I am sure you are wondering where the pot of gold, the fairy dust, magic wand and words of great wisdom are? Well guess what there are none, there is no magic, there is nothing special about lap band, it will not help you fix your obsessions with food, it will not cure your head hunger and most important it will not stop you from eating. Now it will give you some negative reinforcement if you chose to break the rules and over indulge in bad band behavior. So I guess one word of wisdom is to get your head screwed on right.
 
You see day after day I read on this web site all the comments from fellow bandsters about needing help because they have fallen off the band wagon, they need to refocus, the need to get back on track, they say they cheated, they say they have been banded for days, months, years and still are struggling with losing weight. Honestly all of this makes my heart hurt, , you ask, Why? Because, these people are still waiting for the band to tell them not to eat (RESTRICTION), their still waiting for that wonderful Sweet Spot they told us that would come. That wonderful spot when the band was perfect, and it would help them not feel hunger and take away all the urges for wanting to eat. They told us this would help, they told us this was going to be a tool and this tool would help us not to feel hungry and help control our hunger. Guess what guys, STOP WAITING because that day will never come and if it does it usually only lasts for a few weeks or months and over time we lose fluid in the band, it loosens and you get a fill and you start all over again.
 
So I guess my one small gem of wisdom is learn to control your head hunger and stop waiting on the band to control your eating habits and learn to control the band. The only person who can really help you lose weight is YOU, yes the band is a tool, you can have more fluid put in to it and continue to sit and wait for that wonderful SWEET SPOT or you can take control of your life and learn to control your behavior and relationship with food. The band is not going to fix you, you have to fix you and that my friends takes time and patience. That is where the word cheating comes in, when you fail to fix you, you continue to make the same bad choices and excuses day after day, month after month and wonder why you are not losing weight. It is easy to blame the tool, after all they did tell us this tool would help us to succeed where we had failed with so many other diets and plans. But guess what there is no full proof guarantee with WLS of any kind. There are many people who have the band, the sleeve and full bypass who continue to loss and gain the same weight over and over again just like they did before.
 
So what do I do if the band is not working for me? I suggest you take a good long look at the person in the mirror because honestly she or he are the only persons who can really help you to get to where you want to be. I want to share a poem with you that I find very motivational and have kept a laminated copy of this on my mirror in my bathroom. Any of you that have followed me these past two years have heard me time and time again speak about positive affirmation's and learning to love your self. The key to my success is not my band but me, I have changed. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I don't think the same and I don't feel the same. I have reached my goal weight and on the out side I am thin but on the inside is where I really feel different, I no longer feel like a fat girl. Yes I will continue to work on the emotional me and I will always remember where I once was. After you read the poem below you will understand why I titled this blog, Is it really worth not cheating, because if you fail to lose weight and fail to learn to control your food chooses the only person you are failing is you and honestly haven't you hurt yourself enough!
So if you are still struggling with losing, still waiting on the band to fix you, get some counseling, dig deeper into yourself and find out what makes you tick. You are worth it but you have to know that and really believe it.
 
You see I am not allowing my band to control my journey any longer nor am I allowing the band to dictate what I eat or when. i am in control of me and my behavior, yes i have bad days but the success to those bad days is I do not give in to the behavior because i have to face the 'Lady in the Glass" Enjoy and I wish everyone peace, hope and success on the journey we call "Bandster Living." I am not perfect but a work in progress and taking this one day at a time.
 
 
The Man In The Glass
Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.

 
 
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
 
For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
 
He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you, clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
 
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

I ran into my patient advocate, Paul, at True Results today. The patient advocate is the first person you meet with and they walk you through all the pre-op stuff. Once you have the surgery you don’t see the patient advocate. Anyway, I ran into Paul and he about fell over when he saw me. (btw, Paul has been banded for 7 years – lost 120lbs)
 
We sat down and chatted a bit. He said he remembers our first meeting and how I cried because I was so unhappy. And now I glow (his words). He said not only do I look great from the weight loss but my face glows with happiness. He said I was a walking Lap-band billboard. Me? Wow.
 
It was so cool hearing that. I just had to share it. Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to get this big head through the doorway. lol

I am 16 days post op today. I have a non-scale victory to report. About eight months ago I took off the diamond ring my husband bought me for anniversary last year because it was cutting off my circulation. Once I took it off I couldn't get it back on. I was able to slip it on last night and there it stays!
 
I have totally embrace this journey from day one of my preop diet and I don't hope that I will be successful I know that I will be successful.
 
I'm down 22.6 pounds.

Well.................... a very deep subject. So my fellow bandsters, new found cyber friends I want to share my success with you and help you to understand that this process is possible but you have to jump in with both feet and be 100% committed to this process. So I will go back to the beginning. High my name is Diane and 2 years ago I was morbidly obese. I used food as a coping mechanism for every aspect of my life. I ate when I was happy, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was stressed and i would even eat and lie to myself about the fact that I ate. (Sound familiar) Well one day, I not only had to take a long hard look in the mirror but I had to recognize that my body was no longer coping well with the extra weight on my 5'1" frame. I weighed 252 lbs at my heaviest(Check out my profile, I was very "FAT" there is no other word to describe me. Oh yes I did have a "NICE" smile, still do but now I have cheek bones) I like many of you had tried many WL options from fad diets to Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig and also like many of you I FAILED! Notice I said "I" failed. You see all of those "DIETS" worked but what I failed to do was truly embrace the changes that were needed in my life, the changes that I needed to be successful. But I now believe I had to fail in order to succeed. I see myself just like any addict, I had to hit rock bottom before I truly could commit myself to changing my life. When I started on this site I chose to pick a name that I could grow to love, a.k.a. my user name LovetheNewMe. The other decision I made when I signed onto this site was to be honest and give back as much as I was taking away. I like many of you read and sat in the back ground for many weeks and tried to learn, not only from the successful but also from the struggles.
 
If I could pick three things that have made me successful I would have to say they are "Me, Myself and I" I am sorry to burst anyone's bubble but the Lapband is not why I lost weight, I lost weight because I have learned how to eat and I have learned what a portion is and I have learned that you get out of this what you put into it. If you sit on your butt and expect the weight to fall off, or have your band so tight that you can only drink liquids or puck back half of everything you eat, YES you can lose weight but YOU will not keep it off. You have to embrace the concept of the band, the band does not prevent you from eating the junk food, actually the band encourages you to eat junk food. I know your all thinking this women is flippin crazy. But think about it, when your band is tight and protein will not go down what do you lean toward. SLIDERS! Foods that are high in calories and low in nutritional value. I have read over and over on this blog that people had the surgery so they would not have to count calories, track their food or exercise. Well good luck to all of them because I know me, I am the queen of manipulation and I was real good at telling me that it was OK to eat the fast food on the way home from work and still eat dinner because no one saw me eat it but LITTLE olé me, myself and I. So, what is my point...
 
You have to embrace a healthy life style and you have to remember that what you lose you can always gain back if you do not embrace a healthy life style. It really is true, You are what You EAT!. You have to learn to eat like a thin person and think like a thin person to be a thin person. I am still in the phase of my journey that I am a thin person but there is still a FAT girl living inside me that still struggles to get out some days. I am determined that the "FAT" girl in me is gone forever. I keep pictures of me at my heaviest in plain site, in my house and office. I do not want to ever forget how far I have gone. Just looking in the mirror does not always do it for me, a picture is worth a thousand words. Yes I have reached my ideal body weight, Yes I have dropped from a size 24 to a size 4 (no that is not a type "O") I still log my food every day, I still weight and measure my food, I eat off a small plate, I lay my fork down between bites, I do not drink with meals 30 min before or 30 min after meals, I do not graze, I do not eat unplanned snacks, I do not succumb to peer pressure and I DO exercise 4-5 days per week.
 
The best advice I can give any bandster is:
Follow the rules
 
Keep in touch with your WL Surgeon
 
Drink Water
 
Exercise
 
Set realistic goals (Boys and Girls we did not get FAT over night and you are not going to get thin over night. To lose weight you have to decrease your intake and increase your activity. Your body is a living, breathing machine and you to have burn calories to lose weight and the only way I know how to do this is to exercise. It still takes 3500 calories less than your body needs a week to lose one pound per week. That calculates out to 500 calories less per day than your body burns. You have to learn what your body needs just to maintain your current weight. There is a very narrow balance between what you need and not eating to little. If you eat to little your body will think you are starving and eventually stop losing weight.)
 
Learn to eat healthy( The reason you have to do this is because of rule #5)
 
And last and the most important, EAT YOUR PROTEIN. (It has been proven that bandsters that heat 70gms or more protein are more successful with weight loss) Protein make you feel fuller longer and takes longer to digest thus decreasing your desire to eat.
 
And last bit of advice and probably the most important; Learn to love your self, believe in your self and know that you can do this. Anything is possible with hard work and dedication.

So here is the old me beside the new me.
 

 
 
Good luck to all of you who are just startng or those of you who are struggling. If you are struggling, forgive your self and move forward, if you are just starting or thinking about LBS, know you are going to have to work hard because this is a Life Style Change and just having the surgery and the band does not mean you will lose weight.
 
LovetheNewMe

I get asked this question all the time; How were you able to lose weight with Lap Band? Simple I followed the rules!
 
I read on this web site all the time about every one hoping to get restriction and frustrated because their band is not tight enough, worried that they need more restriction. Well bandsters, the band and our weight loss is not about restriction, that is not the purpose of the band. The purpose is to slow down your eating so you eat less and become satisfied sooner. So if you are new or struggling, read below. I have lived by the rules of lapband throughout my 2 year journey. It has not always been easy and yes there were times I was hungry. This is not easy, it is a very emotional and personal journey. No two people react to the band alike and you have to have a lot of will power and want power. If you are on this site and had surgery, I know you have tried everything else and our now hoping the band is the answer to your prayers. Well it can be but it can also be the beginning of your nightmares if you do not make healthy choices. You and only you can make the band work and the sooner you figure this out the more successful you will be. I am now in my maintenance phase of this journey and living happy with lapband. I have worked hard and continue to work hard to make healthy choices to sustain everything I have worked hard to achieve. Is is easy no, but it gets easier everyday. You can be successful with lapband but you have to follow the rules. You have to become knowledgeable about the band and how it works. You have to deal with your behavioral issues surrounding food and you have to modify your behavior. If you do not do these things, you may lose weight but research has proved that successful WLS patients modify behavior. Below is an article from another site I wanted to share for all of you who are new and for those that are struggling and of course a reminder for us that have been successful.
 
Good luck and success to all new and old, LovetheNewMe!
 
EDIT/Addition added after original post:
Just to give credit where credit is due this post came from Dr. Simpson's web site. This was a site I found very early in my band journey and have referenced it many times. It taught me things about the band that I was not aware of, it also is the site that helped me lose my last 30 lbs. this is the web address, check it out. He is one MD who coaches his patients that they can lose all of their weight. I read his book , "Losing the Last 30lbs" and it was very helpful. http://drsimpson.net/index.htm
 
 
Weight loss surgery works by decreasing appetite-allowing people to eat less and utilize their fat stores more efficiently. What successful weight loss surgery DOES NOT stop you from eating anything.
Whenever a patient says they don’t “feel restricted” it means they want the operation to do something that they won’t do for themselves. In this case, they want the operation to keep them from eating too much, or eating something. Successful patients DO NOT describe appetite suppression in that manner.
This became clear when several groups showed that food remains above a well adjusted band for only a minute or less, not longer. It is not that the band keeps food from going through it - -it is the act of food going through the band that allows the satiety mechanism to go into effect. The study was simple – take a patient who is losing weight, and feels their band is at a good point. Give them food that they say satisfies them for a long time, and label the food with something we can see on an x-ray.
We were shocked, and others repeated this experiment. But, then it all made sense. Whether they have a band, a bypass, a sleeve, or a DS – all of the operations allow a smaller amount of food to provide appetite suppression. Without that, appetite suppression does not occur.
This is revolutionary in all aspects of patients – it is not “restrictive,” and having the band tight is not helpful. The bottom line is simple: solid food, slowly eaten, provides prolonged appetite suppression. This can be all overcome by: eating too fast (for band patients this leads to esophageal dilation, erosion, or slips or by drinking liquid calories, or soft food.
What works for our patients who have had long term success:

Measuring the food they eat
Not depending on the band to tell them when to stop
Not depending on the band to tell them when they are too full

The Lap-band will NOT tell you when you are “full”
 
The band will NOT stop you from eating “more” food
 
 
 
So the latest revolution in weight loss is not in a new tool, it is in those four simple words that will keep your tool sharp: eat small portions slowly.

Banded life can be some what of a roller coaster ride. We all get upset when someone says we took the easy way out, I'd like to see them try it! It's true you never understand until you walk a mile in there shoes. At almost 4 months out I have walked several of those miles and not all have been easy.
 
For a week after surgery I though oh, heck what did I do. I felt like crap, I hurt, I was hungry, I was miserable. Then as the healing got going I started to feel better. Then I started to see results- weight loss- and it made it all worth it.
 
I have had 4 fills now and know I am getting tighter. To begin with I was just watching my calories and staying below 1200 even if I felt hungry. Now the hunger is less of a problem except certain times of day. I am able to drink more and get my protein in, plus exercise.
 
Since my last fill I experieced the dreaded "STUCK" moment. Before the food even got to my band I knew I had screwed up- I swallowed before I had chewed enough - MISTAKE. Lets just say that certainly gave me a good reminder to CHEW!! Most bandsters have experienced this moment and it's the ugly one- you feel like your chest will explode. You want to puke, but you can't, you want to wash it down, but you can't. You are almost foaming at the mouth with spit- not pretty or fun.
 
Some foods I use to love, now just don't love me. Breadsticks for instance - I LOVED them- now I just can't do it without putting my band at risk. I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy surgery and the thought of having to have my band fixed because I ate the wrong things and made it slip just isn't going to happen. That breadstick doesn't taste that good. Most other things I can still eat, but it's a question of should I. Things like ice cream and cheese cake - while my band will allow them down, my calorie count really doesn't. Does this mean I will never partake in these again, probally not. I think I will allow myself one SMALL slice of cheese cake once a year on my wedding anniversary because that is what we had for our wedding cake. However, I may do an hour on the elliptical to compensate.
 
As most people who have been banded figure out quickly, weight lose can be painfully slow at times. This makes it easy to get discouraged, but when you look at the big picture, when was the last time you lost 35 lbs in 3 months.
 
The band doesn't do it all for me. I still must choose the right foods - healthy. I must choose not to eat or drink empty calories. For me I choose to count calories, which has helped me a lot. This helps me make sure I don't go over and that I am staying in the "lose" zone. I think my counting calories with myfitnesspal will help me with my long term success. With counting I must be accountable each day not just when I get on a scale.
 
The Good part of the band is-- I am losing weight, I am not crazy hungry, I feel good, I am looking better, I am becoming the me I always wanted to be! For the 1st time in my over weight life I have hope and confidence that this weight will come off and I will one day be a healthy weight. So to be the bad and ugly times are far out weighed by the Good!!

When I think of diet I think rules & restrictions. You have to eat this; you can’t eat that, you have to drink this; you can’t drink that, etc…. Doctor’s orders are diets, rules that we have to follow. Now the rebellious teenager in me (I know shocking right?!) says “What do you mean I can’t, watch me!”
 
When I think of a lifestyle I think choices, things I want and am willing to try. Lifestyle means changing the way you live for the rest of your life. The level headed adult in me (again, shocking!) says, “I want to change and live a healthier lifestyle”.
 
So what works in my head is I am not on a diet because I have changed my lifestyle. I follow the recommendations (orders) from my doctor and therefore I see success.
 
My new lifestyle does not restrict me for eating the things I love. I have chocolate, cookies, cakes, breads, pasta, potatoes when I want. I enjoy family gatherings (well most of them). I enjoy my new life.
 
This is what works for me!

So I'm a little slow......just figured out how to create a blog. That's what I get when I only access LBT from my phone & tablet. There are a lot of features that you don't see on the mobile app. Alex we need to be able to update our status, reply to other statuses and access blogs on the mobile app. (Don't think he heard me.)
I don't do Facebook or twitter so I'm not sure how stuff like this works, oh well I'll wing it.
 
I am amazed at how far I have come this year. January I was in the biggest depression, I hated my job, I hated myself, honestly I disliked my stepdaughter greatly. The only thing I liked/loved was my dear husband. I went to the doctor for my annual physical and got a huge slap in the face. I was on 3 different high blood pressure meds and my blood pressure was still high and on top of that I was diagnosed pre diabetic. I was so upset after that appointment that I stopped at Starbucks for a large Java chip Frappuccino. That solves everything.
 
The next morning driving to work I heard a radio commercial for True Results and the Lap Band, I started doing some internet research as to what the Lap Band was. Talked with my parents about it (my dad is a retired MD so his advice is gold when it comes to medical stuff). My dad researched some and gave me his blessing on doing the Band. My initial appointment with True Results was the second week in January, my surgery was February 7, 2012. Basically three weeks and it was done. I had no time to reconsider. (That’s the difference between self-pay and insurance)
 
It’s funny I didn’t know about LBT or that different doctors had different diets all I knew was what my doctor had me doing, so I did it. I followed the doctor’s orders; I was losing weight and really knew nothing about the band lifestyle. Then in June I found LBT and started reading. Wow there was so much I didn’t know. I read every post I could find, quickly got Jean’s book and read it. Within the month I felt I had a much better understanding of what I had and how it would work for me.
 
Now here it is October, 9 months later, and I’ve lost 65 pounds. Wow I can’t believe I have done so well. I look in the mirror and often don’t recognize myself. I have no regrets at all, even if the future brings complications with the Band. I love this little tool, my Yellow Rose of Texas.

I am one of these planner folks and numbers people. It annoys the crap out of some, but that is how I am wired and work the best.
 
These days I plan my day out each morning. M-F I eat my Special K breakfast at 5:30 am, I get ready for work - pack my lunch and snack. Once I get to work and get settled in, I normally have a few min that I can get on MyFitnessPal and log breakfast, snack, lunch and what I plan to fix for dinner. This way I know exactly how many calories I am PLANNING to take in that day. If we are going to have something like pizza that night I PLAN that in and also PLAN in a workout.
 
If I plan out my day like this I am much more likely to stick to it than if I just take it as it comes. I am like this in everything. At work I have a color coordinated calendar and my box of color highlighters- People think I'm nuts but it works for me.
 
I believe that we all must have some sort of a plan in order to be succesful, if we "fly by the seat of our pants" we often end up somewhere we don't want to be.
 
Just like when going to the market. I sit down before going to the grocery and write out everything I need (I preplan meals for the coming week). When I go to the store I don't allow myself to browse, I get what is on the list and keep truckin. This prevents me from buy those little extras that will derail me and it also saves time so when I get home I can work out.
 
We plan vacations, meetings, appointments, ect to make sure we get in what we need, with the band it's no different. I you make a plan and post it- for me it's in my handy dandy smart phone (the hubs and I are total tech geeks), but some may stick it on the fridge; either way if you have a plan in place you are more likely to stick to it and be succesful because we hopefully don't plan for failure.
 
So today I encourage to make a plan and stick to it.

"You're only nineteen."
"You don't need to have surgery."
"Losing weight isn't impossible. If I can do it, anyone can."
"How is it even possible to not lose weight."  
Sometimes not everyone understands another's decisions. Which is totally rational. Not one person has gone through the same thing as another. In my eyes that gives no one person grounds to judge another person on their decisions.
 
I am nineteen. This is true. But what makes my surgery so much more taboo than another person's surgery? What makes my surgery different that a girl my age getting a boob job, or a nose job? I can't do something to benefit my health, and my over all apperance? To create something better for myself; No matter what the cost.
 
I understand why people believe I shouldn't get this surgery. I get it. I'm young. But the great thing is that I am having a procedure done, early on in my life, that will teach me about the lifestyle change I have to make. In order for me to live a healthy, happy life I believe that I need to have this done. Not only because I know I will be more confident, but I will be able to step away from being a prediabetic as well as my sleep apnea.
 
I used to dream, as a little girl, of what it would be like to feel pretty. To be comfortable. To walk around in my own skin and not feel like I was disgusting. Somedays I didn't want to leave the house. I felt repulsive. I felt like it would be better for the world, and myself if I just didn't go to class that day. No one would have to look at me, and I wouldn't have to look at everyone else...looking at me. For whatever reason. I know that this deicision is the best thing I could do for myself. I know that because I am young, I can change my whole life because of this. And I'm excited for it. I am excited for the new me. I deserve it.
 
My surgery date is October 10, 2012.
I am so unbelieveably excited to start my life.

Had my 2nd fill today. My first fill was 2 weeks ago, and was 5 1/2 cc's. Mind you, my band is large, 14 cc's or something like that. Today, I was given an additional 2 1/2 cc's. I believe I was told not to take bites that are bigger than an M&M. Oh, how I would enjoy a peanut butter M&M... Im not a big chocolate fan, but chocolate & peanut butter. Sign me up LOL...
 
I didn't really notice a decrease in appetite, or a more filling sensation with the 1st fill, and the NP told me I probably wouldn't notice anything yet. Somehow I managed to lose 6 pds in 2 weeks. Not bad I guess. Actually, I would LOVE to lose 6 pds every 2 weeks. Did you do the math yet? So, if I lose 6 pds in 2 weeks, that should come to 12 pds in 1 month, then 24 pds in 2 months, oh my gosh, 36 in 3, 48 in 4... eventually I'll disappear! OK, maybe not. Just trying to make a point at how quickly our mind starts calculating as we go through this weight loss journey. I had actually lost 2 more pounds, but found it again in the last week or so. Not sure how I did that, but I'm going to blame being constipated. What? I need an excuse. No wait, I'm doing this to avoid the excuses...
 
I suppose if I worked out 5 times a week like I'm supposed to, the weight could come off alittle quicker. Damn, I have to make an effort.
 
Lesson learned: You get out what you put into this. Some weeks you will lose 3 pds, another week (God help us when this happens), you won't lose anything. Stay focused Fran, stay focused! See the end result!

I thought I'd update, work and life have been busy,
I think the last time I blogged here was right after my first fill, and I have my 2nd one in five more days.
 
I've lost 34 lbs. since my surgery at the end of June.
My struggle with exercise is an on-going thing, I just can't get myself to just do it.
 
Eating is easier as in I don't do a lot of it, I don't think about it much and when I do it's because I have to go out to eat.
That has always been the hardest for me, making good choices when I'm looking at a menu and then at other people's plates is HARD, but I'm doing it.
Last week at a birthday dinner I had a salad...actually it was lettuce and dressing...because everything else on the menu was not for me. Everyone else enjoyed the family style feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, BBQ chicken, baked beans, buttery green beans, chicken fried steak and biscuits...that was like my own version of hell for about two hours, but I did not put a single "bad" thing into my mouth.
While everyone left there stuffed and feeling gross, I left with a happy tummy and a happy heart.
 
When I got home I had a little grilled chicken, and it tasted amazing.
 
Another victory...I'm thankful.

I've known my family physician for 20 years and he's the MD of my parents and my brother. He's the one who mentioned WLS, in passing the last time I saw him. Well today I had a follow up with him and I mentioned I was having the Lap Band and he was little annoyed with me.
Firstly, before I had stated that I wanted the Lap Band, I told him I was considering WLS which he supported, but he wanted me to have Gastric Bypass. Faster weight lost and it's better for the morbidly obese... Crap, am I morbidly obese? He said the Lap Band are for those individuals who have under 100 pounds to lose... Really?.....So I brought out my research;)... His response: I've forgotten that you love to read.... After, he heard my arguments and my points, he then proceeded to tell me that I can have it done free in Quebec since our provincial insurance pays for it.... I found out this lately but there's a waiting list of 2-3 years...not interested..... He's upset with me because he does not know the MD, so I provided him the name and the phone number to call him, which I know he will never do, he's too busy.... However, he seemed a little irked with me, but, stated he hope I do well, but the failure rate is high... Sigh...I literally had to remind him with any WLS, failure is an option if you do not change your lifestyle, which he agreed, we then ended with if I'm planning to have kids and I realized that this man has been part of my family for too long, my mother is rubbing off on him... Anyways, I remind him not to say anything to my mother, which pissed him off further since, he mumbled he is a doctor and patient confidentiality.... But just to be sure.... So now I have more motivation... A Lil surprise for my MD at my 1 year check up;)

Well exactly 14 days ago I changed my life forever. I still haven't had any of the, "what have I done," moments, but I have been in absolutely excruciating pain since Thursday of last week. I can happily report that I am officially down 20 lbs from the start of my pre-op diet on 8/27. After gaining 6 lbs from surgery and feeling as if the bloating wouldn't ever go away I am really excited that I am starting to see results quickly. And yes I know, I do not want to see them too quickly to avoid a plethora of issues.
 
I have started using this handy dandy app called My Fitness Pal, (www.myfitnesspal.com) which allows me to track everything I put in my mouth and also the amount of physical activity I do. It tells me how many calories I have left to consume for the day and also breaks down my nutrition for the day letting me know exactly how much protein, fat, fiber, etc. I've consumed. I've seen similar apps that get to be a pain in the butt with entering what you eat, but this app has a scanner part where you can actually take a pic of the items bar code and it adds it to your list. Very cool and very easy. I know that many different weight loss programs preach writing a food journal to keep track of how much you are consuming and I have found it to be a great tool in making sure you aren't over indulging. I am notoriously not very good at keeping a food journal but so far for the past 7 days I've done it and I can admit I am kind of addicted to it.
 
Right after surgery I jinxed myself by saying I hadn't experienced any of the gas pain that some of the others on LBT (www.lapbandtalk.com) had mentioned. Well guess what has been keeping me company during the wee hours of the morning...gas pain. It started last Wednesday night in the middle of my back between my shoulder blades. Walking, Advil/Tylenol, burping, and Gas-X strips had helped make it possible for me to sleep Wednesday night. I stayed home from work on Thursday and Friday for the same reason. I started on Thursday walking around the park by my help disburse the gas pain. Needless to say by Saturday I was up to 2 miles and was still having gas issues in the evening. Sunday I did not have any pain and thought that perhaps I was finally getting a handle on this issue. NOPE! I woke up this morning at 0300 feeling like I was going to throw up the pain was so bad. After going to work with the heating pad attached to my back, the pain didn't let up and actually was making it difficult to breathe. I contacted my surgeon's office and told them that I was doing everything they had told me to do and the pain was getting worse and unlike before it wasn't letting up this time. My nurse told me that perhaps it was gallstones, since I was also describing those symptoms. Well after a very long visit to the ER and after several rounds of costly tests, I was sent home from the ER with no news. All of my tests came back normal, so I am back to square one with this gas pain. I really am starting to feel like a big baby always whining about this pain, but from what I have been told is pain very similar to a heart attack. And it is also frustrating that I can't manage to make it go away and stay away. My next step is to eat even slower than I already am and see if possibly my food choices are contributing to this issue.
 
Now that I am finally able to eat more real food as my co-workers call it, I sat down last night and wrote out a menu so I could figure out what I was eating at each meal so I didn't just wonder around aimlessly. I've also picked up two lap-band cook books, one is Bandwagon Cookery by Jean McMillan who is the author of the Lap Band Bible, Bandwagon. Her book is very funny reading all the pointers on how to eat well with the band, I am 95 pages in and haven't made it to her recipes yet but from what I've flipped through they seem to be good. The other is Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery by Patt Levine. I actually prefer her recipes so far from what I've read. She also has a nifty guideline on each page that lets you know how much you should consume depending on what stage you are in on your diet. And the other thing I liked is that all of her recipes have been taste tested blended in case you are in the liquid stages. Very helpful information. I attended a birthday party on Saturday and managed to watch what I ate, made sure to not stuff my face with anything awful and put everything that I ate on my food journal. I was proud of myself at being able to control my choices. Thinking about what I would have eaten a few months ago astounds me, I would have gone bonkers and really stuffed my face, then wondered the next day why my pants were even tighter.
 
So that is the low down on the past week. I am hoping that the weight continues to come off, I continue to log my food, and that I continue to exercise on a daily basis. Oh yeah, and the pain STOPS! My one month anniversary from starting the pre-op diet is on Thursday, so I will update you all then on my final weight loss for my 1st month.
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

I first met Western Bariatrics in Reno, NV in April 2012; Dr. Watson and his staff were fantastic! I havew been rollercoaster dieting for years, trying all sorts of things but needed to move forward. I wanted to make a decision lap band vs. bypass; I chose lap band. So all the prep, insurance approval, etc. finally came. In July, I started swimming laps for two months, then took lessons and learned the right way to swim laps to benefit your cardio and physical body! So, I wanted to start a habit before surgery. After I returned from vacation in mid August, I started my four week pre op. I quit drinking alcohol cold turkey, which was very difficult as I was a social drinker, but heavy at times. I also started protein drinks, mostly Muscle Milk Light, chicken broth, string cheese, hard boiled egg, pudding and jello for four weeks; With that and swimming, when I weighed in the day of surgery, I was 36 pounds down. Dr. Watson was very pleased! My surgery was September 12th and as I write this, I am on day 10 post op. I have lost an additional 6 pounds.
 
I have stuck to the post op diet rigid. My follow up is in a week or two as I live 4.5 hours away from my doc. I will plan on getting a fill, looking forward to solid foods soon :-) SO that is my story. I want to get healthy, stay healthy and be happy. :-)

Obesity is a physical sign of an unhealthy mindset. Most people believe that losing weight involves having willpower and being perfect. This is the wrong mindset to have. Your mindset is fueled by the conversations you have with yourself. If your internal conversations are positive and healthy, your mind will follow through. These inner talks can give you the motivation to keep going or the discouragement to quit.
Another important part of permanent weight loss involves planning and perseverance. Failure and mistakes are inevitable. You have to learn how to accept them and move on. If you can't internally deal with failure, then you won't be able to move past it. This is different than defeat. Being defeated is letting failure win and letting your missteps ruin your success. The best way to keep failure from becoming defeat is by continuously working on a better mindset. Below are some ways to help you do that and keep you on the path to success.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
In order to do this, you have to give your all. No cliche excuses, no poor self-esteem, and no setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals. Trying your best can only produce positive outcomes. They may not be the outcomes you initially wanted, but believing in yourself is the first step to achieving what you set out to do.
CREATE A ROUTINE
Plan out your meals, plan out your exercise, and then follow through. The easiest way to get off track is not being prepared. Your willpower can only hold out for so long. Willpower is your brain's attempt to overcome your natural desires. Even though the brain is very commanding, natural tendencies will eventually win out. If you depend on willpower alone to lose weight, you will probably fail. If you create a rock-solid eating plan and put aside some time for exercise, then you will succeed. Meal plans, will help you learn how to stay on track and maintain your success without becoming overwhelmed.
PERSEVERANCE
Expect failure and embrace it. None of this matters unless you are willing to trek on, even in the face of failure. If you treat your mistakes as lessons learned and stay the course, you will succeed. If you succumb to your failure and project it inward, you will most likely fail, fall back to your old eating habits and continue to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Accepting defeat creates an unhealthy diet cycle that, for some, never stops.
USE YOUR IMAGINATION
If a healthy eating plan is not designed to fit your needs, then it becomes very hard for you to succeed. If you don't like the food, you're probably not going to eat it. If you don't like the exercise, you're probably not going to do it. Tweak and change plans in order to make a routine easier and more enjoyable to follow. Use your imagination to create the best diet plan for you! Choosing what you like to eat enables you to associate good thoughts and feelings with that food. Associating a healthy diet with positive feelings will help you to stick to the plan and be more successful in the long run.
ALWAYS BE ACCOUNTABLE
No one is responsible for your weight loss, except you. Don't blame your job, “body type”, family, or society; you will never succeed. Take control over yourself, decisions, and outlook on failures. Without positive accountability, there can never be lasting success.
DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS
Many people will eat when they're sad, eat when they're happy, or eat when they're bored. Food is used as a coping mechanism for all sorts of things. If you want to change your body, then you have deal with the emotions that hinder your success. A good way to do this is only eating if you're hungry or when you have a meal planned out. If you plan ahead, then you are more likely to stay on track if your emotions get out of whack.
CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING
Most of us have been programmed to think that we're fat, unhealthy, and that we will never look or feel the way we want. Too often, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell yourself that you'll always be unhealthy, then that will probably be true. The opposite is also correct. If you tell yourself you want to be healthy, stay healthy, and lose weight no matter what obstacles you may face, then you are setting yourself up for success.
STAY POSITIVE
The best way to have a healthy mindset is to stay positive. Try to find good in everything and train your mind to think in the best interest of your body. Focus on replacing unhealthy thoughts with healthy ones and your body will start to follow suit.
If you have any other questions or want to know more about how to have a healthy mindset, go over to our Facebook page by clicking the link at the top of the newsletter. You can talk with us and other dieters about anything you like. We want to hear about your successes and your failures in the hopes that people will learn from your mistakes and find motivation in your victories.
 
I got this in an online post I recieve,

What a day of ups and downs. I went back and forth between excited and terrified so many times I didn't know if I was coming or going. The day started at 2pm with an intake with a skinny pretty nutritionist in a little black dress. I kept having to force myself to be honest because the way she asked all the questions made me feel pretty bad about he way I eat.
 
Next I met my Nurse Practitioner, Frankie. He's the guy who does the fills. He answered a lot of questions I had about erosion rates and what to expect. He was adorable, very charming and friendly and really put me at ease. He encouraged me to come in monthly regardless of how I was doing. I have a feeing I'll be seeing a lot of him.
 
Finally I met with Dr Ren. I questioned her about being a low BMI bandster and wanted to know what she thought my outcome would be. It turns out she did a study of low BMI patients and found that 1 out of I think 48 failed the band and had it removed due to not tolerating the lifestyle changes. 1 was lost to follow up. And all the others reached their goals. We discussed how I currently eat and I told her that I currently always eat 3 meals a day. She said that might be an obstacle to me. Once I had the band, she explained, I might not need to eat that often. She shared that she eats only once a day. (no wonder she's so skinny - let me tell you it is a rare woman that can rock those surgical scrubs) She suggested I try to loosen up my beliefs about how much food/protein people "need" and said that we as a culture tend to think we need way more food, protein and water than we actually do and this leads us to eat more than we need. She was nice and helpful and answered all my questions. I mean, she has done thousands of these so I know I'm in good hands. But still its the patients, not the doctor that are going to reassure me.
 
So that night from 6-8 I attended a support group at NYU for people banded in the last 12 months. In addition to the social worker who leads the group there were 5 people, 3 women and 2 men. One woman had been banded for 5 years and had lost 150 lbs. She described how she no longer needed her apnea machine or her medications for a variety of health problems that had since resolved. Everyone was such an inspiration. I was surprised to hear people say that they were discouraged with their weight loss when they had just gotten done saying they had lost 40 lbs in 4 months. I guess no one wants to JUST lose weight...people want to get THIN.
 
It was also interesting to hear the guys speak about their food struggles. I always find guys are so much more forthright about their bad eating habits than we women who tend to have more shame and therefore be more private/sneaky whatever you care to call it. Everyone in the room, even those struggling to get the outcome they wanted, admitted that he band was the best thing they ever did and they don't regret it for a moment. THAT was very reassuring. I exchanged emails with 2 women and they promised to attend the next support group, which will be just a few days before my surgery.
 
I topped off my long day, in addition to writing a reallllly big check, with a loooong phone call to my folks. I decided my Mom will be my surgery day buddy. They are both very overweight and I think this surgery freaks them out, but they are there for me 100%
 
I have a few weeks left before I have to start liquids. So I'm just starting to think about what I need to stock in my house. I will be celebrating both my birthday (46!!) and my daughter's 2nd birthday during my liquids phase. Also I'll be joining my parents for a yearly convention we like to attend that is unfortunately characterized by these big dinner buffets. I have decided to celebrate my Bday early so I can have a piece of cake and not violate my 2 weeks of liquids. I also plan to not accompany my family to the big buffets dinners - instead maybe I'll check out the outlets and shop for my daughters. That way I wont have to smell food when I'm starving. On my bday wish list is a little portable blender, and a smaller crockpot because mine is the size you use to make enough stew for the whole congregation. Hahaha.
 
It's time to pack away the summer clothes and take out the Fall stuff. I'm very tempted to give away all my big summer clothes as a vote of confidence. What do you think?

Well I'll have you all know, I was in bed, found a comfy spot to lay in (hard to do these days with 5 incisions) and all but asleep when I keep feeling this nagging sensation for not writing my blog tonight. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to give me something to be accountable for. If I had to blog once a week (at least) and update whomever reads this on my progress then I would be less likely to cheat or fall of the band wagon...ha ha, you get my joke? So I drug my butt out of bed, fired up the computer and now here I am.
 
It is hard to believe that it was only a week ago today that I was having my very first surgery and that at this time last week I was in a drug induced stupor off in dream land. I've read many postings on the LBT website I am a member of for fellow lap banders, that many people had a "what have I done," moment. I can honestly say as hungry as I have been over the past week, I have never had that moment. I am very excited that I can honestly say I've had the surgery and I am on the path of weight loss. Yes I know it will be a lot of hard work with controlling my diet and exercising but I am really looking forward to it. And I think having the lap band will be the perfect tool to help me reach my goals.
 
I am just ready to be off restriction for diet and exercise so I can come up with my "real" world plan. I have been looking at the class schedules at 24 Hour Fitness coming up with a plan for which classes I am going to take when. I would ideally like to do at least 2 classes a week of weight training and cardio at least 5 times a week. Once I can start going to these classes and working out I know that it will become second nature and of course seeing the results will be extra motivation to keep going too.
 
Right now I am on the second week of my post op diet which consists of my protein shakes and thicker soups such as tomato soup. Last week was just pure broth which was harder than I thought it would be. I had read that a lot of people were not hungry the days following surgery. Well this fat girl wasn't one of those lucky ones. Staying awake long enough last week to sip my water and protein shakes was tough since the pain meds knocked me out pretty good, however when I was awake I was definitely hungry. And since I was only drinking liquids which go right through my band I had a very limited window of that "full" feeling. I do enjoy that only about a cup of liquid makes me "full."
 
I am also working out my plan for when I can return to normal food in about 2 more weeks. There is a place here in Houston and also Dallas called My Fit Foods, (www.myfitfoods.com) I have had their meals on several occasions. They are low fat, high protein meals that are aimed at people who are as I call "label aware," and looking for fast but yummy healthy food options. Only down side is that they are on the other side of town, but I can trek over there on Sunday's and prepare for the week. They have several options, low carb, gluten free, etc. I plan on getting their small portion, which is 3 oz of protein for my lunches. I am one of those people that if I have to prepare a lot in advance I will eventually stop doing it. Or I will wait until I am ravenously hungry and be miserable. They are pretty affordable ranging from $6-$8 a meal which is cheaper than eating out somewhere and I believe the portions are small enough that I wont be wasting a lot of food. They have a lot of chicken, fish, and turkey options which will be nice. I still plan on having a protein shake for breakfast and just protein and veggies for dinner.
 
I would update you on my scale progress, but I have refused to get on the damn thing since Saturday. I was very frustrated that after having weight loss surgery (WLS) that from the time I went in the operating room until I came out I managed to find 6 lbs. I know that this is from the fluids and bloating my body has gone through from surgery. But it was a little frustrating. My nurse practitioner told me this was normal and that I would see results soon. She also pointed out that I was losing visceral fat and that my clothes probably fit better. At this point I wasn't wearing much but yoga pants and t-shirts so I wouldn't know. Saturday I got dressed and my tightest pair of jean shorts fit considerably better, even were a little loose. And I was able to comfortably wear a shirt I hadn't worn in 2 years. It wasn't too tight anywhere and managed to cover what I wanted it to. So small victories. I had said I would weigh on Tuesdays but I think I am going to push that to Wednesday or Thursdays. I'll let you all know. My surgeon's office also has a support group once a month, I am not really sure what to expect from it, but I believe I will go. Any tips and advice from people going through this with me might be helpful. That will be this Wednesday. I would be lying to say that I am not scared **** less that I will not lose any weight. Although I have bitched and complained a fair amount, I have managed to stick to my diet so I know that I will lose the weight. I also think I have an outline for success with my food and exercise plans. I just have to be patient (gasp!) and let my body work its magic. I cannot fail! My mini goal is to see -20 lbs by my post-op appointment on 10/9.
 
I managed to get to work today and I will say it was odd to be back there, I kinda enjoyed being off for a week. I was so worried that the world would end without me for a week but they all survived. I had my shake for breakfast and managed to drink some water. About 10:00 a.m. I started feeling really tired and out of it and my incisions were starting to really bother me. I didn't take my pain meds because I didn't want to fall asleep at my desk, so I was only taking Advil. I made it until about 12:30 before I threw in the towel and packed it in and went home. When I got home I did notice I was really pale and my cheeks were flushed. So tomorrow I will be taking a half dose of pain meds about 9:00 to see if that doesn't help me make it the entire day.
 
So anyways, this is a long ramble and I do need to get to sleep. Big party at work tomorrow with lots of vendors and customers so I have to be on my game. Maybe the pain meds will help drown my anxiety about not being successful with a weight loss.
 
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

I thought with me eating much less my grocery bill would go down, but it hasn't, but it hasn't gone up either. Instead of buying crap (little debbie / french fries) I buy healthy things - fruit and veggies. I no longer buy any soft drinks, just crystal light flavor packs for water.
 
I am married so I do have to buy for the hubs, but while he isn't banded he opted to adopted the banded life. He eats the same healthy foods I do just in a large quantity, but hey that is a step. We have opted to oust junk foods all together. So I no longer go down the junk isles. I use to buy a lb of sugar monthly, I have purchased one in 4 months now - don't use it any more.
 
I use to buy hamburger, chicken and pork. Now I still buy chicken, but opt for ground turkey instead of beef and still do a little pork sometimes and a lot more fish. We also use eggs instead of meat - I made an awesome veggie quiche last night and it gave us dinner last night and breaksfast for today and tomorrow- that is the way to stretch a buck. I have learned that Mrs. Dash makes fish better grilled and broiled than it was when we ate it fried.
 
So while my bill hasn't gone down, I feel like the quality of food I purchase is better and I like that. Fresh veggies and fruit are great. My hubs has given up high cal yogurt for apple slices and likes it better. So I don't mind that the bill hasn't gone down quality means more than quantity so that is the aim these days.
 
What has being banded done for your grocery bill?

Did I mention it took place in the shower? So tonight while showering together my daughter mentioned to me that she sometimes sneaks out of bed at night and notices her other parent sneaking a smoke on the terrace. This led to a conversation about why people smoke and why people sneak. At 7 she understands that smoking is an addiction and that many people, despite wanting to stop, just can't find the willpower to do so. In order to curb her disdain, I pointed out that we all are working on things about ourselves, trying to be better. Next thing I know this conversation I had been dreading for months was just happening. Naked. But happening.
 
I explained that I was working on losing weight because I wanted to be healthier and have more energy. I explained how when we eat too much, our bodies store the extra as fat. And as far as I was concerned, I had more fat stored than I would ever need. Bless her cute little self, she screwed up her little face in an expression of confusion, looked me up and down, and said, "where?"
 
"Well, here, and here..." I replied pointing out my belly, my butt. She then asked me to turn around, which I did, but definitely starting to think this was spiralling out of control. "You look pretty", she replied, to which I said, "Oh my god I have to clone you"...No I didn't say that, but I thought it. So I went on to explain that for me, carrying around all the extra weight was like her having to carry her backpack when it had too much stuff in it. We recalled the times she didnt want to run an errand after school because she just had too much stuff in her backpack. So far so good.
 
That's where we hit a wall. Because my daughter is a skinny girl. She's never hungry. I wake up ravenous. Se smells food and it usually smells "gross". I smell food when I'm not hungry and suddenly I AM hungry. She forces herself to eat because she "wants to get this meal done already" whereas I...well you get the picture. So her response was, "just eat less". I explained to her that I was trying, but that I was having a hard time eating as little as I needed to because heavier people are often hungrier than other people. I went on to tell her that there was an operation that I could have that could make my stomach smaller and then I would be less hungry.
 
Silence in the shower.
 
Then she said this, "I'm glad I'm skinny because I would hate to have to have an operation". This was my fear. So of course we talked about exercise and portions and healthy eating and I pointed out all the ways that she was really good at that. I noticed and praised how she doesnt eat when she's not hungry and how she knows she's gotta get her protein in first, and how good she is at knowing when she's had enough. (she is a master at having a few bites of ice cream and leaving the rest). And by then it was time to dry off and read a story and I told her how excited I was because I was about to try something new. I explained how excited I was to be able to bike and run and walk and explore more with her.
 
I didn't tell her that I am also excited to model healthy eating for her. I hope she keeps her healthy eating habits. Someday I'd like to take her out for ice cream and BOTH of us can eat a few bites and leave the rest.

I am happy to report that after 2 weeks of absolutely NO weight lost, I finally went down 2.2. pds. I was honestly getting quite frustrated with myself, and reviewing everything I was eating. Hopefully, it will continue to go down slowly but surely.
 
Ahhh,,, finally a small sign of relief

So today I had my pre-op appointment at the hospital. All and all it went well, had a really nice nurse who I know will take really good care of me after surgery. Had the usual blood taken and signed paperwork. Also had to have a chest x-ray done. Got the low-down from the nurse about where to go, what to expect, and what my well wishers are to do while I am in surgery. I have to admit I was really pretty nervous sitting in the hospital, I guess just ready for this to happen.
 
After that I went to the surgeon's office to turn in my food logs and meet with the dietitian (who is very skinny). I started my pre-op diet per their orders on 8/27, but I didn't get weighed by them until 8/28. I had already lost 2 lbs by the time I got there on 8/28, but since my "official" weight was at their office I didn't get those 2 lbs credited to me. Anyways today according to them I was just down 10 lbs (my count is 12 lbs). The dietitian told me that neither the surgeon or the nurse practitioner would be very happy with only losing 10 lbs. True results told me that I had to lose at least 10. Yes I know, I am going to lose a few more before surgery and in the weight loss game, more lost the better, but I just felt defeated. I felt like if they expected more than they should have told me from the get go. But then again, I have been doing really pretty well on the diet. Then she threatened me with my current biggest fear...my liver might not be small enough!! I nearly cried. I am just about convinced this is a scare tactic, I am just going to have faith that my diligent diet will pay off and my liver will be tinny tiny come surgery. Kinda a non scale victory, normally after a meeting like I had today at the surgeon's office, I would have ran to the nearest McDonalds and although I wanted to really bad, I didn't. Woo hoo!!
 
I have mentioned these super yummy shakes, Pure Protein with 35g of protein, they taste amazing!! Well I asked her about them, they have milk protein concentrate instead of whey protein. She said that I was to have ZERO dairy until after surgery and that might have been why I saw such a sluggish response this weekend. But previously I had consulted one of my trainer friends who said that there wasn't much difference with the proteins. However, I had a feeling on Monday those shakes might have been hurting me, so I had switched back to whey. I bought their Barriatric Advantage shakes today, which were not cheap, but they have like 27g of protein in them. I got the banana flavor, (DYING for a banana) and it was really good.
 
This morning I did not eat (eat = have shake) as I was in a hurry and didn't want the extra "weight," for the scale. I didn't have my first shake until I got to work at about 1:30 p.m. I know, I know, bad for my metabolism. I never have the 2nd shake, just had grilled chicken and salad for dinner. Now its all I can think about it wanting to eat anything and everything. I am currently drinking a big glass of water and chewing gum. Have to get my mind off of this.
 
Anyways, I am extra motivated this week to be extra good on my diet. I will drop those 6 lbs and prove to that dietitian that I can do it and that I have a skinny liver. Makes me wonder what HER liver looks like. LOL. Tomorrow I fly to Dallas after work. I am going to dinner with my BFF, must eat chicken or fish. Then Sunday I am driving my mom and her 3 dogs down to Houston. They will be staying with me until Thursday. I can't believe that my surgery is that close, seems like just yesterday I was on my 3rd appointment for my weight loss monitoring.
 
I am a work-a- holic and haven't taken a whole week off of work in a long time. So I must get to bed, because I will be up at work early tomorrow to cram in everything I have to get done before I leave. I will be in the office Monday until 0900 but that is only to do payroll. So must cram cram cram!! I fully plan on finishing the edits on my first novel while I am "laid" up and working on my second and keeping my work phone turned off!!
 
Anyways, sorry tonight was about 90% rambles. Just a jittery mess.
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

I am not sure where the phrase was coined but "living large" no longer has negative connotations for me! I used to hear that and think instantly of my size. Now it is about how I want to live my life.
 
Only 3 weeks post op and I already am feeling like a new person. I feel much more confident in myself and am already feeling revitalized and a renewed outlook on the future.
 
I have found myself wandering the clothing aisles at stores and not dreading looking at size 22 but venturing down a few sizes thinking that will be me soon!!!! I had heard the "BMI" term used over the years and never gave it much thought before this surgery. Now, I am excited by that #. I have had two visits with the surgeon post-op so far and the # has dropped from 50.5 to 45.5 already! If I can make that significant of a difference in it in just weeks, imagine months from now!!!
 
I have found strength to not long for my (former) favorite foods, even when they smell and look so good within my reach. It is actually quite empowering to have that will power now. I am not saying I will never mess up, but that "flub" doesn't have to define me and doesn't mean I am completely off the wagon. It just means I need to make better choices for my next meal. Heck, people that are healthy and thin overeat or indulge from time to time. It's all about moderation and being accountable to myself.
 
I know I can do this. Admittedly, the first couple days I had a few "feel sorry for myself" moments but I got myself into this and I need to get myself out!
 
My goals are not to look like Cindy Crawford or Kim Kardashian. My goals are what will make me feel good, not worrying about going to events where there may be a turnstyle, not having to retake photos all the time because I don't like how I look in them, getting off BP meds, hopefully ridding myself of sleep apnea and then all the little things - enjoying going clothes shopping in the misses (not women's) dept, not tiring as easily, crossing my legs (cannot wait for that, even if it isn't good for your circulation), and my goal for next summer - going to the amusement park I have avoided for years!!!!
 
No time for pity parties ~ time to start LIVING LARGE!!!

My hubs and I married 3 years ago Labor Day weekend, so even though our anniversary is Wed, we celebrated this weekend. Rather than going to Cheesecake Factory where we normally go (we got engaged there), we went to Moe's where I knew I could get something with my calorie range that I would like. Then we went into the mall where he got me 2 pairs of Danskos and then we went into a jewlry store where he bought me a new diamond. Totally awesome hubs!! Shoes and diamond a girls two favorite things- he said he was proud of me and he loved me so he wanted me to know it.
 
On top of that I lost 3 lbs this weekend (upped my calories and that made it come off) tired the shock thing. Before heading out with the hubs I put on a fav pair of shorts- pulled them up, zipped them, button them and was like wait - these are hanging off me- I pulled at the bottom of the and they slipped right off. YEAH- I tossed them to the side. This morning I put on a pair of pants that I hadn't worn in 5 years and the fit perfect. Everyone at work has commented today on how good I look!! What a boost. Now at lunch, I heated up a Smart Ones Chicken and Peanut Sauce, I ate the chicken bites first and then started eating the other- well after a few bites I was like wow I just don't want any more. I tossed a 3rd of it. YEAHHHHH!!
 
What a difference a few days can make in attitude. I am sure I will hit another low point, but boy do these high points feel awesome!

Hi, to anyone who's listening. I'm 45 year old New Yorker, newly separated, a Mom of 2, and about to embark on a terrifying adventure...lap band surgery.
 
I have been chubby all my life. Never the biggest girl in the room, but certainly the girl next in line after her. Fortunately I have always had enough personality to pull it off without suffering a lot of the discrimination I have seem others suffer. Despite my weight I've become a successful doctor and author and have appeared on many many TV shows talking about what I love most, my field of Psychiatry. There is not a time I see myself on TV that I don't wonder, "wasn't there some skinny little Kelly Rippa shaped Shrink available?" Obviously they like what I have to say enough to overlook the limitations on camera angles a girl my size demands. I am flattered. And when Mehmet calls you don't say no.
 
I didn't always mind being big. I come from a family of overweight people who love themselves and carry out fruitful productive happy lives. My parents are both very overweight but smooch each other like newlyweds. I never believed being fat meant you didn't deserve to be loved, or that any doors would close because of your weight, unless of course you wanted to be a ballet dancer or a model, and I did not.
 
Then a few years ago I hurt my back lifting my then 3 year old daughter who had had a classic 3 year old middle of the crosswalk throw down in which you either sweep her up or let her be run over by a bus. I chose the former. Really I had no choice. That moment was the beginning of the end. My daughter lived but my painfree life ended. A herniated disc. No amount of PT could make it get better. Eventually I needed surgery. Surgery didn't help. Now I need another surgery. There is not a day when my actions are not severely limited by pain. But don't worry, I'm not here to be a drag and write about depressing stuff. I want solutions. And I'm pretty sure that no matter what they can or can't do to my back, it would certainly help if I lost 50 lbs.
 
 
Then there's the sad status of my relationship. When I look back on my 10 year relationship I realize that in many ways I allowed a bad situation to brew. When my spouse was working all the time and always late, missing family events and blowing off birthdays this voice inside me was furious. But somehow I rationalized that if I was the trophy wife I was supposed to be I would have had more power to make demands. Instead everything I said seemed to fall on deaf ears. With no cuddle or kindness to look forward to at the end of a hard day I could at least count on the sensual delights of a delicious dinner. In many ways the weight was my friend: When the affection stopped altogether the only thing that kept me faithful was my weight.
 
Over the years I have tolerated a lot of treatment that I believe I would not have stood for had I not had a weight problem. Even things like my spouses smoking, which I hated, I felt I couldn't put my foot down about, because here I was with this uncontrollable behavior as well. There were a lot of things I didn't demand for fear my spouse would demand I lose weight, and I knew I couldn't.
 
I'm tired of feeling like I can't have a voice. I'm tired of not being able to participate fully in my daughters life. I'm tired of feeling like the time in life to travel and hike and camp and kayak is past. I'm tired of wearing clothes that do not reflect who I am because someone thinks fat people like to wear rayon smocks with no style. I'm tired of having to lie down to rest my aching back when my head is full of dreams and plans and my heart is itching to participate. I'm tired of getting ready for a date wondering wondering what abominable personality trait, mole, tail, wart cult whathaveyou etc I will have to endure in exchange for their willingness to deal with my weight.
 
So a few months ago I walked alone into a NYU lap band info session and I learned something. I thought the band was just basically a way of training you to eat less because you barf if you don't. There I learned that the band actually acts to trigger fullness nerves so that you feel satisfied eating less. That sounded awesome.
 
Because as a physician I know a lot about Nutrition and Healthy eating. I am expert at making healthful meal plans for my fussy 7 year old who is underweight...but who I'm determined to not have develop bad eating habits. I've been going to Weight Watchers since the Ice Age but I can't eat that little!!! I know what a normal portion looks like, but damned if I feel satisfied after eating that little. Lap Banded folks say that the band really changes their relationship to food, that they are able to eat just a half a cup a few times a day and feel satisfied. This is incomprehensible to me. But man, it sounds awesome.
 
So this fall I'm getting banded. My BMI is too low to get my insurance to pay for it. My choice is gain 17 lbs, qualify, then spend 6 months of supervised weight loss...or spend the whole $20K I've been able to save since my divorce and starting over...and Ive decided to just do this one big expensive indulgent crazy ass thing for myself. I'm going for it. I'm not going to Mexico. I'm going to NYU, the best place I know of in the neighborhood where I live because from now on I want no compromises on my happiness. I'm tired of making the budget work by taking away from what I need. I need my life back. I do this, and by next summer imagine who I can be?!
 
My ex seems excited by the prospect of the skinny me, but doesnt know that I have plans for a personality makeover for that skinny girl. Second Chance Sally is going to be much more demanding, much less charming, much less acquiescent than the girl I used to be. Fat me was a people pleaser, a giver, the one who didn't complain. The old me really cared what people thought, really wanted people to like her. Second Chance Sally is going to speak her mind, stand her ground, demand her due and do it all wearing Desigual. Second Chance Sally is getting skinny before her kid has the chance to notice she's fat and be ashamed of her.
 
SCS, as I like to call the new me, is so not psyched about sliming and PBing and yet more surgeries, but I'm cleaning out my storage space and for once I am not saving all those sizes I no longer fit into. Even though this might be the first chance I've had to get back into those sizes. NOPE. If in fact I do get down to those new sizes I am going SHOPPING for some new things. A new start.
 
Will you join me for the ride?