A New New Dawn

I never thought the day would come, that I could eat and not gain weight but it has. I have been very strict with my lapband but did have some goodies over Christmas because I love to bake.
 
Waking up and stepping on the scale to see it not go up was a great feat in its self as I remember always gaining 10 to 20lbs from Halloween to the new year.
 
I cooked a lot of food for Christmas but I put so little on my plate of everything. A spoon full is satisfactory to me now not 4 helpings.
 
It's funny how things have changed for me in the aspect of food. I don't love it anymore, its just a need to keep living. It's what keeps me healthy now and not what makes me miserable.
 
Every time I ride past a fast food joint, I cringe. It somehow sickens me to think I use to like that crap. How eating a six hundred calorie burger with 3 days worth of fat in it made me happy.
 
I enjoyed my turkey this year because if I never could cook anything in this world, I make the most to die for turkey that is perfectly moist and seasoned all the way through.
 
My desert yesterday was some sugarfree jello with whipped topping and I enjoyed it because I got real whip cream to put on top of it.
 
I ate some chocolate and it really didn't taste so good to me because I haven't had sugar in ages. I don't eat sugar anymore. I hardly eat meat either but it tasted good.
 
Today I return to my journey of eating normal again and knowing I won this year it didnt' beat me.

I Cooked a fab dinner for my Inlaws, hubby, one of our daughters and the light of my life her 18 month old daughter. Even though I am less than week post op from the tt and bj surgery I started early and rested in-between chores. Polishing the silver was more strenuous than I expected but I didn't push it and was fine. I did have someone clean this week so didn't have to worry about that... But the shopping and cooking was all me. We had rib eye steak w bernaise sauce, sauteed caramelized onions and mushrooms, twice baked potatoes, Lima beans, green beans, carrots, my speciality spinach salad, rolls and apple pie, vanilla pudding pie laced with chocolate and homemade cookies.
 
Since I am maintaining and healing from surgery I decided I would really enjoy a few more bites then normal since I cooked all my favs...well except the Lima beans...bleckkkkk. So the eating commenced and I ate about 2 oz of meat, a teaspoon of the mushrooms and onions, a few green beans, 1 carrot, and about a 1/4 c of salad. I also had about 1/4 of the potato and one cookie.... I was amazed... I seriously couldnt eat any more...
 
I love my band. I will never gain the weight back... Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night....

I posted tummy tuck before and after in my gallery and hopefully on this blog....... granted its only been less than 48 hours but even with the swelling you get the general idea.... I am not brave enough to post the "girls"... until i can figure out how to cover up the personal parts..... but they look marvelous!

In society today people have become, well crazy. We ALL have crazy moment when we just seem to forget and make snap comments or judgement without thinking things through.
 
What took place in CT is truly a tragedy that I don't think I will ever be able to comprehend. I had the same feelings when reading about and see reports about Columbine, Okalahoma City, 9-11, Virginia Tech - why do people hurt innocents. These are all horrible horrible things, but what about the small things.
 
On a daily basis we (me and you) have the ability to hurt or help someone. In my job I can get easily frustrated with parents, kids, staff, and have to remind myself to be real. I should not take my frustration with one person out on someone else- they don't deserve it. This is also the situation with this site.
 
This site was created with the hope of giving support to other who have been banded. There are some on this site who have done an amazing job with their band and really have it down, then there are some who are struggling or haven't done as well, but the one thing we have in common is the band. When I respond, write blogs, ect I try to only present what has happened to me on my journey.
 
Each person on this site have influences that other do not- different doctor, emotional states, family situations, illnessess, ect there for the journey will not be the same for everyone. I tend to only get frustrated with those that try to tell people to go against doctors orders. If you choose a doctor and trust him/her then you should LISTEN to their medical advice!!!! If you doctor says you need vitamins, maybe there is something in your labs or history to cause the doctor to say that so take them no matter what anyone else says. If you doctor says eat xyz then do it. If you feel like you are getting unsound advice from the doctor seek out a second opinion from ANOTHER DOCTOR!!!! A bariactric specialist is the only one you should take MEDICAL advice from!!
 
On this site we need to be here to tell our story, how we are doing, how we are making it on journey and what we have experienced. No, we do not need to sugar coat and validate bad behavior (eating food 2 days post op- I doubt this is allowed by any Doctor). What we should be doing is being a helpful encourager to stick to the program. We all are told to eat healthier (stop eating junk food every day and greasy fried foods), to move more (I didn't say be a gym rat, just move more), and to eat smaller portions ( I think most doctors recommend a cup). If you do not like a response some one has to a comment you posted either ignore it or RESPECTFULY state why you do not agree.
 
The key is being respectful of each other, we can agree to disagree. I may not like what a person has to say, but that doesn't give me the right to bash them. If I expect respect, then I must give it.
 
What a better world we would live in if people could just respect!!

If you are anything like me your weight has held you back from enjoying many things.
 
Since childhood I avoided crowds, parties, public to hopefully avoid being picked on. The first time I ever traveled was when I was 22 years old. I went to New Orleans to see my cousin, my first time out of NC/VA and my first time on a plane. Since I have traveled to Vegas, Nashville, and California's Sierras. I love to travel, but some places I still wouldn't go due to my weight- beaches, warm places, where a bathing suit would be expected.
 
I also didn't go into fancy clothing stores, I just got my clothes at walmart. I was afraid of what the sales ladies would think of me walking in a upscale store.
 
Now, I have lost 45 lbs, I am 32 years old and I am sick and tired of not living due to my weight. So even though I have not reached my goal, I am going to LIVE!!!
 
I have always wanted to go to Disney and Seaworld, but never did due to the walking discomfort fear and all the people. Well, I booked the hubs and I a week trip to Disney for April. Mickey here we come!! I plan to do the things I have always wanted to do, not more holding back.
 
It's my time! I don't want to look back 40 years from now with regrets. I considered lapband 10 years ago, but didn't do it because my family wasn't supportive, I wish I would have told them on board or not I am doing it.
 
Next fall we are going back to Louisana (his family is there), maybe New York in the next year. No more holding back and waiting for xyz to take place. I am alive and here now, so I am going to LIVE!

I have been having difficulties with my eating for about a week, I blogged about my lunch episode on Friday. When I say difficulties I mean, I’ve been getting acid reflex (first time since being banded) and I get a lump in my throat from time to time. I have been able to eat and drink, but it’s been more challenging.
 
Over the weekend I decided I needed to see my doctor and find out what was going on. Either I am being paranoid or something isn’t right.
 
So, I was on the phone to my doctor’s office first thing this morning and fortunately they could squeeze me in this morning.
 
Upon arriving I was escorted to the x-ray room. Martha (the x-ray tech and support group leader, who is also banded) said, “What are you doing here girl?”
“I’m either paranoid or something isn’t right”, she laughed and said let’s find out.
 
We did a barium swallow and as my doctor said, “It looks perfect.”
 
“So, I am paranoid?”
 
“No, you are aware of your band and something changed.”
 
“So what am I doing wrong? Why the acid reflex now?”
 
“Could be you irritated your band in some way or it could be that you need a fresher on the basics. Size of your bit, how much you chew, time between bits. Maybe you need to get that egg timer back out that we gave you at your first post op visit.”
 
“Funny, just last night at dinner my husband had to tell me to slow down on my bits.”
 
We talked a little more and I was on my way feeling so much better. End result is something wasn’t right and that something was me. I was slipping back into old habits.
 
It’s time to dust off that egg timer, cut my bits smaller and chew, chew, chew. Everything I tell newbies to do.

Had my quarterly follow up with my oncologist on Thursday and mentioned the 'Jill's Rules' as applies to eating. He urged me to go see my WLS and I did on Friday. I was ashamed that I'd gotten down to 216 and have been now hovering at 223 - 227 since July and have been blaming myself for not trying hard enough. When I laid this all out to my WLS, he assured me that it wasn't me, it was the band and told me I should've come in when this first started. He took all the fluid out of the band(4cc) and I'm to follow up with him on Monday. He's concerned that my stomach has mushroomed over the band and that due to the amount of time I waited before coming in, I may have scar tissue which would mean additional surgery. So far so good though - was able to eat an english muffin and a scrambled egg for breakfast yesterday in 20 minutes and actually got to go out to dinner with my husband, eat while sitting down and wearing a bra without having to run to the bathroom in agony. It felt so good to feel normal I almost cried!

Cause I kicked it all out!
 
I went to my PCP today for a follow up on my high blood pressure. When I was banded I was on 3 different medicines to control it. About 3 months ago my PCP took me off the last one and said we will monitor your pressure and see how you do.
 
I was so proud of myself, for the last three months I have posted how I went from 3 meds to no meds…
 
Well, today my doctor put me back on one of the meds at half the dosage. I was so disappointed in myself. I felt like I had failed, that NSV pulled right out from under me. I wanted to cry. I pouted all the way home.
 
I know this is something that is not in my control. Everyone in my family has high blood pressure (the skinny ones too) and I know this could be genetic. But, dang it feels like I went backwards.
 
To make myself feel better I went shopping for new pajamas. Mine where too big and the pants would fall off me as I slept (hubby didn’t mine this). Anyway, I got me some cute new PJs. See!
 
Now time to put all my sand back in my sandbox. Thanks for listening.

So I recieved a call from my plastic surgeon's assistant this morning.... I have my pre op appointment late this afternoon as my tummy tuck and breast lift is next Tuesday.... She wanted to remind me to bring in a picture of how I would like my girls to look after surgery. I told her I found a pic online and will bring it with me.
 
Of course what I didnt tell her was that it was hysterical doing it.... I have never looked at so many breasts in my life... I never realized how weird it was to analyze them, try to imagine how they will look on my body etc... And of course I had to incluide hubby in my quest for the perfect breast.... who really thought it didnt matter as long as I was happy. So he was no help. LOL
 
I narrowed it down to 2 pics of people who had lifts after weight loss, who were over 45, over 5'7 and about 157 lbs..... basically ones I thought looked natural and were about my size and shape... we'll see what the Dr says.
 
One more chapter in this fun journey.....

I went to school for and hold a degree in addiction counseling. You would think someone who has taken these classes, learned ways to help clients cope and recover from addiction could herself fight her own addiction.
 
Just like the difficulty people have admitting they are addicted to drugs and alcohol I had difficulty admitting I was addicted to food. Just like people who abuse drugs and alcohol try to validate their addiction I have tried to validate mine. But, the truth is an addiction is an addiction and there is validation for it, it is a problem that must be overcome in order for us to become a better more effective person.
 
I have been over weight since I was 5 years old. Before that I was very thin and tiny- everyone always talked about how cute I was. Then the month before I started school the pounds started packing on. Apparently this was the start of my emotional eating and it never went away. As each year progressed my waist line expanded. By high school I was wearing size 22 jeans and was picked on all the time. My self esteem was low and I spent a lot of time alone- the only lead to more eating. I would frequently eat behind my families back so they wouldn't know how much I consumed and then tried to block it from my mind.
 
As a senior in high school I had an accident that required surgery and then months of physical therapy. During that time I lost weight- down to 201 and a size 18. I remained at that size until the last 2 years when my weight balloned up to 247 and I knew something had to change.
 
5 high school friends have had some type of weight loss surgery with varying degrees of success, but all have managed to loose weight and keep it off. I decided that maybe this is what I needed to get control of my addiction.
 
Likely if I could have controlled my addiction I could have lost weight without the surgery, but I couldn't. I was a slave to food.
 
June 22, 2012 I had my lapband put in. The first week was hell - I felt like crap the entire time. Once I was back on mushy food I started to feel better and gain energy back. I began working out and counting calories and did great. I really felt like I had things under control.
 
In October my Grandmother passed away after a long illness. She was one of my best friends and always someone I could count on. During that time I stopped counting calories due to being away from home, eating things I didn't prepare, and not being where I could get on the internet (my family lives deep in the country of Virgina) and I also stopped working out. When I got back home I though surely I had gained - well low and behold I had lost 3 lbs- WOW. In my screwed up mind this gave me permission to stop working out and counting calories. I know- WRONG thing to do. However, I have continue to lose steadily, but I know this is not a good way to do things. I do move more to burn more calories since getting my fitbit, but I know that can't take the place of the workouts I was doing.
 
This passed weekend I had my first of serveral Christmas parties. I did pretty well, I help my portions down and ate only two cookies (my mom's homemade Christmas cookies - they are small tea cakes). My BFF's mom brought her homemade party mix and gave me a bag to go home. Here is the problem, this party mix for me is like putting a bottle of beer in front of an alcoholic. I love it- so yummy. She gave me a gallon zip lock bag of it. I brought it home and told myself I would only eat one handful a day. Well, it's been 3 days and half the bag is gone. I screwed up!!!!!
 
The salt content alone in this stuff had increase my water retention- I have gained 3 lbs since Sunday- which isn't possible since I am not eating much. (the party mix has been my breakfast and my snacks) I feel like my face is puffy- I know I am retaining.
 
I feel like crap, I can't believe I allowed myself to fall back in to a pattern that is negative. There are so many awesome people on this site who have been so strong and wonderful since surgery and are kicking butt. Why the hell did I think I could allow myself to do this and not have a negitive consequence- insanity.
 
So, today, I am back on the game. I am going to be accountable to myself. Back to counting calories, back to the workouts, back to eating only what I need to live. The party mix as much as it pains me, but go to the garbage.
 
This morning, I have had a Slim fast protein shake (not bad 180 calories and 20 grams of protein and taste like a yohoo). To my suprise I drink it two hours ago and I am not hungry. Now that I have retriction maybe I can do the shakes for breakfast. This afternoon I will get on my elliptical for 30 min. I WILL get back on track. I will not allow insanity to set in.
 
To those of you who have been my support and encouraged me thank you and I am sorry for allowing my old ways to creep in. Thankfully, I didn't allow them to hang around long enough to do any major damage.
 
Today I admit that I am an addict and I can not do this alone. I must be accountable to myself and others.

Ok, perhaps I'm being just an itty, bitty over dramatic BUT I'm literally kocking on onederland's door!!!
I weighed in at 200.4 this morning. Oh my gosh, I can almost taste onederland's. It's been years since I've been here.
 
I'm so excited. If I stand on my tippy toes I can see 199!!!

I always a fairly active person. I would go to work, if I needed to talk to someone in my building I walked to them instead of calling. I came home and stayed moving until after dinner. I thought I did good.
 
Well......
 
My MIL came over Thanksgiving and one of my gifts was a Fitbit One. After figuring out how to use the little sucker I realized- damn I've been lazy. The first day I was shocked at the results. That is all the calories burned, that is all the steps I took, that is my active score- WTH.
 
Since the first day with it I have found myself looking for ways to increase steps- I park further away from stores, between projects at work I get up and walk around the office circle. I stand up and sit down to get things rather than rolling my chair, I stand and pace while on the phone- all of these things helped me increase my steps and calories burned. I know you may think oh just a little bit won't matter, but hey gotta start somewhere and every calorie burned is not going to hang on my hips. It has really opened my eyes to reality.
 
Reality- I think that is something each of us in order to be successful need to find - the reality of who we are.
 
We got fat by not thinking, mindlessly eating crap. Now that we have a tool inside of us, it's time to be realistic. You can fail the band- you can drink milkshakes other high cal things and gain or you can be realistic and look at what you are actually putting in your body. I love food, we all do that is why we got here, but the reality of it we can still eat good food and lose weight.
 
Yesterday I went for my 5th fill and saw the doctor who operated on me (normally I see his wondeful assistant- also a surgeon). He looked at my band under floro gave me a little fill and told me this may do it- get me to the green zone. He said everything looked perfect and I was doing great. Well today, I know I got that fill. I am tight, but not to much, it's just right. A cup full of food is either perfect or to much. There is no way in hell I can over eat when eating real food (not sliders) with out tossing it all back up.
 
This is a great feeling. I feel motivated and encouraged after being down about my plateau. Plus I finally dropped below 201 this morning after being at that for a month- 200.6 - 7 oz until ONDERLAND!!!
 
Basically, what I am saying is, we ALL can do this, we ALL CAN lose weight, but we must be realistic with ourselves and our support group (family, doctors, nutritionist). We must make a choice to do what is right- to eat healthy.

I love the movie Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) with Kathy Bates, Jessica Tandy, it’s a must see so rent it if you've never seen it. This is one of my favorite scenes…… Just wanted to share it with everyone.
 
I never get mad, Mrs. Threadgoode. Never!
The way I was raised it was bad manners.
Well, I got mad and it felt terrific.
I felt like I could beat the sh*t outta all those punks!
Excuse my language. Just beat 'em to a pulp!
Beat 'em till they begged for mercy.
Towanda, the avenger!
After I wipe out all the punks of this world,
I'll take on the wife beaters, like Frank Bennett,
and machine gun their genitals.
Towanda will go on the rampage.
I'll put tiny bombs in Penthouse and Playboy...
so they'll explode when you open 'em.
I'll ban all fashion models who weigh less than 130 pounds.
I'll give half the military budget to people over 65...
and declare wrinkles sexually desirable.
Towanda, righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare!
How many of them hormones you takin', honey

Of things I want to be able to do on and after my weightloss journey.

To sky dive (weight limit is 200lbs for my height)
Be able to comfortably fit in an economy airline seat
Be able to ride roller coasts with a "no doubt" mind set that I will fit
Start training for a triatholon
Be back to my high school jean size of 11 and medium top
Learn to play violin (not really weightloss related... but whatev, I want to learn)
Be able to wear high heels longer than 3 hours with out my feet hurting from 270+lbs crushin my tooties
Not have to try on 20 dresses to find 1 that looks ok to wear
Be able to walk up the dry-dock stairs at work with out feeling like I'm dying (literally...my leg feel like they're going to fall off and my heart feels like it's going to explode)
Not having to crop pictures anymore
No more having to retake pictures 20 times to find one where I don't look huge

 
I know I'll come up with more....

So my doctor wants me to change my mindset, think maintenance instead of weight loss…
 
What does that mean?
 
I am finally comfortable with my portion sizes and my band. I don’t get stuck or pb, I can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, I can eat any foods, I eat 1200 calories a day and I don’t feel hungry between meals.
 
For me, it means nothing changes. I lost my weight with my band more on the loose side than the tight side and therefore my body will settle and I’ll stop loosing (that’s what my doctor says). Probably around the weight of 170-175 lbs.
 
That’s the physical part, but what about the mental part? How does the head handle maintenance?? What if I can’t keep the weight off? What if I fail and gain weight back? I can’t fail; I've worked too hard to get here. But, what if??? Man, the head is my biggest obstacle.
 
I have to get a hold of my thoughts. I know I can do this. Per my doctor, nothing has changed. I still have the same fill; I still eat my cup of food, 3-4 ozs protein, ½ cup veggies. I still drink my water. I still exercise. I am at goal and it’s just another number on the scale.
 
I'm just at the next chapter in my banded lifestyle.

The root of evil many time is boredom, and that seems to be the case in being over weight sometimes to. We eat when we don't have anything else to do.
 
I always knew I tended to be more hungry when I was bored- like I would bake when I didn't have anything else to do at home. Then I would eat what I made.
 
Today I was awaken at 5 am by my puppy. By 5:30am I had finished my breakfast (1 cup of Special K with a 1/2 cup of 2% milk) and was getting ready to go to work. I got to work at 6:40 and jumped right in to a busy day. I was crazy busy all morning. The next thing I know I see people walking passed the conference room with food. I looked up and realized it was Noon. Holy crap, I worked right through snack time. I had gone 6.5 hours with out food!
 
This made me realize a lot of my morning hunger has got to be head hunger and not true hunger.
 
Once I got to thinking about it I realized I was hungry and I went and heated my lunch and ate.
 
Now I am back at my desk trying not to start any big projects, as we are out the next three days, and I am floored that I lasted that long.
 
I know in past times on days that I am really busy I tend not to get hungry and don't eat much. At home when I stay busy doing something, no matter if I am cleaning or working on a project my husband has to remind me it's time to eat.
 
So the bottom line for me is bordem = fat! I have got to find a way to keep my self busy so food is not a priority.
 
Food certainly does play mind games with ya!

I was banded in March of this year. I have lost 56 lbs but I have had a lot of trouble ever since.
 
Problems I have are pain where my port is. Not to bad more irritating then anything but it does hurt. This is the more minor problem.
 
The major problems I have are with eating. It started out with carbonated drinks. KILLED ME 100 times over with only one drink. Ok so I learned not to even try those. Problem solved!
 
Pasta's and bread's are another thing I learned early on not to eat. Eating these or and trying to drink carbonated drinks would make my chest hurt soooooo kinda like right after be banded and having all that gas inside. Or what I call it is "like having what I would think a heart attack feels like". It is the worst pain!
 
But now as in the last three to four months I have been having trouble eating just about anything. I used to be able to eat bananas after being banded and now I can't eat those along with tons of other things some you wouldnt even think would bother you like yogurt!
 
Day to day is different but I never know what is going to kill me and the only thing I can do when it starts hurting that bad is to make myself throw up. For the last four months I have been throwing up alot so therefore I am hungry alot and will eat whatever wont hurt me and it isnt always healthy. My husband says I have "medically induced bulimia".
 
Anyways I have mentioned this to my Doctor but not to the full extent only because I want so bad to loose this weight and the one time I semi told him, he said that I didnt need to be injected for awhile. I want my injections. I have only had four and I am no where near full. I go see my Doctor this Wedensday and intend to tell him EVERYTHING as I can not stand this anymore but was wondering in the mean time if anybody knows whats going on or something I can do.
 
Thank you!

I am still on liquids, (anything I can get through a straw) so tonight I made homemade potato soup and it was great!!!!! One cup filled me up for the rest of the day and the potatoes melted in my mouth. Get my stitches out the day before Thanksgiving and then on to mushy. If I can do this anyone can, its been really hard but with be worth it. I feel great

I am doing what I was told and DRINKING!! I drink any where from 80-100 oz of water a day and I seem to live to potty. I swear my co-worker must think I have an over active bladder. Unfortunately my bosses office is right across from the woman bathroom and I am afraid he will say something about me going to the bathroom every 20-30 min.
 
Do you have this problem?
 
However, now that I have started drinking this much a day, if I go a day and drink less (like a busy weekend day) I feel thirsty. I know it's good to rid my body of the bad stuff, but geez I feel like I have to go pee as soon as I get into anything.
 
 
To another topic-- My weight has stalled out for 2 weeks in the 201-202 range. It is my week for my TOM, but no bleeding- only cramps. I do weigh everyday (chill it's ok- I do not let this bug me- I look at patterns not the day it's self) and each day I am getting any where from 201.6 to 202.4 and I weigh at the same time of day each day with the same thing on. I have had this happen before so I know it will get better, however, I had made a goal for myself to be below 200 by Thanksgiving and I am so freaking close.
 
The last few days in prep for the holiday I have been steaming/shampooing my carpets rather than working out. I work all day then come home and start working on my carpets. I have a 3000 sq ft house and 2 dogs (one is a puppy), 2 cats and a husband. I gotta get back to the normal workout, but I also have to have my house ready for the invasion of in-laws (which I am happy about). Then this weekend the hubs wants to deck the halls since this will be our Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family.
 
Oh well, pray for me all I will need it!!

I went shopping today for sweaters. It appears that I am cold a lot these days & I don’t have many long sleeve tops that fit.
 
So I picked out a few tops and walked by the jeans…. Out of complete curiosity I picked out a couple of different style in size 10 (currently size 12).
 
Holy Sh*t they fit!!!!! I was dancing around in that dressing room and laughing. I’m sure the attendee thought I was nuts (ok I know I am but that’s a different story).
 
That explains why the size 16 pants that I wore today bugged me so much; they were 3 sizes too big.
 
Wow I don’t even know how old I was the last time I was size 10, 9 maybe 10 years old??
 
I am so floored, I’m numb.

It's been a while since I blogged anything and I think that is becasue I kinda gave up on the idea of getting banded. I just found out this morning that BCBS covers the surgery! So I will be switching proptly! And Next year re-starting my journey of getting banded, because I have been trying things that keep failing. It feels good again to be hopeful. We shall see. HAve a great day everyone.

Love yourself again
A cup of food per meal
Protein first
 
Beginning of a healthy life
Abide by your doctor’s orders
No vomiting
Don’t deprive yourself
 
Satisfied
Unfill when too tight!
Clothes are too big!
Confidence increases
Exercise regularly
Stay in contact with your doctor
Support from family and friends

Yesterday my husband & I rented a craft booth at out town’s Market Days. We make several things (wood bowls & trays, bags, napkins, placemats & coasters) and we wanted to try selling them.
 
The day started early, we were up at 6:00am. As my husband loaded the truck I packed food for the day. We would be at our booth all day (9am to 4pm) so I needed both breakfast and lunch for both of us. Now my band had been tight the day before, probably due to stress and excitement for the upcoming event. So I wanted to bring smart food for myself…. I knew there would be lots of tempting food vendors there with not so healthy choices.
 
I made a protein shake to take with me for breakfast; I knew this would be safer than trying to eat something. For lunch I took 3ozs of chicken salad and a Greek yogurt, for a snack an apple cut into slices. I also packed a pre-made protein shake just in case I had problems eating and needed fuel….
 
I also packed 4 water bottles for myself so that I would get my water in for the day (course this meant I had to locate the closest bathroom, lol)
 
As it turned out our booth was downwind from the kettle popcorn vendor…..yep smelled popcorn ALL DAY LONG…. & watched people walking by with big bags of the stuff. My created husband started asking people, “Need a bowl for that popcorn?”
 
It was a great day. Business wise we sold a few things did some networking with the local vendors and made some good business connections. Personally it was a great success; I managed a challenging situation by planning ahead and sticking to my plan.

Let me first tell you a little about myself. I grew up as a very athletic and yes a very skinny kid without a care in the world. Then the teenage years hit and I started battling depression. As a result I was put on drug after drug, many of which cause weight gain or atleast an inevitable carb obsession which leads to obeseity. I essentially became my feelings: slow, sluggish. I used food to try to fix my problems. But it didn't work, so I ate more and more.Don't get me wrong even in my teens and twenties there were times when I was healthy and thin, but then I would yo-yo back everytime my medications would have to be changed or tweaked to treat my depression and anxiety. From the time I graduated college 2008 to 2011, I yo-yoed up 100 lbs from 155 lbs weight to almost 257 lbs at 5'4''. This was the position I found myself at when I started my process of approval for lapband surgery in July of 2011. I was over 250 lbs. A size 22 pants and xxl in tops. It was the seemingly little things that made life so miserable as an overweight person. Some of these little things included walking from my car into the schools for work. I got mad at myself everytime I forgot something upstairs because the walk up the steps took my breath away. I would get blinding back pain. And then there were the times when people asked me "when is the baby due?" that really ruined my self esteem. I guess it wasn't there fault. I did look like an egg on stilts with my apple shape and protruding tummy.
I knew right away that a typical diet wouldn't work for me. As long as I was able to each such large amounts of food it wouldn't matter what food I was eating (even healthy food is not longer healthy if the quantity is too large). I needed something to help my control the bottomless pit that was my stomach. Something that would stop my stomach from being treated like the trash compactor that it had become. Most importantly I needed a solution that would allow me to still absorb the medications I needed to maintain my mood. The lapband was the tool I chose to help myself lose weight. Yes, it is a tool not a fix all or miracle cure.
So far I have used my tool along with diet and exercise to lose about 60 lbs. I am now in what some people call "onderland" where that first number on the scale is a 1 instead of a 2,3,4 etc. It has to be one of the best feelings in the world. I now wear a size 14 pants and a large top. Even though I'm not what many people call skinny or what I even consider skinny, I know that the decision I made and the sucess I have earned and deserve is signifigant to my health and wellbeing. I now don't have to struggle so much with the physical and emotional weight that was taking over my life. I can walk, I can even run (a little) and I love cycling. It hasn't been easy. In fact, it has been really hard to give up the food that I was using to comfort myself; in fact I still battle emotions that cause me to overeat, but now I feel like it's a battle I can win.

I had my surgery 9 months ago, February 7, 2012. It seems like just yesterday, but no its 9 months ago. Wow, time has flown and wow things sure have changed. In celebration of being 9 months reborn I made a list of 9 things that have changed (excluding the weight & inches lost):
No more medication – When I started this journey I had to take 3 different medications to control my high blood pressure. Today my blood pressure is normal without medication.


Giving the elevator the day off – I work on the 8th floor, every morning I walk up the stairs to my office and in the evening I walk down. Plus during the day I go up and down at least 3 floors, several times.


Sex – Sex is definitely better. I’ll skip the details…


How my skin feels – I like rubbing my hand up and down my arm, my skin feels thinner (Don’t know if this makes sense to you)


Wearing heels – When I was at my heavies my ankles couldn’t handle heels. Now I’m back to wearing heels again!


My confidence – I walk taller, I smile all the time, I really like being me now!


I like looking at myself in the mirror – dressed or naked, I like what I see. It’s not perfect but I like it!


Finding my extravert self – When I was in high school I was very outgoing; I had no fear of talking to strangers. When I was at my heaviest I was so shy, I wouldn’t look people in the eyes, afraid to talk to them. Now, I’m back to looking people in the eyes and talking to strangers.


The way others look at me – I love seeing guys take a second look; the expression on my friends faces when they see me and how the family responds to me.