Smiley79

Am really at the end of my tether with it all now, feel like deleting the blog and go back to try and loose weight on my own, i am writing this blog to keep account of my life before and after the sleeve operation, but seriously wondering if i will ever have the op.
I have been waiting in hope every day that i would get a telephone call to tell me why my blood isnt clotting and what the treatment will be.
Why does it take this long, am sooo annoyed and fed up.
I have been trusting in God and patiently waiting and if wasn't for my faith in God i just don't know what i would do.
There is something inside that keeps me from walking away from it all and helps me to continue to hope and keep on with this, but i am still having to battle with my feelings which are at screaming point, my feelings say just give up and stay fat, but in me deep down i know that it is worth hanging on and keep waiting to get my operation, but it feels like i am hanging by my fingertips.
I have had a really bad time with gout, and fibromyalgia this last month, in fact it is so bad i have had to get a chairlift to get upstairs to go to bed, i can hardly walk and am desperate to get this weight off which will help my joints not having to carry so much weight.
It is 2 years in january since i first started the process and all the other people who started at the same time have had their ops and lost their weight.
I know it can always seem to be darker just before the dawn but, i need my dawn now.
I was told that i could ring my specialist nurse anytime which is good, but has she has never had this happen to a patient before she is in the dark too.
I can't ring the hospital because they say they are checking everyday and will ring me as soon as the results are back.
This limbo is driving me crazy, the not knowing is horrible.
The comments are wearing thin now, that it is better to be safe than sorry, i know, i know, i have never wanted something as much as i want this and that is why it is so hard, i have jumped through hoops, starved for two weeks, and then nothing, dissapointment is the worse thing.
Do i feel better for writing this, well, no not really, but as i am an honest person at least this hard part will be recorded and not glossed over.
God doesn't say we won't have problems in this life, but thank you God you are with me and i know that only you will bring me through this time and that stretching and growth hurts, ouch, but it will all work together for my good, i just don't like this going through it, i need to be carried for a bit, my legs are tired of walking, i need rest, those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength like eagles on the wind, I am waiting Lord.
God is never late, always on time, His time. here endeth my blog for today. but hoping for in my next blog

I'm not near goal. I'm well on my way though. About the halfway point. I have dropped 17 points from my BMI. I drop another 17 points and I'll be extremely happy I'm pretty happy now, don't get me wrong - I keep seeing progress. I know I need to get busier with exercise and I am actually - I do a ton more now. Workout regimen is coming together and will be put into action. My back is feeling so much better. Between the intolerable heat and my busy schedule, I wasn't able to really do too much as far as actual "workouts" but hiking in the mountains and running all over the place, shopping, cleaning, taking the dogs for walks, and playing outside has really increased my activity levels

I've decided that I was going to attempt to start a blog to use as a sort of open online journal / diary of how I got here and what I'm doing or not doing to contribute to my weight loss success or lack thereof.
If this helps anyone who takes the time to read it, great. Some of you might find it a good read or facinating, or humorous at times or maybe inspirational or a source of motivation, while others might find it to be a boring bunch of crap. Either way is fine with me.
I guess if I'm going to do this, I might as well start at the beginning, or at least what I consider to be the beginning.
I was born and raised in Connecticut in an Italian household where food was more than just sustanence, it was a means of showing love, gratitude, hospitality and probably a million other things. As soon as you walked in the door, my grandmother would see that as a signal to head for the fridge to find something, anything....even leftovers to spring on you. And God help you if you said no thank you or "I'm not hungry".
To Gram (as I called her) everyone was ALWAYS hungry, or was supposed to be! If you were a friend, she'd just ignore you as she was preparing something for you to eat (I always thought she did this because if you said you didn't want anything, she figured you just didn't know what you were talking about....of course you wanted to eat!) and if you were family, you might get a slap across the back of the head, followed by a meal in front of you and a "shuddup and eat". One thing which we seemed to always have was gravy (we NEVER called it sauce) and meatballs, whether fresh made, which was every Sunday, or leftover. Sadly, Gram passed away in 1984 at 76 years old, but I swear to this day I have never tasted better meatballs by anyone, including myself, who was taught by her how to make them, or any restaurant EVER!
She even taught me how to make homemade pasta, including ravioli, from scratch. I can remember clearly the day before Easter in 1983. We were in her kitchen until 2 in the morning making dough, rolling dough, making the ricotta filling and making the ravioli and cavitelli for tomorrows Easter dinner. We'd lay them out on a sheet on her bed to dry so we could cook them the next afternoon. I was the one grandson (she had 6 of us who all lived either on the same street or around the corner....a REAL Italian neighboorhood!) who took an interest in how she made stuff, and to her I was gonna be the one who took over after she couldn't do it anymore. Little did we know, she would sadly be gone the following year.
Let me say here, even though I haven't yet mentioned my mother, she was no slouch when it came to cooking either....after all, she was Grams daughter and she was right in there with us most of the time, and her "gravy" was the best!
My mother and father (he was Irish) were divorced when I was 8 and my sister was 2, and we were raised by my mom and Gram. I don't think there was any joint custody in those days...the kids always went with the mother and personally, I am glad it was that way.
So, as I mentioned earlier, we had relatives all around us so no matter whose house you went to, there was usually something waiting for you to fill your face with. If I went around the block to my aunt's house to see if my cousins could come out and play, the usual answer was, "Sure, but get in here and eat something first".
As a teenager, our Sunday routine was 9 o'clock mass, then home for some fried meatballs (they were always fried in olive oil, never baked) of which a 1/2 dozen or so were left out for us while the rest went straight from the frying pan to the now boiling pot of gravy to finish cooking. Some already browned Italian sausage (or sau-seege) as she called it was also left out. Me and usually one of my cousins would wolf those down with a couple of cups of coffee before heading out to the Italian bakery for some fresh Italian bread and grinder rolls. We loved this because the bread and grinders were always right out of the oven! We didn't even mind standing in the line that formed outside the bakery and sometimes halfway down the street because we could smell the bread and socialize with the other kids and neighbors who were in line also. (It wasn't just OUR Sunday ritual!)
Then, after a stop at the Italian import store for some pepperoni, cappicola, provolone and whatever else Gram, my mother and aunt wanted we'd head back home where we would immediately start tearing off hunks of that fresh Italian bread and dipping them in the gravy until we either got yelled at for almost eating all the bread (after all, it was for Sunday dinner for the family) or chased out of the house by Gram or my mother wielding a wooden spoon at us like it was a broadsword.
There was one thing about my childhood which wasn't so idyllic as far as food and eating go. There were a few things I wasn't particularly crazy for like homemade soup, canned asparagus, and over easy eggs for example. I can remember being around 10 or 11 years old, and perhaps younger when I was "forced" to eat that stuff. I'm 56 now so we're talking about the early to mid 1960's here, in a household where you ate what was put in front of you. We were by no means even middle class then so the menu wasn't very diverse and you didn't waste food because; one, we didn't have the money to cater to everyones particular tastes and two, according to them wasting food is a sin.
So, not only did I have to eat this stuff (funny how in later years I grew to love homemade soup, grilled or sauteed asparagus and eggs!) but I had to finish everything in my bowl or on my plate. As if that wasn't bad enough, there was a little timer on the kitchen stove which they would set if I seemed to be stalling with my food. If that timer went off and I wasn't finished, they would REFILL MY PLATE AGAIN!
Now, on this point I want to be clear. This wasn't done out of any type of abusive mean behavior, it was because they wanted to make sure I ate because believe it or not, I was a skinny kid. But this instilled 2 things in me which would become demons of mine later in life:
1. Eat everything on your plate.
2. Eat it fast.
 
Next Week - Teens and 20's - Sports, Late Night Eating and a Wife

5 years ago I found myself 24 years old, 322 pounds, and minserable! I decided to have the lap band surgery with the help and support of my family. I successfully lost 90 pounds and my GERD, but couldnt keep up with the frequent and expensive band fills and eventually gained back 25 pounds and the GERD returned. I became demotivated and couldnt stick to a diet long enough to make much progress. Then, last year by eldest brother had the sleeve gastrectomy and went from being 280 pounds and unhappy, to an active marathon runner and happier than I can ever remember seeing him. Not to mention how handsome he looks! Needless to say, that inspired me to do my homeowork on revision surgery and reach out to my "family bariatric surgeon" Dr. James A Davidson (he complete my mother, father, brother and my surgeries).
I was concerned that after my emergency gall bladder surgery 3 weeks ago that I would have to push back my surgery due to the weight loss as a side effect of the gall bladder illness. I started a protein shake diet to boost my health and it worked, Dr Davidson approved my bloodwork results and I had surgery on January 13th!
The surgery was slightly longer and a bit more invasive since he had to first remove the lap band equipment, so it feels more painful than I remembered.
On the bright side, the staff at Forest Park Hospital (Dallas, TX) were very compassionate and informative and the hospital itself is beautiful. I left feeling prepared to handle any issues that might arise and very optimistic.
Its only 3 days post-op and I am feeling better everyday! I cannot wait to see my progess in a few weeks, months and especially in a year.
I am also starting to put together an action plan. I want to participate in a marathon, learn to scuba dive, buy a bicycle and join a gym! All the things that I was either too embarrassed by my size or just too overweight to do!

My last meal was bruschetta, little toasted pieces of baguette, rubbed with garlic, laden with chopped tomatoes and basil. I thought maybe I would never be able to eat them again, I mourned a little that it had come to this, I was excited to have hope again, I was already bookmarking favorites in online shopping, filling the imaginary shopping cart with pretty items in never before dreamt of sizes.
 
Two years ago today I woke very early, 6 perhaps, amazing how some things get forgotten ... I had drunk the horrific milk of magnesia the night before and had my final water at the same time and now was nervous and thirsty, the adrenaline making both sensations all the more acute. My Mother and I were at a hotel around the corner from the hospital and we drove there, or did we take the shuttle? I was in my pyjamas, having just showered with the special cleanser they gave me. I was private pay from one of the best surgical teams for VSG in the world, Laparascopic Associates of San Francisco, so I got a pretty 5 star treatment, private changing room, garment bag for my things, robes etc. with the LASF logo stitched on. I must have been nervous but my adrenaline kept me from really feeling much. My Mom and I waited in a private room, I laid on a bed in my gowns. One last trip to the bathroom and it was off to the OR to meet the kindest anesthesiologist ever, I think she had all sorts of dogs printed on her surgical cap, that's all I remember ...
Next thing, I was waking up in my room with a view of the City, in and out of consciousness ... there were popsicles ... there was walking ... there was feeling like I was going to barf but nothing happening ... I didn't pee when they wanted me to and a few other things so I spent an extra day in the hospital ...
 
The following few days are mostly a blur, 2 years later my Mother tells me the timeline of events during those days and it's all news to me. I spent 3 weeks recovering in the country, in a little cottage up the coast a few hours from SF. That first night I stayed on the couch in a sitting position and the following 3 nights I slept in bed but only on my side as sleeping on my back gave me terrible sensations. My body was a foreign landscape that first week and for the first month I felt as close to vampiric as one can, I had no human bodily functions - no need to pee or poop, no interest in human food, in fact a revulsion of nearly every food or beverage.
 
Before I walked into the OR they weighed me one last time, 294. 2 weeks later I came back for a check up and they weighed me, 274. 20 pounds! Those first 20 pounds were more stunning than the following 100. After all the research, all the thinking, all the talking to sleevers, it still had never genuinely sunk in that this was real and that it really does work. I sat in my Dr's office, stunned!
 
There are plenty of people here on VST who tell delightful tales of reaching and exceeding their goals within 6 months, how they are now under goal, wear a size 0, and chirp chirp chirp, tweet tweet tweet. Well, good for them, wish I was one. That has never been my VSG story however. It was a full year before I joined the century club and 2 years out I am still shy of surgeon's goal by approx. 25 lbs and personal by approx. 50.
 
Two years out I sometimes still reflexively tense up when I sit in a chair with arms, genuinely expecting to not be able to fit into it. I still stiffen up when in crowds, thinking people are staring and staring for negative reasons. I still FEEL fat often, I still feel frustrated that after so much time and effort I still probably look like a pudgy lazy bones to the average lay person, but I would rather be at this stage of the game rather than having never begun and still at square one!
 
I've learned that losing weight and becoming physically active and strong does solve a lot of problems and does bring a lot of simple joy but that losing weight or becoming a specific size doesn't automatically confer happiness and that fat or thin life can just suck sometimes. Weight loss is NOT a fairy tale prince come to swoop me onto a horse and ride me off into a happily ever after sunset, a fact that honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with.
 
One final thought, I think I might not have made the decision or had the success I have had or a lot of positive things if it weren't for this forum and the support I've found here. Fellow sleevers from around the world have supported me, advised me, commiserated with me and have just been indispensable on this journey. I hope I have been able to give some of that back. Here's to the continued adventures, the continued seeking of and eventual attainment of goals, for me and for us all,
 
-Globetrotter

This summer has been awesome! I have so much energy and I have been so active! I finally rode my bike (havent done that in over 20 years) and my doggies are getting walked every morning! Swimming in the pool and going to the beach! I have done so many activities this summer that have involved walking. It is almost like a dream. It is hard for me not to buy clothes "just because I can". I used to buy things only because they fit, never for the style. What a lifestyle change this has been and continues to be. I have so much more work to do, but that is okay because this is a journey. I have finally gotten over the head hunger and craving, I eat for the nutrition and for fuel. Such a relief, because the first few months were so hard! It was kind of a mourning peroid. It's gonna be okay!

I am 4 months post op with the Gastric sleeve. *I'll spare the book of my "story" for this blog, but overall my surgery and experience was very satisfactory. My full story is posted on my page if anyone is interested. Since surgery I have lost 64 lbs. Since I started the journey in January of 2011 I have lost a total of 129 lbs. I feel amazing, but everyday is a new battle it seems. My battles lately seem to be centered around trying to eat the right amount of protein, trying to drink the right amount of water, and to try and not have a mental breakdown everytime I brush my hair in the morning and find a small animal of hair on the brush. I find frustration in the lack of information and tips and tricks for eating. It seems all I eat are Greek Yogurt, Greek Yogurt, and a piece of grilled chicken or steak. I feel devastated that I can't get more veggies and fruits in, which many of you must know after years of diets, that there's a little stamp in my brain insisting to eat more veggies and fruits.
 
 
I haven't been able to find anybody with a story similar to mine, so I thought, why not start a blog and maybe somebody out there is looking for me too, to compare thoughts and ideas or to just compare their experiences to. I am 25, I am happily married but have no kids because I was too overweight for my body to work correctly. I plan on kids in the future, but my husband is in end stage renal failure and on dialysis. I am his own personal nurse, I give him dialysis at home everyday with a newer dialysis machine and procedure than they usually use. I am also a LPN in real life. I have Multiple Sclerosis but thankfully no permanent issues have resulted from it. The weight loss is helping the amount of relapses immensely. I just have to avoid stress... Ha! I just started going back to school again to finish up my degree as a RN. I am also an EMT on the local lifesquad as a volunteer and I work as their insurance biller a few times a week. So my life is absolutely crazy, and on the top of it all I am learning a new lifestyle of food! Now I realize that there isn't going to be a lot of people out there exactly in my situation but I'm always curious to see how other people out there who have struggles have overcome or are trying to overcome them.
 
Like exercise! I love going to the gym, I usually go for 30-40 minutes on the elliptical on a cardio setting. Then I go and do toning with the weights. But being a MS'er, I can't do any of this when it's hot or humid out. And being summer guess what the weather is?? I try to compensate by going to the pool and swimming laps, using my exercise bike at home, even playing my Wii Fit. But lately it's been so humid that I completely can't do a single thing in this humidity, other than swim. And the pool at the gym is about 20 minutes from me, and it's getting easier and easier to put off going because of the distance and how I feel. So I'm not exercising as much as I'd like to.
 
Well that's all for now. I've gotta go get ready for my last lab of Microbiology for the summer, Take care all!

So I eat a LOT of Greek yogurt, but there's only a handful of flavors that I like and you gotta admit, eating the same 3 flavors day after day for breakfast and sometimes lunch gets a bit redundant. I have heard that mixing a 5.3oz package of Greek Yogurt with 1/4 package of sugar free jello pudding makes a yummy snack, especially if you are having a sweet tooth craving. I think I'll try this, but from what I've read it turns the Greek yogurt into a mousse almost, light and fluffy in texture, but not as bitter, so for everyone who doesn't like Greek Yogurt because of the bitter aftertaste, this may be for you! I also read that some people freeze the mixture to make a type of healthier high protein ice cream. I just found a recipe for mixing blended banana into a cup of greek yogurt, add a bit of lemon juice, and a bit of honey and freeze to make pops. Has anyone tried any of this?? Or have any suggestions for healthy high protein snacks??
 
For lunch today I took a slice of turkey breast, a slice of provolone cheese, and a pickle and made rolls with them because I can't handle bread on my sandwiches it fills me up too quickly. I think tomorrow I'll try a piece of avocado with the turkey and cheese. Night all!

You have to admit we have been through some funny stuff. There are all kinds of indignities to being overweight. But the stuff we have gone through in our VSG journey - all in the name of beauty - are above and beyond the norm.
 
I will do an entire post on the rope-down-the-nose test, but that was one of the weirdest things I have ever had to do. And I am convinced that the doctor knew what he was doing when he picked a cute, incredibly personable young lady for that job. 'Cause I'll tell you one thing, if she was not sweet, funny and personable, I would have strangled her with my slime covered nose rope. BLECH.
 
Or when the nurse, in getting me up to walk around the hospital floor at 10:30 at night was having to fix my gown. I do not know what she was doing back there but (no pun intended) it seemed to take a long time and my fanny was cold.
 
So, I will post here, as I am not sure that my silly humor is always appreciated by unsuspecting readers when I reply on the various forums.