barbi1281

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

Yep, it's been a while... a crazy month but here I am... almost a month since my last post and a full week post-op! So, I'm going to try to give the short version of my month because I'll be up typing all night if I don't (it's currently midnight!).
 
In my last blog, I believe everything had just been submitted... I got denied twice! Yep you read it right... twice! I guess those idiots didn't know who they were saying no to! They tried to tell me that I wasn't sick enough and that I didn't do my nutrition... blah blah blah... at one point I actually cited Maryland law which requires them to cover the procedure based on my issues . I am known as the queen of arguing but they didn't know that... neither did the chic from my doc's office that kept givin me the run around til I emailed her boss LOL. Long story short... I was sleeved on the 16th even with two denials!
 
So... after my approval... I tried to do my pre-op diet... really I did, but I had less than two weeks between approval and surgery and I seriously worked over 80 hours a week to make sure everything I was responsible for was done before I went out and the stress of that combined with no food caused major migraines so I ate. I ate significantly less, but I ate.
 
One week to the day before surgery, I had a miscarriage... I didn't know I was pregnant until I lost it (I have an IUD so this was not supposed to happen)... I also didn't know you could mourn a child you didn't know you were pregnant with (I learned several things that week)... A visit to the ER explained that my IUD slipped out (it's in but out so not providing protection which is how I got pregnant) and I have a major fibroid .
 
The miscarriage only caused minor problems with my sugery (the anesthesiologist refused to move forward due to my positive preg test from the week prior even after I explained the miscarriage - the staff OB/GYN cleared me for surgery and we moved on). I was terribly stressed prior to surgery due to some of the things people have posted on here... I cried all through pre-surg prep b/c of this. Apparently my surgery was text book despite my having failed miserably at the pre-op diet... do not use this as your idicator though... I believe I got lucky (God feeling I've had a bad enough month)... I did not get a pain pump post-op and the first nurse was being stingy with drugs. Also, my body does not like to pee after anesthesia so I could not go without pushing which was not fun... especially with limited pain meds. I also kept getting horrible hiccups that made me want to die but I survived the night. I didn't sleep much yet the time passed. I left the hospital the next day around 3 p.m. My post-op diet involved 2 days of clears and now I'm on full liquids. I've been healing well so I'm tolerating shakes, yogurt, soups, and I'm hungry pretty quick. From posting and reading, I know this is normal but that doesn't make it suck any less . As for the TMI section of this... farting post op was really hard to do! It really helped to walk to move the gas and to get on all fours if it wouldn't pass (sounds weird but I found this on google when it was hurting bad and it worked LOL). I'm a week out and I still haven't done anything beyond pee in the toilet... tonight I drank a laxative tea and am hoping it works... I know I'm putting stuff in there but I'm wondering what's happening to it .
 
Last thing and I'm signing off... It's 12:20 now so I'm doing awesome! I know I've lost weight... I've weighed myself and I've already seen one physical change. I have my first official post op appointment tomorrow though so I'm going to wait until then to update my weight on here so stay tuned. I'm also hoping to get to move on to mushies early tomorrow since I'm starving and tolerating things so well (he said it was a possibility before the sugery).
 
Good night fellow sleevers and those lurking as I once was .

Yep, it's been a while... a crazy month but here I am... almost a month since my last post and a full week post-op! So, I'm going to try to give the short version of my month because I'll be up typing all night if I don't (it's currently midnight!).
 
In my last blog, I believe everything had just been submitted... I got denied twice! Yep you read it right... twice! I guess those idiots didn't know who they were saying no to! They tried to tell me that I wasn't sick enough and that I didn't do my nutrition... blah blah blah... at one point I actually cited Maryland law which requires them to cover the procedure based on my issues . I am known as the queen of arguing but they didn't know that... neither did the chic from my doc's office that kept givin me the run around til I emailed her boss LOL. Long story short... I was sleeved on the 16th even with two denials!
 
So... after my approval... I tried to do my pre-op diet... really I did, but I had less than two weeks between approval and surgery and I seriously worked over 80 hours a week to make sure everything I was responsible for was done before I went out and the stress of that combined with no food caused major migraines so I ate. I ate significantly less, but I ate.
 
One week to the day before surgery, I had a miscarriage... I didn't know I was pregnant until I lost it (I have an IUD so this was not supposed to happen)... I also didn't know you could mourn a child you didn't know you were pregnant with (I learned several things that week)... A visit to the ER explained that my IUD slipped out (it's in but out so not providing protection which is how I got pregnant) and I have a major fibroid .
 
The miscarriage only caused minor problems with my sugery (the anesthesiologist refused to move forward due to my positive preg test from the week prior even after I explained the miscarriage - the staff OB/GYN cleared me for surgery and we moved on). I was terribly stressed prior to surgery due to some of the things people have posted on here... I cried all through pre-surg prep b/c of this. Apparently my surgery was text book despite my having failed miserably at the pre-op diet... do not use this as your idicator though... I believe I got lucky (God feeling I've had a bad enough month)... I did not get a pain pump post-op and the first nurse was being stingy with drugs. Also, my body does not like to pee after anesthesia so I could not go without pushing which was not fun... especially with limited pain meds. I also kept getting horrible hiccups that made me want to die but I survived the night. I didn't sleep much yet the time passed. I left the hospital the next day around 3 p.m. My post-op diet involved 2 days of clears and now I'm on full liquids. I've been healing well so I'm tolerating shakes, yogurt, soups, and I'm hungry pretty quick. From posting and reading, I know this is normal but that doesn't make it suck any less . As for the TMI section of this... farting post op was really hard to do! It really helped to walk to move the gas and to get on all fours if it wouldn't pass (sounds weird but I found this on google when it was hurting bad and it worked LOL). I'm a week out and I still haven't done anything beyond pee in the toilet... tonight I drank a laxative tea and am hoping it works... I know I'm putting stuff in there but I'm wondering what's happening to it .
 
Last thing and I'm signing off... It's 12:20 now so I'm doing awesome! I know I've lost weight... I've weighed myself and I've already seen one physical change. I have my first official post op appointment tomorrow though so I'm going to wait until then to update my weight on here so stay tuned. I'm also hoping to get to move on to mushies early tomorrow since I'm starving and tolerating things so well (he said it was a possibility before the sugery).
 
Good night fellow sleevers and those lurking as I once was .

So here I am… I’m finally getting around to starting my blog on here after lurking for a few weeks… commenting on a few posts and making a few new friends (virtual ones if nothing else). We all have a story right? How’d we get here? I got here courtesy of an angry failed (I guess you could call it the black sheep of the family) thyroid and a b!tchy thin doctor who told me I just needed to eat less and walk more as I packed on weight (my underactive thyroid was discovered YEARS later by another doctor when I’d finally given up – she was reviewing the old lab results). It’s been almost 7 years since it started failing and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still bitter… I’ve gained somewhere between 80 and 100 pounds since then. I’ve lost as much as 50 of it and gained back nearly all that I’ve lost.
 
About two years ago my doctor told me to have surgery (she had Lap Band in Mexico before it was approved in the US) and I joined Weight Watchers instead… I was convinced I could beat my thyroid if I just worked hard enough… I worked hard for my less than a pound a week losses only to find that when I stopped WW I gained it all back! Last year the same doc told me that at 29 years old, I was prediabetic , prehyperlipidemia, and that pain I was having was degenerative joint disease because of my weight and I had to lose weight immediately… Less than 10 years before that I was in the military! Needless to say I dieted a ton after that and regained everything immediately when I stopped…
This past winter I was doing a couch to 5K program (not losing weight though LOL) when I contracted pneumonia which was not a fun mix with my asthma. After the pneumonia was gone my asthma became severe and the steroids to keep me alive caused even more weight gain. As my medicine cabinet became more and more full between the asthma and other conditions I realized I can’t keep going like this and my doc was right two years ago – If I’m going to get to and maintain a healthy weight I need to have surgery and if I’m going to see my daughters become adults, I need to get healthy…. So that said, here I am.
 
I’ve done everything and now I’m waiting on the insurance company and a date. I’m here for support and to be someone’s support. In my life I’m strong for everyone and I always have been and the downfall of that is that for the first time I need people being strong with me and for me and I don’t have that.

So here I am… I’m finally getting around to starting my blog on here after lurking for a few weeks… commenting on a few posts and making a few new friends (virtual ones if nothing else). We all have a story right? How’d we get here? I got here courtesy of an angry failed (I guess you could call it the black sheep of the family) thyroid and a b!tchy thin doctor who told me I just needed to eat less and walk more as I packed on weight (my underactive thyroid was discovered YEARS later by another doctor when I’d finally given up – she was reviewing the old lab results). It’s been almost 7 years since it started failing and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still bitter… I’ve gained somewhere between 80 and 100 pounds since then. I’ve lost as much as 50 of it and gained back nearly all that I’ve lost.
 
About two years ago my doctor told me to have surgery (she had Lap Band in Mexico before it was approved in the US) and I joined Weight Watchers instead… I was convinced I could beat my thyroid if I just worked hard enough… I worked hard for my less than a pound a week losses only to find that when I stopped WW I gained it all back! Last year the same doc told me that at 29 years old, I was prediabetic , prehyperlipidemia, and that pain I was having was degenerative joint disease because of my weight and I had to lose weight immediately… Less than 10 years before that I was in the military! Needless to say I dieted a ton after that and regained everything immediately when I stopped…
This past winter I was doing a couch to 5K program (not losing weight though LOL) when I contracted pneumonia which was not a fun mix with my asthma. After the pneumonia was gone my asthma became severe and the steroids to keep me alive caused even more weight gain. As my medicine cabinet became more and more full between the asthma and other conditions I realized I can’t keep going like this and my doc was right two years ago – If I’m going to get to and maintain a healthy weight I need to have surgery and if I’m going to see my daughters become adults, I need to get healthy…. So that said, here I am.
 
I’ve done everything and now I’m waiting on the insurance company and a date. I’m here for support and to be someone’s support. In my life I’m strong for everyone and I always have been and the downfall of that is that for the first time I need people being strong with me and for me and I don’t have that.

So here I am… I’m finally getting around to starting my blog on here after lurking for a few weeks… commenting on a few posts and making a few new friends (virtual ones if nothing else). We all have a story right? How’d we get here? I got here courtesy of an angry failed (I guess you could call it the black sheep of the family) thyroid and a b!tchy thin doctor who told me I just needed to eat less and walk more as I packed on weight (my underactive thyroid was discovered YEARS later by another doctor when I’d finally given up – she was reviewing the old lab results). It’s been almost 7 years since it started failing and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still bitter… I’ve gained somewhere between 80 and 100 pounds since then. I’ve lost as much as 50 of it and gained back nearly all that I’ve lost.
 
About two years ago my doctor told me to have surgery (she had Lap Band in Mexico before it was approved in the US) and I joined Weight Watchers instead… I was convinced I could beat my thyroid if I just worked hard enough… I worked hard for my less than a pound a week losses only to find that when I stopped WW I gained it all back! Last year the same doc told me that at 29 years old, I was prediabetic , prehyperlipidemia, and that pain I was having was degenerative joint disease because of my weight and I had to lose weight immediately… Less than 10 years before that I was in the military! Needless to say I dieted a ton after that and regained everything immediately when I stopped…
This past winter I was doing a couch to 5K program (not losing weight though LOL) when I contracted pneumonia which was not a fun mix with my asthma. After the pneumonia was gone my asthma became severe and the steroids to keep me alive caused even more weight gain. As my medicine cabinet became more and more full between the asthma and other conditions I realized I can’t keep going like this and my doc was right two years ago – If I’m going to get to and maintain a healthy weight I need to have surgery and if I’m going to see my daughters become adults, I need to get healthy…. So that said, here I am.
 
I’ve done everything and now I’m waiting on the insurance company and a date. I’m here for support and to be someone’s support. In my life I’m strong for everyone and I always have been and the downfall of that is that for the first time I need people being strong with me and for me and I don’t have that.

So here I am… I’m finally getting around to starting my blog on here after lurking for a few weeks… commenting on a few posts and making a few new friends (virtual ones if nothing else). We all have a story right? How’d we get here? I got here courtesy of an angry failed (I guess you could call it the black sheep of the family) thyroid and a b!tchy thin doctor who told me I just needed to eat less and walk more as I packed on weight (my underactive thyroid was discovered YEARS later by another doctor when I’d finally given up – she was reviewing the old lab results). It’s been almost 7 years since it started failing and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still bitter… I’ve gained somewhere between 80 and 100 pounds since then. I’ve lost as much as 50 of it and gained back nearly all that I’ve lost.
 
About two years ago my doctor told me to have surgery (she had Lap Band in Mexico before it was approved in the US) and I joined Weight Watchers instead… I was convinced I could beat my thyroid if I just worked hard enough… I worked hard for my less than a pound a week losses only to find that when I stopped WW I gained it all back! Last year the same doc told me that at 29 years old, I was prediabetic , prehyperlipidemia, and that pain I was having was degenerative joint disease because of my weight and I had to lose weight immediately… Less than 10 years before that I was in the military! Needless to say I dieted a ton after that and regained everything immediately when I stopped…
This past winter I was doing a couch to 5K program (not losing weight though LOL) when I contracted pneumonia which was not a fun mix with my asthma. After the pneumonia was gone my asthma became severe and the steroids to keep me alive caused even more weight gain. As my medicine cabinet became more and more full between the asthma and other conditions I realized I can’t keep going like this and my doc was right two years ago – If I’m going to get to and maintain a healthy weight I need to have surgery and if I’m going to see my daughters become adults, I need to get healthy…. So that said, here I am.
 
I’ve done everything and now I’m waiting on the insurance company and a date. I’m here for support and to be someone’s support. In my life I’m strong for everyone and I always have been and the downfall of that is that for the first time I need people being strong with me and for me and I don’t have that.

So here I am… I’m finally getting around to starting my blog on here after lurking for a few weeks… commenting on a few posts and making a few new friends (virtual ones if nothing else). We all have a story right? How’d we get here? I got here courtesy of an angry failed (I guess you could call it the black sheep of the family) thyroid and a b!tchy thin doctor who told me I just needed to eat less and walk more as I packed on weight (my underactive thyroid was discovered YEARS later by another doctor when I’d finally given up – she was reviewing the old lab results). It’s been almost 7 years since it started failing and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still bitter… I’ve gained somewhere between 80 and 100 pounds since then. I’ve lost as much as 50 of it and gained back nearly all that I’ve lost.
 
About two years ago my doctor told me to have surgery (she had Lap Band in Mexico before it was approved in the US) and I joined Weight Watchers instead… I was convinced I could beat my thyroid if I just worked hard enough… I worked hard for my less than a pound a week losses only to find that when I stopped WW I gained it all back! Last year the same doc told me that at 29 years old, I was prediabetic , prehyperlipidemia, and that pain I was having was degenerative joint disease because of my weight and I had to lose weight immediately… Less than 10 years before that I was in the military! Needless to say I dieted a ton after that and regained everything immediately when I stopped…
This past winter I was doing a couch to 5K program (not losing weight though LOL) when I contracted pneumonia which was not a fun mix with my asthma. After the pneumonia was gone my asthma became severe and the steroids to keep me alive caused even more weight gain. As my medicine cabinet became more and more full between the asthma and other conditions I realized I can’t keep going like this and my doc was right two years ago – If I’m going to get to and maintain a healthy weight I need to have surgery and if I’m going to see my daughters become adults, I need to get healthy…. So that said, here I am.
 
I’ve done everything and now I’m waiting on the insurance company and a date. I’m here for support and to be someone’s support. In my life I’m strong for everyone and I always have been and the downfall of that is that for the first time I need people being strong with me and for me and I don’t have that.

Happy 1 month Sleeve Anniversary to me! It's my 1 month Sleeve-versary and well, it's been a rough one! I just spent the last 4 days fighting the urge to smoke a cigarette because I'm struggling with my coping skills (and I haven't smoked in YEARS!!!). I drove 9 hours one way, just to see my grandmother who's terminally ill in Hospice in FL. My sleeve acted more as a shock collar because I kept eating terrible foods. Two bites in was throwing up. My sleeve is teaching me to change my behavior, but with so much emotional stuff going on in my life lately it's really been testing me to make the right decisions with food. This indeed is a journey, of learning and understanding. <3
 
Knowing my past habits, I know I would have derailed already and would have binged ate at certain emotional crossroads. At my family dinner on Saturday night, family I hadn't seen in years gathered to say their final goodbyes to my grandmother- and then came the food. Food I would have eaten and eaten and eaten and never stopped. But my sleeve didn't let me fail. I know this sleeve is the best decision I have ever made. Even when I had the urge to give up on myself, my sleeve wouldn't let me. It keeps me honest. It keeps me accountable. And for that I'm so very, very, very, grateful. I could only imagine how much my life will change in 6 months, just the progress in the last month has been such a welcomed relief and gives me hope of a better tomorrow. I might not be at goal weight right now, but I'm getting closer and closer everyday. And I see progress- which is much more than I can say for any diet I've ever been on before. And I don't feel deprived. Now that I'm 4 weeks out, I can eat anything I want- except I don't want the garbage, since I can only get a few bites in, I want to make them count with good delicious flavored food. Me, chicken, and steak, are now BFF's.
 
I <3 my Sleeve.
 
Height: 5'9
 
Heighest Weight: 216
 
1st Goal Weight: 169
 
 
Sleeved 8/17/2012 @ 216 lbs
 
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)

Following the advice of one of my replies, I called Melissa Jenson at true results and she reffered me to a different Dr. She was great. The other Dr office called me the very next morning. (Dr.Snow). And she already had my insurance co change to him. She already had me a surgery date, Aug 9. and the best thing is they are only charging me half the co pay that Dr carter was charging, and they take my credit card, and no money up front. It will be longer before my surgery,but this just seems like a better deal all the way around. Not trying to be ugly, but I think Dr. Carter is alittle greedy.