Kime-lou

When people say it's the easy way out, "I ask what part of major surgery is easy, what part of changing just about my entire life style is easy. This is only a tool to support me in getting where I want to be, which is more than I can say for you!!" I actually told one person this, their jaw dropped and then they laughed, have never said another negative word.

Move as much as you can, this will help the pain. Also make sure you are getting fluids in, dehydration cause horrific pain. If you become very nauseated and are hurting go see the doc, these can be signs of severe dehydration, I have been there.

Fruit isn't so bad for you. Yes, you do need to be mindful of the sugar and calories, but the Fiber and Water is great. Something else that helps if you are tempted to eat more after you know you are at your stopping point- brush your teeth or use a strong mouth wash- nothing taste good after that and will deter the desire. It actually works for me if I am really craving.

I think just like every band patient will tell you something that work that is different from the next, so will every NUT. Bottom line is, we all have to find what works for us. I like you am almost 1 year post op and feel like I haven't done as well as I'd like. I've gained 3 lbs in the last week due to bad choices, so now is the time to get control again. I do believe what works for some is an ever evolving thing. I lost fast to begin with and did little exercise. Now I think I must get back into exercise if I am ever to lose anything else.

Here are some things that I need to admit: 1- I can not do this journey alone. My husband is awesome and so very supportive, but he isn't on the same path as me and it's makes it difficult to see him eating certain things and I have to tell myself no. I don't have anyone to call and vent to or talk me down. I thought I could do it with his support, but I need support from those on the same wagon train. 2- I am addicted to food. When all else fails eat. When you are sad, happy, mad, glad, worried, sleepy eat. 3- The only thing to blame for me not having lost more weight is me, myself and I. I choose to eat things I shouldn't have and more than I should have. 4- I am a master of excuses. If you have something you don't want to do, let me know I can give you 100 different excuses for not. 5- I have good intetions, but have trouble following through. I often "plan" to do XYZ, but then when the time comes, the excuses come. I am starting to work on these. The journey is an ever evolving learning process. I have hidden and ignored a lot of things above, but I must face them now in order to move forward. The last week bad decisions have now shown up on the scale. This morning as I stared down at the scale shining 191, I wanted to kick my butt. I made bad choices and I am now 3 lbs up. To many that may not seem bad, but for me it is a wake up call. I have got to turn this thing around, I have got to reset. This started with me making a menu plan again last night. This way I will know what I will be eating and have less chance of making unhealhty things. I also made my lunches for the remainder of the week and packaged my breakfast, so all I have to do is pick and go. When I did this a few weeks ago it really worked, then life hit me and fell down.

First off, this isn't negitive, but this is what I would do. Sit down honestly and write out- bullited what you have done- food, exercise, ect. Go to a nutritionist, get their take, a WLS NUT is worth their weight in gold. They have a lot of insight into how our bodies work and absorb/not absorb things. PCOS does make a huge diffrence. My BFF has it and her doc would not even consider the band, but said bypass was her best bet. However, now, while the weight is gone, she is having HORRIBLE aborption issues and is sickly because of it. Find another doctor, one who understands the effects of PCOS. Get there advice and research the heck out of it. Some with PCOS do great with the band, so do great with bypass- I have a former classmate that has lost very little with bypass and has PCOS. So it is really dependant on the person. Good luck and hold your head high. If you are honest about what you have done, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Keep fighting for your health.

My attitude the last few weeks has been less than great. I have been down for a number of reasons and it has take a toll on me and my weight loss. My life is still beyond busy, but I hope I am getting some control over my attitude. By the end of last week I was in the mode of screw it, I don't care I am going to eat what I want and do what I want. However, I noticed that my band does prevent me from going to far over board and I suppose that is a great thing. Saturday my parent drove down from Southern VA to help the hubs and I set up our awesome new deck. We finally built the deck of our dreams. Even though we live in Raleigh, NC's capital, we have a house in a subdivision that backs a river, so I have a big feild and a river behind my house. This helps me feel like I am some what in the country. We now have a 25 x 14 deck. My parents helped assemble a gazebo on our deck, complete with curtains. We have beautiful new deck furniture. So Saturday from the time my feet hit the floor until my butt hit the bed I was hauling butt. Eating wise, I am not sure how to feel about the weekend. Saturday and Sunday morning, I had what the hubs refers to as the hearty breakfast bowl. This bowl consist of 1 pack of cinnamon oatmal, half of a small apple chopped up in it and a sprinkle of granola on top. It is very good. I don't think that was a horrible breakfast. For lunch, for time sake, we order a pizza. I ate two slices of a medium veggie pizza. When dinner finally rolled around, I felt like a truck had hit me since I had been working out in the sun since 8 am. The hubs wanted to go to Moe's Southwest Grill. I ordered a Quesodilla with chicken, onions and peppers. I pulled off the execess shell, but I did eat most all of it. Funny thing is I never had one stuck spell or felt over full. This worries me a bit. Sunday, I had to make the trip up to Southern VA for a family reunion. I was worried about this, since it would be outside and I would have no where to go hide and PB if I got stuck. I ended up helping my plate with to much, however it was about a 3rd of what I would have normally had on there. Yet, I still didn't eat it all. I ended up giving a peice of chicken that was way to big to my newphew who is 16 and is as skinny as a rail, yet eats like a horse. I didn't have dessert a spoon of strawberry cobbler and 1 thin slice of pound cake. Luckly I never got stuck, but still know I ate to much. When I finally arrived home the hubs wanted breakfast supper. I made sausage and egg sandwiches. I toast mine so the bread doesn't gum. I ate the entire thing- normally I would only eat half. I worry now that I may have stretched my band. I know I need to get back on track and stop this insanity before it gets totally out of control. I had hoped to get up early today and go for a run, but it's is raining cats, dogs and a few horses here in NC and will all day . This afternoon I need to go get my mom's B-day gift, since I finally know what she wants. Then I need to come home and clean the house, which got neglected this weekend with everything else I have to do. So I know I will not stop moving until my head hits the pillow again. This constant being busy is likely what has prevented my weight from going insane, I am up to 190.8 this morning. My lowest seen has been 187. I must get back on track one step at a time, I believe it is time to go back to journaling, if I can find time to do that.

I waited 11 months, but that was more my decision than anyone elses. It took about 6 months for me to feel normal again after my gallbladder surgery- maybe this is just me, but my BFF and mom said the same thing. Once I got over that I started with all the lapband stuff.

Head hunger and eating just because it is there I believe are the 2 biggest hurdles. I have had to rid my house of all unhealthy Snacks. Then there are times that I will realize I am eating a snack and I am not even hungry. We fall into well this is time I am suppose to eat mode. Like it was when I was kid, you ate a snack when you get home from school. When I get off work (I work at a school), I feel like I need a snack and many times I not really hunry. I have got to get back to asking myself- okay am I really hungry or can I wait? If I want a small something I grab a handful of grapes or blueberries.

I was allowed it pre-op, but was told post-op is a big no no. One day not thinking I turned up the hubs Dt. Dew and drank 2 swallows- big mistake. It hurt like hell. I rather not ever have soda again.

I said at the start of this journey failure was not an option. I was not going through this to revert back into old habits. While I haven't totally reverted back, over the last week I have noticed old thoughts and desires coming back into mind. I am not sure if this is because of my exhaustion and busyness of late or what. I had my blood work done this week to see how I am on that front. Seems I am very low on Vit D and my B-12 is low even though I am taking a supplement as is my iron. So I am going back on multiple suppliments and increasing the B12 even though I was already taking the perscribed amount. I know that these things being low can increase my exhaustion level, so I am getting back to taking them right now! My weight is still hanging at 188-189, but I still feel like a failure currently. Last weekend, Mother's Day- which is hard due to losing 3 babies- I went to my mom's for a family dinner. While I made sure there were Kime friendly foods there, there were also some of my fav desserts. I made my mom's fav cookie, which is also mine, Carmel Pecan Crunch. I ate 2 cookies- they were heaven. Then I took some Strawberry Cloud home. My mom's Strawberry cloud is a layer dessert consisting of angel food cake, crushed strawberries and a vanilla pudding/cool whip mixture. Mom does use the no sugar added pudding and cool whip due to my Dad's diabeties. But, still this was a dessert. Then yesterday a co-worker brought in her famous Pineapple Upside Down cake and I ate a slice. Normally, cake and me don't a long, but for some reason yesterday it gave me no issues. Then last night my hubs and I had some errons to run and some things to pick up so rather than cooking at home and having to clean up we went out to dinner. We needed something fast, which I should know better than that- fast and the band don't mix. We went to Chic-fil-a I order a kids chicken nuggett. (I use to eat two adult Chick nuggets). I ate the 1st nugget and bam- stuck. Took me 20 min in the bathroom to dislodge that sucker. I managed to eat a couple more nuggets and got stuck again so I gave up. I had not gotten stuck that day before that night, so I know it was from trying to eat to fast. But, part of me felt like this was my band telling me I shouldn't be eating this. I know chicken nuggets aren't exactly health food, but I haven't had them in forever and really wanted them and I did opt for a smaller size. Maybe I am just trying to justify my choice. The first of the week my weight bounced up to 190 and then back down to the 188-189 marks. The failure feeling come in that I am 11 months post of next Wednesday. I have gone from 244 to 188, while I am happy 56 lbs is gone, I still feel like a failure and I should have lost much more by this point. All the negitive things people told me before banding are swirling around in my head- "you will only lose half of you excess weight, if you want to lose more do gastric", "you should just do gastric, you will lose more", "your to fat for the band", "why do this, you will just gain it back", "you've always been big why change now". Yes, people said that to me, which pissed me off at the time, but now I am feeling like they were right. I know it's great that 56 lbs is gone and I have kept it off. It took 4 months for me to lose 10 lbs- that is so ridiculas. Many people on this site who had surgery at the same time as me have weight still melting off, so it's hard when the doctor tells me this is natural this far out for the loss to slow. I realize I should not compair myself to others, but it is hard not to. I am second guessing myself, wondering if I should just stop worrying about and live, if I lose more fine, if not fine. I didn't want to get to that point until I got to the 150's, which is almost 40 lbs away. I don't want to gain anything back, but I feel like if I don't lose more it still makes me a failure.

Thanks for all the support. It's been a rough month.

Look up menus of local resturants online. This is what I do before the hubs and I go out to eat. If you are worried about a stuck episode while on a date- remember eat SLOW. Order things like fish, chicken salad. Normally as long as I eat slow and order a softer item I don't have any problems. However, for some reason, even though I love them, potatos seems to get stuck for me. Ruby Tuesday has a good menu for band patients. Fish is on the menu and so is spagetti squash. Most every place has something and if it doesn't order something like Soup and say you aren't really hungery.

The last week has been emotional. I have a lot going on in both my professional life as well as my personal life. I have a lot of decisions to make on both fronts that will effect the rest of my life. So needless to say I feel a little out of sorts. At work we are changing systems and I have to write a software program to track some things that won't be tracked in the new system. Plus, I have to get all the training in for the new system so I can train everyone else. My mother-in-law is begging us to come up north to see her. While we want to, right now with my crazy work life it is hard to find some time to take off. My dog got crazy sick last Thursday night. Vomiting blood- we were at the ER vet at 3 am. Thank God she is better, but I am having to watch her like a hawk. Plus, she has gotten really clingy during all of this. We have had a contractor working on our house. Had our deck enlarged from a 10x14 to a 25x14. Managed to get to my mom's for mothers day, which I ate a dessert and shouldn't have. I had to leave my dog for a few hours with the hubs, which caused the dog to howl for 45 min, driving the hubs crazy. She finally tuckered herself out and went to sleep. Mother's Day is hard for me. If I wouldn't have lost my first child, she would be 3 and a half now. I have lost two more since losing her. Then I went to my OB/GYN Monday and was told my chance for having a child are slim. He said I can keep trying, but he would not get to invested until we are through the first trimester and half of the 2nd. So it's hard to decide if we should give it another go or not. The thought of seeing a postive pregnancy test I think would scare me. I am so scared of losing another one. My weight loss is still at a sllllooooowww pace. Since Dec. I have only lost 10 lbs. It's hard to stay positive and focused when I seem to be getting hits from all side. Last week was pretty good weight wise. I went down to 188. After Mother's Day weekend and a splurge up to 190. It is so easy to put on and so hard to take off. It seems I can't even have one cookie without my body flipping out and gaining weight. Being that I seem to stay busy from before the sun rises until after it set finding time to work out has been difficult. I am exhusted from the fast pace of life right now, and the knowledge that it's not going to get any better any time soon. On top of all this the hubs and I are trying to figure out if I should go back to school to finish out my degree that I was forced to give up on years ago due to finances. So as you can see I have a lot going on. I am not sure what to do or which way to turn. I am just tired!!

WLS is not Cover Girl. Easy Breezy is not a definition that can be used when talking about WLS. In reading the comments posted on Fox News regaurding Gov. Christie's lapband surgery, I was disturbed to see that people still see WLS as the easy way out. What I would like to know is what part of major surgery is easy? While lapband surgery is not a horrible ordeal to face, it isn't all sugar plums and roses. I was sick after surgery, felt like crap. Then I had trouble taking in enough. Then I was starving hungry. Then when I started eating again I was terrified. As the first 50 lbs melted away I was thrilled with my decision to have lapband, once I got past the 199 mark, the next 10 lbs took 4 months! I am still very glad I choose this change and committed to it. Just because you have WLS doesn't mean your cravings, desires, wants disappear. We have to learn to manage these things. WLS success requires a huge committment to change your lifestyle. This pathway to health is worth it, but it is far from easy. May 22nd I will be 11 months post op and I have gone from 244 to 188. I have gone from wearing a tight 18W to a very comfy 14. I know longer wear the 1-2X shirts, I know easily wear a large. These things are awesome and make then changes I committed to well worth the struggle. Every day brings with it a new set of challenges, opticles, highs and lows, but it is worth it to finally feel "normal". I no longer walk into places and feel like people are looking at me due to my weight. I am no longer paranoid over it (well almost there). I love walking into stores and being able to find cute clothes. I walked past the Women's sizes the other day in Belk and saw a cute top- guess what all they had were to big for me . My husband hugs me and comments frequently how small I feel and how proud he is of me. So no matter how people view the surgery, no matter if it is hard or easy, I don't give a rats bootie- this is my life and I choose health. I choose to change. I am on this journey. I still have 45 lbs left to loose. I won't make it to goal in a year. But by golly I will make it. One day, I will see the blessed 140's. I am not sure how much more changing and rearranging I will have to do to my life style, but I am committed and I will do what I must to finally acheive my dreams!

I think we all do this to an extent. I know I did - I would eat in private and sneak food. I knew what I was doing, but I was in denial about what the results would be.

It takes no time to get a fill and it is really simple. Be aware that many times you don't get a lot of restriction with the first couple of fills. Just stick to what the doctor tells you to do, stick to portions, if you get crazy hungry in a week call and go back in.

Getting smaller is not a bad thing, chick. Many times during my cycle I get really tight. I have take diuretics during this time, or just added lemon to my water, which is a natural diuretic to help relieve some of the water retention.